Escorts ... and I don't mean the ones by Ford !

LegacyUser

Hi guys -

I'm a regular poster on Boards - want this one to go up annonymously though.

Over the last year or so, I've become an occasional visitor and customer at some of the cities Escort Agencies - or brothels to be less PC about it. I've made 4 visits since about this time last year.

I go there because my partner has some sexual problems. I'm as supportive as I can with her, and I don't think she feels any pressure from me to perform. The upshot of this of course is that my needs go unattended to, and I said I'd try it once. It wasn't bad so I've been 3 more times. And it's likely that I'll make more visits in the future.

My question I suppose is what do you think about these escort agencies and the services they offer ? You think it's an essential service ? After all it's apparently the oldest profession in the world.

My own personal feeling on it is that nobody is really getting hurt, my other half isn't feeling inadequate because I get frustrated, and to be honest I don't really feel bad about it.

Am I totally warped and will I have some serious regrets about this in the future you think ?

Just interested to hear peoples thoughts and views on this I guess.

Thanks !

simu

I wouldn't have problems with prostitution if it was set up like any other career with training courses, benefits, taxation and all that stuff but at the moment, it's underground so you have no idea where the money ends up and there's no monitoring for how workers are sourced and treated so it's a bit dodgy.

tinkerbell

Does your girl know about your visits to these places?

Because if she doesn't and she finds out about it, then there'll be war, I would imagine.

LegacyUser

" training courses" lol

i think you should stear away even if its only to avoid catching something fatal, that u could later pass on to ur partner. even safe sex isnt safe.

StandnDeliver

hmmmm as long as u practice safe sex and are careful not to hurt someones feelings i supose its ok.
its a personal thing i guess

LegacyUser

Do you go up the Dublin Mountains and park up there in various areas like the majority of steamed up cars up there? We see them all the time going for drives usually on thursday nights around 1am...Mount Venus Cemetary car park is a popular one!

The_Conductor

They do say that prostitution is the oldest profession- even if its not recognised as a profession by many in today's world.
There are different ways of looking at this- from the perspective of the women, and from the perspective of the "punters"- including yourself.

There are some precendents to draw on- notably the Dutch experiment, where prostitution is legalised, women are treated properly, they are considered to be self employed, and pay taxes like any other citizen. In turn their industry is regulated, health checks are regular, and security and other services are readily to the "employees". Its viewed as a legitimate career choice by many, and does not elicit the moralistic comments that prostitution does here. It does seem to work.

But that is not the manner in which the industry operates here (or in most countries). Ireland hits the headlines occasionally- mostly for the wrong reasons- e.g. groups of Moldovan women arrested on suspicion of prostitution, other Eastern European women lured here with tales of restraunt jobs to find themselves lured into a totally different industry etc.

Prostitution here, is not regulated, and those employed in it, do not have any of the rights that are offered to most regular citizens. Regardless of how you try to justify being clientele for them- and regardless of how much money is exchanged- you are perpetuating an exploitative industry- and you are only one aspect of that exploitation.

Are you warped? Not a rhetorical question- no I would hazard, but you are making the most of an unsatisfactory domestic arrangement to justify "guiltfree" playing of the field. While you may feel that you are being supportive of your partner- by not placing unreasonable sexual demands on her- how do you reckon that your visiting escort agencies is supportive to her on a purely emotional level (totally aside from anything else)?

My reading of your post is that your g/f is aware of your use of escorts, and may even have suggested it initially? You might clarify that?

I'd dispute your claim that no-one gets hurt- I'd suggest that everyone is a looser in one way or the other here.

seamus

I guess it's an "each case as it comes" scenario. Though plenty would like to disagree, there are many woman prostituting who don't mind it. They enjoy the good money it gives them, they're not overly concerned about the sex part, some even enjoy the experience.
But there are also woman doing it because they have nothing else to do. In their eyes, they're degrading themselves, and doing what they have to, to survive. In some senses, it's not different to a 40-year-old man degrading himself to working behind a McDonalds counter to pay the bills, but I think we all accept that it's not exactly the same thing. You're not sticking your general in that 40-year-old's mouth.

Even if it was properly regulated, like simu says, you'll still have women doing it because they're trapped. If you could only get women doing it who want to do it, great, but I don't think that's possible.

On the Personal issue - Does your wife know/approve of this? Even if she's not crazy about sex, surely she'd notice the sudden drop in sexual interest or pressure?
If it was me, I'd be focussing my efforts on getting her counselling for her sexual problem (assuming it's pschylogical), or finding "other" ways to be sexual with her.

pickarooney

I personally don't see much difference between prostitution and the majority of the rest of the working world who do something they hate purely for the money, mostly with far less flexible hours. I imagine as many prostitutes enjoy the work as people in any other line of business. The downside is, of course, the violence and insecurity associated with the (unregulated) industry.
Although prostitution is legalised in Holland, there are still massive numbers of clandestine hookers, mostly from Eastern Europe, sub-Saharan Africa and South-East Asia. Like any other job, if you don't meet the criteria for a residence/work permit, it's illegal to practise it. So saying that legalisation solves the problem is not really true, as there will always be a market for cheaper, illegal prostitutes.

pwd

That can't make you very happy at all.
You avoid the issue of sex with your gf because you hate the idea of upsetting her, but you do something that would upset her more, and go behind her back. That creates distance between you.
She can overcome her dislike of sex, unless she is physically damaged in some way. It is possible to encourage her to do so without making her feel pressured.
If she does overcome it your relationship will not be as secure. She is unlikely to leave someone who accepts her refusal. That feeling may turn on its head if she starts to want sex.

peckerhead

pwd wrote:

That can't make you very happy at all.
You avoid the issue of sex with your gf because you hate the idea of upsetting her, but you do sometyhing that would upset her more, and go behind her back. That creates distance between you.
She can oversome her dislike of sex, unless she is physically damaged in some way. It is poissible to encourage her to do so without making her feel pressured.
If she does overcome it your relationship will not be a secure. She is unlikely to leave someone who accepts her refusal. That feeling may turn on its head if she starts to want sex.

Good advice. Moral judgements aside, what's your real priority here - the relationship, or your rock'n'roll...? :rolleyes:

Beruthiel

Guest Today ! wrote:

Just interested to hear peoples thoughts and views on this I guess.

I'm wondering why you need to hear peoples views on this, will it change what you do next?

dudara

pwd wrote:

You avoid the issue of sex with your gf because you hate the idea of upsetting her, but you do something that would upset her more, and go behind her back. That creates distance between you

pwd is spot on there. If she doesn't know now and finds out later, this will destroy her.

LegacyUser

Beruthiel wrote:

I'm wondering why you need to hear peoples views on this, will it change what you do next?

First, I don't 'need' to hear peoples views on this - I am just interested to know where society at large stands right now with regard to this issue.

Second, as a moderator of this particular forum, I am surprised to hear you make this particular comment. Is this not a forum for seeking advice on personal issued when needed ? Is it not ok to speak freely and openly here ? Cause if I'm wrong then I totally got the wrong impression - even though I've been posting here for a long time now.

Thank you all for your views anyway - interesting to hear the different angles. To answer someone elses question, my gf has a physical condition - it's not psychological or emotional. So therapy etc. won't make any difference.

Quiet honestly I feel much closer to her now than I ever have. I think it's because I've accepted the fact that this is the way things are and this is the way they always will be. Instead of getting rid of her and throwing away all the fabulous other things we have together, I made the decision to seek whatever else I was in need of somewhere else, and because there's no emotional involvement then she will always remain my No.1 priority.

Beruthiel

Guest Today ! wrote:

First, I don't 'need' to hear peoples views on this - I am just interested to know where society at large stands right now with regard to this issue.

Second, as a moderator of this particular forum, I am surprised to hear you make this particular comment. Is this not a forum for seeking advice on personal issued when needed ? Is it not ok to speak freely and openly here ? Cause if I'm wrong then I totally got the wrong impression - even though I've been posting here for a long time now.

yes this is the forum for seeking advice on a personal issue, but I am unsure what advice you are seeking, you haven't asked a direct question on what you want an answer to?
as the thread stands, it's more a discussion for the Humanities Forum, hence my earlier comments.

ChRoMe

I think its fair for this thread to be in personal issues. Because thats exactly what it is a personal issue. The original poster's sexual needs arnt being taken care of by his girlfriend so it's understandable that he feels to needs to get his "release" somewhere else.

To be honest he's a strong man to stay with her if due to a physical condition she can not have sex. People may be afraid to state it but sex is a major part of any relationship. Personally I have never used any escort services here in Ireland. That said I've visted amsterdam on several occasions and have used the red light district a few times. I dont see what peoples problems are. The service has exsisted since the start of time and is used by millions everyday the world over.

If i was in a relationship with the original poster I would be much more happy that he is using a escort rather then going out on the pull in town on a saturday night. There is no emotional attachment or anything messy (lol wrong choice of words but anyway) Its a simple clear cut deal. You go in have your fun pay your money and everyone walks away happy.

Sleepy

Guest Today ! wrote:

First, I don't 'need' to hear peoples views on this - I am just interested to know where society at large stands right now with regard to this issue.

Second, as a moderator of this particular forum, I am surprised to hear you make this particular comment. Is this not a forum for seeking advice on personal issued when needed ? Is it not ok to speak freely and openly here ? Cause if I'm wrong then I totally got the wrong impression - even though I've been posting here for a long time now.

Thank you all for your views anyway - interesting to hear the different angles. To answer someone elses question, my gf has a physical condition - it's not psychological or emotional. So therapy etc. won't make any difference.

Quiet honestly I feel much closer to her now than I ever have. I think it's because I've accepted the fact that this is the way things are and this is the way they always will be. Instead of getting rid of her and throwing away all the fabulous other things we have together, I made the decision to seek whatever else I was in need of somewhere else, and because there's no emotional involvement then she will always remain my No.1 priority.

Does she know about it?

ravenhead

i know you think you're not doing any harm because she can't give you what you need & you don't want to be pressurising her, but don't you think that when she does find out ( & she will find out) she's going to be devastated & feel completely betrayed?
You say that this is a physical condition that stops her from having sexy - have you thought about talking to her about it. I mean she will understand that you have needs but will be more upset at the fact the you went behind her back. & if the other aspects of your relationship are as good as you're making out then why haven't you spoken to her about this?
Also just out of curiousity - is it just full sex that she can't have, I mean do you have any physical contact with her at all?

TerrorFirmer

As first, Chrome, I thought your post was garbage....but then when I re-read it I think you are absolutely right. Using this service is good because it does not involve the chance of a seperate relationship developing, and it means emotionally this guy is 100% with his girlfriend, and it would take a man of iron to go without sex for life. I think what he is doing, if not exactly "morally" acceptable, is still a good indication that he has good feelings for his girlfiend - If he didn't like or even love her, why wouldnt he just go out and get someone new?

I think its an interesting topic, but I also do not see anything majorly wrong here, in fact I am impressed that you would rather this solution and stay with your Girlfriend then dump her.

Anyway, although sex is a big part of things, feelings are really much stronger, and I doubt if she cant have sex she expects you not to either for the rest of your life. After all, I'm sure she would understand what you are after is purely "release" and not another relationship. Still, I would be interested as to what she says on the topic.

bug

Interesting.

Outsourcing an integral part of your relationship….

By the way the original poster hasn’t specifically said that his supposedly significant other can’t have sex of whatever description, it’s just that she isn’t fulfilling his needs. This hasn’t been clarified.

He is also being very kind to her and removing any pressure on her to “perform” by riding prossies. Taxed, trained or otherwise (whatever that has got to do with it).

You state that you feel closer to her.
I wonder how close she might feel to you if she were aware of the situation.

She may have some physical condition, but it remains- assuming you were in a mutually exclusive relationship, that you are betraying that relationship if she's not aware whats going on.

ChRoMe

Bug read the guys post.

"Thank you all for your views anyway - interesting to hear the different angles. To answer someone elses question, my gf has a physical condition - it's not psychological or emotional. So therapy etc. won't make any difference.
"

bug

I did read it thanks for the heads up there...
...and my opinion stays the same.

MaddyDv

Hold on a minute! You're doing the dirt on your girlfriend! I dont care what issues she has with sex at the moment you're unreal! So what if its with some nameless whore who you might ever see again how do you think she would feel? I think its a disgrace what you're doing to the poor girl..as if she doesnt have enough to cope with! And I'm a true believer "What goes around comes around" She WILL find out coz they always do and how do you think your family will feel about you sleeping with hookers? coz rest assured they will find out too!

ChRoMe

What would you prefare folks he dumped her becuase she cant be with him sexually? Granted its not an ideal situation but he's doing his best and fair play to him sticking by her (i honestly dont know if i could stay in a relatinoship that was void of sex).

And whats the big deal about hookers. A brickie uses his body to make a few quid whats the difference? Ahh there is none just your conservative view on life.

/me prescribes a weekend in amsterdam for everyone

ChRoMe

bug

What would you prefare folks he dumped her becuase she cant be with him sexually?

be nice if she had some input into the decision making process, knowing all the facts though, wouldnt it.

and nobody is knocking prositutes (no pun intended) or their business.
Anyone who wants to sleep with prostitutes is entitled too...

..you do assume though that if someone is sleeping with prostitutes, that they are either in an open relationship or single, at least I suppose its a personal matter whether you like the idea of your other half off riding someone else generally.

BEAT

Ya know, I am going to make this short because I am frustrated that this even has to be discussed...it seems like people are getting number with each generation that passes.

A part of a relationship is having a healthy sex life with your partner, not with your hooker, or mistress or what have you.
If you can not meet your needs with your partner then it is time to move on.
If you can not express yourself or communicate yourself enough to meet each others needs,
it is time to move on.
It is not healthy or morally right to have 'a little on the side' for whatever the reason, or excuse.
A relationship is between 2 people...how can I make that any more simple for you to understand.
:rolleyes:

ChRoMe

Wow beat how do you live your life with such a black and white view on things??

Its not "simple" (nothing in relatinoships ever is btw). The oriignal poster seems to be very emotionally engaged with his girlfriend. For physical reasons she is unable to fullfil his sexual needs (and they are needs). Instead of taking the easy way out he is doing his best to make the relationship work. Its much better than his other 2 options. Go without sex while in a relationship (i'll take a guess he doesnt consider this an option I wouldnt) dump her on these grounds and try and find someone else. So really beat what your saying is that he should punish his girlfriend by dumping her becuase she physically cant have sex with him. Gee your a swell guy y'know

Lomb "she would have a right to know no? what if u gave her hep, or hiv? and 'killed' her at a latter date?"

congratulations on making a post on the 2nd page of a thread which you clearly have not bothered to read at all. What do you think are the chances of him passing on a STD to his girlfriend. FFS will people read before posting

Beruthiel

ChRoMe wrote:

congratulations on making a post on the 2nd page of a thread which you clearly have not bothered to read at all. What do you think are the chances of him passing on a STD to his girlfriend. FFS will people read before posting

ChRoMe
please leave the moderating to the moderators
consider this a warning
B

ChRoMe

If its a physical condition i doubt thats going to be the case to be honest

ChRoMe


ps Beruthiel am i now managing to get in trouble for sticking to the rules?!?!?!

lomb

ChRoMe wrote:

If its a physical condition i doubt thats going to be the case to be honest

ChRoMe

what is this physical condition? doesnt make any sense.

ChRoMe

I'm going to quote the original poster for the second time (i'm in disbelief i have to do this but anyway)

""Thank you all for your views anyway - interesting to hear the different angles. To answer someone elses question, my gf has a physical condition - it's not psychological or emotional. So therapy etc. won't make any difference.
"