I'm really not happy and I don't know how to change it.

ifeelabreeze

I'm really just not happy, not in a 'I'm clinically depressed' way more of a 'my situation is the problem way'.

Late 20s, graduated late with a mediocre Business degree - hated that but somehow got through it. I'm now in a job many would consider 'good' and I hate it. I've been a Planner for a Construction company for over a year now and it's just a horrible fit for me.

Live in Galway, in a kip but a very cheap kip. Place is always filthy, lads are sound but blare Techno constantly. Hob half works, heating seems to always be gone. Freezer doesn't work. It's a dump but it's close to work and close-ish to town.

Part of me wants to f*ck off abroad, I'd be going on my own with no real plan and I don't know where to actually go. I've done a TEFL course and I'm tempted to move to China to teach, but I don't really know if that's the right move. Where would that leave me when I decide to move back home?

Canada and Oz are on my mind. I'd be going on my own to an expensive place with no job and I'd presumably end up in Construction or working behind a bar.

If I'm not hitting the jet stream I don't know what I'm doing. I hate my job and can't see myself sticking it out any longer. I'm tempted to go into one of the factories.. but I'd be taking a massive pay cut and as it is I don't feel like I'm rolling in it. That being said I go out a lot. But that's about all I enjoy.. There's nothing else here for me, few friends, pints and trying to chat to women is about it.

Dating life is nonexistent. I go out, I go to pubs, I talk to women I just have zero luck.
I went bald very young and nearly 5 years on I still regret not trying to save it. I'm okay with who I am now, but I'm not who I was and I hate that. It's so far gone that a transplant isn't even an option.
My friends are constantly going on Tinder dates, always meeting people and I'm just showing up each weekend trying to make something happen.

So I don't know where that leaves me but I can't continue has I have been, I hate it.

I see sheep

If you're interested in doing TEFL as a job there's plenty of options in Europe. I wouldn't do it China myself, Vietnam would be better if you're keen on Asia.

Your life sounds grand though tbh.

You're on decent money, going out in Galway a lot. You're young. Just enjoy yourself I'd say.

Don't worry about dating or whatever it'll happen sometime. Or go on Tinder like your friends?

Edit: Sorry I kind of skipped over that you hate your job. Can you just phone it in while still getting paid? Tbh I've only done a real job I hated once and I quit after 3 months.

ifeelabreeze

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123032852#Comment_123032852

I've done a bit of trawling online and seemingly China is the best option, Vietnam was for many years but has fallen by the way side since Covid thanks to rising cost of living, flat wages and a change in work culture.

That's the thing life sounds grand but in reality it's not. Work is all consuming and just horrible. I'm either twiddling my thumbs or up the walls, there's no in between and no way to spread out the work. To add to it too they've since hired a new guy who's came from the site team. He can't work a computer, he's completely inept and management won't get rid of him so I'm the fool who has to train him up.
I genuinely cannot wait to get out of it.

But if I go for one of the factories I'll have next to no money and that'll mean taking away about the only thing I'm enjoying about Galway - the going out, which in and of itself isn't a great thing to say.

It's very easy to say just forget about the dating, if it was so easy that'd be great. But it's not and it's horrible feeling like I'm in my late 20s having never had anything close to a serious relationship. So naturally I question what's wrong with me, why me, what can I change and what can't I change - how am I 27 in a city full of people my age and I can't find anyone.
So yeah I can't just forget about it.
Naturally enough I'm on the hellscape that is Tinder

Dial Hard

OP, I'm not saying this to be harsh but you've been posting these same issues on here and in the Work forum for years, and haven’t ever seemed to take on board any of the advice given to you. What's changed that you're willing to listen to anyone now? Because otherwise people are - rightly, perhaps - going to feel like they're wasting their time by engaging with you again.

ifeelabreeze

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123033264#Comment_123033264

What advice was given because frankly all I remember is seeing the same 'I've seen this posted here before' posts.

I see sheep

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123032998#Comment_123032998

I wouldn't live in China myself, there's TEFL jobs in Europe (Spain/Italy) and if it goes tits up you can come back to Ireland for a few quid on a plane.

If you feel stuck in a rut etc. then going abroad is worth a shot.

Or just try to get a different job?

A lot of people would swap places with you in heartbeat. Young free & single in Galway! I did it through most of my 20s in between travelling. I did it on the dole in Galway for half a year. I know things have got more expensive and Galway probably isn't as good craic as it was but still it's a pretty sweet life.

CreadanLady

What sort of life do you think you'd have in China?

An alien culture. No friends. A million miles from home. Chinese people are notoriously selfish and rude.

If you think life is bleak here, I can tell you China will be 100x bleaker and lo lonelier and more depressing.

Don't fret over your hair. It couldn't be saved. If you are going to go bald, you're going to go bald. Don't be falling for scam products saying otherwise.

Idbatterim

Your living situation alone, would have me depressed! the good news? you have tons of options. Get out of Ireland would be my advice, I was in Vietnam earlier this year, the rates the english teachers get paid there in Hanoi etc, is incredible!!! Financially, youll feel rich over there versus here. You are also in Asia, you can use the relatively very high income from teaching english, to travel the region for near nothing, with your time off. What age are you , if you dont mind me asking?

"Forget about dating?" easier said than done… Op, nobody is coming to save any of us… You have to sort out this situation for your own sake, god knows how many people are in ruts, but only they can change it…

Hating your job I get, but can you tell me, why the hell are you living in a kip, when you can easily afford to live somewhere better? You need to start addressing something Op , make decisions, you stay here and move out of that dump and change job, option one. Option 2, you try living outside of ireland. Would you not try Oz, mini ireland, just with the weather and far better pay and opportunities

ifeelabreeze

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123033586#Comment_123033586

Spain and Italy are quite abysmal paywise apparently, but I am leaning more and more towards the notion of going abroad, be that to teach English or on a Working Holiday Visa.

Galways changed even in the time I since I went to college here. Everything has gotten more expensive and prohibitively so. I went to college in 2017, I remember getting a Pizza delivered for under €20, now you're looking at a fiver just in delivery fees and whatever other crap they tack on.

ifeelabreeze

By all accounts teaching English in China pays very well (for the country) and a lot of people seem to love it. I'm sure there are 101 reasons why it's a terrible idea but if nothing else for me it'd be a much needed change of pace. Only thing dissuading me is it's a step aside, when I eventually return to Ireland, those teaching skills aren't exactly transferable or all that in demand here.

yagan

Just go teach english in Spain then. It's close, Spanish is probably the easiest major language to learn coming from English and that experience opens doors to the whole spanish speaking world.

If you want money go to China, but you'll probably fall in with people who are also just money focused.

If I had your choice in my 20s again I'd head for party time in Spain.

z80CPU

Id avoid china OP.

I'm here on boards since 2009.

Maybe actually take some advice from posters on this thread & stop doom scrolling your own ruminations!

I see sheep

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123033672#Comment_123033672

Yeah the money is pretty crap but you'll have a good time and you can get by on a lot less than you would at home. I did it and I'd a great time. One of my friends still does it in Spain, most people move on but he met a girl there and he'll stay for the foreseeable.

zoobizoo

Here's the advice I gave back in Sept 2023:

"You are well within your right to ignore and not respond to advice which you do not agree with but it is telling from all of your threads that nothing is ever resolved and that you generally only respond to those who are telling you what you want to hear.....

Moving to the US for example to play music... or starting your own business....

You then turn a thread into a chat about something irrelevant, such as your post above about YouTube.

I have asked before, what do your friends and family think? Do you talk to them about these issues you are having?

You may get the answers you seek on boards, but you'd get the answers you really need, talking to, and taking on board what a professional has to say"

What have you done to improve your situation in the last year and a half ?

Did you take on board anyone's advice?

Did you try to start your own business?

Did you attempt a music sideline?

And what do your family and friends think of TEFL in Asia?

rorymagory

Planner for a construction company…….there's plenty of other businesses that need people who are into planning, logistics, forecasting….like medical device companies? Rakes of them in Galway. Have you had a look around parkmore / ballybrit?

brookers

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058387056/im-really-not-happy-and-i-dont-know-how-to-change-it

This is something that could change your life. Do tour guide, skiing, winter sports etc sun, sea sports, you be out in the fresh air, your head get all tanned and glossy, wearing lovely uniforms, you would have a ball, give up that awful job and get packing. Are you in any way attractive…with the tan, nice sporty clothes, you would get loads of females. Make loads of friends, most of the people are well educated and like you just want to have some fun. Usually your rent is paid, could lead on to loads of things…if I was you I be gone….dont be a stick in the mud, just do it.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123033449#Comment_123033449

Well in your own words "I've posted here in the past and gotten some very sound advice so I thought I'd do the same again", so clearly you felt some of it was worthwhile, even though it would seem you never actually implemented any of it. But while we're here, let me reiterate some of the advice I've given you before:

Why do I always fall for 'the grass is always greener'?

My advice: How can you be underpaid for a job that - by your own admission - you're bad at?

Anyway, OP, I agree with Tork; I don't think anyone here on Boards can help you and I'm not sure what you think another thread is going to achieve that none of the previous ones did. You need a therapist who can equip you with specific coping skills.

Bald in my 20s

My advice: You do realise shaving isn't permanent, right? You can just stop doing that, see what regrowth you have and then see what your treatment options are, be they surgical or medical.

Feel like my housemate doesn't like me, want to clear the air

My advice: Housemates you only know because you live with them are very different to your actual mates in college. Also, it sounds like the OP never actually mentioned the whole thing to the housemate so if course it ended up creating a weird dynamic. If he was actually joking (which I don't believe for a second) then he would have gone "Ha ha, gotcha!" as soon as he or she got home again. Instead it sounds like he just pretended it never happened and she was left (understandably, imo) putting two and two together and getting 10.

Look, OP, you've had a number of threads in this forum and I think it's probably fair to say social interaction isn't necessarily your forte. As I said in my initial reply to you here, learn from this.

Had an unresolved row with my housemates and I'm partly at fault

My advice: OP, you've had a very large number of advice-seeking posts across a number of fora on here since you joined, but you never seem to actually take on any of the advice you're given. As I've said before, it's very clear to me that you struggle to interpret what are pretty basic social interactions for most people and then can't understand why people react to your actions and behaviour the way they do.

Without wishing to make any assumptions or diagnoses, I do think it would be worth your while exploring why this is with a professional.

I could go on.

Dude, you've been posting this sort of stuff since 2021. Genuinely, what advice do you think people can give you now that you haven't already heard a million times??? Please, please, please go and speak to a professional, otherwise you're going to be posting the same stuff (and ignoring the same advice) in another 4 years. I mean that in the kindest of ways, genuinely.

kirving

I've visited China for work (engineer) and would love to work there for a short period - but I wouldn't want to be a teacher there TBH.

Also been to Vietnam on holiday, and have friends who teach there for the past few years (professional teachers), and I'd choose Vietnam every time. Easier language (to navigate at least, more western, closer to Thailand, etc. for holidays).

Really though, you're not going to find the solution on Boards. I see some of my own traits and worried in your posts, and my advice is to speak to a professional about the lack of direction - and I don't mean a Life Coach.

Deeper Blue

OP what happened to your idea of doing a plumbing apprenticeship? Did you investigate that further? TEFL is (imo) a bit of a dead end, I'd do something that'll give you a long term career. Just my opinion.

witchgirl26

OP I don't understand the radical change you feel you need. You don't like your job so you're going to move to the other side of the world & do something completely different? Have you explored using your qualification & experience to get something different here? You probably have a lot of transferable skills to other roles but the only way you're going to know if you'll get them is by applying for them.

From talking to friends who went off teaching English in many places around the world, it's fine for a year, maybe 2, but after that if you want to stay there, you start looking for something else to do or you end up coming back to Ireland & starting again at a career but a few years older without those years in relevant experience. All I'm saying is don't be looking short term on this but a little longer as well. Have you ever looked at doing a 5 or 10 year plan for yourself? I don't mean everything decided but a basic idea of where you want to be in life & career/job wise in each. Might give you a starting point as to where to go next.

Tork

Before I even opened this thread, I had a pretty good idea what I was going to read. My first question is - have you taken any meaningful steps to try to get to the bottom of why you are the way you are? I've been reading and replying to your threads for some time now, but nothing seems to have changed. Even if you quit your current job, found somewhere nicer to live or moved abroad, you'd still be no happier than you are now. Guaranteed. There's some sort of restlessness in you, which is forever wanting to run away or looking at the next shiny thing. Yet at the same time, you've got regrets over what you didn't do, even though you could have. Trying to save your hair is one example. Choosing to live in a particularly crummy house-share is another. Already, there are people asking you what you did when you had your other ideas. It's a good question.

Much as you dislike your current job, your current ideas don't make much sense either. You don't seem to have the temperament to work in a factory, and it'd likely drive you insane. TEFL isn't a long-term option either. Both are versions of your innate instinct to run away and of your belief that a change of scenery will solve your problems. Neither will.

As I have mentioned previously, you need professional help. Talk to your GP and see where to go from there. Otherwise, you will be in the very same boat for years to come and will be no happier than you are now.

zoobizoo

I did a TEFL when I was running away in my mid 20s… never used it.

Ran away from a job I hated - it was a perfectly fine job but one I wasn't suited to. I blamed the job, but in retrospect, numbers weren't for me and had I spoken to a professional back then, I might have discovered a career that was better suited to me. I was blaming the boss, the clients, the manager, the industry, the injustice of capitalism, society, the world..... sound familiar?

Back then I had 3 friends who all had hair who lost it by their early 30s. It didn't stop them from pulling (very successfully) and then getting married.

As has been suggested before in other threads, and in this one, get yourself some professional help from a decent Psychologist.

They can help you through this.

nearby_cheetah

To be fair to the OP, a lot of the negativity in his life does come from the way society has gone and it is impacting people his age.

Unable to afford a decent place.
Getting nowhere on Tinder.

If he had a decent place to live by himself or other one/two people, his living standards would be better. If that Tinder bullsh1t was not a thing, people would be out more and will to engage with strangers more.

Those of us who where that age in the early 2000s have fond memories of cheap-ish accommodation, packed bars and nightclubs, plenty of flirting and sexual innuendo, plenty of pints and plenty of riding.

All that has been taken away from people the OP's age.

LambshankRedemption

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123033627#Comment_123033627

I was in China for a month a few years ago and found the people exceptionally friendly and welcoming. That being said, it was at times a bit Alien. Having lived abroad before, it certainly would not be my choice for my first living abroad experience. My advice would be central or Eastern Europe. If it all goes tits up you are a Ryanair flight from home where the flight might cost less than the train home to Galway. I was in Poznan(Poland) back in September and had a fantastic time.

Field east

I know a few people who went overseas - especially in a voluntary capacity to solve similar problems and they came back worse off, more mixed up, etc. If you do go overseas then keep it ‘ local eg Uk, Spain , France so that you are not too far away and there will be a lot of English speakers there- including some Irish.

So, two suggestions AND in order of priority-

ONE - get professional help that is appropriate

two - consider doing some voluntary work - Meals on wheels, a committee member of some voluntary group, etc. This might ‘ take you out of yourself’ , deflect you from your predicament for a while, meet a new set of people, see how the other half lives- depending on what group you join.

HildaOgdenx

Mod - Post deleted.

As per the charter:

Do not post links to/embed videos, they are banned in this forum.

charlessmith22

You're very negative OP, obviously that's a side effect of being unhappy but that's the biggest issue with your efforts with women. I know plenty of bald men that have got on grand with women, I also know some that haven't and they're the ones that are hung up about their baldness. Attitude and confidence is everything.

By all means go abroad and have adventures, I wouldn't recommend any irish young person to stay there to be honest, but it feels like you're running from yourself and you won't find happiness in another place until you deal with your issues.

Wanderer78

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/123052304#Comment_123052304

never underestimate how serious balding can damage a persons self confidence, but i have also seen lads fully embracing it, and never looking back, takes a while to get there emotionally though….

id always recommend checking in with a life coach or even a therapist, to try trash out options, as the op certainly has many, traveling would definitely be a great option, but with careful planning, china sounds exciting, but could also be very overwhelming, as its a major culture shock, which can be both good and bad, depending on the person and where theyre at

id go with the moving abroad op, and worrying about later life issues, later in life, by the time you get into your 30's and 40's, you ll probably be knee deep in normal adult stuff of mortgages and kids, and kicking yourself if you didnt try traveling first