Boyfriend's best friend is a girl

derek27

neuro-praxis wrote:

Hrm, my best friends are mostly male and my partner is perfectly happy with that (I'm a chick). He can be happy because he trusts me.

I think that there is an element of attraction in all of my close friendships, male or female. If there wasn't we'd never be so close. This is normal - we are drawn to others when we see that they have qualities we like.

So, if he's a bit attracted to her, so what? He's not a robot. My husband fancies other women and I fancy other men, but we choose not to indulge those thoughts or to pursue anyone else. It's healthy.

If you trust him, and he fancies her a bit, this should not be a problem. You can have a purely platonic relationship with somebody whom you consider attractive. I'd say try not to worry. If he is trustworthy, then there is no issue. Try to get to know her really well too, maybe? Also work on your own self-esteem. If you like who you are then you should be happy about this friendship.

By the way, if she behaves in an inappropriate way, I do think you have a right to bring that up.

most definately!

Bottle_of_Smoke

kaimera wrote:

ehh...am I the only one so far who thinks the friend is out of line with flirting with the OPs bf?

talk to him and tell him you find it unsettling or whatever.

Yes I think you are. That's the first the step towards "me or her". She's probably just a flirty person, girls who have mostly male friends tend to be imo.

OP do you have any close male friends? How would you feel if the boyf had a problem with them?

DAEDULUS

Read this,might make things clearer for you.
Long version : http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html
Main Point for your case :http://www.intellectualwhores.com/virginia.html
And yes,whatever you read there is pretty true.

Bottle_of_Smoke

DAEDULUS wrote:

Read this,might make things clearer for you.
Long version : http://www.intellectualwhores.com/masterladder.html
Main Point for your case :http://www.intellectualwhores.com/virginia.html
And yes,whatever you read there is pretty true.

No, I'm male, have plenty female friends. Can assure you it's mostly bullsh|t. The ladder thing anyway.

Kingp35

spockety wrote:

You, my friend, are in denial.

Boys and girls cannot be friends. Anyone who thinks they can, are trapped in one of these torturous "friendships".

This is complete rubbish and so is that ladder thing.

My best friend is a girl. We have been best friends since we were about 4 years old. That is 16 years ago now and we are still best friends in that we go to the pub together alot go to each others houses alone alot pretty much do alot of things just the two of us and it has been that all of the time. We tell each other stuff if we have problems and all that so we are very close.
All of our friends know that we are best friends

I alos have a gf for 3 years now and I love her to bits. She has absolutely no problem with my best friend because I told her about my friend early in the relationship about how close we were and she has had no problem since then.
There is no reason for her to have a problem with it because it is just friendship and it is always going to be that way. My girlfriend knows this and so she is not jealous at all. In fact the two of them have become friends too within that time and because of that my gf knows full well what my relationship with my best friend is like.

My best friend has also had a couple of bf within that time and neither of those two had a problem with us either because again my best friiend introduced me too them early as her best mate and so tehre was no problems. I became friends with these guys too and I still am. I go for a drink with them every now and again.

Ok so I have a few of points to make:
1) Guys and girls can definitely be only friends without sex being involved. me and my best friend are living proof of that

2) You should sit down with your bf and get him to tell you about there relationship so you will know its purely a friendship thing and that there is no reason for you to be jealous.

3) You will probably end up becoming good friends with this girl too when you go out with his circle of friends. you will get to know her and all will be well. try to become friends with her abd ease your worries.

4) Jealousy and lack of trust is the downfall to any good relationship and if you remain jealous and untrusting I can only see your relationship ending. You have to do the two above points and everything will be fine for you. I know because I have alot of experience with it.

5) Never make anybody choose between you or their best friend this will only end bad for you. If he really has known her for so long he will hate you for trying to make you choose between you and his friend.

thats my 2cents worth. Hope i helps you out

By the way spockety how do you come to the conclusion that guys and girls cant be friends? Thats a ridiculous comment

mcshape

Get yourself a new best friend..... Make sure its a bloke!!! *l*, Be as friendly with him as your fella is with his friend and see how he feels, Everybody does have a past though and thats what makes them who they are, That includes friends!