Owed 3K by somebody who refuses to engage

I’ve about 3K still owed to me after initial loan of €6K in 2021. Individual in very difficult circumstances. I had called out about certain discretionary spends detailed on social media, eg “look just what I’ve spent on..”

The very odd time I get a payment, inevitable out of the blue, most of the time totally ignored, but mostly absolute refusal to engage. I know circumstances are generally difficult, but I get zero detail or updates. I have a hell of a lot of issues myself and need for payment which debtor is fully aware of but disinterested in.

gameoverdude

Write it off and no contact.

Let it known also. 3k is a fair amount, but I'd be happier them out of my life.

Again no contact. Your mind sake is worth more than a few grand.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121175354#Comment_121175354

I actually quite badly need the money tbh, big health expenditures now that my health has gone way south over last year. The person I loaned it to drank it all.

AndrewJRenko

Have you any documentation confirming the loan arrangements, signed by the recipient?

If they don't have the money, you've few real options. Can you shame them into paying you by telling their mammy on them?

NIMAN

It's a toughie.

Only thing I could think of would be to shame them by posting comments to their social media for others to see, but the way you describe their situation makes it sound like it would be pointless.

I hope you get something sorted.

fits

Is it worth the stress?

Big Bag of Chips

If they are in difficult circumstances then they are unlikely to be in a position to pay it back to you. The type of person you describe is the type of person who owes more than just you. So posting on social media "look what I just bought" tends to mean - look what I just bought on credit/using someone else's money.

You are very unlikely to get the money back. The only way you will get it back is if they borrow it from somewhere else. But I'm sure that is not your concern. €6K is a lot of money to give anyone, especially someone who you probably had doubts about from the beginning.

If you have no written record of it being a loan, and no record of repayments already made then all you can do is keep asking. Try appeal to their better nature saying you are stuck for it and need it back by x date. They might give it back to you - but only if they can get it from someone else.

Hannibal_Smith

I think you did really well to get €3000 back in 2 years. How long did you envisage, or did they suggest, repayment in full would take? How about suggesting they commit to repaying x amount per week for x amount of weeks?

steinbock123

I don’t know you personally, but I have a fair idea of your health issues from your many posts on other topics.

Is the person you loaned the money to aware of the severity of you conditions? Maybe make them VERY aware of how unwell you can be at times, appeal to their better nature.

But then I suppose, some people don’t have a “better natures” unfortunately, so you may have to write it off.

Ginger83

The only chance you have is shaming them into repaying you but some people who owe do not care.

We had a lawn ruined before and even after being awarded damages through the small claims court he still wouldn't pay. I had two posters printed about a fundraiser to help him pay his debt. I sent one to him and the other to the parents kindly asking if they could put them in their church on the notice board.

The bill was paid promptly in full.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121175387#Comment_121175387

“Shaming” is the approach I’ve had to turn to, unfortunately, something I’d never envisioned I’d ever have to do in life. Of course it doesn’t go down well but occasionally results in small amounts being repaid. The individual isn’t presently in a good position to repay, I understand that, but has been in the past and yet completely avoided payments whilst undertaking some discretionary spends. At one stage asked for it all back 🤷‍♀️ Hence I had to change tactic from almost passivity in 2021 to making suggestions as to updated regular repayment plans. I have been more that reasonable up to a more recent point, have suggested increasingly smaller amounts (€10 per month) where I did receive 2 repayments bigger than that. Then it stopped and upon asking for a further €10 was told there was zero income, not even one if welfare payment coming in 🤔 which puzzles me enormously, but I do take it money is very tight. It’s hard to be patient considering there were times the debt could have been discharged or almost so.

Was taken in 2021 as a stopgap for something allegedly specific at the time, but I think a lot used elsewhere. Arrangement was casual but I had drawn up my rules and set up the spreadsheet etc. wouldn’t do this ever again, needless to say. Any (smaller) loans I gave to friends/relatives were cash-flow stopgap and repaid within a few days.

Big Bag of Chips

A tenner a month is a ridiculous amount to ask for. You might as well ask for nothing as €10 a month means you will never get your money back. And €10 a month is of little benefit to you in your current circumstances. Ask for at least €100 a month, or let it go.

Yellow_Fern

Small claim court?

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121177436#Comment_121177436

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121177436#Comment_121177436

I don’t think it would be appropriate here, though I don’t fully buy the story that there is no income.

Rubberchikken

I gave a loan once long time ago. Happy to do it at the time as I had it and the person hadn't and was adamant they'd pay it back.

Needless to say I got back maybe half. I just had to let the rest go as their circumstances weren't improving in the long term. While I could have done with it in the end it just wasn't worth the hassle.

I can guarantee you Ive never lent a.cwnt to anyone ever again. It's a hard lesson to learn tbh.

I've obbiygivwn money to my kids even as adults but they never asked and I'd certainly never expect it back.

I'm sorry about your health issues. As another poster said. Would there be any good in explaining this to the person and maybe agreeing a.better monthly repayment than a tenner?

Good luck

Jim_Hodge

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121177436#Comment_121177436

Absolutely doesn't come under the remit of the SCC.

...Ghost...

I would have asked every time they posted on social media if they have some of the 3k they still owe you.

I had similar with a friend in the past. Owed me about 1k and and got half back over a year. He swore blind he didn't have a euro to his name, but managed to spend about 500 on himself and at least the same on a gift for his wife and kid. At the time this happened, I needed the money, but I realised it wasn't worth my while trying to get money back from someone so selfish. I never lent him a penny again and made a point of not lending him my tools, which he would often ask to borrow. I don't loan people money anymore. Happy enough to buy things for people in need, or give small sums of money, but never with an expectation of getting it back.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121177709#Comment_121177709

I actually did that but have, with some justification, been accused of harassment. This year I found myself with a lot of medical-related expenses which have eaten into my own finances, and more upcoming ones, as I’ve had a lot of recent bad luck with my health. I do know one. Any get blood out of a stone, but in this case experience has taught me to be somewhat suspicious I don’t know the full story. Yeah? Pretty galling when ya see your money. Ring spend to fund your friend’s wife’s & daughter’s gift. I think I’d feel tempted (not in the child’s case though) to send a note to his missus “it was a pleasure finding your gift, think nothing of it” 🤣😁

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121177519#Comment_121177519

Indeed not, it’s entirely an inter-personal matter. Down to tactics & trying to ensure that there is no wool being pulled over one’s eyes, ie significant discretionary spends ahead of repayment. I’m interested in hearing how others may have tackled this. I do believe there is the intention to repay, but I’m inclined to believe there are some slightly complex factors, beyond what meets the eye, inhibiting that.

I’m presently trying to get as many financial things in place now as I can, eg trying to apply for doctor medical card, anything that will make things a little bit better. I’m finding I have to take taxis in place of buses, and can only drive short distances on good days with the MS.

Can anyone explain this, because I may genuinely be missing something valid & legit, but last time I heard communication the statement went “I’ve nothing coming in, I’m living off my ( late) father’s pension”. Now I’m not well up in private pension provisions/carers provisions, though I do know there was a carer role. I just know about state pensions where you need to declare person as deceased asap and after short while at most the pension is stopped.

Where m would typically be the case where child can continue to live off deceased parent’s pension for very many months (over 6) as I’m perplexed?

Maybe there’s a very good valid explanation I’m not currently aware of.

Jim_Hodge

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121182932#Comment_121182932

Only as a dependant child.

jj880

Burned a few times myself in my youth.

Someone then once told me when it comes to friends and acquaintances:

"Neither a borrower nor a lender be"

Wise words.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121182954#Comment_121182954

Aul Shakespeare was never wrong. Fortunately the small mending’s I had otherwise made were just as they said on the tin, pending transfers etc. and repaid with speed. I never expected any haste with this one. But there was the initial parameter it was to be repaid before year’s end, given that there was potentially very good earning power. I think I was a bit too sift and max in my initial approach, considering I’m now viewed as the devil incarnate and that any further attempt to request repayment is viewed as “harassment”.

Incidentally a few months ago upon request I was asked “why do you need money?” when he 100% had been updated about my scenario.

He has always played a “victim role”, not just with me, I believe. At the outset I was told of 100 woes and fell for it, hook, line and sinker, because my default is to believe and to remedy. According to a friend in his business realm (who responded to my hinting post in LinkedIn), I believe they’re another person who was taken in.

that professional colleague is amazing, he offered to stir around to repay me as the scenario so badly reflected on a profession where trust is hinged, but I, of course, would not hear of such a thing.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121175445#Comment_121175445

The straw already exists

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121182932#Comment_121182932

They said it all with harassment. I was expecting that.

I do not think they'd get a parental pension. I'm jappy to stand corrected though.

spaceHopper

Your money is gone you will never see it again, move on don't make the same mistake.

airy fairy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121175363#Comment_121175363

Unfortunately, if this is where you think your money has gone, on the drink, then you were lucky to see 3k of it. It's a terrible situation to be put in, and you were the better person for loaning the money...sadly I doubt you'll see no more.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121184400#Comment_121184400

Agreed, I think you need to accept that your money is gone for good and stop fixating on what this guy may or may not be up to with pensions and whatnot. It sucks and I totally get that you need the money yourself but you can't get blood out of a stone and any further mental energy you expend on this is basically the equivalent of throwing good money after bad. Your time and mental health have a value too.

Oscar_Madison

What was the reason for the loan? Could his reason have been fraudulent? If so it could always become a Garda matter- just saying; we’ve seen it recently in the news.

If there’s no legal recourse- either civil or criminal - and your solicitor advises that sending even a solicitors letter is less than pointless, then you have to put it down to experience and move on. But I would check the legal standing of this- if I’m being taken for a fool, I’ll want to have the last laugh .

Thankfully I’ve never been in such a position and have no intention of either- whether it’s drugs alcohol or gambling or some other addiction like addicted to the high life😀- you’ll rarely see your money be returned -some people think they’re entitled to take money from people who have it and not return it - you’ve been had as a soft touch - it stinks but that’s the way life goes.

I was approached once by an obvious idiot who thought I’d reach for my wallet - I told her that things were tight right now with lots of bills and expensive commitments (that wasn’t the case at all but I knew I’d never see the money again and also she’d be back for more) - she never asked again but has asked a number of people I know - it’s like sales, all a numbers game.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121184400#Comment_121184400

I don’t think the money is absolutely gone, I will pursue it. Guy is due to inherit after family home sold, albeit I think there is serious debt to service first. now I do want this lad to buy his own place, however modest, as I think he genuinely won’t be able to live any kind of life otherwise. I have strongly advised him to buy whatever he can in a location with transport (non driver) wherever feasible, and concurrently repay me without further delay. Of course it will be glittered away on tons of whiskey and goodness knows what else.

Big Bag of Chips

You are still far too invested in his financial situation. Talk of inheritance and property purchase, "won't be able to live otherwise". It's all irrelevant. Even him asking what you need money for. It's irrelevant. It's your money. Not his. You're not looking for a loan from him. He borrowed something, you are now asking for it back.

And by the way, he will be well able to live regardless of his situation. People like him always do. He will just move through life borrowing from the next source, not paying his own way. Confident that someone or some agency will always be on hand to bail him out.

You have very little legal recourse here. So you are depending on his good will to return it. You could try to pursue it as a civil matter but it might cost you more than he owes you. I think continue to ask, but don't expect much.