Favourite ridiculous sayings.

Romo

"Don't hunt what you can't kill" and "Double the Van Damage" are faves of mine. Any others?

bacon?

she's got a face like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle

(alot funnier if you actualy try to imagine the scene)

one of my alltime favourites

Tar.Aldarion

'you should be lined up and shot with balls of your own ****e'
'what a pile of ****'
'fact!!!!(reply with 'You'd Better believe it!!!!!!')'
'i'm goin' to get prick arsed mouldy' (pissed)

The_B_Man

Im so hungry, I'd eat a scabby babby through a wheelchair!

LadyJ

If I had a bag of mickeys I wouldn't give her one!

A$$A$$IN

"She has a face like a bag of hammers"
"She has more lumps than a bag of jelly!"
Mad as a box of spiders
Mad as a bottle of donkeys
Mad as a priest in a playschool
Mad as a tree

Dinner

She has a face like a well slapped arse.

eddie-fandangle

"she has a face that could blow off manhole covers"

"what a load of dickshow"

Pighead

He who goes to bed with itchy bum,wakes up with smelly finger

The Bollox

if man drops watch in toilet, he have ****ty time

RuggieBear

i never said i wasn't a hypocrite

Con9903

one from the office - " I'm not saying hes unlucky, but if he fell into a barrel of tits he'd come out sucking his thumb"

a load of willy

shoutman

I'm sweatin like i priest in a playground.

She's got a face like a bag of lego, shes in bits!!!


Sport related sayings:
Rugby: Ball handling skills of a lesbian
Soccer: Touch or a rapist, couldn't strike a match, couldn't finish your dinner.

Tar.Aldarion

'i have the leitrim sense'

Loobz

"Theres nothin' worse than a dose of the clap"

"She has an arse like two pigs fightin in a bag"

Why buy the cow when you can get the sex for free?

Rhyme

Myth wrote:

Why buy the cow when you can get the sex for free?

Ha ha ha, ive heard that somewhere else before

"She fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down"

The_B_Man

shes a butterface: shes nice, but her face....;)

Ms Bitch

as happy as a pig in sh1t

qz

Sweating like a priest in Toymaster.

and

Not the sharpest harpoon in the harpoon factory are you?

funky penguin

He/She is as tight as a fishes arse.

Hes as gay as a badger! (a badger being the gayest animal available at the time)

ExOffender

"Caught rapid" - does anyone know WHY people are caught 'rapid'? I like it but it makes no sense.

qz

funky penguin wrote:

He/She is as tight as a fishes arse.

Hes as gay as a badger! (a badger being the gayest animal available at the time)

Gay as a goose!
Gay as the day is long.

dimerocks

to which miss hillary replied i don't even like vagina
its always good in an awkward silence or as you walk away from a serious conversation.

A$$A$$IN

"Look at the size of the manjula's on that one" - favourite sayin of a friend of mine
"I'd give her a belt of the rod" is also another

Trojan

Hmmm, seamus could move this one to English too...

funky penguin

Eh......"She'd be good for a poke if the telly was broke"

*Me waits for female backlash*

Dinner

funky penguin wrote:

Eh......"She'd be good for a poke if the telly was broke"

*Me waits for female backlash*

I'm going to get some kick when I come out with that one tomorrow. :cool:

--Kaiser--

"She has a face like the back of the bus turned inside out and whitewashed"

and

"You don't look at the mantle-piece when you're poking the fire"

Not ones I'd use much myself...

A$$A$$IN

BEST SAYIN IN THE WORLD
"Ate that scone will ya, ATE IT!!!!!"

ExOffender

--Kaiser-- wrote:

"You don't look at the mantle-piece when you're poking the fire"

This is true, as far as it goes: I don't look at the mantlepiece when I'm poking the fire. OTOH, I do tend to look at a woman's face when I'm shaggin her. Am I weird?

Squall

"so I told the rabbi hes got to stop washing his colours with his whites"

Works wonders when people pass you on the street (obviously your talking to someone with you, otherwise it would just look weird )

BlitzKrieg

*I'm gonna gauge your eyeballs out with a rusty spoon and skullf*ck you!*

i'd like to thank juilain mannion for his insane lines like the above.

bacon?

i like it

The_B_Man wrote:

shes a butterface: shes nice, but her face....;)

Fony Tenton

Crapfork

unknownguest

sweating like a paedophile in a cresh
sweating like a n*gger on trial (told to me by a black friend of mine so don't give me any stick for it, he was cracking up at it)

LoneGunM@n

Con9903 wrote:

one from the office - " I'm not saying hes unlucky, but if he fell into a barrel of tits he'd come out sucking his thumb"

Brilliant ... I'll be laughing at that for ages :D

arse biscuits & chavtastic are one's I've come out with lately!

Tobias Greeshman

Yer one has a face like a Bulldog chewing a wasp!

c - 13

The tide would'nt take her out.
A sniper would'nt take her out.
I'm so hungry i'd eat the ar$e off a low flying duck.
I'm so hungry i'd eat the ar$e off a nun through the convent gates.
... and i siad rectum ??? It nearly killed 'em (cant remember what thats from)
Sure you would'nt mind how ugly she is if you took her from behind.
He's as camp as a row of tents.
Im as sick as a small hospital.
Im as sick as the bus to Lourdes.
He'd put ire on yer ar$ehole, and if ya had 10 ar$eholes hed put ire on all 10 of them.

Thats all i can think of now ....

Keyzer

In commenting on a morbid or depressing person in your company you can turn to a comrade and say -

"That fvcker would put years on a ming vase"

BolBill

If I had a bag of mickeys I wouldn't let her smell it.
If I had a garden full of mickeys I wouldn't let her look over the wall.
I'm so hungry I could eat a babys arse through a broken wondow.
As camp as Butlins
As camp as a row of tents
As gay as a window (From Brasseye, Channel 4)
Shes got a neck like a jockeys bollox.
He made a pigs mickey of it.

Megatron

Good Enough for you ( on my fav's)

Looks like someone when to hit him/her with the ugly stick and said Ahh poor stick.

Face like a bag of smashed arseh0les.

Trying to say STFU as a word ( friend did it once in the pub, i nearly spat my pint all over him laughing).

Sorry i'm late, was at tachi station , yes ... stupid power converters.

F00king Metaclorines

Jim "I played for Liverpool you know" beglan ... idiot.

If ignorance is bliss you must be estatic.

you've got 2 hopes, no hope and Bob , and bob's dead and playing golf.

Bent like a S hoop.

Gay as Christmas.

How do you say help me in french , help me i've got a big french monkey on my back get him off me !!!!! ( Thanks to Denis leary)

and loads more, but can't think of them now.

toiletduck

She'd do for the poke!

Glipmac

this covers life very nicely

$hit happens!

Keyzer

I'd eat the balls off a low flying seagull

petes

Id ate the scabby leg off a dead donkey.

c - 13

Id ate Jesus himself down off the cross.

Guru Maith Agut

Stop throwing things, you'll have somebodys eye out

Classic oldie line!

c - 13

And then you have -
Its all fun and games 'till someone loses an eye, then its fun and games they can't see.

Otacon

"Deadly says the rat and he atein' the poison!"

"Don't go next nor near that!" [my mother's favourite]

and finally,

"She likes her spuds!"

beezkneez

"Could'nt hurl snow off a rope".

"Off Me".