Boyfriend is a doorman...

Seanie M

Little Goose wrote:

Yeah, I've experienced this. It's tough. My guy works in a similar environment where women throw themselves at him...... If he's a good guy, he'll understand and won't mind tell you there's nothing to worry about over and over and over and over again!! Heehee!

Being the said "guy", I understand about insecurity too! I'm a DJ in many clubs and venues around the midlands and beyond. Being in this position, I have seen the way women behave in nightclubs when their men are not with them. Yes, they have tried it on me as was pointed out. I don't think of myself as a stud, so I usually treat the kind of flirting with a hefty dose of salt - and hopefully make it bitter to taste! I find most girls who do that kind of thing to men are two-faced. Very little room for being genuine. Why? In my opinion, they are drunk, or are just pr1ck teasing, so to me in my position with a fiancée, its not worth the hassle at all.

Heck, even when I was single before I met Little Goose (at a gig mind you, but I did meet her beforehand, so I knew what she was like), I treated female clubbers with the same distant professionalism I still do now.

Sammyjo, its still early in your relationship, but if your man is like most decent men (of which there are a lot!), then you have nothing to worry about. In my opinion, if you are keeping him satisfied and happy, then, like me, at the end of each and every night he is out working, all he will think about is getting home to you as quickly as possible, cuz thats where he is happy. 'nuff said!

Seanie.

Red Alert

There's nothing to worry about really. I used to work in a women's clothes shop and have DJ'ed a couple of times (badly!) so I had one or two stalkers! Tell him, I'm sure he'd be quite amused that you're worried about these mingers. Good luck

Soap

Son_of_Belial wrote:

Not strictly true, doormen appear to be assholes because when you come and talk to us we still have to be watching what else is going on around us.

What about verbal abuse, direct contradiction of rules, physical attacks? I'm not upset that I dont get a smile and a hello I dont like them because of them purposely being pricks. True there are exceptions to the rule granted but its such a rare occasion that door staff are sound and straightforward that I find myself commenting on it to the people I'm with.

Femelade

my ex was a door man

i always suspected he was cheating

i was right

thats my 2 cents

Sammyjo

Sammyjo wrote:

Hi,

First time posting here. have been on the forum tho a couple of times, so i was wondering if you all could help.

basically ive been with my boyfriend for almost eight months now and I am completely mad about him. Relationship is going great so far and we're very happy together.

There is only one issue that I have, and it's really my issue here, its not his fault at all. He's a doorman and time and time again, it really gets to me. I trust him completely, but at times Im not comfortable with girls throwing themselves at him and constantly draping themselves over him. its a weird environment for him to be in constantly. I know he wouldn't do anything about it, but yet im still uncomfortable with it. It would be unfair of me to ask him to change jobs, cos i know he really enjoys it. But am i being slightly irrational??

Basically im wondering if any of you have experiences of dating doormen, and whether it could work at all? as i said we're very happy together, and there are no other issues at all in our relationship. Can we have a future together?

anyway, all of your two cents would be appreciated.

sammyjo

with all due respect to your boyfriend, girls from what i see flirt with doormen for one reason and one reason only. to get into the club!
im sure your boyfriend goes about his job in a professional manner and you have nothing to worry about.

LegacyUser

I work as a doorman and have done for over a year. I had a gf until a few weeks ago. I had that conversation with my EX so many times. It finally came to a stage where i refused to take it anmore so we ended our relationship after 2 1/2 years. I had never cheated on her. Sure you speak to women but it is still possible in this day and age to have a conversation with a member of the opposite sex without it leading to sex or anything sex related.
Just trust him . If he's a good guy you have nothing to worry bout. If he does something then he was not worth it in the first place and your better off without him.

Sleepy

OP, from working in a nightclub during college, trust me, you'd have far more to worry about if your boyfriend was behind the bar.

Einstein

I worked as a bouncer for about 3 years. And If you saw the state of 99% of the women at the end of the night the way I did, you'd realise you had nothing to worry about. I was only with one girl, and she's still my g/f 2 years on. She had no problem with me working, but I gave it up cos as mentioned already, it's just a risky line to be in.

D..

Sammyjo

Just to update you all....I broke up with the boyfriend last week. I still love him and its horrible, but I just couldnt deal with it. It was upsetting me too much. I guess some people can deal with it, others cant.....

Einstein

I think thats a real shame Sammyjo.
What did he say when you broke up with him?

Sammyjo

He was reiterating that he never even looked at anyone else, and I was like I know, its not a trust issue. And he thought it came from the blue, although we had talked about it before. But at the end of the day, he was like its what i do, it pays the bills. But i just said I couldnt deal with it. I dont know if ive done the right thing.....

Einstein

If I was in a job, that my gf didn't like me doing, and broke up with me over it, I'd be more p!ssed off than anything else. I think it's a little unfair of you to break up with him because you don't like his job.
You say it's not a trust issue, so what is it?
Fair enough if you don't feel the same about him, or you've noticed a difference in his personality since he's started working there, but you haven't mentioned that...

D..

Sammyjo

Well he's always done this job since before we started going out. Its not a trust issue, as I seriously know he wouldnt do anything. But i hate the thought of him out all the time with girls draping themselves over him, ive seen it when i was there, and heard girls asking for him when hes notthere. its my insecurity though, and the job is part of his life, so the only thing i could do, to stop me feeling more insane and insecure than i already am was to break up with him. i dont feel like ive done the right thing, as i still love him and feel terrible. im still crying even as im posting this. but i thought it was the only thing i could do to keep my sanity

st3vo

Hey Sammy I can kinda understand what your going through. Im not a doorman but i used to play in a well known very busy irish covers band (im in a new one now though) and im gigging every weekend night. Im not happy about going out on my girlfriend (fiancee) all the time but we have been together for 6 years now and this is my life really. I have never and will never do anything of the sort on her. But i can tell you now that i have seen and been offered some crazy things over my time... but it all depends on the person. If you can trust him and you believe him you just gotta learn to live with it. DONT ask him to stop as if my girlfriend asked me to stop it would cause serious problems as i love it. She comes out with me sometimes to the gigs aswell and its cool. Thats another thing.... if there was anything going on he will not be inviting you out to the club either! Ive kinda made things a bit harder for my girlfriend at the moment by just joining another band with 2 female singers (this means staying over in country gigs etc and lets be honest there 2 girl singers fronting a band.... there really good looking, they have to be!). Now she knows i wont do anything but she is only human and will have doubts but theres nothing anyone can do about that......
ANYWAY.... in conclusion to my ramblings. If you trust him ---- thats all you can do as if you start doubting and conflicting with him there will be problems and your relationship will not last

st3vo

Just read the reply about you dumping him over this!!!!!!!!!!
CRAZY!
Sounds like your the one with the problem!
You hit the nail on the head though when you said 'Some people can handle it and some people cant'.
But in all fairness to ya... you cant build a proper relationship and be comfortable in it if your doubting it.
Best of luck with the next lucky guy

WhiteWashMan

i wouldnt worry about it.

if you broke up with him because he was a bouncer and you think its a crap job and you cant see nay future for him, then fair dues. id do the same. no one wants to be with a loser.
if you dumped hiom because of the trust thing, then you have an issue, and perhaps being with someone else who is more attentive and is more 'trustworthy' in your eyes may help.

other than that, good luck.

The Corinthian

Sammyjo wrote:

Just to update you all....I broke up with the boyfriend last week. I still love him and its horrible, but I just couldnt deal with it. It was upsetting me too much. I guess some people can deal with it, others cant.....

I had a girlfriend like you many years ago. Of course with me it wasn’t my job just that I will often flirt with women and vice versa - it just happens, TBH. Ironically I never even thought about being with another woman. Needless to say the relationship ended in much the same way as with you. I tend not to regret many things in my life, but I think I do regret losing her. Part of people being compatible, I suppose.