Socially difficult child - age to start school

onrail

Our eldest turns 4 early April and we're considering whether to send him to School this year.

He's pretty smart - great with letters and numbers, but I have a few concerns about his social skills. From the limited interactions I've seen, he wouldn't be the most naturally friendly with other kids and can get upset pretty easily when he doesn't like an instruction or get his way.

Anyway, I suppose our default option is to hold off sending him to school to see if his social skills improve a little. Our worry with that being he might be a little advanced academically if he waits until 5. All the while his social skills mightnt improve regardless.

Any views or experiences welcome

banie01

Social skills improve thru socialising, is your child attending crèche or childcare? If they are, how are they getting on there?

funkey_monkey

What would you be doing in the intervening year to improve his social skills and would it be better than being in a class with a teacher and probably an assistant keeping an eye on things?

Is he at creche or preschool - if so how is he getting on there?

I'd be leaning towards having a chat with school about it with the intention to send him the in September.

Minier81

I would definitely wait til he is 5. As an April baby, he will be the youngest in junior infants if you send him this year. My little one is in junior infants and had just turned 5 starting, and in her class, the oldest are already turning 6. Even for a child on the border on sending them at 4 (which I would personally consider as january), it is their social skills that are the most important and not how clever they are. I don't know anyone who has regretted waiting an extra year.

onrail

Yes he's in crèche. No reports of anything out of the ordinary, maybe said to be a little immature at times.

All I know is that he has no specific friends inviting him to play or vice versa but is 'friends with everyone' any time I ask. Maybe that's normal. None of our friends, neighbours or siblings have kids of the same age, so he doesn't have any ready made friends as such.

onrail

..

endacl

Sounds like the child could use more than limited interactions?

onrail

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121790754#Comment_121790754

He's in crèche all day with other kids - it's only that I don't get to see many of his interactions

Electric Nitwit

You know better than anyone yourselves, so my main advice would be to trust your judgement

That said, our eldest was a June birthday and we waited until she was five. We're delighted we did, so I would recommend it. For starters, she adapted and integrated really well and we're not sure she would have done a year ago. Also, most of her classmates had deferred too, so she's actually not that old in the class. She's flying it academically, but it's not an issue at all, I don't think she's being held back

Minier81

I don't think you have anything to worry about. If he is in crèche then he is interacting with kids every day and playing with all of them is a good thing. You will notice big changes in maturity over the next year.

endacl

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121790771#Comment_121790771

Apologies, I misunderstood.*

* may contravene conventional anonymous online posting.**

** don’t care. It’s good to hold your hands up when you’re wrong.

Minier81

Here is a previous thread on the topic,might be worth a read, it's short

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058255951/start-school-at-4-years-old-or-5-years-old

I'd always be thinking about whether I'd want my child to be the youngest in the class starting secondary or starting college and hanging out with kids a year older than her in her teenage years.

It is a personal decision but it is worth seeing other people's considerations.

byhookorbycrook

Primary learning support teacher here. Talk to the creche, they know him well and will understand how he ready he is . As an enormously broad generalisation, boys are slower to mature socially. I'd be inclined to keep him for another year. Junior Infants is more about settling in the school routine and social development. It's quite a big leap from a small creche group to primary school with 29 other children in a room from 9-2 each day and negotiating the hustle and bustle of break times etc. If he truly is academically ahead of his peers, the teacher can differentiate for this.

ax530

Even without social difficulty, I think it would be young starting. As very few kids start at 4 now.

Even in the 5 years between my oldest and youngest notice a shift to the change of year ( if 5 by new year) rule of thumb.

Eldudeson

Another thought is to check with the school you want. We had the same question about our eldest who is an April baby but the school said that if the child isn't 4 on the 1st April, they're not eligible to start there.

It was a nice relief to have the decision taken out of our hands. 3 years later and she's flying in Senior Infants.

It's amazing how these huge decisions at the time always seem to be trivial a couple of years later!

Best of luck OP.

witchgirl26

Check in with the creche. It really depends on the individual child themselves. My son started Junior Infants last September & he won't be 5 until May. He is the youngest in his class (a couple are a fully year older than him) but he was ready on the academic side & pretty much there socially. We felt he was ready, creche thought he probably was (a few small concerns). The teacher said she was a little worried at the start because of his age but that he's doing brilliantly & she thinks we made the right call to send him when we did.

One thing we did was have the place for him & talked with the school. They said if we felt in August that he wasn't there or we had concerns about starting, we could pull out of the place as late as then & it wouldn't be held against us or anything when reapplying for the following year. I thought that was good of them & gave us a bit of breathing room to decide as a few months is a long time in their lives & the difference in him between February last year when we got the place & starting in September was mad!

Jafin

I can't speak for the socially difficult part, but I'm a June baby and my mother sent me to school when I was four. I, personally, had no issues with being the youngest all throughout school, but after I finished school my mam told me she regretted sending me when I was four because she thought I ended up going too young. It later transpired she had asked every single one of my primary school teachers to hold me back a year but they all refused.

I think it's important to take into consideration what age your son will be when he finishes school. There was no transition year in my secondary school when I was there, so I turned 17 in the middle of my leaving cert. Not saying he will also be 17 when he does the leaving cert as he may do transition year if it's offered, but even if it is offered he may not do it. I think 17 is too young for most people to go to college. The social life aspect is a big part of the college experience, and if he's 17 that's something he may not be able to partake in as much as other people due to being underage for going to pubs/clubs etc. I know it may sound stupid of me to bring up something that's 13/14 years away, but still. And of course not everyone goes to college, so that might not even be applicable if he decides not to go.

Most kids start primary school at age five these days from what I've seen, so it might be a good idea to hold off another year and send him next year.

Milly33

As most have said trust your own instincts and maybe ask in Creche...

Would be in the same boat as you with both kids, not many friends bar the kids they went to playschool with and that saying they saw them at school really that was it.. We had the youngest during Covid so met up with no-one. He is 5 in Oct and going to start him in school and see how it goes.. He does get quite shy but I think it will be good for him to meet new faces and to socialise. If it does'nt we were thinking we just take him out and start next year..

crusd

You wont regret holding him for another year but you might regret sending him too early. Eldest was February and didn't send until they were 5 as even thought he was well able for it intellectually socially he had a bit to go. In that year he developed massively hit the ground running in Juniors and quickly built a circle of friends quite quickly. There are kids in the class more than a year younger and you can see the difference in them. They are by and large catching up, but it seems to have been a harder road. Now in third class

miamee

One of my nephews is similar OP, his birthday is end of March so he could have started Junior Infants last September aged 4 and a half but my sister felt he wasn't ready. He has an older brother and going to playschool was the first time he'd been anywhere without him and he struggled to socialise by himself. He cried a lot going in and didn't make friends quickly at the start. After a week or so she asked him had he talked to anyone today when she collected him. The teacher asked him to do something and he said "Ok" that was it! 😭

He is in the middle of a second year of playschool now and to be honest it has done him the world of good as far as socialising and growing goes. He's now in a little group of four friends who are regularly getting in trouble in playschool for wrestling 😂 I think they are all the same age as him and more than ready for big school, they are probably getting bored of playschool now but I'm just illustrating that the year has made a huge difference for him. He'll be 5 and a half starting in September and he'll be well ready for it by then. Best of luck with your little guy :)

raclle

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121790720#Comment_121790720

How can you be immature at 4yrs of age?

scarepanda

I have an April baby, she'll be 5 this year. Socially and academically she would have been fit for school last September but it wasn't a consideration to send her. 5 is time enough to start imo. I think being socially fit for school is better than academically as in JI There's a fair bit of time spent getting all the kids from different pre schools etc up to a basic standard and the teachers will give academically ahead students more work to keep them busy if needed. At least that's my experience - my oldest is an august baby and you couldn't keep her in books. All of her teachers have provided extra reading homework for her so far, including her JI teacher once they got going with reading.

Also, as others have said you need to give real consideration to the opposite end of school, leaving cert and further education. My birthday is in April and I started school at 4.5 when that was the norm. I didn't do TY because I wanted to get the hell out of school as quick as possible. I didn't struggle academically or socially in school, but In hindsight it was hard socially being 17 and finished school. It was around the time they doubled down on u18s in pubs as well so it was a pain when all my older friends were turning 18 and I was lucky if I could blag my way in. It's only harder now as the majority will be turning 18 the year they do the LC if not 19 if they do TY.

Also, it's completely normal to not hear specific names of friends in school at that age. My oldest had a friend and they were inseparable in preschool, but we never heard about it at home through her. It was only through her teachers telling us that we found out. My youngest is friends with everyone and her best friend is whoever she happend to be sitting beside that day at lunch.

Staplor

From my experience, nobody regrets holding off another year. I know plenty who regret sending the kid younger.

I sent one at 4 and two kids at 5, there's only one decision there I ever question.

byhookorbycrook

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121791939#Comment_121791939

You can be immature for a four year old. https://www.webmd.com/parenting/4-to-5-year-old-milestones

raclle

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121794926#Comment_121794926

Ah okay I presume that was what the OP was referring to with social interactions.

rex_turner

I'd definitely recommend waiting a year. Social skills are far more important than academic skills when starting school.

Another thing to consider is if he's sporty and ends up playing team sports, if you send him early most of his school friends will end up being in a different team to him as the majority of them will have been born in the previous calendar year.

Olaz

Sent my youngest at 5 having turned 5 the previous January. Even as a primary teacher myself at the time, I was surprised that he wasn't the oldest. Four older than him, all boys. He's in the senior end now, all good. Socially and academically he would have been ready to start, maybe being the third child helped, and he had been to crèche and preschool but he just wanted to play, he just wanted to run and jump all day with him friends and be a preschooler for as long as possible. I know myself what happens when they reach Junior Infants, not as much free play and very little running and jumping! He would have been grand going at 4 and 8 months, but what's the rush!

glack

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058336971/socially-difficult-child-age-to-start-school

Infant teacher here and I will be upfront and say I think based on what you've written you would be very silly to send him this year. I find parents often concentrate on academics and put great store in knowing letters, numbers, writing name etc. While these things are great, your child's IQ/ability are not what you should be concentrating on here. Academically he will get on equally as well at any age. However, all your concerns are around social and emotional readiness. These are the children who struggle the most if they go to school too soon. I have taught many children who are academically very bright and advanced but who cannot share, cannot manage when they don't get their own way, cannot engage in meaningful play, cannot take turns, cannot sit still and pay attention etc. and they really struggle. You need to think about not just how he will manage in junior infants but if he is still immature for his class in senior infants, first class, sixth class and into secondary school you could really regret it.

I would also say, in very general terms, younger boys tend to struggle more emotionally than younger girls. If he was in my class this year he would be the youngest by a month a least. And if you kept him to the following year he probably wouldn't be the oldest. I have a few who are already 6 at this stage in the year.

Talk to the preschool teacher also, this may or may not be the person you see at drop off/collection time. Ask how he manages in organised activities/group/story times. Also talk to your school, ask what is normal age wise in your school. It is enrolment season (our enrolment is closed already) and he may not get a place if he is too young (most schools now prioritise older children for places if they are oversubscribed).

shesty

No, I wouldn't.My second is an April baby, she started after she turned 5.She is in first class now and is turning 8 in a few weeks....and so are the majority of her class.There is one child turning 7 in March, and she is the youngest in the class by a number of months.The 2 ECCE years mean many kids are 5 or just about 5 (as in Sept/Oct/Nov babies) going into JI.

If you have doubts, I would certainly wait.He won't be outside the norm in the JI class, he'll likely be right in the middle.And it catches up eventually - he might be academically able going in, but if he is in a room of kids 12 months and more older than him, he will feel it.