Nosey mother

Uthur

Every human being has the right to privacy and to their own space.
If your parents are such total idiots that they give you that you need to
move out and get those fools out of your life.

Just because you live in someone else's house that doesn't give them
the right to treat you any damn way they please!

*Angel*

Well however close you are with your mum it definitely doesn't give her the right to snoop around your room, I'd say get a lock for your room. Ask her if she rather you didn't use condoms.

Piste

First of all: Tell your mum how you feel. Let her know her behaiour is upsetting you and that you have a right to privacy.

If that doesn't work and she continues to snoop around your bedroom and root through your things, hid them where she will not look. If you have a pile of teddies, you can hide stuff in them, (It's where I keep my handcuffs away from prying eyes) surely she wont look there?

You may have to find a more devious way of hiding things i.e. under floorboards, matress.

Another thing you can do is stop caring about what she finds. I know that it's the rooting through your things that your angry about but if she finds anything (condoms, vibrator) what can she do? You're nineteen, as long as she doesn't find anythnig illegal (drugs etc.) there's nothing she can do besides nag you. Explain this to her and ask her why she insists on invading your privacy.

Victor

Your mother needs to realise you are an adult. You need to realise they are still your parents and you are under their roof.

A get-to-know-each-other-as-adults session may be in order.

And tell your mother that you never want to catch her trying to nick your condom(s) again.

Gillo

She found condoms, ok, I'd be well pi$$ed if someone went looking aroud my room. Why not try to calm her down by talkign to her, yes you had sex as all young people do, but you were sensible and used condoms, it was with someone you love not some random slapper. And you realise she probley was shocked but you are 19 and an adult and can do certain things.

I wound't recommend a safe all it says is I have stuff I don't want you to know about, it'll only antagonish the situation. Bare in mind that most parents always think of the children as just that- children, you have to respect the fact that you live in their house and ultimately you have to accept that.

the_syco wrote:

OP, do you have any high presses, or loose floorboards? If so, hide the condoms there. Also hide your porn, cigs, telephone numbers, etc there. And keep the rest of the room tidy. Then she'll find nothing, think she has "won" due to her nagging, and bug you about something else.

nah, I'd advise to leave something small, hidden but not easy enough for your mother to find, afterall you are 19 you are going to have stuff (which in your mohter's eyes) you shouldn't have, is she finds nothing unless whe is very niave she'll know you have them hidden well, if she finds a porno or pack of condoms and can't find your reallly well hidden stash of whatever she'll think she has it all.

Nightwish

my parents have gone rooting through my room so many times over the years, although they do it separately.my mother read my diaries until i started keeping one on my computer which she cant get at. my dad read my letters from my boyfriend who was living overseas at the time, and he flipped and my boyfriend couldnt visit me in my own house for 6 months. also he has gone through my music and book collection and thrown out stuff he found to be "inappropriate". the result of all this is that I have a very cold relationship with my parents. i dont trust them. i dont confide in them. i now leave out all my music, books, dvds, no matter what their content just to pi$$ them off, as i said my diary is on a password protected computer and anything else i just find extremely good hiding places for such as an underwear drawer, as no parent would or should ever go through the underwear drawer of their grown up children.

Bottle_of_Smoke

Hey everyone I don't think the OP is looking for somewhere to hide condoms! Someone actually suggested buying a safe!?!? Wouldn't do this or lock the door. From what you've said she sounds like the type who'd break the door and take the safe.

Anyway I'm 20 so my parents are prob around same age as yours or at least they're going through the same thing(me started college this year)

I'm 90% sure my mum goes through my room, she's just the type of person where you *know* she does. I have condoms in drawers so I assume they don't mind, or else she's too scared I might tell her I'd actually have used one at some stage. (Never underestimate the power of denial)

Anyway I have other issues with parents and I find the best method is to keep questioning *WHY* they do what they do and *WHY* they have a problem with these things, generally freaks them out as they have to admit to themselves what they're doing wrong. It also usually makes them look at the situation in a more logical way. Should be especially effective in your case if your jealousy suspicions are true.

One other thing- do NOT say something (even in the heat of an argument where its most likely to happen) like "well at least I can get laid if I want to" This would be extremely hurtful and she'll just start making your life a misery as an objective.

Good luck

Victor

Nightwish wrote:

as no parent would or should ever go through the underwear drawer of their grown up children.

Are you sure they wouldn't?

Nightwish

Victor wrote:

Are you sure they wouldn't?

its kinda sick, do you not think?

Canis Lupus

I don't see the problem. Who cares what your parents find, if they go mad, so what. Just carry on the way you normally do. Altho I'm laid back so maybe your not like me.

Do what B and others suggested, if your mom continues to search your room and this is something that bothers you, talk to her and ask her to stop if she doesn't you live with it, move out or learn to hide stuff well.

*Page*

by the way parents do go through your knicker drawer is the obvious place to stash stuff!!

DublinWriter

nosey mother wrote:

I woke up this morning to find my mother in my room which can only be described as "routing"

She found a durex packet (wasn't the wrapper - It was a kind of cardboard thing that went around it. - I got it free at the start of college) and hit the roof.

It's simple really, just say you'll probably have to do the same to her one day when you ship her off to that dodgy nursing home, just to check that the nurses aren't stealing her stuff.

Honestly, this country, would she prefare that you got preggers?

But her roof, her rules I'm afraid.

Ba_barbaraAnne

As a parent I'm shocked that a mother would feel that it was ok to rout through an adult child's possessions. I wouldn't do that in my 14 year old's room unless he gave me permission to look for something.

It seems that there is a lack of communication here. If your mother wants to know what you are up to - why doesn't she just ask? I hope that when my boys are older they will still tell me everything they think I ought to know and have the kind of open converstaions we already have. Details are private, but honesty and trust are far better than secrets and prying.

Red Alert

My mum's often in and out of my room - usually to complain about the state of the place. My bedside locker is sacrosanct and she knows that too so we haven't had a problem about that.

Your mum can have her rules about things like you can't bring people back or you can't have drugs in the house which I wouldn't see as unreasonable. Condoms are a health and safety issue as well as a privacy one so it's none of her business unless she wants to borrow one.