What exactly is wrong with me?

Peteee

unreg84 wrote:

One of the main characters represents me - what I'd like myself to be. The other characters are just people I know or like.

Why dont you be this person?

I can relate to you because, while not as bad, I was quite similar to you. Not able to talk to people etc etc

You just gotta speak your mind. You think people give a **** about what you say, they dont. I've learnt that since I came to college. People are gonna accept you for who you are, and if they dont, they arent worth it.

Just say whatever first pops into your head in a situation (if its funny all the better)

Stop overanalysing the situation and go with the flow.

Above all (and this is horribly cliched, but just do it) BE YOURSELF (or the person you'd like yourself to be, which is exactly the same thing)

tabatha

socialising isnt as easy as it seems. but that is the main thing in life. it is very important. i know this as someone very close to me isnt what u would call a people person. but u know what, sometimes thats the way some people are. there is nothing you can do to change it. be what u want to be and do what makes u happy as life is to short for regrets. be at ease with yourself and try not to analize everything u do. sometimes u have to take what doctors say with a pinch of salt as they are not gods. sometimes they are two quick to pop pills and see that as the soloution to life. talking is the best medicine there is. sometimes people are just lonely and need a friend. after all we mainly learn from others so thats why interaction is so important. so as hard as it is, if u do want to change then look into gyms or clubs. if the worst comes to the worst u dont have to go back. try it once and see, there is no harm in that.

pretty-in-pink

Op, i'm the same age as u, and I couldn't be any more bubbly loud etc, if you wanna ever PM me to chat, or if ur moving back to Dublin, I might be there (think i'm moving) and I'll take u out

Anyway, being shy is horrible, and I just figure "screw it", and work away. I to have an "alter ego". I call her "kate", and she helps me on the occassions when my own confidence fails me. Use this alter ego of yours, and the very best of luck. The less your bothered about what people think, the better you do. Just don't let not being bothered about what people think turn into not looking good........

Victor

unreg84 wrote:

However she still texts and e-mails me, much to my surprise. When I was with her in person I could barely speak to her and sometimes felt physically sick in my stomach. One time we were hungry but I couldn't eat, I would have threw up if I did.

You were nervous. It's called "butterflys in your tummy". Perfectly normal. Hey, I was talking to the girl from Spar at the bus stop earlier (we'd never had a proper conversation and I felt we had little in common, as we were out of our roles of cashier and customer) and I felt just a little nervous. I'm not big on small chat unless I can "control" the conversation. A little awkward, but perfectly normal.

One thing I would recommend is saying "hello" or "How's it going?" to the people in you ordinary life, the postman, girl in the shop, whoever. It make the more complicated conversations easier.

Dreamcatcher wrote:

Oh, and do NOT trust the GP

Thats a little too far. Fair enough don't **blindly** trust the GP (or anyone else), but the GP has met the OP, you haven't. The GP has medical trainging, you don't (I presume).

LegacyUser

Hi again, thanks for all the replies.

@Victor: I assumed it was the butterfly problem. However she made it seem so damn wrong that I was acting this way. I don't completely understand her, we don't really get on in person yet I ended up sleeping with her the last time we met. Afterwards she told me it "meant nothing."
I do say "hi" or "hey ya" to people in shops, usually just being nice.

@naughty_girl: I might take you up on that offer.

I do want to move back, I suppose the only things holding me back are my job and fear. I might get a job in a different area of work just to get a change of scenery, getting bored with what I'm doing now.

LegacyUser

Today I've been feeling a lot worse, although this is probably a separate topic.

I fell out with the girl I mentioned, and it was due to the night we had last weekend. She told me that it "meant nothing" and we were just friends. So I told her the next day that she was right and we should probably stay friends (since I didn't want to ruin things). But then she freaked and said "that's all we ever were, JUST friends". But how come she slept with me? Anyway, she's ignoring me now.

I know things could be worse, but they're the worst they've been in a long time. I'm going to take a look into counselling next week - I badly need it.

Victor

unreg84 wrote:

But how come she slept with me?

Did she sleep with you or have sex with you?

LegacyUser

Victor wrote:

Did she sleep with you or have sex with you?

We had sex.

pretty-in-pink

Was there much drink taken? I know a good few girls who accidently slept with a friend cause drink made them see sparks that mightn't have been there- or were not evident enough to act on them sober. If you were sober, it might have been a mood thing.

Try not to worry about it - you had sex, proving you can attract people and that you're a nice guy. Be happy you got some, and if she's ignoring you, it's her deal. Not yours.

Best of luck with sorting yourself out- remember deep breaths (but not darth vador style ) and smile. Walk tall, if you believe you're confident, fun, bubbly, sexy etc other people will to. They'll also believe it if you think you're stupid, boring, etc.


BTW sorry to hear about the girl blowing you off (pun not intended), but if you had fun then just forget about it. Sex is sex- it only really means something if you're in love, it's your virginity or it has reprecussions. Don't sweat it- it's only a bit of (very fun) friction.

Victor

unreg84 wrote:

What exactly is wrong with me?

unreg84 wrote:

We had sex.

I'm not seeing as much of a problem as I saw the other day.

LegacyUser

@Victor: I kinda see what you're thinking, but it was my first time. I was desperate, she was willing, so it just happened. I got so sick of thinking to myself "everyone else is doing it so why not me?" For a long time I wanted to lose the "virgin" tag in a hope that it might make me see myself better. Don't get me wrong, I have strong feelings for this girl but I assume she doesn't feel the same way about me if she said it meant nothing. Plus she lives a little too far away anyway.

After it happened I got really scared that she was going to get pregnant, I think its the paranoia thing again. There were no accidents to bring on such a fear and I used protection. It was then that she said she wanted to help me think straight if she could help at all.

I suppose there's nothing more to add so I wanted to thank you all for listening to me over the last few days, you've been great.

LegacyUser

Time to update everybody.

I've made up again with the girl I haven't stopped talking about, lol. I asked her yesterday if we were ok and she said "yeah, why wouldn't we be?" So I mentioned our argument and she said "forget it, doesn't matter now." So I don't know the reason but maybe I'm better off leaving it that way, no point in bringing it up again.

One thing I forgot to mention in my posts is that my sleep is very erratic. I just feel I've nothing to get up for, and I'll often stay up very late. I've even had trouble getting up for work too, I'm just too bored with the job I guess.
But anyway, I've booked an appointment to see a counsellor, I'm hoping that it might help me work my issues out. Thanks again.

unreg84, I was just about to suggest the counsellor, but since you're goiing, I don't need to.

I was, and still am in most ways, in the same boat as yourself as regards socialising. I'm seeing a counsellor at the moment, and it has helped so far. I've still a long way to go yet, but going to the counsellor was the best thing that happened for me.

Blisterman

Good luck with the counsellor. Don't forget, its never too late to change your life around.

Silverfish

Go with the counselling, but I think you seem to be generally okay..... most people live in a made up world inside their heads, some of them just think it's real, more than others. ( speaking from experience here)

I do think you should try and regulate your sleep as much as possible, irregular sleep can make you very miserable, and make things seem worse than they are ( I'm yammering on from experience here too).

It is a bit crap to be with someone for the first and have them tell you it 'meant nothing' - not sure if that did upset you, if it didn't, no worries, if it did, then trust me, it gets better. Honest. ( speaking from....oh you get the picture).

the raven

you'll find it easier to sleep if you get into certain habits just before you go, i.e. try going to bed at the same time every night even if you don't feel tired; if you watch tv usually before bed, try making sure it ain't anything unsettling or overly stimulating; you could try listening to soft music when you go to bed; even reading a book or whatever;
if you find yourself mulling into the wee hours try simple breathing exercises as you lie in bed, concentrating on the slow breathing. this focus will help to whittle down the erratic thoughts goin' on. of course (if you try this...) you might find yourself trailing off and again thinking 'bout whatever sh!t that's goin' on but at those points you'll remember this post and go back to doing the exercise.
- eventually (...eventually...) it'll bring you to an easier state of mind in which your body and brain will find it easier to calm down and shut down for the night. you might compare it in a sense to counting sheep...

these may seem overly simple but they'll aid you in getting better quality sleep hope it helps mate. a lot of the stuff above seems awful familiar to me as well, i guess we've all been there or are yet to get there...

Belladonna

Someone made a really good point in one of the posts that I want to point out to you again because it's really very true .
It is that while we think other people may be watching us or judging us and therefore we feel self conscience, in truth most people are too self centered to even bother with what you or I may be doing as we walk down the street or enter a room.
I had the same fear as you, to a certain extent, but once I realized that to most people I am invisable and that people generally can't be arsed about what I am doing anyway, it gave me a wonderful freedom to just be myself and it has helped me a lot. I hope it helps you as well.
Another thing that I have learned as I've gotten older is that I wrongly assumed that those more beautiful or smarter than me had no worries like I did. But once I got to now them guess what? They had the same fears that we all do, so you see? We all have those feelings from time to time, just know that you aren't alone.
Good luck in counseling

nobodythere

Yeah I was like that up until I was about 14. I met my first GF through the net and was terrified of meeting her and wouldn't agree to meet in person, and when I finally came across her in town was really awkward and embarrassed. Eventually I just came out of my shell after knowing her.

Me, I was lucky that something like that was forced upon me, but I suppose you have to realise at some point that a life bottled up to yourself can be a bit of a waste and realise that saying what you feel and opening up to people, while it is difficult at first, is not going to lead to something awful. Some people will like you, some people won't. So what. It just means you'll have close friends that accept you for who you are, even if you're a lil' messed up (aren't we all:P).

Once you come out of the shell once, you'll realise that people aren't so intimidating. They probably think a lot of the same thoughts that you do, and when you experience that closeness it'll probably be one of the happiest times of your life. You just have to step out and take the risk, because what's the worst that can happen? Maybe show your internet friend this thread?

I still go silent when I meet new people and venture into the unfamiliar, but you just have to expand what you see as familiar and step outside your comfort zone. I know it's easier said than done though:P