School bullying

terryduff12

My son is 12 shy enough gets on with most of the lads in class half 11 today one of them pulled his pants down in front of the class as teacher was out. So got his pants and underwear up quick and went and got the teacher.

They were brought to the principals office where its seems to be downplayed where the lad that did it is a nice boy who helps out and more or less no harm. I'm fuming was told at school that a incident happened and principal delt with it so only got the story when we got home as others where in the car. Rang the school but since its Easter holidays everyone gone home.

Obviously they didn't want any drama before the holidays. I left a message on the school answering machine to call me back guess it won't be for 2 weeks. Surely I should have been called and told what happened and what's been done and going to be done. If my son had did it to a girl would this be the same outcome or would the guards be at my door.

Wondering should I give the principal an earful like what if it was recorded what then.

ebbsy

I think you should deal with this matter as the school did not do a good job dealing with it.

whelan2

I t happened in the school so school should deal with it. Do not approach the parents

Princess Calla

I'd be livid myself and yes I suspect if it happened to one of the girls it would have been handled differently. Which is unacceptable.

I agree with you that they didn't want the hassle coming into the Easter holidays, which now means it's hanging over your head, which is also not fair.

However what would be your ideal outcome? I do agree they should have informed you, but what punishment would you like the other child to receive? It is a tough one, cos on one hand you could say it's a silly prank but on the other hand it is verging into sexual assault territory and humiliating for your son.

I know if it was me , I'd be bulling for the whole Easter break which is absolutely futile and a waste of time and energy.

I think maybe see what replies you get here, give it 24 hrs sit down and write what you want to say to the school , what outcomes you want, what safeguards and assurances you want for this not to happen again. Then park it and enjoy the Easter break. Arrange a meeting with the school when it reopens.

baldbear

Hopefully for your son after the Easter holidays the other kids will have forgotten about it and he doesn't have to face any slagging.

Surely the principal contacted the other boys parents?

Treppen

I think stuff like that doesn't just happen as a once off. Ask your son what the general atmosphere is like every day.

I heard of a bullying case recently, the child and parents didn't realise actually how toxic the whole school atmosphere was until he was placed in a new school.

I'm not suggesting that he be taken out but I would try and make 'soft enquiries' from other parents about other student's experiences. Other students might be experiencing bullying but not say anything to parents as 'its normal for boys to have a bit of rough play'. This might be a good opportunity to engage parents and get them to ask their children how things are in general (maybe without bringing up the incident). Not your job to be doing this to random parents you mightn't really know, but it might be one pro-active route you could take.

Then when you do meet the principal you might have other incidents to report, a principal will take it more seriously if there's more than one parent engaged in the issue!

Sometimes students think that a toxic environment and daily bullying is "normal" if that's all they see every day.

Or maybe it was just a once off.

yourdeadwright

Its not nice & obviously as a parent you never want to hear these things & you certainly don't want it to happen again

I think you should 100% chat to your son & find out the atmosphere & context, was it bullying to make fun of him or was it two kids messing with each other & one wen too far, be careful you don't want to over react ( im not saying you are) but it may have been harmless act & kids just messing about ,

In my opinion the best outcome for you own son is firstly this doesn't happen again & secondly that all the other kids all just forget about it, You don't want to make a "Big deal" out of it to everyone else, if you get what im saying , As it could effect your kid wit the class mates going forward,

I'd speak to your son & also his teacher , The teacher will know if its a nasty "bullying " thing or if it was a once off kids getting out of hand ,

I hope your sons ok

Treppen

I'm not so sure the class teacher would be the best avenue, I'd go for the year head first.

Princess Calla

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121927413#Comment_121927413

I presumed at 12 the child was primary school.

Thinking about it, if secondary school I'd be even more livid as they certainly should know better, if secondary school I do think it brings it to another level.

I do agree with a PP that suggested asking other parents..if you are friendly with them, just low key have they heard anything in general about the class antics, don't need to mention what happened your son.

I do think pulling pants down is an escalation of something though....I would have thought going straight to that from "good" behaviour would be a leap.

Plus in my own school experience it was often the "volunteering students" aka lickarses that were the most lethal and conniving.

terryduff12

So I hadn't heard anything for about 2 hours from the primary school I consultated a cousin who's a parent and his advice was aligned with mine to contact the guards and get some info on what to do.

I wouldn't have went down this road if i was contacted by the school. And wasn't going to wait 2 weeks as my head would have been wrecked. The guard was good and asked did I get in contact with anyone but told him school was closed for the Easter and no answer from it. He asked for the principals name and name of the school and my name and number and he would try and get in contact with him.

15 minutes later the principal rang I got a phone call from the garda I believe you would looking to talk to me he said. So I kept my cool and explained what happened and no word from the school. He said did the teacher not tell you what happened. I said I was told an incident happened but I would have expected a phone call or face to face about it. He didn't really answer that just went on about how he doesn't think that the boy did it that there was another involved how his a good boy and he wouldn't have expected him to do it. My son had told me he and 1 or 2 others are at the same last few weeks trying to pull others pants down obviously for the craic, Oh I didn't know that but more or less went on about after the holidays it will be discussed more at school.

Now there's a group of the boys who have been taking the piss over the years this lad would be of this group, several teachers have mentioned it to us over the years yet they have done nothing about them. The only teacher to put them in their place and not take anything from them was last year's male teacher. One of the parents was complaining he was to strict yet my son and rest loved him thought he was great.

The principal was kinda heading down the route of what brought this poor lad to do this to my son I'm like wtf is he on about. I brought up about mobile and recording we don't allow phones in school that's all well and good but you don't know if anyone has 1 with them. So we left it that it will be investigated when they get back after holidays.

What outcome would I like at the very least a suspension I would think maybe a week or couple of days, Has to be some kind of punishment its not the eightys. My son seems to be fine not impressed he said I was gonna get him back and do it to him but we agreed not a good idea. So I guess we'll have to wait and see what's the outcome in this. Thanks for the responses to my rant.

whelan2

I doubt there will be a suspension , unfortunately these things should be dealt with appropriately at the time not over 2 weeks later. Had a child bitten on the face on a similar date, school said they would tell the parents but both the kids will have moved on by the time they come back after easter. No point dragging it back up, which in hindsight was right. You can either mull over it for over 2 weeks or try and move on

Treppen

Was it yard time? Maybe the school need to crack down a bit on the supervision.

Teachers should be 'eyes on the crowd' as much as possible. Maybe it's lax and teachers allow lord of the flies during lunch.

I hesitate from demanding specific retribution like "I want that child suspended". That's definitely not going to happen. It takes a lot to suspend a primary school child, that would stay in the local news machine for years... Decades.

terryduff12

If it was fighting or something like that i wouldn't mind, it should have been dealt with more professionally. The school is supposed to be a safe place this kind of behavior i don't believe is acceptable, My son has been told to respect others and no to be doing this kind of messing.

If my son had done it to a girl or someone from another country would it be treated the same way i highly doubt it. Happened in the class i asked was there not someone around he said that since their in sixth class there responsible enough to be on their own for short periods, i laughed when i heard that.

Good few of the teachers had said at parent teacher meetings these lads are the talk of the canteen so its not like its not know they are a rowdy bunch.

whelan2

Look when you talk to the school you are only concerned for your child. This is obviously your first dealing with bullies , there are protocols to follow and tbh I wouldn't have gone to the guards so soon after the incident

terryduff12

I asked the guards for advice I didn't place a complaint. If the principal had a bit of cop on I wouldn't have needed to.

Princess Calla

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121930810#Comment_121930810

Yeah but the guard acted on the details you have him.

If you just wanted advice you could have refused to give name of school etc. just say you want to get ducks in a row etc.

I think the principal has a vested interest in this child, probably mates with parents or similar.

The situation has escalated fairly quickly now. On the plus side I'd say you've ruined the principals break as much as he's ruined yours.

If you know names of kids that were victims/almost victims it would probably be an idea to discuss with their parents....you'll get further with a few parents saying it's unacceptable and want action.

However there would also be a part of me being mindful of what secondary school they are all going to....your son may have to deal with these boys for next 6 years.

terryduff12

I know the parents it would be up to them to come and talk if they wanted, think that would be messy doing it outside of the school. They're going to different secondary schools so I doubt they will mix again but they might see each other in town.

whelan2

Never ever approach the parents or the child .

Ezeoul

There is a name for this, its called "pantsing" and has been going on since I was at school.

It's very humiliating for the victim, and I feel sorry for your son. I would push for the lad that did it to be suspended for a short time, to get a message across that it is not acceptable.

If your son uses social media, check that it doesn't show up on whatsapp anything like that.

Treppen

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121931125#Comment_121931125

They're not going to suspend a primary school kid in 6th class (especially not because another parent requests it).

That suspension reputation will follow them into secondary, plus it's very difficult to suspend a kid these days.

ottolwinner

the school should have a anti bullying policy and code of conduct. The steps taken if incidents occur outlined etc. check their website or request it.

delboythedub

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058342958/school-bullying

some school principles are not great sorting these situations at all is my experience , in nearest school small boy kicking both boys and girls between the legs . this chap did this to my friends little 10 year old girl who became very withdrawn and when he found out through a 3rd party this problem was rectified in less than 90 seconds after he marched in through the front door of this school and had a one way chat with this young man in his classroom . Another friend whose young lad was being bullied by another kid in the other school down the road ended up getting his son private defence lessons and when he defended himself in the school against this bully he and not the bully was suspended for a week. friend transferred him to new school and he is doing well in his new school. PS this bullies school teacher is my brother in law,

Blind As A Bat

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121927251#Comment_121927251

As a primary school teacher myself I would say that the OP should most definitely NOT approach other parents looking for here-say evidence to bolster her case. She should stick to the facts of her own child and the incident that occurred. Nor should she approach the other child's parents.

Bullying is a persistent targeting of somebody, not an isolated incident. This may well have been a bit of over-excitement and a kid just losing the run of himself with the holidays approaching. He may even have been dared to do it by another kid.

I would say that more than an issue with bullying, this is an issue of poor management by the Principal. Regardless of whether the holidays were approaching, the Principal should have informed the mother directly. However, the OP can't assume that the mother of the culprit wasn't informed for example by telephone.

The best thing is for the OP to wait until after the holidays and have a word with the class teacher first and ask for a meeting between herself, teacher, and Principal in order to see whether there are any issues between this boy and her son or whether there may be a third party who was egging him on. She can also then say that she wants a reassurance that the other boy's parents have been informed and warned that this kind of behaviour is totally unacceptable.

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121931125#Comment_121931125

If it went up on social media, it probably technically qualifies as distributing underage porn so that would take things to a whole more serious level as regards how the powers that be are forced to deal with it

Ted222

I know it’s very upsetting for parents to hear stories like this brought home but kids normally have a way of getting past these issues themselves without parental involvement. They’re much more resilient than parents think.

This isn’t bullying. It’s an isolated incident. It’s way over the top imho to get the Gardai involved and this bit is what is likely to be remembered.

A regular school prank is now being characterised as sexual assault with a potential to become porn. For god’s sake, can people just have a bit of perspective.

Who in their right mind would be a school principal if every minor lapse of judgement warrants a phone call from the Gardai.

terryduff12

A regular school prank, guess my son will have to apologise for his genitals being on show. I can give him the go ahead to do what he wanted to do and do the same to the boy who did it to him since it just a regular thing to happen at school. Didnt know this kind if thing is normal I suppose it probably happens at work with people but since its so normal you just don't hear about it.

terryduff12

Double post

kala85

principal here is weak and to not carry out any sanction against the aggressor is absolutely shocking.

I'm absolutely fuming reading this post.

I'll have to think about what advice I'd give you,when I calm down a bit.

And for the other poster who said its a regular school prank ,that day is gone and these children are 12 years of age and should know better.

whelan2

If was the Friday of the easter holidays. What was expected of the principal? Everyone was gone home. He said he'd deal with it after Easter which to most people would be fair enough, even after hearing this, the op wasn't happy and contacted another parent and then the guards. Also posted on a public forum. If it was me, I'd be happy that the principal and teacher will keep an eye out and have words with the offender and try to let my child enjoy their last few weeks in primary school

monkeybutter

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058342958/school-bullying

Look, if it's generally a good school and a one off forget about it

If it repeats then get serious

ottolwinner

Principals role doesn’t finish at 12 or 2:30. I know teachers who would stay on late to ensure incidences nothing of this level didn’t carry into a weekend not to mention a fortnight of holidays.