annoying, interfering ex need advice!!!!

chuci

i was hoping that someone out there would have had this problem that i have at the moment and would offer their pearls of wisdom. i have gotten into this new relationship and it has been going really well now for just over 6 months,the thing is my ex boyfriend(we were together for almost a yeaar and a half, and had stormy relationship)keeps interfering, such as texts and phone calls wondering how i am and if i would like us to meet up etc he says he still has feelings of me and that we could work out if i was single again.
obviously this pisses off my current boyfriend and myself because it causes disagreements and usually ends up in silences, which isnt good. anyway we both have told this person to F**k off and just to leave us alone but he still doesnt appear to get the message.
my boyfriend is talking about blocking his number but i think that is a bit drastic or maybe not. i have tried every approach to make him stop contacting me by being sympathetic angry annoyed it just doesnt seem to work.so maybe blocking his number may be the way to go??
any help or opinions on this would be greatly appreciated. i do love my boyfriend and i will try anything to make this stop so we can go on working on our relationship.
thanks very much.

Sleepy

Have you tried just ignoring him?

MicraBoy

It sounds like you have given him fair warning so:

The next time he texts, reply with:

"Please do not contact me again or I will complain to your service provider and the Gardai"

He will either think you are a complete freak and drop it or he will be scared off and drop it.

And do not answer calls from him at all. Block the number if needs be. Keep a list of all the times he contacts you after you have sent the above text, incase you need to follow through with the threat.

Get on with your life and don't let him mess with it.

WizZard

It's not good thing for any relationship, but particulary a newish one. Have you tried not answering him (or if he blocks his number then don't answer those calls). Delete his texts before you even read them (there is an option to do this on most phones). Don't pay him any attention whatsoever and he will soon give up.
Don't engage with your ex in any way at all.

Explain to your new b/f that he is the one you want to be with and it's not worth arguing over someone who means nothing to you (if this is the case).

Once you even speak to him (your ex) or try to explain why you don't want him calling he will take it that you do want to communicate... Sad, but true.

MooShop

well i'd say blocking his number might be the only way because you said you have told him about your current relationship and to get lost, he just cant let go and is probably thinking if he cant have you nobody can. you just have to ignore him but you would still be under a constant barrage of texts and calls which would be tough on you so blocking his number seems like a likely solution at this stage imo. also if you do block his number he might try contacting you from other no's like payphones etc. so i'd suggest you dont answer your phone to unknown numbers if you take this line of action. he'll soon get the picture and should move on, good luck hope my advice was useful to you

chuci

yes to imform you i have just tried ignoring him and have being do so for the last month. just still doesnt seem to be registering at all it it more annoying than creepy or anything i just feel so bad when my boyfriend asks me everydday any txt from "himself "and i cant say no. if the shoe was on the other foot i would have the girl 6ft under by now.

disillusioned

I don't understand why you haven't blocked his number already. Do it now.

simu

Block his number and be nasty to him. Only way of getting rid of somebody so persistant.

ADUB?

OP, You already know what to do!!
Text him back saying stop harassing me or I'll report you to your operator and gardai or have him blocked!!
You know this already

Is it not that, you are playing mind games and on maybe some level craving the attention or getting off on fact your bf (current) sees you are desired by other men ???????????

I bet if shoe was on other foot and his ex was texting him, you wouldnt be as understanding or patient and she'd be history already (quote you, she'd be six feet under)

Zulu

Block number and ignore.

chuci

ya its true i would have her 6 ft under and i know im very lucky to have a patient boyfriend i dont neglect that at all. i dont crave the attention either sorry to brust your balloon but i get all the attention from the person im with. i sounds stupid but i dont like being mean to people even people like him would it just be ok to just block the number and not tell him? i know i sound pretty pathetic but i just awnt it to go away. do i have to tell the guards first to get them to tell the neetwork to block the number?

Lex_Diamonds

If there wasnt a part of you that is thrilled with the attention of your ex, and the jealousy of your current bf, then you would block the number.

Work out what you want first.

WhiteWashMan

can you do it through your own phone?

anyway, if someone is making your life a misery, and interfering in your relationship, then stop mucking about.

there is no 'i dont like being mean to people'. if you dont wnt him to contact you, then make it stop. its really that simple. i dont know why you havent done it already. and i dont know whyyou feel the need to validate your actions by asking here either.

unless you have some other motive for wanting the persistant interfering calls and texts, then i suggest you just make it stop.
block his number. phone your service provider. inform the guards. make a note of every single call and text that comes in, and every single call and text you send back to him.

Tobias Greeshman

chuci wrote:

would it just be ok to just block the number and not tell him?

If I were you Id text the guy first and give him the warning about reporting him to his mobile operator and/or gardai... then if this doesn't deter him have his number blocked, at least this way he's been given adequate warning and you've been effectively left with no choice in the matter!

MooShop

yeah i agree with silas and if he does persist after you warn him, document what he says times dates everything and have his number blocked then you will have evidence to take the matter forward if needs be

tinkerbell

Slightly off topic ... emmm ... how do you get a number blocked? I was trying to get a number blocked before (some psycho bitch was stalking me), and I couldn't. O2 said they couldn't do it, that I'd to go through the guards, I did, and it still couldn't be blocked?!

Back on topic ... if you can't get the number blocked, just try ignoring him. As much of a joy it is to scream at him when he keeps ringing you, if you don't say anything, they may eventually get fed up of it.

Sifo

Hey babe ya sound like a very caring person, but if you dont do something about this its only gonna get worse...
block his number, you should have done this by now, when he texts do you text him back? dont... I'm guessing you probably pity this guy... the fact that you havnt blocked his number or even changed your own is only enticing him to keep calling/texting..

~Rebel~

ADUB? wrote:

Is it not that, you are playing mind games and on maybe some level craving the attention or getting off on fact your bf (current) sees you are desired by other men ???????????

Thats not really fair to say as obviously if she wanted the incessent messages to carry on, she wouldn't have come on here asking if blocking number/ reporting guy to the police was too far or was justified.

StandnDeliver

get a new simcard girl,with a new number

leeroybrown

StandnDeliver wrote:

get a new simcard girl,with a new number

Why should she have to change her number? That would just be capitualting and he'd just end up getting the number from someone else.

Dealing with crank calls can be a pain. The operators will try to fob you off to the Gardaí who in turn will say to go back to the operator. O2 will probably offer you a free number change and the Gardaí will probably say that the calls aren't 'really' meancing/abusive/threatening/etc although they are probably illegal on the grounds of being nuisance calls.

Ignore the calls and messages and keep a log of them. If you manage to get anyone to do something about it you'll probably need this.

athena 2000

leeroybrown wrote:

Why should she have to change her number? That would just be capitualting and he'd just end up getting the number from someone else.

chuc, you're an adult. At some point you will called on to be firm, or direct, or even hurt someone's feelings. That's life. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. Why fret over this any longer? Cut him off.

You aren't responsible for the ex-boyfriend's feelings. Block his calls and texts and continue to ignore him. If it takes changing your number, then do it. That's not really a compromise, that's peace of mind. You take control. If he gets your number again, then that might be called the beginnings of stalking and you can start keeping records.

There's a scene in the film "Dumb and Dumber" where a guy asks a girl if he has a chance to be her boyfriend. She tells him he's got about one in a million chances. She means 'no chance'. He says, "so I have a CHANCE!!".
Doh! He's also about two enchiladas shy of a Mexican plate. Don't give your ex any reasons to keep calling.

StandnDeliver

i had o change my number at one stage from an ex it got so bad thats why i said my comment as its an option if she needs it.And tell ppl not to give out your number.u can buy sim card in a shop for €15 these days

thesteve

Write his number on every wall of every jacks you can find. Print up flyers for a good time and leave them in gay bars/clubs. Put his number in the buy and sell/farmers journal as having a prize bull to breed for a cheap price. Put his number in lonely hearts columns, etc, you get my drift... have the prick bombarded with calls and let him see how annoying unwanted attention is...

chuci

thesteve wrote:

Write his number on every wall of every jacks you can find. Print up flyers for a good time and leave them in gay bars/clubs. Put his number in the buy and sell/farmers journal as having a prize bull to breed for a cheap price. Put his number in lonely hearts columns, etc, you get my drift... have the prick bombarded with calls and let him see how annoying unwanted attention is...

hmmmmm thats not actually a bad idea but proably not the best solution.

MooShop

so have you taken any action since starting this thread? do you know what line of action you are most likely to take? you shouldnt be treated the you are being but you can do something about it, its up to you, just put your foot down and take no more of his ****

chuci

MooShop wrote:

so have you taken any action since starting this thread? do you know what line of action you are most likely to take? you shouldnt be treated the you are being but you can do something about it, its up to you, just put your foot down and take no more of his ****

ya iv decided to give him a warning that if it persists that i will report him and try and have the number blocked.

MooShop

good for you, hope everything works out for you, let us all know how this ends up

Jumpy

Hate to say it, but I have checked up on this before. Mobile operators wont/cant block numbers in Ireland. The idea that numbers can be blocked probably comes from hearing it about the USA or Australia.
They only say to contact the Gardai. They advised me that blocking is not possible.

piratio

To add a different, experienced, POV, I once was that guy... [Not the guy in question here so don't start flaming me just yet!]... I broke up with my ex, we have a kid together, two years ago and it took me a long long long time to get my **** together and get the message. I can say for a fact, as a fully recovered "ex" that unfortunately the only way to deal with this is blunt kicks to the emotional bollocks! This guy is deluded into thinking that you are the one and only one for him. It really will take what might feel like cruel behaviour to get this monkey off your back. My ex took me aside after one year of pestering and begging and told me straight up that I was an asshole and she didn't love me anymore and it really did me the world of good! I never realised how much i was hurting her before this because even though all our mates were saying "leave it be", she never seemed really upset by it, which in my fuzzy logic state of crazyness, I took for affection, chance of re-unification blah blah blah... we are actually the best of mates now, well as good as ex's can be anyways, and I get on with her boyfriend. Obviously, you are well past the point of caring about this guy, as a friend or lowly form of human being but the paradigm stands. You're only responsible for your own, and your present boyfriends' happiness in this situation. Stop your threats, just call this guys mum, your solicitor, the cops even [it does seem like really drastic action but what are you left with] something that'll give him a real scare, but don't ruin his life... he might be a dick, but he's only lonely. You must be some woman! lol

B

MojoMaker

Sifo wrote:

Hey babe ya sound like a very caring person.

You're kidding, right? You missed the 6ft under comment obviously...

How do we know the "persistent" texts are not simply a reasonable request to gain closure on a previous relationship? For all we know, and I accept we are not likely to be told anything that paints the OP in a less than rosy fashion, the thread starter may well have taken the stonewall approach to breaking up, or is still in possession of several of his personal items. He may be making very valid demands to get in touch, again for all we know. Guilt often leads one a merry dance and convinces otherwise sensible people that the course of action they now follow is completely justified.

Just a hypothesis, but I'm really sensing a large part of the picture ain't being filled in here, call me cynical...

~Rebel~

Hey, just to stamp out any negativity against OP, im actually her boyfriend (current). She wont b on for a while so am only postin to clear up any "holes" like what above poster said. They broke up 7 months ago for the 3rd and final time after a relationship in which she was treated like ****. Within a week of going out with her the ex txted saying i was a "two faced asshole who will use his money to keep her". First off the ex doesn't act know me and i have NO money (just about breaking even like most students). He continued to keep txting threatening to "be happy to let me know what he thinks of our relationship". now i take these wit a pinch of salt as hes not really much of a threat in reality. anyway she built herself up on several occasions to tell him to f'ck off always in fear of repercussions (he spread some very VERY nasty rumours [and yes he does act like a particularly immature 16 year old imagine that stuff from a 20yr old!]), and he wud, for a short while, then he'd be back again so we'd try ignoring him but eventually she'd crack and reply saying to go away, which just sparks more. now dont get me wrong i haven't been totally happy wit d way its all been dealt wit and we have fought over it a lot, but she has done the best she could and has trouble being consistently nasty to him largely out of pity, but it has just gone too far at this stage which is why num blocking was only brought up now. i rang him a bit more then a month ago to say leave her alone, and he swore he would (wasn't so threatening when confronted!). Now its been a month of ignoring nearly a new txt every day and we'r just treatin it as a joke at this stage its so pathetic but at the same time its always there so we want it to end. I've wanted to confront him myself but herself doesnt want that as will only b makin me feel better and probably wont stop it (she is probably right, but it wud make me feel better!). i think the poster who said it from the other persons POV was the most right saying being blunt is the way to go. well thats pretty much the size of it, thanks all for ur advice so far it has helped getting us around this, seeing how overwhelmingly it has been that he should be givin no leniancy whatsoever.

( and she is some woman! )

Sifo

I am, by nature, not a voilent person, but if you're her boyfriend i recommend you pull your finger out...

StandnDeliver

i still think changing her number is a good idea,then she doesnt have to see the messages, to the boyfriend i think youve been very patient and of course your gonna have a few rows over your only human.what your gf needs to do is this.
Call to his house,hopefully he lives with his parents,by calling there it catches him off guard.She bluntly tells himshe has reported him to the cops and if he doesnt stop she is gona take out a restraining order,I dont love you anymore get the message u thick*******.
tht should do the trick,then u can be in a car or taxi waiting for her to calm her down.

LegacyUser

take it elsewhere :rolleyes:
B

d22isanarse

i also had the same problem with an ex boyfriend eventually it got so bad that i called the police and since then he hasnt called again,maybe if you file a complaint against him it will stop ...good luck

Aupster

MicraBoy wrote:

It sounds like you have given him fair warning so:

The next time he texts, reply with:

"Please do not contact me again or I will complain to your service provider and the Gardai"

He will either think you are a complete freak and drop it or he will be scared off and drop it.

And do not answer calls from him at all. Block the number if needs be. Keep a list of all the times he contacts you after you have sent the above text, incase you need to follow through with the threat.

Get on with your life and don't let him mess with it.

This is Good advice. just Ignore has calls

Red Alert

A very good point indeed. If he's that keen on calling her as much as he does then he's just going to find it again or start calling around to where she lives.

Maybe get the new b/f to answer next time and give him a fright? The ex- doesn't realise that life moves on, and if you keep being anyway sympathetic to him he'll stay like that.

Kêrmêttê

It's not possible to have any single number blocked on a mobile phone or on a landline. You can block all calls to or from a mobile phone... this service is usually used when a phone is stolen or lost.

However, you can get your number changed free of charge.
Inform the Gardai of what's going on. Then go to your service provider and inform them that you are receiving unwanted nuisance calls. They should provide you with a new sim card and phone number free of charge.

If you need to change your landline there is a phone number to call to report that you are receiving unwanted telephone calls. The number is located in the first few pages of the phone book somewhere.
This Nuisance Calls Department will change your number within 24 hours and will do it free of charge.

Should you change any of your numbers, make damn sure that none of your friends or neighbours give the number to the offending person, and also that they don't leave their mobile phones lying around so this person can get the number from them.

If this weirdo starts to call round to your house go straight to the Gardaí.
Unwanted telephone calls are illegal and you can go to prison for making them.
Stalking is also illegal with the same consequences.

Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself... being uncomfortable or annoyed about a few seemingly harmless phone calls can seem a bit over the top... but if someone persists in annoying you and won't leave you alone it can start to ruin your life and eat away at your confidence.

chuci

just a quick note to say thanks to you all for all the advice on the situation and to the poster who was"that guy", it gave a good insight to the inner workings of the person in questions mind. and to all the others who gave me a kick up the perverbial a** i understand that i was being a bit of a baby about the whole situation but at the same time was also afraid of the repercussions of my actions. when we broke up the last and final time he told everybody i was preg and induced my own miscarraige. pretty sick and disgusting i know so maybe you could understand why i was a bit wary. anyway the final decision is to see when he comes back from holidays this week if i get a txt if so he is getting a warning then reporting him. i think ive grown up a little bit since i posted first and stopped the pity and feeling sorry for him now i just cant wait for him to just go. worst thing that im worried about though is meeting him out and about the place and to try and be mean then its just not in my nature guess good old fashioned ignoring instead of telling him to f**k off will just have to do. so thanks again you have influenced my decision and as a result relationship is a lot happier

Son_of_Belial

Maybe your boyfriend and this chap should meet up and sort it out. I did this with the ex of a girl I was seeing. I was perfectly civil and reasoned with him. He did get violent after a bit so I had to thump him, but either way he never bothered us again