privacy in relationships

cinders

Is there any privacy anymore in relationships, has anyone ever gone out with a guy who staked them or acted like 'big brother'

---

its very suffocating isnt? Makes me question their sanity

mondo

cinders wrote:

Is there any privacy anymore in relationships, has anyone ever gone out with a guy who staked them or acted like 'big brother'

---

its very suffocating isnt? Makes me question their sanity

Sanity? Well and truly lost at that point...stalking means you need to have a serious assessment of the person doing it? I went out with a girl who drove me insane with childish pranks like checking my call register on my mobile when I'd leave for a few mins etc...At one stage I thinkk she even broke into my email accounts! Crazy! How low can you go?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I got the card for a good shrink and mailed it to her!

What happened anyway?!

TerrorFirmer

I'm one of those big brothers.

Stench Blossoms

MobileInfantry wrote:

I'm one of those big brothers.

so am i

joejoem

YEah its a pain, like the 24/7 where are you? what are you doing tonight?


I WANT MY OWN LIFE!!!!

mondo

orla wrote:

so am i

Ridiculous! In fairness...people and their insecurities is whats ending all these relationships! People should be happy that their chosen or respective parners have chosen to have you in their lives...don't ruin it by acting suspicious all the time! :eek:

petes

Im not. Stalking though. Whole different kettle of fish.

cinders

joejoem wrote:

YEah its a pain, like the 24/7 where are you? what are you doing tonight?


I WANT MY OWN LIFE!!!!

yea i hear you, its worse than a pain because it drives you away from the other person, and its usual that girls act like this-- does it all come not trusting you or just an insecurity

hannable80

i think the last piont is strong and exceptional

monkeyfudge

I'm the opposite.. I haven't spoken to my girlfriend in 4 months...

hmmm.. perhaps I should revaluate this relationship...

cinders

mondo wrote:

Ridiculous! In fairness...people and their insecurities is whats ending all these relationships! People should be happy that their chosen or respective parners have chosen to have you in their lives...don't ruin it by acting suspicious all the time! :eek:

i totally agree with you, so whats a girl to do?
Thing is -do big brother type of people not know the damage they are doing and that it is completely over stepping the boundaries of respect and trust and loyalty

skywalker

monkeyfudge wrote:

I'm the opposite.. I haven't spoken to my girlfriend in 4 months...

hmmm.. perhaps I should revaluate this relationship...

Lol. Your after reminding me of an old relationship of mine, we'd gently drifted apart and hadnt talked in literally 6 months. I ran into one of her friends in a nightclub and the friend said this girl was wanting to know what the story was with "us" were we still together or what Would have thought the not talking for 6 months part would have cleared that up!

hussey

I love lamp

c - 13

Now hussey do you really love the lamp or are you just saying that because you seen it ?

cinders

skywalker wrote:

Lol. Your after reminding me of an old relationship of mine, we'd gently drifted apart and hadnt talked in literally 6 months. I ran into one of her friends in a nightclub and the friend said this girl was wanting to know what the story was with "us" were we still together or what Would have thought the not talking for 6 months part would have cleared that up!

reminds me of a guy i USED to date--- i found out he broke into my mail account and also went throught my mobile- not once so i dumped his sorry ass. I bumped into him and he asked why we had finished!!!!

GeorgeBailey

cinders wrote:

has anyone ever gone out with a guy who staked them

Perhaps he thought you were a vampire?

joejoem

GeorgeBailey wrote:

Perhaps he thought you were a vampire?

eehhh he he he he he he he he he. Well spooted

cinders

joejoem wrote:

eehhh he he he he he he he he he. Well spooted

LOL . ok i see it
you know i meant stalker, but i may have to stake my stalker if he doesnt STOP

melekalikimaka

i have one of them, they use a fake email address and name to talk to me on msn...loser, i'm playing along just to see what is said, my friends find it hilarious

mondo

cinders wrote:

i totally agree with you, so whats a girl to do?
Thing is -do big brother type of people not know the damage they are doing and that it is completely over stepping the boundaries of respect and trust and loyalty

What is a girl to do? Get away from it...lay down the law or get the hell outtie!

mondo

cinders wrote:

LOL . ok i see it
you know i meant stalker, but i may have to stake my stalker if he doesnt STOP

Yea stake him out completely freak him out! Let him experience the eye of the big brother!!! :mad: Revengeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

cinders

mondo wrote:

Yea stake him out completely freak him out! Let him experience the eye of the big brother!!! :mad: Revengeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

no cant do that- not me
plus he would just love it,
i dont want to break into his mail or go through his fone- its called privacy
I wonder does anybody else out there have the same problem with their other not better half?

mondo

cinders wrote:

no cant do that- not me
plus he would just love it,
i dont want to break into his mail or go through his fone- its called privacy
I wonder does anybody else out there have the same problem with their other not better half?

Sure you call it privacy....I call it lunacy! Totally not on....give hima dose of his own medicine...what goes around should come around!!!!

cinders

mondo wrote:

Sure you call it privacy....I call it lunacy! Totally not on....give hima dose of his own medicine...what goes around should come around!!!!

so tell me Mondo what do u suggest?

joejoem

Advertise his phone number all over the net for pirate porn (by that I mean illigally copied not porn stars dressed up as pirates) for sale. Make sure the adds will attract all the dirtiest sleaze bags. If you wanna get really nasty advertise something illegal like mace cans & tazer gunnes and use his name as the company name (eg joe bloggs protection)

cinders

joejoem wrote:

Advertise his phone number all over the net for pirate porn (by that I mean illigally copied not porn stars dressed up as pirates) for sale. Make sure the adds will attract all the dirtiest sleaze bags. If you wanna get really nasty advertise something illegal like mace cans & tazer gunnes and use his name as the company name (eg joe bloggs protection)

Nice, tempting

mondo

cinders wrote:

so tell me Mondo what do u suggest?

Start off with getting all the info you can on his schedule...like meetings etc and act the spy by following him around....be wherever you can be that he is! Then keep an eye on all messages etc that he gets, you need to adopt the poise of a Private I (eye)


Seriously though...I jest you not...clear this up or it will tear you apart! The fact that you are here asking for advice speaks volumes! You just need to get your shot together...gove him an ultimatum...either he gets his shi* together; appreciates you and accepts that there is nothing to be suspicious of or nothing that he needs to worry about or you will have to get out of there! It's a compulsive disorder if you ask me and shows signs of being a control freak; if you can deal with that then I take back everything....but if not then..............

mondo

joejoem wrote:

Advertise his phone number all over the net for pirate porn (by that I mean illigally copied not porn stars dressed up as pirates) for sale. Make sure the adds will attract all the dirtiest sleaze bags. If you wanna get really nasty advertise something illegal like mace cans & tazer gunnes and use his name as the company name (eg joe bloggs protection)

I like your style!

Neuro

cinders wrote:

Is there any privacy anymore in relationships, has anyone ever gone out with a guy who staked them or acted like 'big brother'

---

its very suffocating isnt? Makes me question their sanity

I think it's more commonly known in Evolutionary Psychology as 'mate guarding'; at a biological level, males don't have the comfort of 'paternal certainty', i.e. they can never be certain that the child that they are helping to raise is actually theirs (of course nowadays we have genetic testing tools, but these we're not available to our ancestors). As a result, the only way men could insure their paternity was to insure that their partner did not mate with other males behind their backs, hence the evolution of jealousy. The matter is further complicated by the fact that women are one of the few female mammals with 'concealed ovulation', i.e. it's impossible for a male to determine when his mate is ovulating and as a result must guard his mate at all times as oppossed to other male mammels who only have guard their mates when they are in estrus.

Females on the other hand have 'maternal certainty'; the child the are raising must be theirs because, obviously, they gave birth to it. But nonetheless females have also evolved jealousy, but for a different reason than men. They need to insure that they continue to have the support of the male for food, protection etc. after their child is born and theirfore must guard against other women ursuping their mate.

It's also well documented that when both parties in a relationship state they are never jealous when they see a member of their own sex interacting with their partner, that such partnerships are far more likely to breakdown due to infidelity.

cinders

mondo wrote:

Start off with getting all the info you can on his schedule...like meetings etc and act the spy by following him around....be wherever you can be that he is! Then keep an eye on all messages etc that he gets, you need to adopt the poise of a Private I (eye)


Seriously though...I jest you not...clear this up or it will tear you apart! The fact that you are here asking for advice speaks volumes! You just need to get your shot together...gove him an ultimatum...either he gets his shi* together; appreciates you and accepts that there is nothing to be suspicious of or nothing that he needs to worry about or you will have to get out of there! It's a compulsive disorder if you ask me and shows signs of being a control freak; if you can deal with that then I take back everything....but if not then..............

yip i hear you, true words spoken, i cant deal with control freaks

cinders

Neuro wrote:

I think it's more commonly known in Evolutionary Psychology as 'mate guarding'; at a biological level, males don't have the comfort of 'paternal certainty', i.e. they can never be certain that the child that they are helping to raise is actually theirs (of course nowadays we have genetic testing tools, but these we're not available to our ancestors). As a result, the only way men could insure their paternity was to insure that their partner did not mate with other males behind their backs, hence the evolution of jealousy. The matter is further complicated by the fact that women are one of the few female mammals with 'concealed ovulation', i.e. it's impossible for a male to determine when his mate is ovulating and as a result must guard his mate at all times as oppossed to other male mammels who only have guard their mates when they are in estrus.

Females on the other hand have 'maternal certainty'; the child the are raising must be theirs because, obviously, they gave birth to it. But nonetheless females have also evolved jealousy, but for a different reason than men. They need to insure that they continue to have the support of the male for food, protection etc. after their child is born and theirfore must guard against other women ursuping their mate.

It's also well documented that when both parties in a relationship state they are never jealous when they see a member of their own sex interacting with their partner, that such partnerships are far more likely to breakdown due to infidelity.

Thats great, but where does trust come in to it.
so who does the infidelity bit- the person whos jealous and doing the big brother thing or the one who driven insane by such behaviour???????

mondo

Neuro wrote:

I think it's more commonly known in Evolutionary Psychology as 'mate guarding'; at a biological level, males don't have the comfort of 'paternal certainty', i.e. they can never be certain that the child that they are helping to raise is actually theirs (of course nowadays we have genetic testing tools, but these we're not available to our ancestors). As a result, the only way men could insure their paternity was to insure that their partner did not mate with other males behind their backs, hence the evolution of jealousy. The matter is further complicated by the fact that women are one of the few female mammals with 'concealed ovulation', i.e. it's impossible for a male to determine when his mate is ovulating and as a result must guard his mate at all times as oppossed to other male mammels who only have guard their mates when they are in estrus.

Females on the other hand have 'maternal certainty'; the child the are raising must be theirs because, obviously, they gave birth to it. But nonetheless females have also evolved jealousy, but for a different reason than men. They need to insure that they continue to have the support of the male for food, protection etc. after their child is born and theirfore must guard against other women ursuping their mate.

It's also well documented that when both parties in a relationship state they are never jealous when they see a member of their own sex interacting with their partner, that such partnerships are far more likely to breakdown due to infidelity.

Profound!!!

kittenkiller

Cinders, why are you with your boyfriend???

The majority of you few posts thus far have been bit(hing about him.

I feel sorry for him & hope for his sake he never reads any of your posts here.

Maybe he's checking up on you cuz he doesn't trust you or that you're happy with him (which you're obviously not).

Find someone else more suited to you!

Neuro

cinders wrote:

Thats great, but where does trust come in to it.

I'm afraid Trust and Evolutionary Psychology are mutually exclusive.

cinders

kittenkiller wrote:

Cinders, why are you with your boyfriend???

The majority of you few posts thus far have been bit(hing about him.

I feel sorry for him & hope for his sake he never reads any of your posts here.

Maybe he's checking up on you cuz he doesn't trust you or that you're happy with him (which you're obviously not).

Find someone else more suited to you!

shut up u BIATCH
with an attitude like that your obviously single and thats the way it'll stay if u dont shape up.

mondo

cinders wrote:

shut up u BIATCH
with an attitude like that your obviously single and thats the way it'll stay if u dont shape up.

Chillax Cinders! No need to get stroppy...that said...your words were harsh! Hence the killer title I guess.....can you not accept that maybe she is with him cos she loves him but that with most respective 'others' there are annoying aspects that need to be examined!!!! Cool down everyone!!!!

Bottle_of_Smoke

Yeah hate those types, would never ever ever consider anyone like that. Just don't see the point going out with someone if you think they might like someone else better

Stench Blossoms

If your not happy with what he's doing why are you with him? I don't see the point in eh "giving him a taste of his own medicine" tbh that seems very childish to me.

kittenkiller wrote:

Maybe he's checking up on you cuz he doesn't trust you or that you're happy with him (which you're obviously not).

This is probably true. Have you ever bothered to ask him why he does it?

cinders wrote:

shut up u BIATCH
with an attitude like that your obviously single and thats the way it'll stay if u dont shape up.

Obviously single? How did you work that out? You don't know if she's single or not.

Shape up? How so?

And whats wrong with being single anyway? Atleast she won't be unhappy like you.

joejoem

cinders wrote:

shut up u BIATCH
with an attitude like that your obviously single and thats the way it'll stay if u dont shape up.

Meeeeooooooooooowwwwwwwww you just went down hill. You asked for advice, she gave, you acted the spa

cinders

look it, this has gotten out of hand, for the record my guy is great except for alittle imperfection- you have a perfect guy?? - they dont exist as dont perfect girls. and im not unhappy with him - au contraire,
Im his girl, always, so lets leave it at that

Stench Blossoms

Then ask him why he does it and sort out his "imperfection". Or forget about it

Trojan

cinders banned for resorting to personal abuse.

Sarky

cinders wrote:

you have a perfect guy?? - they dont exist

I like to keep a low profile.

mondo

Trojan wrote:

cinders banned for resorting to personal abuse.

Thats harsh..given that this is not a school forum....this is supposed to be a board for chatting....she didn't really mean that I think she's just stressed with everything....plus she probably didn't want to hear that....afterall the truth hurts!
:confused :

I'm sure she'll spend the weekend playing happy families with the beau anyway regardless....

Trojan

Them's the rules. Can't give leeway in one case or we'll have some muppet complaining tomorrow about girls getting treated differently or some such.

To remind you, and everyone reading this thread, at the very top of the AH board is the warning:
*** All Personal Abuse Bans are now Permanent. You've been warned [nt] ***

So. You've been warned.

Thank you, come again.

Trojan

Either we enforce the rules, or we change them. Take it to Feedback if you think this rule is too harsh.

kittenkiller

cinders wrote:

shut up u BIATCH
with an attitude like that your obviously single and thats the way it'll stay if u dont shape up.

Erm... With an attitude like mine, i've been with a truely amazing man for over 3 years.
As for shaping up, i'm the one who's happy & content with the person i have, who incidently TRUSTS me & doesn't feel he needs to babysit me & watch over me in case i do something stupid.

Enjoy being banned my dear!
(i know I will!)

vector

Anyone else have a g/f who sends text messages at various daylight times and expects a reply within 60 seconds or will text again and become worried?

vector

vector wrote:

Anyone else have a g/f who sends text messages at various daylight times and expects a reply within 60 seconds or will text again and become worried?

No. That's motherish and I'd find that very smothering within a relationship.

Sarn

vector wrote:

Anyone else have a g/f who sends text messages at various daylight times and expects a reply within 60 seconds or will text again and become worried?

Ah yes, the 57 missed calls incident (over 1 hour). To be fair I couldn't hear my phone in my bag as I was in the pub just after work. After a little talk it didn't happen again.

Just as a matter of interest has anyone noticed this behaiour to be one sided? i.e. it's ok for him/her to respond several hours later, but if you do it you're dead.

vector

Yes, but they can say that had "no credit"