Have you ever randomly ghosted someone?

Electric Gypsy

So you a meet a person and you agree on something (it could be anything from trying to set up a band, date, to going on a date) and the person in question acting grand. You text (or whatsapp) them later and they're all grand, then a few days goes by and they just ghost you. You see the double tick turn blue and you're completely stumped as to what changed in their mind that they won't reply to you anymore. Have you ever done this to someone? Or have you done something that appeared this way? And if so, why? I won't judge!

When this sort happens, for a while you'll be hoping that they'll text back saying 'sorry I was really busy the last few hours/days', but they don't and then you're certain there's something up with them. Out of curiosity part of you wants to text again (or even call), but you know it'll make you look desperate. I've wondered do some people get used to being ghosted by others in this way and then end up thinking that it's the norm as a way to cut someone off. Is is stupidity, shyness, or nastiness? What will also happen is that you'll think back to the last thing you said to them that 'possibly' might have sounded offensive and wonder was that the reason!

If I was on the other end and I've a change of heart about whatever it is that has been proposed, or if I no longer have the time, I'll just say it. If need be I'll come up with a lie not to sound offensive... but I wouldn't leave someone hanging. This is actually the easiest thing to do, because otherwise I'll be expecting follow up texts, or a phone call from them. Why can't people say something like "Hi again, I know I said I'd be able to get together for soccer last week, but something's come up and I'll no longer be able to, all the best".

I was planning 4 aside soccer recently. Someone else suggested it and I took the lead in organising. Based on the amount who said they were up for it we'd have had 8 in total, but I knew we could still go ahead with 3 aside if it came to it. Only 4 were willing to go in the end. Of the other four 'tossers', two said they might be able to... you know what that means. So that leaves us with two remaining tossers. I thought they would be the ones who'd make the difference between whether it went ahead or not because we could still do 3 aside. One of them didn't seem too interested, but on paper was telling me he was... mixed messages. The other seemed very interested in person, and also in his texts a few days later. But then there was something about the way this guy didn't respond to my last text that just told me he'd changed his mind... technically he didn't need to respond because there was no question in my last text to him, but I could feel it. I then followed up with this very guy a few days before the planned date and I get nothing from him! I couldn't plan other events in my life properly that week because of him, and I'd others on to me wondering whether it was going to go ahead or not. This behaviour is common amongst adults.

Jim_Hodge

Heh?? 😴

BrianD3

Selfish, stupid, flaky, unreliable people are everywhere. Friends, work colleagues., tradesmen, users on adverts.ie. Nothing that they say can be relied on "I'll get back to you on that". Eh, I know you won't.

I think stupidity is the fundamental issue here - stupid people with stone age brains cannot cope with the complexities of modern life. Their motor is running at the rev limiter all the time. Their idea of planning for the future is limited to the next few hours or minutes, some can't even manage that.

Now you expect them to tell you if they're going to cancel something that they agreed to do a week or month ago - that would require them to be organised, think ahead and think/care how their behaviour affect someone else.

Fiona

No I haven't.

If I don't want to proceed with a quote from somebody for work, I thank them for their time and say proceeding elsewhere.

If I dated in the past and wasn't interested I would again thank them for their time and say not for me and wish them the very best of luck.

I've been ghosted and it's awful, but says more about the person than it does you.

NewbridgeIR

No. I always get back to people.

Flakiness is the one of the worst human traits. It's particularly bad in a work environment.

Gusser09

I have. Loads of times. So what.

Dial Hard

I have a friend who'll go to his grave insisting it's "kinder" to just ghost people after a date if you're not feeling it. It is in its hole. Cowardice is what it is.

Electric Gypsy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121003066#Comment_121003066

No joke?

What do you mean by "so what?" when I've already answered that with four paragraphs?

Also, have you ever been ghosted? Is it annoying?

pgj2015

I have been ghosted and have ghosted a few as well. I usually ghost when she is being a b1tch though or if I go on a first date and I find her to be a horrible person (has happened a few times) so dont care how they feel about it to be honest.

3 a side? wtf?

there are 80 in my 6 a side soccer whatsapp group and sometimes we only get 2 or 3 that want to play on some days.

I have added lots of people who act interested but never play in the end, I also find it strange that they act interested but then never play.

pgj2015

@ dial hard, I actually prefer being ghosted than getting a text saying im not for her.

Hangdogroad

Is ghosting the same as haunting?

banie01

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121003431#Comment_121003431

Weirdly, they are the opposite of each other

Electric Gypsy

@pgj2015 I have been ghosted and have ghosted a few as well. I usually ghost when she is being a b1tch though so dont care how they feel about it to be honest.

"she"? You're thinking of dating so.

How was she being a b1tch?

Electric Gypsy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121003365#Comment_121003365

With dating it's a bit different. But what about in general? Do you think it's rude to ghost someone?

@pgj2015 I also find it strange that they act interested but then never play.

Is that an Irish thing I wonder?

endacl

Does anybody these days know what the word ‘random’ actually means? 😂

Electric Gypsy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121003519#Comment_121003519

Well what I mean is that it seems random from my end? There might be some reason for it, but the person will know that it seems random to me.

CrazyEric

☑️☑️

corner of hells

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121003519#Comment_121003519

Is it these ?

endacl

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121003739#Comment_121003739

Only in the eating process. Design end is arbitrary. As is what the op means by ‘random’. 😂

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121003513#Comment_121003513

Yes it is rude or maybe they have some good reason, like forgot to text back, I dont let it bother me.

not an Irish thing, because I have added a good few foreign people to the whatsapp group and they did the same.

blade1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121003066#Comment_121003066

So what?

I'll tell you what!

pgj2015

I tend to attract bossy women, I cant stand them so have no problem blocking them after a first date when I realize what they are like.

Electric Gypsy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121004272#Comment_121004272

I would like details of how they try to boss you around?

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121005483#Comment_121005483

They try to act dominant, like they are the boss. I like this, I don't like this, these are the things I want from a boyfriend etc, (one accused me of taking drugs after I put a chewing gum in my mouth) while I am thinking, you wont ever see me again but good luck to the next guy.

Electric Gypsy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121005510#Comment_121005510

So this would normally be after you'd had sex with them?

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121005958#Comment_121005958

Before.

Vita nova

Assuming nothing untoward has happened then 'ghosting' someone you're dating or were in a relationship with is disrespectful low-class behaviour.

RoboRat

Back when I was in university over in the UK, I was out on a night out and had a few too many drinks (way too many). I got talking to a girl from Newcastle and we really hit it off and got quite friendly. I was out with a mate and he wanted to leave the bar, so after badgering me, I agreed to head off and gave her my number. He was also quite hammered, and I was having second thoughts and thinking of heading back to her. Anyhow, the long and the short of it was that he put me off her, and when she rang the next day, I didn't answer. She rang again twice, and I ignored them too.

Fast forward a month or so later and I'm in a bar, sober this time, and I'm getting looks from this drop-dead gorgeous girl (she was the image of the blonde girl in the original inbetweeners movie). Anyhow, I head up to the bar and she saddles up beside me to order. I say hello and start talking to her. She looks quite bemused and then asks if I remember her. I'm a bit confused, I knew I had a few drunken nights but never so much that I wouldn't remember a girl like her. Anyhow, she reminds me, and whilst I'm standing there inwardly torturing myself, she smiles and tells me I lost my chance.

My mate turned up later and when I explain what happened, he shrugs and says he was hammered. I could have killed him but it was my own fault for being so shallow and listening to him. I learned a lesson that night!

Ubbquittious

I run a group on meetup.com and the amount of people dropping out is astounding. Wouldn't be unusual to have 30 people sign up and have 15 or less showing up. In fairness most of them come up with an excuse a day or 2 before but there's a sizeable cohort who don't say anything.

A lot of the events are on Sunday so I reckon people head to the pub on the Saturday and wake up with a sore head but never admit it

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121006199#Comment_121006199

You should have said your phone was broke.

Hyperbollix

I've been ghosted by a longtime friend who I now don't speak to. No falling out or anything like that, we just grew up and into different people and while I would have been happy to remain on civil terms and acknowledging each other's existence, he is the type that wants to cut ties and move on.

This is probably more a male thing, but not exclusively, you eventually get to an age where you realize that the only relationships that human beings really respect or put any real effort into is romantic partnerships and family. The rest is noise and distraction.

ancapailldorcha

Why would you randomly ghost someone? Ghosting is inherently deliberate so you can't really do it randomly.

RoboRat

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121006479#Comment_121006479

Some people live busy lives and they forget, or they don't have time, or they feel a response is not important, or a response may require dialogue and could be protracted, or they're simply not in the mood to respond. They could be a needy friend and you put it on the long finger. Whilst it's not deliberate ghosting, it's still perceived as ghosting by the other party and it could be argued that it's unintended ghosting.

I agree that deliberate ghosting can't be random - you have made a conscious decision not to communicate.

RoboRat

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121006369#Comment_121006369

Yeah, I think I tried that one but it didn't work. I think she may have rang from another number and I answered - It was over 20 years ago so my memory is hazy on the full details... I just remember that I was kicking myself and wanting to kick my mate as she was a knockout. Serves me right.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121006729#Comment_121006729

Maybe it worked out for the best, her personality might have been awful. 😊

Electric Gypsy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121006468#Comment_121006468

Was it a text that he didn't respond to?

Would he say hello back if you passed him on the street?

Electric Gypsy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121006739#Comment_121006739

Awful personality? Not from what I can see! She took the initiative to call him. She also seemed to have an investigative side to her in the way she called him from a different number to catch him out. And I liked the way she got her own back with the way she got him to prove that he was into her before dismissing him... and thereby allowing her to act as if he'd been playing power games all along. Super cool girl, whoever she was.

Electric Gypsy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121006729#Comment_121006729

How in the name of God did he manage (while drunk) to turn you off her? You must have been easy to persuade back in the day. I thought that was the sort of thing that happened amongst girls, NOT guys.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121007081#Comment_121007081

power games? he just didnt want anything to do with her again, thats not playing power games.

just because she called him, and from another phone, and rejected him doesnt mean she was a great person.

RoboRat

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121007096#Comment_121007096

Hmmm, let's say I had a couple of incidents back in the day where I made bad judgment calls under the influence regarding the fairer sex, and I wasn't so confident in my decision-making process after one too many 🙄

Probably why I gave up drinking in excess, thankfully! Anyhow, perhaps it was fate as I met my wife a couple of years later and we're happily married for 12 years now (been together for 19 years).

RoboRat

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121007448#Comment_121007448

Definitely wasn't power games - never been into that sh1te. She did seem like a really nice person and my hazy memory was that we had a great laugh and she was very down to earth... I had to admire her for seeing through my mistake and calling it.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121007563#Comment_121007563

Yeah but they all seem like really nice people at the start. 😉

RoboRat

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121007611#Comment_121007611

True, and the same could be said for me. She obviously liked me enough to get my number and call, and I listened to my mate and blanked her. If I'm being honest, I deserved what I got and if something like that happened to my daughter, I would be very proud of how she handled it as you're only worth what you think of yourself.

Electric Gypsy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121007448#Comment_121007448

He clearly regretted not answering her calls, in case you didn't realise... it was his drunken friend's bad influence that turned him off her.

I didn't actually say he was playing power games; I said she got to make it look like he had been doing that. As he said himself, he learned a lesson. He wouldn't have learned that lesson if she hadn't threw it back in his face. Whatever sort of person she was I'm sure he'd have had a hell of an experience.

Manc-Red_

I think there’s a time and a place for most things within reason but the people who do it constantly are nothing but low-class.

Saying that some people have to be ghosted because they’re themselves a disgrace and cause havoc and most decent people should walk away from them and just ignore them.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121007908#Comment_121007908

You cant be sure of what kind of time he would have had with her, just because she was good looking? lol There are lots of them around. she could have cheated on him with his dad for all you know.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121008024#Comment_121008024

You have a really weird attitude towards women, dude.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121008064#Comment_121008064

I would easily have said the same about a man. I just think its weird to assume this woman was the woman of his dreams by chatting her in a bar twice, rose tinted glasses etc

I think you have a weird thing about me having a weird attitude towards women, it doesn't exist, dude.

Strumms

Can you randomly ghost someone ? Think ghosting has to be a deliberately, purposely targeted effort.

if I decide to ignore my cousin Sarah, it’s not very random. It’s a deliberate decision…

anyone I’ve ever ghosted it’s been with good reason, deliberate and with cause…

RoboRat

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121008078#Comment_121008078

Where did I say she was the woman of my dreams? I said she was gorgeous and we obviously must have clicked, and that I regretted ghosting her. She may have been a serial killer, boring, or just plain nuts... or she could have been great - who knows?

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/121008111#Comment_121008111

Exactly, thats what I was saying. It seemed like you and that other poster had your minds made up that she was the best thing since sliced bread.