Life as a failure, lost family, friends, sleep because of my rental status

notAMember

Come on man… your fantasy is a German car in the driveway of a posh house! Possessions, stuff, consumption and consumerism. it’s the path to misery. I actually think you need some kind of priest.

Your sister is never going to congratulate you for buying something. Irish siblings usually slag about everything possible. Whatever you do, it’s already wrong .

I work, rent (not in Ireland) and don’t own any car. I don’t need those things. I rent a car if I need one. Do I think anyone looks down on me? No! And if they did, who cares? I could equally judge them for being utterly vapid, chained to bricks and mortar. It’s a cultural hangover that some Irish still have from our history of occupation. I rent an apartment that suits my needs now and can change country or size up or down as I need. I have Flexibility and freedom. I’m not spending my weekends cleaning gutters or painting the kitchen. Sod that. I’m off to see something interesting and have fun.

Switch your thinking. You don’t need stuff. You’ll be so much happier if you can let it go.

iniscealtra

@dubrov Totally agree with your post.

I’m ten years older than you. I earn a little more and don’t live in Dublin as I am not from there m. Families have hopes for their kids. They would like them to live nearby. I don’t. They would like them to have a nicer house than they do. I don’t. They would like to have a heap of grandkids. I don’t. My sibling has had it easier than me financially. Such is life. There are many things we cannot control. However I am very happy with my life choices and i am happy for my sibling. Its about how one looks at life.

My advice is enjoy your relationship with your Dad and don’t push him to get involved between him and your sister. Ye are adults. People have different opinions. Ye don’t have to agree. Get on with your own life .

HalloweenJack

OP, you've posted several times before and got lots of advice but you keep coming back which leads me to believe you aren't taking any advice on board.

Honestly, you need to move on from this obsession of owning a house and need for your sister's approval. I'm a few years older than you and I don't own a house and can't see that changing for the foreseeable future. Of people my age, I know more renting or living at home than those who own their own place. Career-wise, a lot of them haven't had it as easy as previous generations. Those of us who came of age after the recession have it tough. It's not fair but it is what it is. You even acknowledge this yourself in one of your posts. A lot of people who came of age post-2008 are going to struggle buying a house and those coming behind us, even more so.

I haven't met many people like your sister in life, though any I have overwhelmingly come from older generations. People under the age of forty tend to recognise how much society has changed and how difficult it is to have the kind of life we were told we could have in the Celtic Tiger years.

I have had run-ins before with my step-father who has a similar attitude to your sister. He simply refuses to believe that things are any different from his day (early 80s in Australia). There is nothing you can say to change his mind on the matter. So, for my own piece of mind, I just avoid the topic with him and remind myself that I don't need his approval. Why would I want approval from someone so materialistic, stubborn and unsympathetic? That's not the kind of person I want to be so why get stressed over it?

You need to approach your sister similarly. As sad as it is, continuing this relationship in this manner is having a detrimental effect on you. Why put yourself through that? Remember, the problem is all because of how she perceives you. Were you doing what you wanted in life? Were you living life for yourself? That's good and you should be grateful you had the opportunities to do that. There are millions others who will never get to do what they wanted to.

Owning a house isn't important to me; being happy is. I don't want to be tied down financially or stressing myself to death when I don't need to. I don't have kids, I don't feel the need to impress others by having the typical capitalist life. I have a steady situation for the time being and I'm going to enjoy it because when I'm on my deathbed, I'd rather think of all the time I spent enjoying myself instead of all the extra hours I worked to pay off a mortgage or how miserable I was because of other people. Life is too short to waste it on other people.

I think I've mentioned it before but I reckon you are unhappy with how your life has turned out in general and are fixating on what is the most fixable problem but you need to address all of them. If you fix your self-esteem, you'll see that you don't need validation from others. You are doing well for yourself. You have got a lot further than others in life (living on your own, working at what you like) so that is something you should feel good about.

But you clearly need to work on your own happiness. If that means moving away (which might only bring temporary relief because the underlying problems will still be there) or ignoring your sister (which is her fault because of her behaviour), then do it. You only live once and life is too short to be focusing on others. You've already wasted four years on this topic, nearly an eighth of your life!

tea and coffee

On the contrary, despite the fact that you appear to have extreme mental illness, you managed to go to college, graduate, and are now able to hold down two jobs and live independently, despite being so ill, to me speaks of success.

Clearly you are aware you're ill- the initial paragraph shows you are aware, and that you have looked for help in the past - again, something you should be proud of.

You need to go get help again, and more suitable medication.

Big Bag of Chips

Over 4 years you have received 100s of comments, assurance, advice, wise, kind words from posters and you are allowing 2 posters out of all those comments ruin your life? Everyone is entitled to their opinion. But someone's opinion doesn't have to dictate your life.

I'm sorry OP, but my Mod/Admin hat has to come on now:

I'm really not sure that allowing you to continue to post and watch you torture yourself is good for you. You need offline help. You need to stop posting negative things about yourself. I've heard the phrase "dead money" and I don't agree with it. You are paying for a service. You are paying for a roof over your head. Did your sister ever buy a takeaway? Once she eats it, it's gone. And costs significantly more than if she just cooked her own meal. That could be seen as dead money too. But it's not. Because it's buying a service.

I am going to lock this thread and again point you towards some of the organisations in that link in a post above. I also suggest you do not start any more threads on this topic anywhere on the site. They are not helping you, and indeed are adding to your anxiety and negative feelings. I'm not doing this to be cruel. I'm doing it in the hope that it stops this endless cycle you have caught yourself in. Please seek, and more importantly engage and take on board advice from a real life counsellor.

You don't have to live like this.