Is it possible for friendships to last a lifetime?

Uncharted2

I was reading an article about friendships recently and after reflection, for me personally it isn't possible.

I have been friends with people 10 and 20 years and we somehow drifted apart but never really feel out.

Another friend I am still currently friends with for 25 years, looks to be heading the same way sadly, mainly because they've fallen in with new people they've meet and I knew these people beforehand for years, and don't have font memories of them.

Another friendship gone sadly, I've given up at this stage.

Zico

Maybe only family can last a lifetime.

It's like watering plants, I've been away from friends for a long time but we touch base occasionally and when we get together it's special.

Do you still enjoy their company?

If you do, keep in touch it's worth it.

mistress_gi

I've had friends for nearly 30 years that i am still super close with, I've made new friends in the meantime but those 2 are in my inner circle for sure.

I see nothing to stop us being friends for life.

We're all in different countries too but the friendship is still there

HildaOgdenx

Mod - Moved from PI as it appears to be a discussion thread.

Local charter now applies.

Hilda

I think they can, but it takes work.

I know my mother formed friendships with some other girls in her teens (early work life) that lasted all her life, even through living in different countries for a couple of years, right into their old age until they passed away, one by one.

I have a friend I made when I was 13 that I haven't seen in a while, but I know if I pick up the phone, she'll be here as quick as she can, even though its 40 years later.

So I say yes, they can.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058303363/is-it-possible-for-friendships-to-last-a-lifetime

Why does your friendship of 25 with someone have to end because they have made friends with other people?

You can have more than one group of friends - they don't have to interact with each other.

Goldengirl

Agree with this .

I have some friends since we were small , others since my teens and 20s, training colleagues and ex work , other mammy friends ;)

You can't expect to have the same things in common with all these people at any one time and you do fall in and out with some over time .

But most of them, especially the oldest ones , we can get together and laugh and cry and support each other still , although maybe not always in person .

Don't write them off just because it feels different . Some will move on and are gone into new friendships that may not include you but it may not be forever. People go through phases and changes in their lives and people whom you love and who love you are worth treasuring .

Doesn't mean you hang around waiting though ..move on and enjoy your own new friends.

mulbot

43 years, still best friends from when we were sat as 6month olds to play in the sands at the local river with our mothers.

SVI40

58 years old, still friends with my pal I met when we started school 54 years ago.

I.R.Y.E.D

Still friends with three of the four lads I met on the first day of primary school. The fourth unfortunately died in our teens.

We are from different types of families, went to different secondary schools, had different life experiences, huge rows and only have hiking and camping as a common hobby.

Despite this we have always kept in touch, meet up when ever we can, even virtually when living in different countries and been there for each other when really needed, been best men and groomsmen etc.

Unfortunately one of them had a mental breakdown in 2018 which is something that they were always afraid of happening to them as mental health issues run on his dad's side of the family and their brother has suffered from depression since his teens.

He was self harming but that appears to have stopped after a two week stay in a psychiatric ward after a family member brought him to the hospital after the last incident, but has now gone down the whole new world order, great replacement, E.U. overlords búllshit rabbit hole that some people do when affected by mental health issues.

He has completely cut all communion with the family members who brought him to the hospital and has effectively done the same with other family members and ourselves who have been trying to help him and his wife.

We know that until he is ready to get and accept help that he is essentially lost to us and his family. But we still haven't given up hope, and I still consider him a friend.

We still text him regularly as he won't answer a phone call, and live with the monosyllabic replies if any.

We send him emails to ask how he's getting on and to invite him to hiking meet ups but he either doesn't reply or just replies with links to conspiracy theorists and others trying to prey on him and others like him for money, saying we really need to watch and listen to them to see the truth.

I still refuse to lose hope, I just miss a good friend.

Uncharted2

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120795729#Comment_120795729

Mainly because my friend makes excuses everytime I want to meet for a catch up, and I find out that they are meeting these new friends instead. Why be dishonest and why not tell the truth instead

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120796723#Comment_120796723

It sounds like you're putting them in an awkward position and its making them feel uncomfortable.

They shouldn't need to lie to you, if they already have plans with other friends.

Maybe ease up a bit, and just say, "okay, another time!"

Goldengirl

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120795814#Comment_120795814

57 years ;)

3 year old best friend and I ❤

Jim_Hodge

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120796723#Comment_120796723

Your other thread suggests it's a lot more than that TBH

iamwhoiam

I started Junior Infants with my best friend 65 years ago . We have been there for each other ever since . We were kids together , teens , had kids and now have grandchildren and never lost touch .

Goldengirl

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120796306#Comment_120796306

You are a good friend . You are doing your best so go easy on yourself and take care .

Your friend just needs to be kept included and when he is ready he will come back .

Jim_Hodge

I have some friends almost 60 years and have seen friendships drift away after as much as 25 years or more. Life changes and people have different things going in in their lives. New friends are always possible too.

Goldengirl

Oh OP , have seen your other thread now .

Is this about the same story ?

Think you should return to the previous thread to show respect for those who have already given you advice on this .

I think from this discussion here you can see that , yes, it is possible for friendships to weather the years .

Your situation, if the same as the other thread is a bit different , so not sure if this is appropriate anymore .

Thank @Jim_Hodge

Is this the same friend as your other thread, OP?

I.R.Y.E.D

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120796867#Comment_120796867

Thanks.

However difficult it is for me and the others to see the way he is, it is a thousand times more difficult for his family who deal with him daily.

I'm not being hard on myself and while I haven't lost hope, I'm well aware from my previous occupation working with people who have addiction issues, of the sad fact that not everyone accepts the help offered to them and gets better, because in their mind it isn't them that has the issue but everyone else, or it is everyone else's fault that they are experiencing any issues.

brokenbad

I can count on one hand the number of true friends i have....

Current and former work colleagues i get on well with, in laws or casual acquaintances from down the pub don't count as i wouldn't consider them part of my inner circle.

Longest friendship i have is 34 years and counting - we keep in touch regularly via WhatsApp and meet up couple of times a year and it's like picking up where we left off.

As we all get older and have families and other commitments, time becomes more precious and its not always possible to keep a large circle of friends....

witchgirl26

I met my best friend when I was 4 & moved to the same road as here. 34 years of friendship. We're not in each others pockets & honestly can sometimes nowadays go quite a while between seeing her just because life gets in the way but when we do see each other, it's like nothing is different & we pick up where we left off. That to me is true friendship. I also know if I called her saying I was in trouble, she'd be there in a heartbeat (& I'd be the same for her). I've other friends since secondary school & college too that I wouldn't see as often as any of us would like but we try to keep the communication up no matter what.

In terms of what you say OP about your friends being friends with a group you're not fond off & not telling you the full story when refusing plans because they're meeting up with these friends. Do you maybe think that they know your feelings on these other friends of theirs & that them not telling you is more trying to protect you rather than anything else.

seenitall

I’ve recently spent time with a friend who I’ve known since we were around 10 or so (so around 40 years). She was always a vivacious, agreeable, caring, self-confident, fun girl, and although we would have lost touch for some big stretches over the years, we would always have good times when together.

This time was different.

Over the few days I spent with her, it’s like the scales fell from my eyes. Yes she has that caring vibe, up to a point, but is also very self-absorbed, and actually not very considerate of her surroundings, so to be honest, the “caring” optics don’t really count for much. Her self-confidence is now actually a high-minded, all-pontificating, TOTAL obnoxiousness; in the few days I spent with her, there wasn’t a day that passed that she didn’t lecture me on what I’m doing wrong re: my life situation and what I should be doing better. I can only imagine the sensitivity that would show up had I done the same to her, and boy, was I tempted to because her relationship is a completely one-sided situation and you wouldn’t see me dead taking the kind of carp she so lovingly takes from her partner, who is a total manipulator. It was very galling seeing someone under the thumb of their partner to such an extent, who then will turn around and treat a friend to some very uncalled for lectures of a personal kind. Crikey. I was her guest so, what with me being rather non-confrontational anyway, I didn’t feel like there was a lot of scope for pushing back. I have never in my life seen anyone revel in themselves and their so-called fabulousness that much! This person has changed through the years and I had completely missed it, together with any warning signs. Now I know, and I’ve no desire to continue the friendship on close terms. Shudder.

Thank you everyone for the opportunity to get it off my chest, so to speak!!

brokenbad

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120795610#Comment_120795610

Would disagree on the family statement - siblings from larger families do tend to drift apart as they get older and have their own families and the only time they see each other would typically be funerals, weddings, christenings, etc. Society nowadays and busy lifestyles doesn't really allow for quality time with family members as it takes a lot of effort.