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Depressed wife

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    #32
    maninasia
    Registered Users Posts: 4,615 ✭✭✭maninasia


    Sensing a lack of commitment here could be the issue. Are you willing to do the hard yards for a while?

    The hard yards come up in any long term relationship. Since May is a long time, really?

    Still we aren't all built the same way to take on responsibility and commitment.

    Found it a little strange that you did not mention about asking her to quit the biz and move to Another city with you And both get jobs. It's feels like A was put forward with the situation but your actions are C not directly related to situation at hand.

    Her main problem is her work now, but there's deeper issues here if she gets sick , like really sick ,what happens then ?



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    #33
    tara73
    Registered Users Posts: 2,342 ✭✭✭tara73


    surprised nobody came up with the idea yet her having a proper chat with her dad. Working with close relatives like the parents in a family business can be a nightmare and becoming impossible. OP, did you ever talk properly with her about this? If this hasn't happened, encourage her to have a proper talk with her dad, even giving out ultimatums to him, if this and this is not changing, she will reconsider working for the family business. something like that. you didn't give proper insight what's exactly bothering her with her dad, and iwhether she ever talked to him and try to solve it. you should work together in this fmpov. But then there might be so much issues with yourself going on OP, that it's actually hard for us 'outsiders' to give hands on advice. I think you need to clarify a lot of things here, otherwise every advice is just guesswork and could be overlooking the real issues.



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    #34
    HalloweenJack
    Registered Users Posts: 7,056 ✭✭✭HalloweenJack


    I have suggested she leave the place and go somewhere else. She's mentioned this before, she regrets moving back home after college and not travelling around like her friends or I did. I encourage the idea but she never goes any further with it.

    She has expressed her frustration directly to her father before. He usually gets angry and storms off before calming down a bit and making some compromise but it never lasts. I listen to her when she complains about him but I don't want to bring it up unprovoked. She's well aware of that situation. I don't think it'd help for me to be nagging her about it and I don't want to cause a rift between her and her family.

    I don't think this'd be the same as if she were sick, tbh, though I understand why people would think that. I really don't believe I would react similarly.

    Another posted mentioned me disapproving of her social media use. She will look at her phone for long spells, just flicking through reels. She learns a lot but I think there is the problematic side of social media where people are most of the time showing their best side and how great life is, something that can't be good if you're already feeling down about your own situation.

    I'm aware my own struggles with my work situation, which we have talked about, might be making her feel worse but its not intentional on my part. I also want to be honest with her about it.



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    #35
    NeutralHandle
    Registered Users Posts: 136 ✭✭NeutralHandle



    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121777120#Comment_121777120

    Depression is a serious mental illness. If she is depressed then she is sick.



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    #36
    Ezeoul
    Registered Users Posts: 2,082 ✭✭✭Ezeoul


    OP, when she said "even if you have to leave" was she talking about you leaving her, or leaving your current employment / where you live now?

    Because when I read that, I took it to mean you would leave current job / move location, not leave her?

    Do you still love her?



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    #37
    freedom2024
    Registered Users Posts: 4 ✭freedom2024


    The only way you're both going to get out of this together is by her leaving her family business. I have been in the same position myself, expected to take on a very significant role and was just utterly miserable due to the complete lack of boundaries due to it being a parent passing down their role onto me. She is absolutely miserable and you need to encourage her to go in her own direction and support her in every way to do that if you want things to work out between you. I had/have all the trappings just like she (and you have) has but in terms of personal autonomy and from what you have described her father is like, it's just not worth it and will destroy your and her life in the end. If you love her and want to stay with her and build a life together without her family and all the trappings of her family's wealth and are also in a position to create a good life together then encourage her to leave. If her family are so shocked by this that they will negotiate terms and conditions then make sure that she gets what she wants will suit both of you also. Otherwise leave.. preferably both of you, together.



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