Nosey mother

LegacyUser

I'm 19 and I live at home with my parents because I can't afford a place of my own at the moment.

I woke up this morning to find my mother in my room which can only be described as "routing"

She found a durex packet (wasn't the wrapper - It was a kind of cardboard thing that went around it. - I got it free at the start of college) and hit the roof.

She said that it was an absolute disgrace that I was leaving things like this hangin around. I didn't leave it hanging around because i hadn't even seen it since the start of college. She obviously found it when she was routing.

So now my parents have said their going to be doing frequent "Inspections" of my room.

I am so bloody annoyed.

The only reason my mother is so intent on finding out that I'm actually having sex is because her and my dad sleep in different rooms and haven't got along in years. I believe she's doing this out of jealousy..

Nevyn

Yes, you are an adult and yes that type of behaviour is not acceptible but you are still living under their roof and under thier rules.

Trying to get your parents to see you and treat you as an adult can be very hard. Now that you are starting college it may be time to have a chat with them.

But honestly if push came to shove and you were not in in a college you could travel to from home you would have to move out and get a parttime job as well.
Not saying it would be easy but other people have managed.

tabatha

that isnt on. you are old enough now to be going what you want. 19 is old enough to be responsible. put a lock on your door or get out. get yourself a part time job and look for a cheap place to share.

Keyzer

You should plant stuff in their room...

Keyzer, look up there the charter, I suggest you go read it.
This is friendly reminder , the next wont be.

Have a nice day.
Thaed

disillusioned

While you live in your parents' house you can expect to have to put up with stuff that you don't like. It's tough really but we've all been there and generally this type of "incident" helps push us to move out.

Your mother has every right to go into your room - she owns the house. If you're paying a reasonable rent to your parents then perhaps you could ask for more privacy and expect that request to be respected. However, if your contribution to the household economy is little or nothing then you don't really have a leg to stand on.

As for the suggestion of jealousy I think you might want to get over yourself!

LundiMardi

Personally, i would be more upset if i DIDN'T find contraception in my childs room at the age of 19 ffs!! :rolleyes:

Wez

Ask her if she'd prefer you didn't use them..

LundiMardi

disillusioned wrote:

Your mother has every right to go into your room - she owns the house.

Completely disagree!

Cabaal

LundiMardi wrote:

Personally, i would be more upset if i DIDN'T find contraception in my childs room at the age of 19 ffs!! :rolleyes:

I agree, It seems she does not want to wake up to the reality of things,

Crucifix

I'm also 19 and living at home so I can feel your pain. While it is a gross invasion of privacy, it is also their house and so there's not much you can do. So my advice to you is to put up with it, and if you have anything incriminating, just find good hiding places.

the_syco

nosey mother wrote:

She found a durex packet (wasn't the wrapper - It was a kind of cardboard thing that went around it. - I got it free at the start of college) and hit the roof.

Ask her if she'd prefer if you got some young one preggers, and had to drop out of college to support it...

LegacyUser

@ disillusioned

No i dont think i need to get over myself. Her and my dad are always fighting over sex because she wants it and he doesn't. So hence thats why i think she's jealous because i can get sex and she cant.

I have a part time job but the money is crap - at most i get €150 a week.

I'm trying desperately to get a new job.

She did this while she thought i was asleep in my bed. She obviously must do it while I'm out aswell..

Find it quite sickening that somebody would go through my stuff

and im a girl by the way

Nevyn

I really don’t think it is a good idea to be commenting on your parent’s relationship in such a fashion even if it is unreggie.
They are your parents and are due a bit of respect.
Yes, their relationship may not ideal but have you spoken to you mother about it? She could be really not happy and need your support.
If you are going to form an adult relationship with your parents respect goes both ways and you are at the age where your parents can become your friends as well. If you are going to continue living at home for the for seeable future,
this may become a must.

shellby

i'm nineteen i live at home and my parents get €85 a week rent i share a room and have to put a lock on my wardrobeto stop my sister from robbing me bling (make-up, clothes, shoes, smokes etc.)

whats worse is i moved out but had to come home when the girl i was living with became pregnant she already had a son and needed the room

i was paying less rent had my own room and an unbelievable amount of freedom my parents have no problem taking money but i had to put a pad lock on my wardrobe because they wouldn't talk to her about taking all my things

the fact is however the older you get the more you need your own space and privacy and your mother has to respect that i'm sure she wouldn't take kindly to you snooping around her things

i do agree with my house my rules theory to an extent she can't stop you from having sex so just don't in her house simple your 19 and if you ask me your mother is obviosly the immature one in this relationship condemning you for using contraception i'm sorry to have to say it but the woman sounds like a bit of an idiot

Beruthiel

nosey mother wrote:

Her and my dad are always fighting over sex because she wants it and he doesn't. So hence thats why i think she's jealous because i can get sex and she cant.

I agree with Thaed on that one
you are old enough to see them in a more adult way than your comments above and I think using the word 'jealous' in this context is more than a tad simplistic - I am quite sure her feelings are many things, but 'jealous' is not one of them.

I believe your mother has over stepped the line with regards to going through your room, it is something I would never do myself - sit down with her and have a logical, calm discussion - do not under any circumstances raise your voice - it is quite clear that she still sees you as a child that needs to be protected, until you prove her otherwise she will contine to think along those lines. Start behaving like an adult towards her today and see what happens.

Citizen Jake

In terms of the condoms, I know your mum is from a different generation, but seriously, she should be glad you're packing them.

Larianne

You're mother and my mother would defo get along. So nosey it's unreal. Happened to my brother : Mam rooting around his room. Went into the bin, opened up a crumpled piece of paper and found a used condom!! So she had a little chat with him and his gf. Mortification!! His solution, he got a lock for his room! i suggest you do the same. Unless you're mother still cleans you're room, takes away your dirty clothes and makes your bed!

Beruthiel

I would certainly never allow my daughter to put a lock on her door, it's not necessary.
I would think, considering the type of mother she has, that would like be waving a red rag to a bull, a very bad idea.

shellby

Beruthiel wrote:

I would certainly never allow my daughter to put a lock on her door, it's not necessary.
I would think, considering the type of mother she has, that would like be waving a red rag to a bull, a very bad idea.

i agree it could cause more trouble than its worth try and speak to her about it but if its all falling on deaf ears then its time to get out

i know its harder than just that but you can't have every bit of your life examined by your parents thats not right you'll also find your relationship with them will probably improve if you do

MadPatrick

Thaed wrote:

I really don’t think it is a good idea to be commenting on your parent’s relationship in such a fashion even if it is unreggie.
They are your parents and are due a bit of respect.

Any respect they are due goes right out the window when they start nosing through your stuff and going psycho at the sight of a condom packet. The answer is simple, offer to make food, poison them and keep them in the freezer. Just tell people that they went on holiday. Then you got your own place, you can keep old condompackets all over the place. Except in the freezer.

Raiser

Genius stuff Patrick!

Unreg - Yer Ma is well out of order, hope you find better p.t. employment & an escape route.

Disillusioned - You obviously can't wait to procreate so that your offspring can be (mis)treated like 3rd class citizens who should eternally beg for your clemency(?)

dudara

To the OP, your comments regarding your parents relationship seems to very much out of order. Are you trying to compete with your mother for men? If not, them stop saying your mother is jealous. She brought you into this world, so at least accord her some respect.

As to her rummaging in your room, you need to talk to her about this. Yes, you are living at home, under their roof, but even so, you need to be accorded some privacy. Sit her down, establish some boundaries together. If this fails, you've got to consider finding your own place.

Moms will be eternally nosy when it comes to their children.

kasintahan

Buy a safe. Argos are doing a special at the moment (unless I'm imagining things again).

They're about €40-50 and weight about 15-20kG (so maybe get someone strong to carry it).

Beruthiel

MadPatrick wrote:

Any respect they are due goes right out the window when they start nosing through your stuff and going psycho at the sight of a condom packet. The answer is simple, offer to make food, poison them and keep them in the freezer. Just tell people that they went on holiday. Then you got your own place, you can keep old condompackets all over the place. Except in the freezer.

another comment like that one Patrick will result in a banning
B

Altheus

I remember the days... They're a little bit out of order, but I know how my mother feels about sex under her roof. She's got her opinions of it, and as such demands that I respect those while I was living in her house. There was no jealousy involved. Different parents hasve different levels of tolerance towards these things.

I got caught with a quarter of hash and she didn't mind, but when she found a Hustler she went spare.

My advice is not get angry, regain their trust, save up and move out. If there is 'taboo' items, or stuff you dont think they should see, get a locker or a safe, chances are though, if they find it they'll demand to open it and you're back to square one.

Ask her why she feels the need to invade your privacy, tell her that it's hurtful, be mature about it. Perhaps an offering of contribution to the household (say €25 a week based on your current status) in exchange for you personal space back.

the_syco

OP, do you have any high presses, or loose floorboards? If so, hide the condoms there. Also hide your porn, cigs, telephone numbers, etc there. And keep the rest of the room tidy. Then she'll find nothing, think she has "won" due to her nagging, and bug you about something else.

homah_7ft

I don't really think it is acceptable for your mother to do this unless the circumstances are extreme eg. hard core drug use. You need to talk to her about it. Don't bring her lifestyle into it. That will just muddy the waters. Keep it to how it made you feel.

Son_of_Belial

tabatha wrote:

that isnt on. you are old enough now to be going what you want. 19 is old enough to be responsible. Put a lock on your door or get out. get yourself a part time job and look for a cheap place to share.

Hear hear! Also, the condom thing is dumb. My answer to that would simply be "OK, so I'll go and catch an STI while I cook you up a grand-kid huh?" That'd shut them up. But yeah, try and talk to them about it. If they won't listen just put a lock on your door. It's not like they're going to chuck you out. Is it? if putting a lock on the door isn't viable (as per dog-in-the-manger "it's my house, you're under my roof" bull****), just hide the things you don't want them to find. Inside speakers, behind ventilation grills. When I was younger and my Dad was still around I had a number of nifty hiding places for *ahem* contraband. Get a thick book on something totally boring that you'd never read. Soak it's pages (not the front cover) in PVC glue. When they dry they'll be like a bloc of wood. Cut out a hollow in there and stash your stuff in it. There are also spaces under your floor. If you're clever you can lift part of the carpet, use a drill and a jig-saw to cut out a square section as a lid and then put whatever you don't want them to find in there. Obviously though, getting a lock is the best idea I can think of. As for

No i dont think i need to get over myself. Her and my dad are always fighting over sex because she wants it and he doesn't. So hence thats why i think she's jealous because i can get sex and she cant.

That's not only a childish attitude but it's manky as well! TMI!! Jesus, I for one don't want to know that, even if you are using an anonymous alias!! **Shudders**

*Page*

My dad has spent his life snooping in mine and my sisters rooms reading our diaries, finding out we were on the pill or had condoms, dildos, vibrators everything...

The best thing to do is not to be ashamed.

When my dad joked (~in a trying to piss me of way~) about getting me rechargeable batteries for my "toys" for an Xmas gift I said, "brilliant can you get d sized batteries too!!!"

I don’t care what my dad finds in my room, anytime he slips up and says something about my room I don’t speak to him and I start locking my room!


He made a point of checking my room up until january of this year (i'm 22) when he read something that still to this day hurt me so much! I know he still snoops about when he gets a chance.


~Because I am evil I do make fun of what he does. I leave empty condom wrappers in a drawer, I got a rolling mat a pack of john player blue and some skins and left them in a tin in my room with a lighter (I don’t smoke anything let alone roll). I leave sexy massage oils around the room. In my book collection I have a 100 best sex position book. I don’t hide my "toys". I have a large make up bag filled with condoms (the ones you get for free). In my diary I write about the raunchiest sex ever. If he brings any of it up in conversation I loose it at him! ~

Son_of_Belial

*Page* wrote:

My dad has spent his life snooping in mine and my sisters rooms reading our diaries, finding out we were on the pill or had condoms, dildos, vibrators everything...

The best thing to do is not to be ashamed.

When my dad joked (~in a trying to piss me of way~) about getting me rechargeable batteries for my "toys" for an Xmas gift I said, "brilliant can you get d sized batteries too!!!"

I don’t care what my dad finds in my room, anytime he slips up and says something about my room I don’t speak to him and I start locking my room!


He made a point of checking my room up until january of this year (i'm 22) when he read something that still to this day hurt me so much! I know he still snoops about when he gets a chance.


~Because I am evil I do make fun of what he does. I leave empty condom wrappers in a drawer, I got a rolling mat a pack of john player blue and some skins and left them in a tin in my room with a lighter (I don’t smoke anything let alone roll). I leave sexy massage oils around the room. In my book collection I have a 100 best sex position book. I don’t hide my "toys". I have a large make up bag filled with condoms (the ones you get for free). In my diary I write about the raunchiest sex ever. If he brings any of it up in conversation I loose it at him! ~

Hmm... You'd think he'd have learned his lesson! I remember I was in my 20 year old sister's room. I'm 22 and she asked me to get something for her - (she was downstairs) and I looked in the wrong drawer to be greeted with a 6" long bright pink vibrator with a clitoris stimulator thing on it, rotating ball-bearings inside it the works! I never touched the thing and I said nothing to her about my discovery, but now nothing will enduce me to go in there again! If she wants something now she can come up and get it herself! **Shudder**

*Page*

rampid rabbit