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Compliments and nice words

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Comments

  • #32
    dontmindme
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 768 ✭✭✭dontmindme


    https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120694151#Comment_120694151

    Could it not be the OP's partner had anger or resentment that he didn't know how to process and was doing this 'punishment' unconsciously as a flag waving exercise and only admitted what they were doing when the OP put words on it. I don't see the value in making a judgement on it, this is what has happened. Explore with your partner why and how it has happened and explore how you can not repeat this going forward. Resolve the original argument.



  • #33
    TheadoreT
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 925 ✭✭✭TheadoreT


    You need to explore just what it is you think you like about him.

    If you ask 100 women what they'd like in their ideal partner, and then ask them to explain the relationship where they felt the most spark, A and B very rarely correlate, and are actually usually poles apart.

    The reality is, things that spark your emotions are very often what's lacking and not what's readily available. Having it too easy can be boring or non challenging. If you're in a regular state of anxiety about him like you seem to be here, the release of dopamine when times are good will feel incredible. This is what women attribute as spark or chemistry, and why so many can be in non fulfilling relationships on the whole but keep coming back for those dopamine hits and multiple orgasms.

    Likelihood is he's not that special at all if you look at the cold hard facts. And he seems to be taking you for granted at the very least, and likely emotionally manipulating you for his own benefits.

    --------------------------------------------

    Gender generalisations are not welcome in this forum



  • #34
    Hannibal_Smith
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 7,429 ✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith


    He's explained why he's been like that for the last 3 weeks, but what about the time before that? If he's never been complimentary then there is still a disconnect there that's going to continue to be upsetting to you because in all this time he hasn't tried to meet you half way.

    In fact hes using what he knows upsets you as a stick to beat you with by sulking for 3 weeks over an argument and deliberately punishing you for your part in the argument by withdrawing affection all that time. None of us are perfect and we all have our quirks but it doesn't mean all you have to endure it.



  • #35
    osarusan
    Registered Users, Registered Users 2 Posts: 16,855 ✭✭✭✭osarusan


    The bit about him openly saying that he's punishing you for an argument seems much more of a concern than him not being comfortable verbalising affection.

    Regarding that, unless his failure to verbalise make you doubt that he actually feel it, I don't see it as a huge problem, even if you'd like to hear it said.



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