Bridesmaid for wedding - how much money to give?

road_high

They should have held a small modest wedding as that’s what they can afford. But alas no as is so often the case with these people they HAVE to have it all. No doubt they’re budgeting on a nice big cash haul from the cards. All fits with the expectation of you to pay your own way and building a new house etc.

If you can’t afford bridesmaids then don’t bloody well have any.

Call me cynical but I'm pushing 40 and have seen every end of this carry-on up to and including when the marriage goes under and afterwards

left_hander

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121372271#Comment_121372271

Spot on. Being a bridesmaid / best man is a great honour and you should never be out of pocket for it, which the OP is. And bad enough if she was working, she's also been made redundant and the bride has made no accommodation for this unfortunate scenario.

The bride wants it all, the new house, the driving lessons, the big day, etc all at the one time. It is absolute insanity borrowing money for a wedding on the premise that "the presents will cover it". They probably won't, at best its break even or a very modest win. But its by no means a given. Especially when the bank interest is taken in to account.....

Same as that, we paid for everything for our bridesmaids and bestmen (dresses, suit hire, rooms, rooms for our parents). But we didn't borrow for it either and had a very modest wedding which was to our budget as well as being what we wanted.

I would expect a tap your card on the way in the door to the reception!

road_high

Tap card system in place- really would not surprise me to see those becoming common at certain weddings- all for your convenience of course

FazyLucker

I love the perception that you can't challenge anything to do with a wedding for fear of upsetting the bride or groom. Well, you can in fact.

THEY are choosing to have a big day they can't afford. THEY are forcing the bridesmaid to pay for her dress/room/etc for the honour of being Maid of Honour.

All those other decisions (house, driving lessons) don't need to be used to guilt trip you in to paying for things you should not be expected to in your situation.

You simply tell her you hope she'll be happy that you have paid for your dress and your own room and that is your wedding present. No need to pay for anything else - you are unemployed at the end of the day and while your financial setup is none of our business, you should stick up for yourself here.

Alternatively, you just give no present and say nothing about it.

road_high

Either way though it’ll be “observed” because I’ve heard it noted of people who turned up and gave nothing. Just give what you can afford

Madd002

I think this topic has gone out of hand with criticism of bride and groom. OP only asked what she should gift given her circumstances, she has explained bride is good friend and is under financial pressure herself. She should give what she can afford and absolutely shouldn't have to explain herself, she might mention to bride at some stage that sorry she couldn't give more due to the circumstances and as a real friend she'd completely understand and there would be no issue.Enjoy the wedding OP and don't be worrying🥂🥂

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121376449#Comment_121376449

Let them "observe" all they want. The OP's circumstances are what they are and if her friend who seems to be quite financially constrained herself can't understand that then she's not worth losing sleep over.

BorneTobyWilde

Why do you need to give anything, they invited you.

Reminds me of this>>>

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cd8MkyEZcGM

Ezeoul

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121370986#Comment_121370986

This!

Ezeoul

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121371711#Comment_121371711

They can do all this, but can't find €115 for your bridesmaid dress?

You've a good heart, but you're being taken for a fool.

Lollipop95

I’ve decided to give €100. Given the circumstances, I think this is more than enough. I actually do have a job lined up now but not sure when I’ll be getting the first payment.

As an aside, could anyone recommend when to actually give the card? I would give on the day itself but at a wedding I was at before, the bride actually mislaid one of the cards that was given to her. So I’d be afraid it would get lost!

SharkMX

Im going to be the best man for my friend on a few months. They are tight as anything ive ever seen.

Making us pay for our suits (hired). Making the the bridesmaids pay for their own dresses and shoes. And acting like they are being kind paying for their hair and makeup.

Ive been to a fair few weddings since covid as they all seem to have gotten bunched up through covid when we hit that age.And I have to say that EVERYONE else paid for everything for their cast and crew. The bridesmaids and groomsmen all got their hotel paid for, suits hired, dresses bought and even presents (mostly jewelry) from the bride and groom.

Dont know what the country is coming to with people getting married and putting a huge cost on their so called friends to save them a few quid on their wedding.

SharkMX

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121376449#Comment_121376449

What is always observed is the bride and grooms tightness to their bridesmaids and groomsmen etc. Always. Of course its just like when a bride asked you what did you think of the wedding. Great, best wedding ive ever been to. Thats the answer, even if it was a terrible wedding. Similar safe answers given when a bride asks was she being mean getting the bridesmaids to pay for their hotel rooms and clothes. "oh, no you werent, sure nobody does that anymore", but really you are thinking "Tightest fkers ive ever met".

Allinall

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121380225#Comment_121380225

Give it to the best man on the day.

It's part of his duties to look after stuff like that.

road_high

There’s often a very handy postbox to drop your cards in at the reception- and they sound exactly like the types that would have one 👍

left_hander

Give a cheque if you have a cheque book (worth every penny IMO to have one for this very reason, never use it for anything else!), best way of ensuring it won't be lost.

Mind you the bride and groom will probably complain about the cost of lodging it by the sounds of it.

left_hander

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121380720#Comment_121380720

Nailed it. There's a real "you can't say anything bad about the bride and groom, its their day" vibe in this country. Honestly, I'd rather have 5 people at my wedding than have a big day and fear people were talking about me behind my back. If you can't afford it, you don't do it. You definitely don't put a load of expense on your bridal party and expect a wedding present on top of it, that is for sure. As I said before, its like Fr. Ted taking the lovely girl out for a meal and she had the honour of paying for it (a message he re-iterated repeatedly!).