Sexism in Ireland

chacha11

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121603238#Comment_121603238

I've had to leave a good few hobby groups and meetup groups in Ireland purely because of how bad some of the men were. I couldn't even be around them. The things they said were so disgustinG.

These men weren't talking about wanting to have sex with women, they were joking about rape and abuse of women. This was at a social meetup in the daytimr. Would you feel comfortable sitting in a group with men who were joking about raping women. That is how bad these places are.

I've lost out on a social life because I can't go to some things in ireland because some of the men make it so bad

Deeec

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121603238#Comment_121603238

Well as a woman living in Ireland I haven't had any experiences like that myself. I find I have sensible conversations with men who value and respect my views.

I can only conclude from this post that you are absolutely gorgeous and are irresistible to men!

chacha11

I see another woman has come on here and said that she agrees that there is sexism against women in Ireland.

Do any men on here think that there is sexism against women in Ireland?

gormdubhgorm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121602896#Comment_121602896

Yeah mistress and the like is culturally acceptable in those countries.

gormdubhgorm

I have a question for the the OP (I assume it is a she) -

1) What industry does she work in?

2) Why does she not report her work colleagues to HR? - there are no doubt robust mechanisms and workplace legislation for this type of thing

chacha11

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121603283#Comment_121603283

My work colleagues in my current job are fine.

I was replying to the man who said that i should choose the men I'm around more carefully.

I pointed out that doesn't make sense as we don't get to choose most of the men that we are around in life.

We don't get to choose the men we work with.

We don't get to choose the men that go to any social club that we want to join: for example book clubs, choirs, social groups.

You can't just choose which men you want to be around in life.

gormdubhgorm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121603309#Comment_121603309

I think you need to learn quick sharp comebacks - the type that give abuse like you are talking about would not be able for it, if done correctly. Turn the tables.

chacha11

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121603269#Comment_121603269

It absolutely nothing to do with me being gorgeous.

As I have overheard men say awful sexist things about other women, while I was there

In fact I left one social group that I went to in Ireland, because I overheard two of the men talking about another woman that was in the grouo. They were joking that he should get her very drunk and then bring her back to his house and remember if she says no, it means yes.

I couldn't stomach being around those guys and I left that social group. I did report that conversation to the group leader. I don't think anything was done

chacha11

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121603323#Comment_121603323

Or maybe those men who do, should stop sexually harassing women.

And maybe more training should be put in place to get men to respect women.

I often feel like some of the men in ireland who don't like what's going on, still don't stand up to the men who do these things, for fear of being seen as less of a man. Or that the men will then bully them.

I've seen sexual harassment of women in loads of places in Ireland. I've yet to see any man in any place say to these other men that they are wrong.

Its like a culture of fear

chacha11

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121603233#Comment_121603233

Thank you. Well said.

chacha11

I've still yet to see one male poster say on here that yes there is sexism in Ireland. Let alone what we can do to improve it.

I can't understand that. I really can't.

I'm white. Black people have come to me and told me that they experience racism in ireland.

Of course racism exists in Ireland. I know that. How do I know that. Because many black people have told me that. Because Facebook pages exist where black people talk about racism they experience in Ireland. Racism doesn't happen to me . Yet I know it happens. And I wouldn't be defensive about it at all.

The fact that not one man on this thread has even admitted that sexism happens against women in Ireland really shows the very bad state of affairs that we are in. It's disheartening.

chacha11

Would any man like to know the sexism that I have experienced in just the last year in ireland.

I'm not going to include what I would call medium level sexual harassment. Whicj I experienced and is too many to write.

I'm going to write out the list of the extreme level sexual harassment that I went though in only the last year. In Ireland.

1) i went to a meetup group. The group organizer came over and hugged me. A one arm hug. He stood beside me. He put his arm behind my back to hug me. He moved his hand to the front from behind and fully squeezed my breast. He had a good grope of my breast

I felt too afraid to go to that group anymore. That is sexual assault. You could ask why I didn't report him. I tried to report one man in a small town in Ireland ages ago for something similiar, and I learned from bitter experience, that if I do report a man, it will ruin my life , not his. You can't safely report a man in small town Ireland. Without terrible repurcussions for the woman.

2) I went to another meetup group, where the men laughed at the women. And two of the men joked about sexually assaulting another woman in the group. They were in hysterics laughing. They talked about getting her drunk so she wouldn't remember the sex

And they said "remember if she says no it means yes" I had to leave that group.

3) I was walking down the street and a man shouted at me "big tits. I'd suck those tits off you"

4) a man walked past me on the street and stuck his hand right up my skirt.

5) I sing. And I used to sing in a band in Ireland. I loved it so much. We performed every week. I was the only woman in the band. At every gig, one of the band member's fathers would come and stand at the stage. When I got off the stage he would come over to me, leer at me, woukdnt leave me alone, and ask me to go back to his house and have sex with him. Every single time.till I began to find it unbearable to be in the band anymore. And I had to quit.

That was just in the last year in ireland.

sameoldname

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121603400#Comment_121603400

My first response to you I literally included 5 countries that would be considered to be less sexist than here. I reiterated that point in my second post that you just obviously ignored. In your rush to berate me for my male opinion you seem to not have noticed that I actually acknowledged sexism in this country. So who is actually the problem here?

RetroEncabulator

I think the number of female TDs says a lot is wrong, certainly more traditional cultures like within big parties link FF and FG. Having only 22.5% female representation in the Dail in 2024 in a very open PR system is really surprisingly low and way out of line with Northern and Western Europe btw.

Since the policies and practices of government and systems are all very much trying to be open, you can only conclude it’s cultural at party candidate selection or constituency level.

We’ve been fairly lagging in % of female CEOs and so on too.

I think Ireland can be very blind to problems people are reporting tbh and just shut down unwanted feedback. You see it a lot when people describe racism and the immediate response is that it couldn’t have happened.

Dr. Greenthumb

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121603400#Comment_121603400

That's because it is your opinion that there is sexism in Ireland, their opinion is that there is not, as they haven't seen it. This is all opinion after which is formed by people's lived experiences. I have no doubt there is sexist males in Ireland, they are in every country, but I don't think that there is a culture of sexism in Ireland.

Some of the things you have heard people say are disgusting. I'm a male and grew up in various male friend groups and I never heard anyone saying things like you heard to women. Was there sexist jokes? Yes, but that doesn't necessarily mean those people are sexist, they are having a laugh and a lot of sensitive subjects are joked about. Comedian's make sexist jokes all the time and it's accepted as part of their act. In saying that I have never heard anyone joking about raping someone, that's a bit strange.

So while I agree there is sexist people in Ireland as well as racists, homophobes etc. I don't think there is a culture of any of those things. Which is what I think you are implying, that there is a sexist culture in Ireland.

chacha11

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121603484#Comment_121603484

I asked you are you a male, as I was simply wondering what gender I was talking to. You replied with "I'm a male so my opinion of what I see doesn't count? Pretty sexist I have to say..."

I never said that. All genders are wanted and needed in this discusison. As we are both needed in the world.

You then went on to say that if we were comparing Ireland to Germany ,Netherlands and Scandinavia then there may be a debate to be had. That Ireland could be more sexist than those countries. But you disagree that Ireland is more sexist than the UK and France. ok thank you for your opinion.

chacha11

@sameoldname would you like to elaborate.

Why do you think that ireland is more sexist than scandinavia, Netherlands and Germany but less sexist than the UK and france. it's up to you if you want to elaborate.

chacha11

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121603528#Comment_121603528

Thanks for your contribution. You said you've never heard any men joke about raping women in Ireland. They don't say explicitly in the joke "I'm going to rape her".

But a lot of jokey sexual comments said about women by men , involve non consent by the women. That IS joking about sexual assault as well.

I'm sure we have all heard

"Any hole's a goal".

I've heard men say that from a very young age in Ireland. They joke that they are going to go out and "get their hole". Any hole.

It doesn't matter at all what the woman attached to the hole wants. That's a cruel disgusting saying. And I heard it being said by loada of young men on Ireland. And before anyone blames me for hanging out with the wrong men again. I heard the phrase being used by lots of men from different backgrounds in the college I went to in Ireland.

Women were talked about as just vaginas. Men would say to each other "he will get his hole tonight". Hahahah Etc etc

Lewis_Benson

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121602895#Comment_121602895

No I havnt seen it in the news, I don't watch everyday.

I don't see it in daily life either.

Might still go on with some old school auld lads, but not in my circles.

chacha11

I remember hearing another man saying at college

"Will there be any " boscai" at the party".

As those men called vaginas " boxes"

And then they used the Irish word for boxes. To sound cooler I guess

So instead of saying "will there be any women at the party" they said "will there be any boxes at the party" that was how they referred to women. We were talked about like objects.

It was all sexual crude remarks

mariaalice

The experiences the OP had are her experiences.

In my experience, I have found several Irish men of a certain generation to be childish and immature about women in general often embarrassed and awarded when talking to women outside their family circle or boasting to other men about women about women they imagine they have slept with. I wonder if it had anything to do with single-sex schools.? or is it something to do with intelligence ? or small-town life?

On the other had I have met lots of Irish men who are comfortable with talking to women and are always professional and friendly.

chiefwiggum

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121603030#Comment_121603030

Going by your attitude so far I can see why people don't engage with you.

chacha11

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121603588#Comment_121603588

Saying this with respect. Do you think you're not going to see it, because it doesn't happen to you. And you need to learn from women what they go through in Ireland.

Like for example there is no way I could possibly have known how bad racism is in Ireland, until my non white friends told me. And then I learned from them.

chiefwiggum

This has to be a wind up thread

chacha11

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121603611#Comment_121603611

You must be an oil painting yourself are you.

Lewis_Benson

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121603612#Comment_121603612

I work with women daily, and don't see it happening there.

Racism is a whole different kettle of fish, still see a lot of that, unfortunately.

chacha11

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121603609#Comment_121603609

Thanks Mariaalice. Single sex schools and small town life may be issues in social development yes. That's good that you have also met some nice professional men.

chacha11

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121603623#Comment_121603623

Nope.

YellowLead

I have only lived in Ireland, but holidaying in UK, France and especially Italy I have experienced more sexual harassment than in Ireland. I agree with another poster who mentioned the Nordic countries - they really do lead the way in terms of equality.

Most men I engage with in Ireland do not behave in a sexist manner and have respect for women - I have always lived in or near Dublin so can’t really speak for small towns - but I have not heard others complain.

There are obviously ignorant people out there but I question your judgement OP in terms of who you are hanging out with. Meet up up groups are hardly representative of Irish society.

chacha11

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121603634#Comment_121603634

You don't see those women in every aspect of their daily life do you. You only see them at work.

Sexual harassment is less likely to happen to women in workplaces, as women are protected by sexual harassment laws at work. And men are unlikely to want to risk their jobs.

Sexual harassment has never happend to me in my workplace in Ireland .

Sexual harassment has happened to me everywhere else in Ireland.

On the street.

On the Luas.

At meetup groups.

In choirs.

In book clubs.