Have you ever randomly ghosted someone?

Electric Gypsy

So you a meet a person and you agree on something (it could be anything from trying to set up a band, date, to going on a date) and the person in question acting grand. You text (or whatsapp) them later and they're all grand, then a few days goes by and they just ghost you. You see the double tick turn blue and you're completely stumped as to what changed in their mind that they won't reply to you anymore. Have you ever done this to someone? Or have you done something that appeared this way? And if so, why? I won't judge!

When this sort happens, for a while you'll be hoping that they'll text back saying 'sorry I was really busy the last few hours/days', but they don't and then you're certain there's something up with them. Out of curiosity part of you wants to text again (or even call), but you know it'll make you look desperate. I've wondered do some people get used to being ghosted by others in this way and then end up thinking that it's the norm as a way to cut someone off. Is is stupidity, shyness, or nastiness? What will also happen is that you'll think back to the last thing you said to them that 'possibly' might have sounded offensive and wonder was that the reason!

If I was on the other end and I've a change of heart about whatever it is that has been proposed, or if I no longer have the time, I'll just say it. If need be I'll come up with a lie not to sound offensive... but I wouldn't leave someone hanging. This is actually the easiest thing to do, because otherwise I'll be expecting follow up texts, or a phone call from them. Why can't people say something like "Hi again, I know I said I'd be able to get together for soccer last week, but something's come up and I'll no longer be able to, all the best".

I was planning 4 aside soccer recently. Someone else suggested it and I took the lead in organising. Based on the amount who said they were up for it we'd have had 8 in total, but I knew we could still go ahead with 3 aside if it came to it. Only 4 were willing to go in the end. Of the other four 'tossers', two said they might be able to... you know what that means. So that leaves us with two remaining tossers. I thought they would be the ones who'd make the difference between whether it went ahead or not because we could still do 3 aside. One of them didn't seem too interested, but on paper was telling me he was... mixed messages. The other seemed very interested in person, and also in his texts a few days later. But then there was something about the way this guy didn't respond to my last text that just told me he'd changed his mind... technically he didn't need to respond because there was no question in my last text to him, but I could feel it. I then followed up with this very guy a few days before the planned date and I get nothing from him! I couldn't plan other events in my life properly that week because of him, and I'd others on to me wondering whether it was going to go ahead or not. This behaviour is common amongst adults.

Jim_Hodge

Heh?? 😴

BrianD3

Selfish, stupid, flaky, unreliable people are everywhere. Friends, work colleagues., tradesmen, users on adverts.ie. Nothing that they say can be relied on "I'll get back to you on that". Eh, I know you won't.

I think stupidity is the fundamental issue here - stupid people with stone age brains cannot cope with the complexities of modern life. Their motor is running at the rev limiter all the time. Their idea of planning for the future is limited to the next few hours or minutes, some can't even manage that.

Now you expect them to tell you if they're going to cancel something that they agreed to do a week or month ago - that would require them to be organised, think ahead and think/care how their behaviour affect someone else.

Fiona

No I haven't.

If I don't want to proceed with a quote from somebody for work, I thank them for their time and say proceeding elsewhere.

If I dated in the past and wasn't interested I would again thank them for their time and say not for me and wish them the very best of luck.

I've been ghosted and it's awful, but says more about the person than it does you.

NewbridgeIR

No. I always get back to people.

Flakiness is the one of the worst human traits. It's particularly bad in a work environment.

Gusser09

I have. Loads of times. So what.

Dial Hard

I have a friend who'll go to his grave insisting it's "kinder" to just ghost people after a date if you're not feeling it. It is in its hole. Cowardice is what it is.

Electric Gypsy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121003066#Comment_121003066

No joke?

What do you mean by "so what?" when I've already answered that with four paragraphs?

Also, have you ever been ghosted? Is it annoying?

pgj2015

I have been ghosted and have ghosted a few as well. I usually ghost when she is being a b1tch though or if I go on a first date and I find her to be a horrible person (has happened a few times) so dont care how they feel about it to be honest.

3 a side? wtf?

there are 80 in my 6 a side soccer whatsapp group and sometimes we only get 2 or 3 that want to play on some days.

I have added lots of people who act interested but never play in the end, I also find it strange that they act interested but then never play.

pgj2015

@ dial hard, I actually prefer being ghosted than getting a text saying im not for her.

Hangdogroad

Is ghosting the same as haunting?

banie01

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121003431#Comment_121003431

Weirdly, they are the opposite of each other

Electric Gypsy

@pgj2015 I have been ghosted and have ghosted a few as well. I usually ghost when she is being a b1tch though so dont care how they feel about it to be honest.

"she"? You're thinking of dating so.

How was she being a b1tch?

Electric Gypsy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121003365#Comment_121003365

With dating it's a bit different. But what about in general? Do you think it's rude to ghost someone?

@pgj2015 I also find it strange that they act interested but then never play.

Is that an Irish thing I wonder?

endacl

Does anybody these days know what the word ‘random’ actually means? 😂

Electric Gypsy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121003519#Comment_121003519

Well what I mean is that it seems random from my end? There might be some reason for it, but the person will know that it seems random to me.

CrazyEric

☑️☑️

corner of hells

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121003519#Comment_121003519

Is it these ?

endacl

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121003739#Comment_121003739

Only in the eating process. Design end is arbitrary. As is what the op means by ‘random’. 😂

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121003513#Comment_121003513

Yes it is rude or maybe they have some good reason, like forgot to text back, I dont let it bother me.

not an Irish thing, because I have added a good few foreign people to the whatsapp group and they did the same.

blade1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121003066#Comment_121003066

So what?

I'll tell you what!

pgj2015

I tend to attract bossy women, I cant stand them so have no problem blocking them after a first date when I realize what they are like.

Electric Gypsy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121004272#Comment_121004272

I would like details of how they try to boss you around?

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121005483#Comment_121005483

They try to act dominant, like they are the boss. I like this, I don't like this, these are the things I want from a boyfriend etc, (one accused me of taking drugs after I put a chewing gum in my mouth) while I am thinking, you wont ever see me again but good luck to the next guy.

Electric Gypsy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121005510#Comment_121005510

So this would normally be after you'd had sex with them?

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121005958#Comment_121005958

Before.

Vita nova

Assuming nothing untoward has happened then 'ghosting' someone you're dating or were in a relationship with is disrespectful low-class behaviour.

RoboRat

Back when I was in university over in the UK, I was out on a night out and had a few too many drinks (way too many). I got talking to a girl from Newcastle and we really hit it off and got quite friendly. I was out with a mate and he wanted to leave the bar, so after badgering me, I agreed to head off and gave her my number. He was also quite hammered, and I was having second thoughts and thinking of heading back to her. Anyhow, the long and the short of it was that he put me off her, and when she rang the next day, I didn't answer. She rang again twice, and I ignored them too.

Fast forward a month or so later and I'm in a bar, sober this time, and I'm getting looks from this drop-dead gorgeous girl (she was the image of the blonde girl in the original inbetweeners movie). Anyhow, I head up to the bar and she saddles up beside me to order. I say hello and start talking to her. She looks quite bemused and then asks if I remember her. I'm a bit confused, I knew I had a few drunken nights but never so much that I wouldn't remember a girl like her. Anyhow, she reminds me, and whilst I'm standing there inwardly torturing myself, she smiles and tells me I lost my chance.

My mate turned up later and when I explain what happened, he shrugs and says he was hammered. I could have killed him but it was my own fault for being so shallow and listening to him. I learned a lesson that night!

Ubbquittious

I run a group on meetup.com and the amount of people dropping out is astounding. Wouldn't be unusual to have 30 people sign up and have 15 or less showing up. In fairness most of them come up with an excuse a day or 2 before but there's a sizeable cohort who don't say anything.

A lot of the events are on Sunday so I reckon people head to the pub on the Saturday and wake up with a sore head but never admit it

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121006199#Comment_121006199

You should have said your phone was broke.

Hyperbollix

I've been ghosted by a longtime friend who I now don't speak to. No falling out or anything like that, we just grew up and into different people and while I would have been happy to remain on civil terms and acknowledging each other's existence, he is the type that wants to cut ties and move on.

This is probably more a male thing, but not exclusively, you eventually get to an age where you realize that the only relationships that human beings really respect or put any real effort into is romantic partnerships and family. The rest is noise and distraction.