Escorts ... and I don't mean the ones by Ford !

iguana

I have to say part of me feels that you are deluding yourself that your gf is not being hurt by this whether she is aware of your extra-curricular activities or not. But then again I'm not in your relationship, so I could be wrong.

As for the possible exploitation of the women you are using. How do they seem, can you honestly say that the women you are with are feeling ok about what they are doing? Are you sure that they don't hate themselves for being with you? While there are women who say they are prostitutes and see it as a job the same as any other, most don't.

Today more and more women are being forced into this by men with guns and threats to their families safety. Lured by false promises, or even kidnapped off the streets, 1000's of women, largely from eastern europe, have their passports confiscated by trafficing groups and are forced into prostitution. They are beaten, raped, told that if they try to escape their families will suffer, they are bought and sold, infected with diseases, some are murdered (directly or through hiv infection). The majority of those who escape are rejected by their families or are unable to return home and find themselves re-trafficked.

If you have ever once been with a woman in this situation you have raped them. It may not have been your intention but that is what you have done to them. Can you live with that? If they have not made a choice to do what they do, then you have raped them. Can you say you are sure each woman you paid for sex did it voluntarily? If you can't then keep reading this paragraph until you decide if raping women for your own pleasure is ok with you, because there is a good chance that is what you are doing.

"Eventually I arrived in a bar in Kosovo, [and was] locked inside and forced into prostitution. In the bar I was never paid, I could not go out by myself, the owner became more and more violent as the weeks went by; he was beating me and raping me and the other girls. We were his ‘property’, he said. By buying us, he had bought the right to beat us, rape us, starve us, force us to have sex with clients." - 21 year old Moldovan woman
Taken from an Amnesty International report on the subject-
the rest is at http://www.amnesty.org.uk/sextraffic/index.shtml

ChRoMe

I'm having a hard time drawing the similarties of Kosovo with Dublin and Amsterdam but then I've never been in Kosovo.

Here's another newsflash explotation happens in ALL industries it is not only a part of the sex industry. So how do you feel when the chinese guy in the fast food joint is serving you your food below minimum wage are you technically starving him??? :rolleyes:

BEAT

ChRoMe wrote:

Wow beat how do you live your life with such a black and white view on things??

actually my view on life is quite colorfull thank you. I have quite an open mind and anyone here that knows me will attest to that
What I missed was the line where he says his girlfriend cant please him becuase of physical limitations...perhaps if we had more details we could size up the situation better and see if he really is making excuses or not. Only he knows if it is right or not and until I see some more details I stick by my opinion...
its a shame you are too narrow minded to accept other peoples opinions.
in real life if it isnt your way it isnt the highway

dudara

The oriignal poster seems to be very emotionally engaged with his girlfriend

He's emotionally engaged with a friend, a best friend perhaps. But sexual relations is an integral part of a relationship. Otherwise it's friendship.

It all comes back to the point for me, does the OP's girlfriend know about this?

Easy-C

You're doing the right thing imo, now go get laid!

Good luck, have fun.

iguana

The explosive international growth in trafficking is seeing women and girls being trafficked into cities and towns all across the UK. Women and girls from Moldova, Romania, Albania, Thailand, Nigeria and Sierra Leone are known to be trafficked into the UK for sexual exploitation. The Metropolitan Police estimate that trafficked women are forced to see 30 to 40 clients per day.

Also from the AI report.

Are you having a hard time comparing the UK to Ireland as well?

Why don't you click on the report and read it? Why don't you google the subject?

"If I refused [to have sex with clients] I was threatened. He was pointing the gun to my head, and he was saying.. ‘If you don’t do this in the next minute, you will be dead’. He has the gun, he was just saying do this or you will be dead."

Yeah I see a pretty big difference between that and somebody working here for less than minimum wage. I don't think either is in the remotest bit fair but I see a world of difference. Which would you prefer? To have to take a job where you are paid less than the government deems accepable or to spend the rest of your life being raped repeatedly under threat of death?
Hmmmm!!!!!

Evil Phil

Serving food below minimum wage is not the same thing as being beaten and raped; you cannot honestly expect us to accept your argument. I don't think the people who have commented are against prostitution as an option as long as it is an option. In the case of sex trafficking the women involved are forced into it. It's slave labour of the worse kind.

ChRoMe

Beat

You seem to give your "rules" for what define a relationship and then you are questioning my ability to listen to other peoples views after writing comments like that?? Pot kettle yada yada

dudara: fair point to be honest I just didnt want to say it becuase i thought it would make the original poster feel bad.

Beruthiel

lets stick to the topic at hand please

iguana
if you wish to discuss explotation of women, start a thread up in Humanitites about it.
B

BEAT

ChRoMe wrote:

Beat

You seem to give your "rules" for what define a relationship and then you are questioning my ability to listen to other peoples views after writing comments like that?? Pot kettle yada yada

seriously now, thank you for proving my point.
We all have our own opinions but you seem to like and force yours down everyones throat...taking a personal standpoint here...makes me think perhaps you are the "guest" in question.
Being a member since 1998 I assume you realise that continuing an opinion battle with posters instead of posting on the topic will have Ruthie on your tail?
So to get back on topic...

*eidt* sorry ruthie, just saw your post pop up before mine *edit*

Santa Claus

Unless his gf knows that he is visiting prostitutes while she is physically unable to have sex, then he is cheating on her....that's my view on it !

I admire him for saying that does not want to break up with girlfriend just because they are unable to have sex, but wouldn't agree with the course of action he has taken.

Evil Phil

While I'm grossly ignorant of the OP's actual situation he is cheating on his girlfriend unless she's knows about and is okay with his use of escort services. Honesty is essential in any relationship.

koneko

If she knows about it then grand so. But if she doesn't, I imagine she isnt going to be happy in the slightest if/when she does find out.

Is the topic of no-sex something you discussed with her before? Did you discuss the option of you getting your needs serviced elsewhere? If you did, what did she say?

Zulu

This is a strange situation to say the least. I can't condon the use of prostitutes, but I also can't imagine a situation were a girlfriend is completely unable to satisify her partner. (I mean: with out being crude (I'm assuming there's vaginal issues) - has she no hands/breasts/anus/mouth??!? the mind boggles!) Assuming all of the above is the case - then all i can say is, if I was in your situation, I couldn't be with her.

...moment of clarity - your girlfriend is of legal age?

WhiteWashMan

Guest Today ! wrote:

Thank you all for your views anyway - interesting to hear the different angles. To answer someone elses question, my gf has a physical condition - it's not psychological or emotional. So therapy etc. won't make any difference./QUOTE]

are you saying that you are completely unable to have sex with her?

i mean, is her mouth wired shut and she cant speak?

id like to understand your definition of 'unable' to have sex, because i can think of many interesting and intense things to do, aside from just vaginal penetration.

i mean, if she has no psychological condition, then im sure she would be just as intertested to do 'things' as you are.

and if this is the case, then why do you feel the need to go outside of your relationship for a bit of sexual fun?

iam also unsure whether your partner knows about it, or if it has been suggested. perhaps you can enlighten me?

ChRoMe

Beat maybe its coz its been a few hours since my last coffee but I dont really understand your last post.

1 How have I proven your point?!?!
2 How do i force my view down peoples throats on a web discussion site?
3 You say "opinion battle" I say discussion. I thought exchange of views and opinions were what boards.ie was all about?

Please explain I'm not taking the piss I just dont honestly understand what you are trying to get across.

Pink Bunny

Can you tell us what kind of condition she would have that makes her not able to have sex? I think it's extremely admirable of you to still stay with her, it really does show an amount of love that I can't imagine, she is a very lucky woman to have you. But I do think it's unfair for you to have to live without that side of the relationship. You might grow to resent her in later years even. And she can't be happy knowing that she can't please you that way, I bet she feels really guilty about it deep down. I know I would. Plus she is missing a wonderful experience for herself as well. Surely there must be something that can be done for her? I found a website once for a friend who had a problem like yours but I was reluctant to bring the topic up again but maybe it might help you? http://www.vaginismus.com/introduction.htm
Maybe you can focus on helping her overcome this condition and then you won't need to go to a hooker, which I think is a bad (but understandable) iidea for you.

Beruthiel

ChRoMe wrote:

Please explain I'm not taking the piss I just dont honestly understand what you are trying to get across.

Perhaps the both of ye could take it to PM in order not to take this thread off topic
thanks
B

528i

I think if its BJ's only, and you're just in & out like a flash, then its ok, job done everybody's happy. You're hurting nobody only your wallet, but maybe it's better to start an affair instead ? I think she'd respect you more (if she ever found out).

Evil Phil

Zulu and WWM have asked the question I didn't want too. PinkBunny has a more caring view than mine, but unless your partner is a paraplegic (and she might be) there must be something you can do together? This is why I've been a bit cutting of your current solution to the problem.

ChRoMe

I wont take this any more off topic (last time i swear!)

Beruthiel: I'm still unable to use PM thats the reason for the earlyier posts

WhiteWashMan

Evil Phil wrote:

Zulu and WWM have asked the question I didn't want too.

i *knew* you werent evil!

simu

dudara wrote:

He's emotionally engaged with a friend, a best friend perhaps. But sexual relations is an integral part of a relationship. Otherwise it's friendship.

Actually, yeah - isn't she just a very close friend if you're not having sex/planning to have sex someday?

mycroft

Beruthiel wrote:

lets stick to the topic at hand please

iguana
if you wish to discuss explotation of women, start a thread up in Humanitites about it.
B

Just for the record Ruthie I think iguana has a point.

The author has asked for opinions about his sexual habits outside his relationship.

If the author was discussing his drug habit or drinking habit and how it was effecting his relationship, it would be accceptable for a poster to also point out the health risks the person is also exposing himself/herself to. Of if a poster wanted to discuss his potential health benefits of switching to vegetarism, someone might also post a link about animal cruelty and factory farming as another reason to switch diets.

As I see it there are three people in this relationship, him, his girlfriend and the prostitutes he's visiting. If he's concerned about the effect his extra relationship sexual adventures may have on his girlfriend, he should also be aware and consider the lifestyle, risks, and dangerous, the people who's jollys he's getting off on.

Neuro

Guest Today ! wrote:

First, I don't 'need' to hear peoples views on this - I am just interested to know where society at large stands right now with regard to this issue.

At an official level it's frowned upon of course, but I think there's an acceptance of it by law enforcement to a certain degree. I can't remember the last I heard of someone being charged with prostituion/kerb crawling.

It's believed that roughly 10% of men pay for sex at some point in their lives.

skywalker

dudara wrote:

He's emotionally engaged with a friend, a best friend perhaps. But sexual relations is an integral part of a relationship. Otherwise it's friendship.

It all comes back to the point for me, does the OP's girlfriend know about this?

thats an interesting arguement, but i dont think it holds. i mean take your average granda and grandma, they prob dont have sex anymore, it doesnt invalidate their relationship/marraige.

to OP. as others have said, can you elaborate as to why your GF cant have sex?

iguana

Beruthiel wrote:

lets stick to the topic at hand please

iguana
if you wish to discuss explotation of women, start a thread up in Humanitites about it.
B

Excuse me, but if you look at the original post I think you will see that I am one of the only people on topic.

Guest Today ! wrote:

My question I suppose is what do you think about these escort agencies and the services they offer ? You think it's an essential service ? After all it's apparently the oldest profession in the world.

Look back at the original post. At no point does he ask what impact do we think he is having on his relationship. I'm actually one of the few people who responded to the original topic. I'm sure moderating this board is particularily difficult, but if you decide to reprimand someone get your facts straight.

MaddyDv

I think alot of people are missing the point here...this person is cheating on his girlfriend! So what if she cant have sex with him, there are PLENTY of other ways to satisfy a man and surely he knew about her condition when he started dating her. He obviously doesnt love this girl if he thinks its okay to go sleeps with prostitutes coz shes got a physical condition, I really think he needs to get his priorities straight. Yeah sex is very important in any relationship but if he feels it okay to go sleep with prostitutes when he's going out with some one he needs his head knocked against a very hard brick wall! By the way...where is the original poster? Just vanished or is it some one posting replies here to wind us up???

Zulu

MaddyDv wrote:

or is it some one posting replies here to wind us up???

...Very apt.

delly

Like most other people, i would like to know if your partner is aware of your four visits. If she isn't, i would consider this a bad thing. If however she knows what your up to and has given her blessing, than fire away.

On another note, its not always possible to pick and choose which parts of a relationship that you can outsource. Say for instance Joe Bloggs wife woudn't perform a particular sexual act on him, would this be justification for him to visit a prostitute and fullfil this spacific need?

Putting sex aside, if there is any other physical things which she can't do, are you always going to look elsewhere to have them done in the future, such as taking the neighbours wife out for a picnic instead. Stupid example i know, but what i mean is, there may be other things that your partner won't be able to fullfill, where do you draw the line?