How to cope w an unfair divorce

XsApollo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121425133#Comment_121425133

you are lost with system, that’s why you need a solicitor that specialises in this area,

you talk like you have left the home already, and buying a house nearby so you can see kids everyday easily?

Like they will be living in the family home? I wouldn’t be buying a house if was you.

And I would be moving back in to your home and getting the gardai to remove your husbands Girfriend / Trespasser if she won’t leave after you have told her. You own that house, and it’s the family home. The likely hood of a judge telling you the mother to leave the house and leave your husband and kids there is pretty slim, much better chance of that happening the other way around.

you also stated that a solicitor cannot change the law and everything you have is 50-50. There is no law that states everything is 50-50 , the judge will decide for ye if ye cannot agree.

i think maybe you are feeling a bit intimidated as it’s your husbands family land, the husband and the G/f and the husbands parents.

you need to get a proper solicitor and start fighting for what’s yours and your rights and they will get a rude awakening,

you say you do things for kids happiness? You think kids will be happy seeing their father with another woman and their mother unhappy.

i dunno what your solicitor is telling you, or whatever anybody says, the law and judges will favour you, the system is biased towards women. Your husband will be lucky to get the house if you don’t agree to it.

Stheno

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121425486#Comment_121425486

Agreed

Given the discrepancy in earners and the OP choosing to move out she may end up liable for both child and spousal maintenance

Xidu

My house solicitor recommended her to me.

Xidu

Thank you.

yes I have moved out to my investment house. As his gf comes in now and then: with her cat. And spreader her cats beds and stuff in my office too. Using my home office.

yesterday even told me I have no right to stop her seeing her boyfriend in the house.

ahhhhhhhhh

Xidu

I have no problem to move back to the house. My belongings are still in the house and the main bedroom is still mine.

Xidu

I am not good at talking especially English isn’t my first language and my God that woman can talk. Telling me to get your solicitor talk to his solicitor. I said this will be a long battle.

she said you wanna this to close in few weeks don’t you.

and telling me that she makes more than me. She will buy her own house.

what a gas woman!

all this shxxxxt I don’t know why do I put up with.

I am moving back tomorrow after work.

Xidu

the reason I move out

like they cook together in kitchen and kiss each other in front of me.

they don’t need to, maybe trying to make me feel awkward or proving to me they are true love bird

but it just shows how low they are

Ezeoul

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121426036#Comment_121426036

As Stheno has advised, as the higher earner, you could be ordered to pay spousal as well as child maintenance.

But quite honestly, given your emotional state (and for the sake of your mental health) and considering the fact that you do have somewhere else to stay, I would not move back into the family home, if you've already moved out. Unless you want to move back in for the sake of the kids.

The split of the family home can be dealt with as part of any settlement in the divorce. And you are entitled to a share in it. But I don't get the impression that you are too interested in staying in that house so close to his family.

Though you do need to pause on any purchase of your new house. No matter what your ex-husband "promises", it will be considered a joint marital asset if you buy it now. Do not trust any promises, when it comes to money, land or property. It's all up for grabs in a divorce.

If your family law solicitor did not advise you of this, you really, really, need a new solicitor.

Xidu

House won’t be finished by next May so I still have time. I aim to close this agreement within next 10 weeks.

Ezeoul

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121426314#Comment_121426314

You won't be divorced in ten weeks.

Even if you do mediate a separation agreement now, it can all be renegotiated (and everything is back up for grabs) when it does get to Court.

You really need to discuss all this with your solicitor.

XsApollo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121426134#Comment_121426134

Next time she arrives at that house thinking she is coming in then tell her she is not allowed, if you and your ex disagree then call the guards, she won’t be going into the house then.

when the argument starts between you, your ex and his gf that she should be allowed in the house or either of them raise their voice and make you feel threatened or uncomfortable in your own home, then get on to your solicitor and apply to the courts for a barring order.

thatshowthelightgetsin

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121423673#Comment_121423673

I don't think that 50:50 claim is accurate. As far as I'm aware it is "proper provision", not 50:50. If you bring €1 million to the marriage and he brings a fiver, it doesn't mean he gets €500k. He will have to be provided for "properly" - the definition of which is precisely where the lawyers come in to make a fortune, when you could probably ignore them all and just go in front of a judge with the figures - so he will get some of that if he has nothing else. He might even get 50%, but there's nothing in law which says he should. Here's an example, and the €1.6 million given to the husband was nothing approaching 50% of "the matrimonial assets of €6.5m to €7m": https://www.irishexaminer.com/news/courtandcrime/arid-40997663.html

thatshowthelightgetsin

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121423430#Comment_121423430

You're probably better off forgetting that God nonsense and just focusing on your reality. This thing will drain your energy so put it into focusing on changing that reality rather than hoping in some fairytale to save you. Same applies with hoping in gambing/lottery wins. 'Abandon hope all ye who enter here'.

Also, whatever you might lose financially to him now, if you're off the mortgage and have separated your finances from him as a "full and final settlement", and have changed your will to protect your assets, if you can earn money and are smart with investing it, you will recover. It's imperative, however, that you ensure you get a "full and final settlement" now so he has no recourse to coming after your money later. Focus on that sort of thing.

Xidu

Thank you. I don’t have mortgage to offset. Again money isn’t the problem. It’s the thought of being wronged and no justice.

But today I am trying to think positively.

Charlie Munger died at age 99, and I am reading some of his advice to help myself.

quote

Another thing, of course, is life will have terrible blows, horrible blows, unfair blows. Doesn’t matter. And some people recover and others don’t. And there I think the attitude of Epictetus is the best. He thought that every mischance in life was an opportunity to behave well. Every mischance in life was an opportunity to learn something and your duty was not to be submerged in self-pity, but to utilize the terrible blow in a constructive fashion. That is a very good idea." 

thatshowthelightgetsin

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121426036#Comment_121426036

You need to move back. While often/usually the woman will be financed to buy a new home if the "family home" is on the husband's family farm, if the "family home" is used to carry on a business then the person using it might have a stronger claim to more compensation from the family home. I'm not sure if your office would fall under this category and to be frank I think the house being on the family farm would be the deciding factor for all the obvious reasons and the mother is nearly always financed to find another family home despite the widespread view that a mother will keep the family home. It's not true in this context.

The Irish Legal Blog is quite informative about family law. The author says, "In a case where a spouse's business as a general practitioner was based in the house without children, he was allowed to continue to occupy the family home and another provision was made for his spouse." "Without children" being the key words but still your office might have some legal consequence/compensation. You need a specialist family law solicitor. (https://legalblog.ie/family-home/)

You will be much better off away from the toxicity of his family. Watch out for any attempts - usually insidious - they make at parental alienation (alienating your children from you). Women are also victims of it in contexts like this (being surrounded by your in-laws) and listening to one woman explaining it at one of the support meetings recently was 100% the same as the experiences of all the men at the Men's Aid meetings. They are your kids as much as they are his so don't let yourself be intimidated out of your rights to continue equal parenting of your children. You need to fight this. Get to the various support meetings to get perspective and know you're not alone. There are tons of people going through this Irish-government-sponsored hell that is the intentionally lengthy Irish family law divorce process.