obsessively nosey neighbour

Hi All

so i have a really nosey eldery neighbour. Between obsessing about what i am doing in my house (which i just put down a trivial thing), asking really direct personal questions and really just prying. I ignored it for a long time and put it down to being old and bored. But I am a contractor and recently the postman delivered a letter saying my company name to his address. he rang me to say he has it rather just popping it in my postbox. Anyway that was 5 months ago, recently i say him outside (i tend to avoid as much as possible lately) and he started going on about the letter and how it said i was director. So he said he googled it and it said i had a company but there was no money in it (so he must have paid for a statement off the CRO) and asked me was i bothered that my home address was on it (this I think he was trying to make out that he was concerned). I replied I was not bothered and to be honest i was fairly stumped at the absolute intrusion this man was doing. He then straight out asked do i have a company or business. Now this was on top of earlier comments asking about my kids and am i with their mother, asking do i have a mortgage, asking how i could buy a house on my own, etc., questions that nobody else would dare to ask.

What would any of you do in this situation, the man is elderly and if he as younger i would have had ago at him for not minding his own business and being obsessed with my business. Just wondering peoples opinions on this cos the last day really bothered me as its borderline stalking at this stage.

HildaOgdenx

Mod - OP I have moved your thread to Accommodation and Property which is probably better suited to it.

Local charter now applies.

Hilda

TheadoreT

My opinion is he sounds lonely and looking for excuses to make conversation rather than anything malicious imo. You on the other hand sound a bit nasty.

By the looks you've written many threads about various neighbours and seem to have a bit of a god complex.

homer911

He sounds bored and lonely as well as being intrusive. Next time he asks something awkward I'd politely reply that there certain things that are private and you wont discuss with anyone - draw a line in terms of what is acceptable and what's intrusive

steinbock123

Next time he asks a question, bamboozle him. Are you with your wife ? “ Well actually, I’ve two wives and a mistress on the go, and kids with three others”. Have you a mortgage? “ No need, sure I won the lotto”. Have you a company ? “Ah sure it’s only a money laundering front for my drugs businesses”.

Keep him guessing, the more fantasmagorical answers you give him the better, he’ll soon cop on and stop asking.

JoChervil

I also think, he is lonely. And he would like to be needed. So instead of putting the letter in the box, he phoned you to let you know, that he did it, not a postman. I don't know his background but maybe he is really concerned. I think what triggered you were money questions. You might struggle with all your payments and touching this subject really annoyed you. It might have simply multiplied your worries.

It doesn't matter, if he is young or old, you are still allowed to keep your boundaries and stop him asking you questions. But you might lose on valuable advice. He is old, so maybe he learned some life truths.

Are you Irish? I am Polish. I once had an Irish tenant and after 6 months she moved out because I didn't ask her questions. In Poland we share our lives and people share theirs in response. Asking questions would be nosey. While she obviously craved them and it seemed she was not able to talk about herself without questions asked. So maybe there are cultural differences here, not a malice?

But I would bet on loneliness and the need to be needed.

You don't need to have a go at him. Just say that you don't feel comfortable with his questions. You are a private person and you would prefer, if it stayed that way. Focus on yourself and you needs instead of telling him, what he needs to do.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120561650#Comment_120561650

Or maybe I don't like neighbours who don't respect boundaries and respect others. I am private and I keep my business my own. Calling me nasty and then researching My past posts, ever think maybe I don't like interfering neighbours, I gave had plenty of great neighbours and I suppose its my fault for not posting about the good ones.

You have judged me cos I am not happy being quizzed on personal matters, if I want to tell my business then I would but in no way do I think you should pry and quizz someone.

But anyway, now I will read your past posts to see what kind of person you are

KaneToad

Nosiy neighbour is a bad neighbour. A nosey one is trivial. Don't answer his questions other than flippantly. He'll eventually tire.

He sounds like a grand neighbour. Just learn to deal with him better. When you encounter him, a big wave and smile but don't stop....be on the phone, be in a rush etc etc...

Maybe he is lonely and I gave no issue in conversations and general chit chat, its when it goes too far and crosses that line of acceptance

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120561994#Comment_120561994

Thing is I don't answer those questions and I do wave and give the friendly hello. The fact he researched me and paid for a financial document to see what my financial status is what bothers me, its beyond nosey

TheadoreT

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120561985#Comment_120561985

You're private? You're messaging very distinguishable details about your life on irelands biggest message board, making mountains out of molehills and lack the basic communication skills to deal with extremely trivial personal matters.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120562166#Comment_120562166

Lack of communication, what would you do, approach an elderly person, no matter what you approach that is would seem as aggressive.

I was asking what people would do but your response attacked me straight away, so yeah go on away and troll someone else

KaneToad

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120562007#Comment_120562007

Your financial state (some of it) is public record though. That's the breaks...

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120562318#Comment_120562318

Yeah I know, I think it just takes a certain type to actively seek it out for no other reasons other than being nosey, you actually have to pay for it

n.d.os

One thing I've learnt about this forum is that most of the posters on here are generally out to tell you that you are a **** person.

It sounds a bit strange. Just keep your distance from him for a while. I think that's the best thing to do. It's not your problem if he's lonely. I think he's being quite intrusive to be honest.

unfortunately

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120562007#Comment_120562007

You have to pay to get the financial statements from the CRO. However, there are websites that re-publish them for free. He may have simply googled the company name out of curiosity and was able to access the financial statements. He didn't actually do anything wrong; he has a right to access those documents, as does everyone. It's the cost you pay for enjoying the benefit of limited liability.

Nothing like a good neighbour, which I am very fortunate to have. I haven’t a clue what they work at, it has no relevance to me. We have each others’ keys in case of dire emergency. I have a mobility issue, they always text do I want anything in the shop or chemist. There’s no inquisitions between us, we would chat about neutral things outside the door. I would not like a very intrusive neighbour.

riclad

He is curious, he may be bored or lonely,most people get a mortgage to buy a house unless they are wealthy , look on the bright side ,he is not waking you up with load music at 7am or having partys till 2 o.clock at night.He is not not causing you any trouble .just be polite but dont get into

long conversations about money or personal topics.some people tend to act in odd ways when they get old ,he may have no friends and a very limited social life or simply have nothing to do if he is single with no family nearby He is not an alcoholic ,heb is probably old,lonely and curious, peoples privacy is limited now eg if you have someones name you can just google them they are probably on facebook or instagram.if you are a director or a senior manager of a public company your name will appear on various public records .

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120562681#Comment_120562681

We'll agree to disagree on that one, yes by the letter of the law he did nothing illegal, but to go out of your way to pry and get information on your neighbour for no other reason only being nosey is just downright intrusive and meddling, other companies check for business reasons, no one I know of check for personal nosey reasons just to satisfy their own agenda.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120562765#Comment_120562765

Yeah I do agree, but it just doesn't sit right with me, I would never pry into someone's finances, to go deliberately out of their to find as much info as possible, maybe it's a normal occurance that I just haven't seen before

beertons

Search up him on the Internet. Then tell him the next time he is over what you found.

He's just lonely and bored. Your neighbour could be much much worse.

mrslancaster

People who overstep the mark asking personal questions like that are just being nosey and are not entitled to get answers. No excuse that he may be lonely. You dont need to answer just to be polite.

Next time he asks anything just say

"Id rather not say" or Thats private" or "thats a good question, what do you think" or

"why would you ask that" or "why do you want to know" or "why does that interest you"? Just a few ways to avoid answering.

If he says i'm just curious you say "are you always this curious"?

If he says he likes to get to know his neighbours you say "thats interesting, do you ask all the neighbours personal questions"?

If he says hes just making conversation you say "wow, you really ask a lot of personal questions don't you". "Sorry, I'm in a rush, have to go. You have a good day" Then walk away.

Of course you could just say "thats none of your business" which wont win any popularity contests but if it happens a few times, he'll get the message.

Garibaldi?

You don't have to discuss your business with this person. However a lot of information is now available about many of us on Google, social media etc. This individual may not be as circumspect about raising your business affairs with you because they did not grow up with the internet and learn to take it all with a grain of salt. Aside from all of that, a nosey neighbour is preferable to one who would turn a blind eye to an intruder on your property.

Thanks for all the good replies, def food for thought and I will look at different strategies, killing with kindness may be a good option

herbalplants

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120564582#Comment_120564582

👆 Perfect answers above

Fitz II

Ask yourself how much his questions actually effect your life. Then ask how much having a neighbor that hates you could effect your life. Its an easy calculus from there.

As others have said just give him flippant and sarcastic answers. Aggressive or argumentative answers will serve no real purpose, and your not going to change this chaps personality by pointing out how bad a person you think he is.

People are strange, and some people are really strange. Most have a good heart and just dont know they are being strange. All we can do is moderate our responses to other people and the path of least resistance is usually to put up with them and not let them occupy your brain space.

eggy81

Sounds like a bit of an annoying fecker to be honest. Be getting short shrift from me if he approached asking questions about a business with financial details. Very short.

DownByTheGarden

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058295416/obsessively-nosey-neighbour

I had a neighbor like that years ago. First I planted trees along the border and out the front. Couple of years and you couldnt see over them.

They were telling us what colour to paint the house and thgat the garden needed to be kept better etc. Always complaining about something from the day we moved in. noone around the place liked them wither, we found out eventually.

Our other strategy was when we would meet them outside by accident and the inevitable torrent of nosy questions, like your neighbors ones, came we would tell them something differrent every time. One time I told him that I was a fireman. The next day my wife told him that I was a diving instructor. The next day i told his wife that I made kites for surfers. Then again I told her that I was a prison officer.

One day I even told him that he got my name wrong. It was a different name :)

I think I told them I was from about 10 different counties over the years too.

Used to get great fun out of the looks of confusion on their faces.

So they could ask all the questions they liked, we would get some fun out of it, and they got zero information.

Of course they asked the other neighbors for the truth but the other neighbors werent near as nosy and only had info we volunteered and never asked for any more.

riclad

Alot of people would like to know if their neighbour has a mortgage ,he lives alone he maybe be bored , old people may not know you may google people but you should not be asking them questions about finance or data found online ,you maybe lucky you are not living next door to a drug dealer or a criminal .

There's alot worse than a nosey neighbour

Just try and keep conversations short

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120564582#Comment_120564582

Or a simple f off. I don't care if they're lonely.

If they're sound, I'll make time. Not a busy body, nosey neighbour.

RichardAnd

I could be wrong, but that sounds like a mental health issue. Regardless, you have a right to you privacy, and that old man is going far beyond what is acceptable. In my opinion, you need to direct and tell him that his intrusion is out of order and that it needs to cease.