Defining bisexuality

Rredwell

What would most people consider to be the definition of bisexuality? I know that it defines attraction to members of both the same and opposite sexes, but in what proportion? The bisexuals I know seem to be predominantly attracted towards either men or women, or else they go through phases of being attracted to either.

But what is the 'end-point' for these definitions? And how can they be measured quantatively? What, for example, defines a so-called 50-50 bisexual person?

I myself know that at some stage before I realised I was gay, that I did like girls. But after I realised, did I magically 'switch', or did I retain traces of the more biological impulse? Because now, very rarely, I do find myself liking girls. But, then again, I do know someone who likes girls as much as I do, and she calls herself bisexual.

What are people's personal experiences and views?

Boston

What makes you think you can quantify it. It's all about what your most comfortable calling yourselve. don't try to define sexuality. The more i think about it, the more I like the "american" Queer idea. Theres so much ambiguity. love is the answer to your question tbh.

solice

Boston wrote:

love is the answer to your question tbh.

Deep!

Yeah i agree. You cant define it. Its probably something different for everybody. People who are bisexual may have their own individual take on the idea of what it is.

Hmm_Messiah

If who you are is made up of something you are born with , plus then your response to the world as you find it, your experience of the world, then how you define any aspect of your life is going to be individual and unique, with perhaps some similarities to some people, and very removed from others.

If you understand sexuality as a "story" your brain as you grow recording situations , responses, emotions, and these then writing the story so you choose(have determined) the ending that then matches that story, then your sexuality is dependent on where you are in your life story, some people's identity of themselves is static, some ever changing, sometimes it changes due to some significant experience.

If you're asking for just individual experiences/understanding of bisexuality; I find thatwhen i am living in one "mode" then I do notice the absence of certain parts of the other mode. Where i place myself on a scale is in my case more a choice than just "who I am".

Stark

A homosexual is someone who is physically and emotionally attracted to members of the same sex.
A heterosexual is someone who is physically and emotionally attracted to members of the opposite sex.
A bisexual is someone who is physically and emotionally attracted to members of the both sexes.

Note "physically and emotionally". Someone who's primarily attracted and goes out with members of one gender but likes a drunken score with members of the other gender, isn't bisexual.

Zulu

I personally don't know - but as a heterosexual, the only thing I can say is that my attraction is polar. I am only attracted to women.
Your comment "before I realised I was gay, I did like girls. But after I realised, did I magically 'switch'?" I found very interesting. It was my (very limited) understanding the gay people always had an over riding urge towards their own sex, but burried it (until such time as they "realisied" it) for whatever reason (social, whatever).

Perhaps gay people are one pole, hetro are the other pole, and Bi are everywhere in between?

Boston

Stark wrote:

A homosexual is someone who is physically and emotionally attracted to members of the same sex.
A heterosexual is someone who is physically and emotionally attracted to members of the opposite sex.
A bisexual is someone who is physically and emotionally attracted to members of the both sexes.

Note "physically and emotionally". Someone who's primarily attracted and goes out with members of one gender but likes a drunken score with members of the other gender, isn't bisexual.

i know this guy, thats been in same sex relations since he was 14(maybe younger but I didn't want to push it) He says he's not gay, he just likes to **** guys. Is it possible to be physically attracted to one sex, and emotionally the other, and be bi-sexual as a result? He seems to think so.

damien

I think with something as complicated as sexuality than there are almost infinite combinations of likes and dislikes and types of attraction etc.

I think maybe RRedwell means if you fancy the odd girl, sexually and emotionally but only once in the blue moon and the rest of the time you chase nothing else but boys, do you still call yourself bisexual ? While it's all about being comfortable with your own definition, some people might be most comfortable with their definition being on a par with someone elses.

Hmm_Messiah

your still trying to define an individual. If some one says they are bisexual then its whatever they mean by it. You can't impose a definition; I guess bisexuality is anywhere on the kinsey scale other than the extremes pole.


It is possible to have only drunken episodes with the same sex and still be bisexual; if you are responding to both genders.

fairly recently my attraction to men was entirely physical, and to women much less physical but very emotional what was I ? (other than confused )

Sleepy

A human being who's trying too hard to label themselves?

IMHO, sexuality is an ever changing scale on which humans slide between the two extremes of being heterosexual in the strictest sense (only attracted to the opposite sex both emotionally and sexually) and strictly homosexual (only attracted to their own sex both emotionally and physically). At present, I'm at the far end of the heterosexual scale having never found myself attracted to another guy. However, I don't think it's somehing we're hard-wired about. While I've yet to find myself attracted to another bloke that doesn't mean that I won't at some point in my life see a guy and be physically attracted to him, or meet someone and become emotionally attached to (fall in love with?) him.

Zillah

I'd consider myself to be a true bisexual. As it was put earlier (true if not somewhat cliched), love is the answer.

I'm attracted to people. There are ten thousand things about a person that I might find attractive or not, and their sex isn't a factor in it. Any human being between the ages of 16 and, hmm...50...has the posibility of attracting me.


Although not for a second would I think of my situation as a common one. When talking about human sexuality, labels will only go so far.

Boston

Simple fact is that most bi-sexuals stick to exclusively hetrosexual or homosexual relationships, because the world is that bit to harsh to them. They spend years tryign to suppress a side of themselves because they know people find it very hard when people don't act the way they expect them to. Often love, or strong emotional attachment to the reason people come otu about being bi-sexual.

claire h

And then there's the term 'pansexual'. Which, as I understand it, is bisexual with vague hippie-ish overtones. As in, you are a free spirit, being attracted to people's souls rather than their outer casing. Or something. Which is how a lot of people see bisexuality, as well, actually - gender not mattering.

(I'd argue that appreciating both genders is very different from it not mattering, but meh.)

See, the more you think about it, that 'queer' label seems a lot simpler. Hey, let's bring back 'invert' while we're at it! No? Okay.

Boston

claire h wrote:

And then there's the term 'pansexual'. Which, as I understand it, is bisexual with vague hippie-ish overtones. As in, you are a free spirit, being attracted to people's souls rather than their outer casing. Or something. Which is how a lot of people see bisexuality, as well, actually - gender not mattering.

(I'd argue that appreciating both genders is very different from it not mattering, but meh.)

See, the more you think about it, that 'queer' label seems a lot simpler. Hey, let's bring back 'invert' while we're at it! No? Okay.

It does. doesn't it. If you get past how it's used by homophobics, then the ambiguity is great.

fletch

Boston wrote:

Is it possible to be physically attracted to one sex, and emotionally the other, and be bi-sexual as a result? He seems to think so.

I sometimes wonder this myself. I like having sex with guys but have yet to be emotinally attracted to a gay man. In saying that I have never been physically or emotionally attracted to a female but I can see your point. I'm presuming I just haven't met the right guy yet.

Tranzz

claire h wrote:

And then there's the term 'pansexual'. Which, as I understand it, is bisexual with vague hippie-ish overtones. As in, you are a free spirit, being attracted to people's souls rather than their outer casing. Or something. Which is how a lot of people see bisexuality, as well, actually - gender not mattering.

(I'd argue that appreciating both genders is very different from it not mattering, but meh.)

See, the more you think about it, that 'queer' label seems a lot simpler. Hey, let's bring back 'invert' while we're at it! No? Okay.

This is what I am, but then again I'm transgendered so the gender of a partner isn't such a big issue for me. I don't have a gender preference there's to many differences to compare them. If I like someone I'll be with them...simple as that.

c3van5

well even as a confirmed gay man i found myself (only last year) being incredibly emothionally interested in a woman but wasnt the least bit interested in her sexually but there is a lady that i work with who i find incredibly sexy (partly because she has tremendous breasts). however now im going out (and deeply in love with) a man who i feel much stronger about.... im not quite sure what i was trying to say there but it was something along the lines of "even polar gay men can be emotionally/physically attracted to women" because i am by no means bisexual.

im not quite sure does this bring anything to the table.....

energy69

God I wish it was that simple. Bisexual is a term I was always willing to use for other people's sake. I'm not sexually active although I think at the age of 30 incredibly frustrated. My first love (unrequited) was female and 1st partner and true love/soul mate a guy. I have struggled with my sexuality for the past 15 years and still I find it so hard to relax and trust in my senses. I think being gay is unnatural although I find men so much easier to trust. Women are an enigma to me and I initially feel so uncomfortable in their presence although it feels so much more natural after I'm familiar with them. I have over thought this thing to the point of madness that now all I can do is make anthropological studies of the world around me. I do believe in the soul although lust is constantly trying its hand. Confused!?! What do you think? :eek:

Boston

Have you ever thought about saying fuk it to labels. I mean I only use labels so other people can relate to where I'm coming from. I get no comfort from them. I don't identify myself by my gender or sexuality. people like Bisexual as a label for other people, because (mis preceptions aside) its the most undefined sexuality, next to queer. Personally if someone call me gay, or straight or bi. I let it go, no problem. It's exchanging one box for another slightly bigger box, your still in a box at the end of the day so why bother getting bent out of shape about which one.

Stark

Energy69, are you trying to say that you feel your homosexual urges conflict with your religious beliefs?

Talliesin

energy69 wrote:

I think being gay is unnatural although

Many animals have homosexual sex, only humans play tennis.
Tennis is unnatural, homosexuality is not.

energy69

I was brought up a Catholic, although I really only believe in my own personal religion. Perhaps I'm brain washed so heavily that I live by what I have being thought is right and wrong. I believe in love. Not sure if I trust anyone to give it. When it comes to the act of sex with either male or female and its not love I stop before the act and feel that its wrong. Bit screwed in the head, I think.

Talliesin

energy69 wrote:

When it comes to the act of sex with either male or female and its not love I stop before the act and feel that its wrong. Bit screwed in the head, I think.

Making love a prerequisite for sex is far from "screwed in the head". I wouldn't say it's a divine law that everyone should follow or anything like that, but it's a pretty healthy attitude if you ask me.

Having trust issues that prevent you feeling love is another matter, though being careful about who you give trust to isn't a bad idea either.

ailbheol

i think that bisexuality is just sort of a transition between heterosexuality and homosexuality. in my experience most people ultimately settle on one or the other. they may try their hand at being bi for a while but eventually they'll realise which sex they are more attracted to and decide to be either straight or gay. so it's more or less an experiment to determine where their sexuality really lies.

Talliesin

ailbheol wrote:

in my experience most people ultimately settle on one or the other.

That's not bisexuality, that's uncertainty.

Boston

ailbheol wrote:

i think that bisexuality is just sort of a transition between heterosexuality and homosexuality. in my experience most people ultimately settle on one or the other. they may try their hand at being bi for a while but eventually they'll realise which sex they are more attracted to and decide to be either straight or gay. so it's more or less an experiment to determine where their sexuality really lies.

Straight and Gay are exclusive terms. Of course a Bi-sexual can have a preference for either the same or opposite sex, but they arn't exclusively attracted to one gender. Also In your experience you can't speak for most people.

Bri~

ailbheol wrote:

i think that bisexuality is just sort of a transition between heterosexuality and homosexuality. in my experience most people ultimately settle on one or the other.

Thats just from your experience though. You can't judge bisexual people out of the sample pool of the few people that you know of. How many bisexual people are there in the world??? I doubt that most of them would ultimately settle on one or the other.

energy69

I wonder if everyone is a closet BiSexual. The conditioning we receive from the day we are born, prevents people seeing this. My own personal experience is that I've met quite a few 'hetrosexual' people that crossed the line or at least considered it seriously. As humans we feel the need to catagories and put things in boxes. It makes it easier to know what group you belong to. Media sells the "Judge the book by the cover" scenario rather than looking at what really matters. My own Catholic schooling has left me rather brain washed and I still to this day question the natural sense of being with my own sex. My spirtual feeling is that we are all the same inside. You can love anybody. Sex is just an extension of this.

fozzle

I think labels at all are a bad thing, I certainly don't think about mine unless someone asks me or comments on it. To me Bisexuality is being equally attracted to men and women. I don't mean that half the people I fancy are women and half men, I mean that I can be attracted to both bth emotionally and sexually. Society and the fact that I only openly admitted my attraction to women relatively recently mean that I've been with more fellas than girls, but I don't consider that that means I'm 80% straight or whatever.

But it means different things to different folks, and unforuneatly some definitions (like a girl I know who takes it as meaning she can have a girlfriend and boyfriend at the same time - I personally prefer monogamous relationships) irritate me greatly, but I guess everyone is allowed their own definitions.

Tbh I think Memphis' label of "sexual" is great, who cares about gender preferences, it's nobodies business but yours.

memphis

fozzle wrote:

Tbh I think Memphis' label of "sexual" is great, who cares about gender preferences, it's nobodies business but yours.

Thanks Fozzle,

Its not every day that someone agrees with me. But yes, "sexual" is a kinda sweet term to use to sum it up. Also I like your use of "Bi-curios", at least I think it was you that used that word.

fozzle

Not sure if that was me or not, but I do know a few people who've used it to describe themselves, people who really aren't sure what way they "swing" and who don't want to go right out and start labelling themselves as someone they aren't.

Hmm_Messiah

the problem with all this defining of things is it doesn't necessary serve any good purpose. People's brain seem to lock on a word, and a meaning for that word, and no matter what more they learn, or understand, the "lock" remains .

Defining your sexuality should always acknowledge that
1) gender identity, sexuality, orientation, preference are all just PART of who you are

2) Humans are extra ordinary beings and don't remain the same, we can change, fluctuate, or even will differences in our behaviour/values/beliefs

Ok , what I find physically attractive is unlikely to change, as in to some opposite, but it can be broadened, by choice or some times experience.

Of course naming things can be useful, but language often fails us.

bisexuality is maybe even mre limiting than gay/lesbian/str8 because it includes "sex" and thee is I think often an assumption being bisexual is about who you like to shag.


I just realised yesterday that I find gay can describe more than orientation regardign sex/rships. I met an old friend and had a great catch up talk. Afterwards i realsied he is the person I am "gayest" with. He is straight etc etc, but I find I am more comfortable in my entire self with him than others, including partners, and in that comfort each aspect of me, including gay, gets to shine.
Dunno if I described that well .
Work to do. bi bye

fozzle

Hmm_Messiah wrote:

the problem with all this defining of things is it doesn't necessary serve any good purpose. People's brain seem to lock on a word, and a meaning for that word, and no matter what more they learn, or understand, the "lock" remains .

Very true, but it's hard not to subscribe to some label when people ask.

Hmm_Messiah wrote:

I just realised yesterday that I find gay can describe more than orientation regardign sex/rships. I met an old friend and had a great catch up talk. Afterwards i realsied he is the person I am "gayest" with. He is straight etc etc, but I find I am more comfortable in my entire self with him than others, including partners, and in that comfort each aspect of me, including gay, gets to shine.
Dunno if I described that well .
Work to do. bi bye

no, that makes sense to me. But it's not just a gay thing, I think everyone does it to some extent or another, like with some friends I'm more outspoken than with others, it just depends on how confident you feel with them, on how much you feel you need to fit their ideal for you.

memphis

fozzle wrote:

Not sure if that was me or not, but I do know a few people who've used it to describe themselves, people who really aren't sure what way they "swing" and who don't want to go right out and start labelling themselves as someone they aren't.

Guess then, if I was to label, I'm bi-curious then so!!

Boston

Labels are an attempt to allow other people to empathise with where your coming from, you don't need one for yourself because you know where your coming from.

Hmm_Messiah

My Label saysa
"Handle with care
Do not swallow
Keep out of reach of children"

QueenAdreena

I think its impossible to define it, evey1 has their own take on it really... i find myself far more physically attracted to women but ive never had a girlfriend, i just cant find that emotional link to them that i get with men... im hoping someday ill find a woman who will do both for me, and then i will be a happy camper!