Issue with strange person in Department outside of work

Lynnington3

This may not be the correct place for this but I’m having a strange issue with someone who works in my Department but not while in work.

backstory - I work from home 4 out of 5 days a week but I live very close to my office so I walk my dog everyday at lunch time near the office. I’ve been doing this for years as it’s my local walking route but I’ve only been working in the office since late last year.

Another person who works in the building (not my section) has been beeping at me from their car whenever they see me out walking. They don’t wave , don’t pull over to chat, just beep and keep staring straight ahead like they did nothing. I don’t know this person , have never spoken to them personally, and am only aware of them as my attention was brought to them my first week. I was sort of warned that they were a strange individual but that was all. Have not had one single interaction with them.

But this beeping continues. Most of the time on my walks I have a headphones on but not loud enough that I don’t notice. It happens almost every single time they drive past me (they work from office all the time) so it’s not some weird coincidence or anything.

Anyway, today I happened to bring my niece on my lunch walk and as I was tying up a poop bag after cleaning up after my dog , this person drove by and shouted from their car. They shouted something like “did he do a **** there?” Did not slow down , just shouted out and kept driving. My niece asked me if I knew that person and I said no.

I know this isn’t really a work issue as this person has never approached me in the office , but they obviously know me to see from the office as these encounters have only been happening since I started working there.

I obviously can’t approach them in the office but I’m not sure what (if anything) I can do about this. I’d rather they wouldn’t beep their horn at me or shout things from their car at me but I’m also aware that they’re not doing anything illegal.

It’s just strange and I find myself watching out for their car on my walks , waiting for the inevitable beep.

Anyone any thoughts?

NewbridgeIR

“I obviously can’t approach them in the office”

Why not?

I would. Ask them what the f*ck their problem is. They’ll probably go out of their way to avoid you in future.

Direct confrontation is usually the best way of resolving issues like this.

nachouser

Changing your route would probably solve it.

Lynnington3

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120830616#Comment_120830616

It’s my local park and ive been walking my dog there everyday for the last 13 years, so I’d rather not but thanks for the suggestion. I could maybe try walking him earlier or later in the day but I’ve got into a nice routine of walking at lunchtime.

Dslatt

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120830652#Comment_120830652

Next time you see them in the office just shout "beep" at them while holding an imaginary steering wheel.

I’d say confront them tbh if you’re not worried about them becoming hostile as a result

if you are then contact the Gardai or bring a friend who looks intimidating or whatever on your next few walks and let them have a word if he acts up.

9/10 chance the dudes just awkward or weird and just recognises you from work I don’t think they are necessarily out to cause harm but you’re more than in your right to tell them to cop on.

I wouldn’t tolerate it anyway.

heretothere

I don't see why you and your dog would have to change your route because of him. It is really odd. Maybe they think the little beep is enough of a hello. The yelling though was uncomfortable!

I think next time I'm in the office I'd ask him about it. Depending on my mood I might be direct and just ask him why. Or skirt a bit and say could he stop it give you a little jump and you don't like it.

Lynnington3

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120830607#Comment_120830607

I just feel like this person would make a big deal of being approached in the office for something that has nothing to do with the office. I was warned about them by a few different people in my first 2 weeks in the job , that they were strange , and tended to try bully new people . Telling them that they can’t bring in their own coffee machines in work even though it was cleared by the facilities team and even blocking someone in one day for parking in “their” parking spaces even though there are no designated parking spots.

Lynnington3

Just a note - I deliberately didn’t mention the person’s gender just to keep things as anonymous as possible but it’s interesting how a couple posters are assuming it’s a male - it’s actually a woman ! I am also a woman. So make of that what you will

Maybe this doesn’t sound great but if it was a male I would definitely feel more weirded out by the whole thing. The fact it a woman makes me wonder am I making a big deal over nothing

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120830724#Comment_120830724

You can nearly imagine why the assumption was drawn tho!!

look I’d just tell them cop on and let them cry about it. They’re obviously just some sort of control freak weirdo by the sounds of it. Someone id happily tell to feck off.

Doctors room ghost

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120830616#Comment_120830616

And the clown wins again.

not a fcukin hope would I change my route to accommodate a person like that. Either ignore them beeping op and starve them of the attention they crave or else ask them what their fcukin problem is.

NUTLEY BOY

" Direct confrontation is usually the best way of resolving issues like this. " With respect, this can be a classical way of achieving exactly the opposite result.

On the face of it, the colleague's conduct is as weird as it is unwelcome. However, if OP has no information or insight in to the mental status of the colleague, their personality and so on a direct confrontation could produce utterly unpredictable results. An air of studied indifference to the communications would probably be the safest thing for now.

If this conduct persists, the colleague may well be regarded as doing something illegal. Specifically, they might be guilty of harassment under section 10 of the Non-Fatal Offences against the Person Act 1997.

Extract of S. 10. NFOatPA 1997

(1) Any person who, without lawful authority or reasonable excuse, by any means including by use of the telephone, harasses another by persistently following, watching, pestering, besetting or communicating with him or her, shall be guilty of an offence.

(2) For the purposes of this section a person harasses another where—

(a) he or she, by his or her acts intentionally or recklessly, seriously interferes with the other’s peace and privacy or causes alarm, distress or harm to the other, and

(b) his or her acts are such that a reasonable person would realise that the acts would seriously interfere with the other’s peace and privacy or cause alarm, distress or harm to the other.

For now OP should keep a note, preferably in a diary form, of every interaction however trivial it might seem. It might also be helpful to OP to write up a summary of what has happened to date as part of an evidence log.

bullpost

You could try talking to her in the office now that shes directed a comment your way. Make light of it and just say to her that you think she shouted something at you while you were busy today and say you didnt catch what she said as you were busy with the dog? This way you are marking her card without being confrontational.

Apiarist

If you are stressed about it, how about talking to the person and ask them not to beep when they see you? From your description, it seems that this person may not have the conventional social skills. They might be trying to be friendly with you. You don't want the attention, so tell them about it straight. People with poor social skills do not read minds and often cannot understand hints either.

" I was warned about them by a few different people in my first 2 weeks in the job , that they were strange , and tended to try bully new people "

Being the devil's advocate here: could this be the opposite? This person might be bullied by your co-workers because she is "strange" and they gossip about her? Do you want to bully her too? It's the easiest thing to do -- just exaggerate your fears about this person and spread your fear among your co-workers.

Purple Mountain

I wonder if this person has some mental health diagnosis?

No excuse, just might bring some context.

If you are walking your dog at lunchtime, could it be jealousy thar you have a work from home arrangement 4/5 days a week and this is their way of showing it?

Again not an excuse, just some context.

I actually would speak to a manager about it.

She only knows yoy from work and is standing outside the building doing it.

I'd tell manager you obviously don't want anything done by it but you want it on record as it is making you uncomfortable.

You also have a witness now.

Mrs OBumble

Do nothing.

I think the other person is likely autistic or has some kind of personality disorder. So I'd not be looking to draw their attention on me.

And if you confront them and they do have a disability, then it could very easily lead to you being painted as the bully.

In general, varying your personal routine is good safety advice for deterring burglars and others. Slightly different routes and or times are all it takes to confuse many.

Lynnington3

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120830834#Comment_120830834

I am not in the slightest bullying her, nor do I want to at all . I have never even had an interaction with her in the office.

I have not gossiped about her, and I have not mentioned these instances to my coworkers , only my partner and now this forum , trying to keep it as anon as possible .

I know what you are saying about social skills but If they were trying to be friendly surely they would approach me in the canteen for a chat ? They see me there every week.

and I can also say the manner in which they shouted out the window of their car at me was not in the least bit “friendly “

granturismo

They shouted something like “did he do a **** there?” Did not slow down , just shouted out and kept driving. ....I know this isn’t really a work issue as this person has never approached me in the office , but they obviously know me to see from the office as these encounters have only been happening since I started working there.

I obviously can’t approach them in the office but I’m not sure what (if anything) I can do about this. I’d rather they wouldn’t beep their horn at me or shout things from their car at me but I’m also aware that they’re not doing anything illegal.

It’s just strange and I find myself watching out for their car on my walks , waiting for the inevitable beep.

Someone from work beeps at you - maybe they're just saying hello.

If it makes you uneasy contact HR or talk directly to this person.

dontmindme

Hey...how's it going...great to talk to you...what's the beeping about?

Apiarist

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120830910#Comment_120830910

You are being right not gossiping.

Look, there is a simple solution -- talk to her and tell her to stop beeping/interrupting your dog walks. If she is not reasonable -- raise the issue with her management. Changing your route or avoiding the confrontation makes you look weak and thus vulnerable to bulling by others (not just this person).

DoctorEdgeWild

I would say 'Hey, you were beeping at me, did you need help with anything? I had my headphones in so couldn't hear you'

Friendly, polite and professional.

hawaii501

Just wave when you hear the beep next time.

Simple and you'll probably receive a wave back. No awkwardness then.

nachouser

I dunno, if it was some random person doing it (not someone from work), the general advice would probably be along the lines of a) ignore it, b) change your routine or c) make a show of taking a photo of the driver and their car reg next time.

Just because they work in the same department as you doesn't really change the scenario that much. Isn't the general advice "don't bring outside of work stuff into work."

No-one's going to care that Mary from accounts is beeping at you, and there's probably not much to be gained from directly addressing Mary (that you've been warned is a bit off) in the office about it.

Anyway, good luck with it.

bucketybuck

If all that happens is that she beeps the horn while driving past, if that is the only thing that happens, then is this really worth worrying about?

The village idiot beeps her horn, in isolation its not exactly the end of the world.

Apiarist

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120831380#Comment_120831380

Personally, it would annoy me if I am trying to walk my dog in peace and someone beeps their horn nearby. Especially if it happens again and again.

bucketybuck

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120831424#Comment_120831424

It might be annoying, but when you already know its done by the local nut is it really worth escalating?

Personally I would just move the time of walking the dog by 5 or 10 minutes, assuming she is always driving by because she is going to or from work.

Goldengirl

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120830724#Comment_120830724

Wow. Had a picture in my head. Male . Until I read this post .

I think this is low level bullying trying to make you feel uncomfortable.

Advise if you do speak to them you have a colleague / friend with you to witness the interaction as it has been mentioned they are a bit of a bully to new people .

I would definitely address it though .

Shouting at you from the car is aggressive and not excusable , while the beeping could be construed as a salute .

Just say it gives you a start and makes your dog nervous , and why did you shout at me out the window ?

Also agree with that the person may have some mental health issues but in fairness even if people are on the spectrum they need to be gently told if their behaviour is off .

Maybe do talk to the person who showed you around and mentioned their 'strangeness ' . Is this a manager ? They might be able to give you some advice .

pgj2015

Nip it in the bud asap, I would say it to her and don't be polite about it. oddballs aren't stupid in my experience, she will know it annoys you and not to do it again.

I thought it was a male as well, had visions of robin williams in one hour photo driving by lol.

AyeGer

Absolutely no reaction at all is probably the best solution and they should get bored doing it. Another would be to take note of each incidence and get a witness to it. Approach management in your workplace and see what they think.

YellowLead

I don’t think there is anything odd about the beeping - a lot of people do that when passing somebody they know. It’s very annoying, but it’s common. I think it’s more of a country thing.

The shooting about the dog poo thing is strange though given you were cleaning it up but could be a result of lack of social skills/ mental condition. As somebody else says, just wave next time she beeps - she might think you’re the rude one when you don’t.

coolbeans

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120830616#Comment_120830616

I see this a lot in Ireland. Change your route routine/habit etc to suit the bully, arsehole/clown etc. Why like? Do you not see that you're only encouraging bad behaviour?

HeidiHeidi

Big smile and a wave every time she beeps at you from now on.

Kill her with kindness.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120831643#Comment_120831643

We’re soft that’s why. Irish people would rather avoid a confrontation by changing their whole routine in my experience.

It’s ridiculous tbh and I really don’t understand why. It’s the diametric opposite of “fighting Irish”

NewbridgeIR

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120830895#Comment_120830895

Sounds like this person has “form” so others are well aware of her behaviour. On that basis, OP unlikely to be considered a bully. Being autistic is not an excuse for acting like a jerk.

nachouser

...

I would completely and utterly ignore her. When she beeps, don't even look in her direction. Continue as if you see and hear nothing.

She is looking for your attention. Don't give it to her.

If she beeped and waved, that could be easily explained, if a little odd for someone you've never interacted with.

But beeping while staring straight ahead, is very odd.

She's messing with your head, and its working. I'd nearly guarantee, that talking to her about it, will cause it to escalate.

Flinty997

"...I was sort of warned that they were a strange individual..."

I think I would ask HR whats the story.

never_mind

I think the big smile and wave comment might be the best course of action.

You could also email the person about something random and slightly work-related and ask what the beeping about is if you don't want to confront her face-to-face. At least then it's in writing...

tringle

Bump into her at work and ask her casually if that's her you meet every morning then say the beeping really stresses the dog. Some people may not have great social skills with people but are considerate of animals.

zoobizoo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120869328#Comment_120869328

This is what I was thinking...

It's not harassment or bullying to beep at someone. If she is slightly odd, she might see the beeping as a friendly thing to do. She may have additional needs - social ones anyway.

As for the dog - maybe that's her way of conversing, albeit odd. Maybe she drove off thinking "Dang, did I really stop and say that! I'm an idiot"...

There are a lot of assumptions by posters that she's messing with your head / trying to get at you.

Spon Farmer

The beep was probably just her saying hello. Acknowledging that she knows you. I don’t understand the problem there. Happens to me and I just ignore it as I probably won’t see who it is before they are gone anyway.

Shouting out the window about the dog poop is strange though. My first thought is that she did it because she saw you with a child/teenager and so maybe used cursing thinking it would be funny to embarrass or annoy you somehow.

Next time you see her in the office just say you thought it very rude and please don’t do it again. You can also ask them to stop beeping at you but she will probably do that anyway.

EDIT: the previous poster has probably hit the nail on the head, it is what I was thinking too and my advice to say to her she was rude, etc should be ignored.

Just let her beep. When you next encounter her try some small talk.

She is probably very well aware that other call her odd - so just try being nice.

kirk.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120830979#Comment_120830979

Person sounds unhinged or maybe personality disorder

The behavior could escalate .This may be the tactic here.

As an adult I'm able to choose to ignore some nutter blowing a car horn

The DayDream

OP already has ignored this person. It didn't work. They escalated from beeping to yelling.

You've been warned about this person so her behaviour is known about. You won't be seen as the bully.

Go up to her in the office and ask her, 'What did you shout at me when you were driving past the other day?' get her to repeat it. Often when someone says something out of line, making them repeat it makes them uncomfortable. Especially considering what she said isn't exactly polite conversation. Shouting out of a car is a bit weird anyway but what she said is even weirder.

Then I would just shake my head like 'Okay, that's bizarre but whatever' and do as the other poster suggested and say that the dog gets stressed out by loud noises so if you don't mind I'd rather you not yell at your car or beep the horn when you see me out, because she's very nervous.

I think that's a good strategy to use the dog as it seems like it's not bothering YOU and you're not trying to tell her to eff off only looking out for the dog. And for her she will have to concede that only a real arsehole would be a jerk to a dog.

kirk.

Seems to be different opinions anyhow

My way of looking at it is you're feeding into it by engaging with this person

This behavior can then manifest itself in some other way when the beeping stops