Asked to move seats

cloudatlas

I started a new job and I was put at a desk beside a very childish, hyperactive colleague who kept trying to befriend me, pressurise me to go places with them outside of work and involve them in my private life. Also she was constantly commenting on my demeanour 'you look stressed' 'you look tired'. I eventually asked her to stop but she got upset and pouted whilst crying out 'how will you know that I care about you!'. She had also declared that we were going to go out for tea after I had said no several times. Even stating that I didn't like 'insert whatever she suggested'.

I approached my manager and told her that she was 'disrupting my work' (that's all I said) my manager was sympathetic. Despite there being free places in the office that I couldn't move as those desks were allocated to different teams. Their response was to tell me to work from home two days a week i.e. it's my problem and I just shouldn't be there. I chose two days that she was in the office so I only had one day beside this person. It's obvious that they told her and she is offended by the whole thing. Now we don't speak to each other at all which is awkward but preferable to before. She has also complained about me to other members of staff. I overheard her complaining to one of the managers that I was in the office one day when I had a doctors appointment nearby when I should have been working from home. Her old manager is giving me the stink eye. If she gets up out of her chair to go to bother someone I look up and see her watching me, similarly in the break room she will look over at me. She behaves in a childish way, drawing cartoons, speaking in a childish voice, her email photo is of her as a child, she has cuddly toys on her desk. This is a grown woman of 32. She's creepy, I just want to get the eff away from her to be honest. All my other colleagues sit beside other people who are considerate. Our job requires concentration. I believe management were aware of her behaviour before I was hired as she was working there before just in a different part of the floor.

Is there anything else I can do?

con747

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058336640/asked-to-move-seats

You already opened a thread about this. I knew it sounded familiar, did you not get advice there? https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121491523#Comment_121491523

cloudatlas

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121781083#Comment_121781083

I guess the advice was just suck it up but I feel the situation has changed with her making complaints to other members of staff.

Mrs OBumble

Look for a new job.

Ash.J.Williams

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058336640/asked-to-move-seats

Do you have issues like this regularly?

Looks like you made a massive impact on your office , I wouldn't hang anyone myself for at least 6 months

mmrs

I think you've made things worse yourself here. I would not be impressed with a new staff member complaining about another like that.

Surely you've experience dealing with awkward colleagues. Maybe this lady has a hidden disability that her managers are aware of and you just complained about her.

Keep the head down now is all I can advise.

cloudatlas

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121781811#Comment_121781811

No idea what you mean.

Ash.J.Williams

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121781934#Comment_121781934

You said in the op it's a new job , then you go onto describing your arrival in the office like a wrecking ball , how long have you been there ?

You can't just start a job and then behave like a loon complaing about people

cloudatlas

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121781899#Comment_121781899

Actually my manager was sympathetic and said that she understood as she had once faced a similar situation and she would ask upper management. Upper management came back and said they do not have a free desk allocated to this team but I can see unused desks available that have nobody around the office. My manager sits quite close to this person and partially knows what the story is for sure. It was no surprise.

If she has a hidden disability then it's absolutely none of my business. My complaint was legitimate she was constantly talking and seeking attention from me and was disrupting my work. The job that we do involves a lot of concentration as it involves attention to detail. I'm literally just trying to do my job and have professional relationships with folks. I did not make it personal, it was about my work. The fact that she ignored my clear 'no' and 'stop it' on several occasions was becoming personally disturbing though. I suffer from anxiety and to be sitting next to someone that unpredictable and strange has severely impacted my feelings about coming to work in the morning. I was starting to dread dealing with her and her overly emotional attachment to me. I just found this job after leaving my last place of work, it was hard to get this job. I was simply wondering if anyone else has dealt with the same situation before.

Ash.J.Williams

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121781978#Comment_121781978

Never , and I would never ask to move desk for this reason, you're a button pusher

cloudatlas

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121781986#Comment_121781986

It was disrupting my work. Another member of staff should not be actively preventing you from doing your work, constantly chatting, crying out and seeking attention. My manager was very sympathetic and even said that she had faced a similar situation in the past. It's not unheard of in the work place. You sound like your employer has you brainwashed into a drone. Best of luck.

Ash.J.Williams

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121781996#Comment_121781996

Ah we get there eventually, the issue is between your seat and the keyboard

cloudatlas

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121782019#Comment_121782019

Ah jog on mate, your replies aren't helpful.

_H80_GHT

I'm gonna say what most of us are thinking. We're glad we don't work with either you or the chatterbox.

cloudatlas

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121782037#Comment_121782037

How are these comments helpful?

_H80_GHT

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121782063#Comment_121782063

You've opened two threads on this issue (which you handled horribly) now.

What more do you want exactly?

You've been reasonably accommodated. You have to work beside her one day a week.

We all have to work with people we dislike or that annoy us, it's an unfortunate reality of life. As for colleagues talking behind each other's back, there's not a single workplace that has ever existed where this does not happen. You could be the nicest person in human history and people will chatter behind your back.

cloudatlas

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121782077#Comment_121782077

How have I handled it horribly?

_H80_GHT

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121782083#Comment_121782083

That was already addressed in your first thread.

cloudatlas

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121782081#Comment_121782081

People on here work in a lot of toxic work environments phew.

cloudatlas

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121782091#Comment_121782091

The advice in the first thread was to go to management which I did, I didn't follow the advice to the T though I addressed it more gentler.

the14thwarrior

the only person who can solve your issue is you. Management are not going to change your seat; they have their reasons. Your own manager is aware of what this person is like, and BTW may not be as bad as you perceive them to be, so it's important that context and all parties personalities are taken in account.

grow a pair, and deal with it yourself. its sounds like you are a five year old coming home to mommy tattling on the play ground friends. seriously! you want advice.......... try the following:

do not answer

do not acknowledge

put a pair of headphones on (don't have to have the music on)

smile and say I prefer not to be distracted in work

nod and smile and say I need to concentrate

ignore them

ask yourself are you being aPri&k when someone is just being friendly

stop making it sound like it's worse....dreading it..... overly emotionally....making you not do your work? no one is that powerful that management would not find a way to get rid of someone who is actively trying to stop someone else form working

practise a little kindness

cloudatlas

Bovine and led by the nose.

mmrs

Resilience. Learn to live with it. What you're describing is annoying but feck sake it's not that bad.

Use this as an opportunity for you to learn how to work alongside difficult colleagues. This lady will not be the last difficult colleague you will have to put up with in your career.

Wanderer2010

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121781121#Comment_121781121

Thats your default stock advice for absolutely everything work related. Every single job has negatives but without fail, anytime somebody is looking for advice on heavy workloads, bullying, training, managers etc your predictable response is "Look for a new job".

You must have worked in a million places if you jumped ship everytime there was an issue. Where did you eventually land and let us know this utopian perfect workplace.

RacoonQueen

Have had similar situations before - in one case the person sitting between us actually asked for the person to be moved as they were very disruptive (they were moved a few weeks later - weren't on our team anyway and the company was able to cover it up by moving them to sit with their actual team)

In another, I expressed my difficulties dealing with that persons personality and their interference in my work to our manager, who was well aware of how this person behaved - they were regulary undermining our manager. I ended up just stonewalling this person where relevant without impacting required communication to get work done. This did get them to stop interfering in my work/team and undermining me.

If someone is disrupting your work or creeping you out, you have every right to ask for support from your manager. I think the company dealt with this badly to be honest.

Your best bet is to now speak to this person and just explain that you are a private person and don't like to socialise with work colleagues but you appreciate her attempts to welcome you to the company and make you feel part of things but you would like to just settle into your job and focus on your work. She sounds like she can't read social queues, so you should talk to her and make things very clear. Ask her would she mind keeping the small talk to a minumum at the desks as you find small talk uncomfortable or something.

Personally, I would have no issue with one of my direct reports coming to me with an issue like this and I would do what ever I could to rectify the situation. I want my team to be comfortable in their work environment and it is my job to ensure they support this.

Flinty997

A lot of posts on this thread break the forum charter.

Some odd workplace that prefers to have a staff member constantly distracted rather than simply move them to a different seat when seats are available. Rules for rules sake.

If the seats are allocated by team can you switch team. If not switch job. Because if culture is to not help you in this situation, they won't help in anything going forward.

Mrs OBumble

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121783189#Comment_121783189

There is no reason for an adult to keep working in a place where they are unhappy.

Big Bag of Chips

You clearly don't like this person. Some of the things you have mentioned are irrelevant to your job. Cuddly toys on her desk, her email profile photo. She sounds immature. But working in an open plan office environment you are more than likely going to have to tolerate people you otherwise wouldn't interact with.

You've been offered a solution by management. If you can't move to one of the other desks, then they can't move her either. I agree with the suggestion of earphones. Completely ignore her. Answer only work related issues. Colleagues talk about colleagues. Everywhere. Colleagues especially talking about colleagues if they sense/know there has been a problem. You went to management about her. Is it not likely that management then called her in and told her she needs to be less disruptive in the office?

You are not the only person to see what she's like. So whoever she's giving out to about you are probably making sympathetic noises to her but thanking their lucky stars that they don't have to sit beside her.

Just carry on with your work now. You don't want to be friends with her, so ignoring her antics and attention seeking is unlikely to sour a nice budding friendship. Deal with her for work related queries only. We teach people how to treat us. If you keep her at arms length she will soon get the message and back off.

Tork

There's nothing you can do to turn the clock back on this. Gossipers are gonna gossipers, stink eyers are gonna stink eye. There are a lot of things we don't know about this. We don't know how you broached the topic, or how you relate to this woman. Or indeed, what's going on in the background. She might be in the office as a favour to somebody, she could be the owner's niece, she might've been taken on as some sort of HR box ticking exercise. Who knows? I think you've said enough really and there's nothing much else you can do.

If concentration is so important to you, why are you ruling headphones out? I've worked in offices where people used headphones to listen to music and it was never a problem. We'd either send emails to each other, use a chat app or simply get up and walk over to their desk. A friendly or a jokey wave or even a little dance is usually enough to get their attention. They would also be a good way of establishing a boundary between you and her. While this woman is annoying, she doesn't sound malicious. You've built her up into a monster in your head and that's something that's on you and you alone. Is she really creepy or is she just an immature annoying person who has got under your skin? I think it's the latter and may point to a general difficulty you have in dealing with people who are annoying.

Calahonda52

Is she related to any of the owners/senior managers?

RE the open post in this thread

 I was put at a desk beside a very childish, hyperactive colleague who kept trying to befriend me, pressurise me to go places with them outside of work and involve them in my private life.

This is all made up, she performs in a certain way and YOU decided what that means

What's your defn of childish, hyperactive, pressurise..

The last one points to a severe lack of basic first person skills, which is something you need to devote time to.

Too late for this advice: play simultaneously on two browsers tabs

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iKr9wZpjBqE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=C1AHec7sfZ8

Kurooi

Good pair of noise cancelling headphones would do the trick. That type likes the drama, a little grudge or an argument. Don't engage and they will find themselves a new target and move on to "more interesting" people on their own.

Well, bit too late for that now.

rdhma

Noise cancelling headphones, good ones pricey but worth it.

Flinty997

Obviously people think you should be allowed to do what you like in a professional office environment.

https://youtu.be/g2iErckaIl8?si=tKuR0rL93-ZhEq2Z

nachouser

Ah sure, there's someone in my office who occasionally sings at their desk. I'm a good 20 feet way but I can still hear it. I think covid and lockdown broke some people. But yeah, headphones.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121783454#Comment_121783454

Total and utter b*llocks.

witchgirl26

OP what is the outcome you actually want from this? You've asked to move desks & they've said no. While there might not be anyone sitting in them at the moment, if they're earmarked for other teams, then there could well be someone there in the future. Most offices try to keep teams together for ease. So I think you have to accept that a desk move isn't going to happen.

You told your boss & were allowed to wfh - this is not the boss saying you're the problem. If you were the problem, I wouldn't be having you wfh but would be keeping an eye. I would have thought offering you that was a nice thing to do considering they couldn't accommodate your desk move request.

As for the person gossiping or giving you stink eye - look you knew that she could take offence and she did. Course she's going to complain about that if she's feeling offended. Management can't give out to her for not liking you now just like they couldn't give out to you for saying no to her requests for friendship. They aren't there to get involved in the interpersonal relationships of the employees unless it's actually affecting work.

I don't understand the last point in your OP about how they knew she was like this before they hired you. Did you expect them to give you some kind of heads up that someone else (who was new enough themselves per your other post) was a bit over friendly at times? They may not have fully seen this. And would have thought a grown adult could just say no. A manager being sympathetic is not the same as a guarantee they'll bend to whatever you want.

Look we've all worked beside people we didn't like for varying reasons. Get some headphones, stick them in (even with nothing on) & get on with your work. Ignore this person & their former manager etc. Nothing to do with you.

caviardreams

If the behaviour isn't bullying or harrassment or in breach of another policy then not much you can do

if it is, then make a complaint. Tbh the other person may think the same about you (not saying you are) depending how interactions have been - Everyone has a different lens of perspective.