Considering a threesome

BroadBandQ

Interesting. The usual stuff applies - sexuality is a spectrum, most people are a little curious or bi. Plus, our sexuality changes over time or it evolves. You only live once, I would go ahead and experiment if I was you.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120325727#Comment_120325727

"sexuality is a spectrum, most people are a little curious or bi."

That's a whole different topic.

BroadBandQ

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120325790#Comment_120325790

Yes, fair point. I thought the OP was being too harsh on herself for not having experimented with a girl before settling with a guy. It was in that context that I posted - you may not have wanted it that much at the time but sexuality changes over time, like everything does. So don't be too hard on yourself.

alias no.9

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120324743#Comment_120324743

What's ironic is that I was asked to join a couple in bed years ago but I was far too young at the time so backed out.

This could be an angle to introduce the topic gently. If you're ever talking about that period of your life you could do the whole you'll never guess what happened this one time, this couple asked me to join them for a threesome, I didn't do it. Then ask if anything like that ever happened to him? If his immediate reaction seems receptive, you could add that you sometimes wonder how it might have gone and allow the conversation develop.

AyeGer

Could you sell the idea as you are doing it for your boyfriend. Ask him if he would be interested in seeing you with another woman.

bucketybuck

I think this is a Pandora's box situation - what could it potentially do to your partner's trust and confidence in the relationship?

Its very much a Pandoras box situation. But the important thing to be aware of is what option will NOT be in that box when it opens.

And that is the option for everything to go back to the way it was before.

Open this particular box and the OP will shift the overton window, for good or bad her partners perception will change and it won't ever change back.

People suggesting ways to raise the topic but that is the easy part, anybody can google swingers sites. What the OP needs to do is decide whether or not she wants to change the entire parameters of the relationship permanently.

Dial Hard

It's an extremely common fantasy and I think it's a bit alarmist to say that even just bringing it up in the abstract is going to light a grenade under the OP's relationship.

OP, have you two ever talked/fantasised about a threesome during sex, or sexted about it at all?

gameoverdude

Single and a bit of fun and the others are as well, why not.

Serious relationship, I don't share.

I've heard conversations if that they get with another woman it's not cheating. Want to be with somebody else, break up. In my opinion.

BattleCorp

Speaking as a male, I wouldn't participate if my wife seriously suggested it. Being honest, I'm the jealous type so I wouldn't be in favour of these types of shennanigans. I think it would drive a wedge between us to be honest. A wedge that could split us apart.

Knowing that your partner has a strong desire to have sex with someone else is something that would upset many relationships.

@bucketybuck said it perfectly. The option to go back to the way things were before won't be on the table.

But then again, it's very hard to fight a desire like that.

JoChervil

OP, you seem to want to have a cake and eat it. In life we make choices. And then reject other options. It doesn't matter, if it is a woman or a man, you would be attracted to. If you are in a happy relationship, you reject all other options. So I suspect your relationship is not that happy, as you think it is. If I were you I would first investigate, if it is you who wants something more. Or you think it is your boyfriend, who would like something more. And you are willing to provide it for him.

Frankly I don't think it will work long term. Even, if your boyfriend agrees, it will sooner or later lead to a break up. But maybe that's what you really want?

Apiarist

People are so serious and careful here. I would advise to the OP to explore her sexuality sooner rather than later. Yes, discovering that someone is a bi or a lesbian will change things forever, but living a life with a regret for not even trying is worse.

PAI1

I wanted honest opinions and experiences so I'm grateful for all of the comments.

I had put these thoughts aside when things with my boyfriend got serious and I was genuinely fine with that until recently when the idea of the threesome came up. Can anybody honestly say that they've never had a dirty thought that wasn't necessarily about their partner? Sure, most people would never act on it and I wouldn't typically even consider it. But the difference here is that this idea includes my boyfriend and I (maybe naively) thought that it could be something that he might get excited about too because it's usually portrayed as the ultimate fantasy for a man. Maybe that's just lad talk and the opinions expressed here are a more realistic for a lot of men, particularly those in relationships.

Honestly I'm still getting my own head around whether it's something I really want to explore or whether it's just a silly fantasy. I won't be suggesting it any time soon but if I do in the future I'll proceed with caution and gauge his reaction first.

iniscealtra

It’s a fantasy for those not in a relationship a lot of the time. People are possessive and protective when in a good relationship often. Others are like that in any relationship. You seem possessive and protective, so that doesn’t bode well for this senario.

ChickenDish

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/120355780#Comment_120355780

Your asking in the wrong place. On boards all you will get is a mis match of decent advice and people commenting on their own hang ups. A better place to look would be on a forum with like minded people. They could offer real world advice having been there and done that. Or you could chat to people like yourself who are contemplating doing it.

Personally if my missus suggested one I'd say yes in a heartbeat. After laying down the ground rules, I go about doing exactly what I advised you too do, talk to people who have experience with this.

raze_them_all_

Threesomes are a lot of fun but be very careful with them.

You have to be very realistic going into them, what you want, what you are willing to do/not willing to do.

You also both need to be attracted to the third and them be attracted to both of you or else someone will feel left out.

If its just going to be a one off I seriously suggest planning it for a Friday then planning just you two activities for the sat and Sunday if needed. And I don't mean sex activities, I mean dates, just you two.

You also have to go in knowing that your boundaries and what you are into might not align with the thirds.

Honestly threesomes can be **** if all 3 people aren't open and feeling everyone involved.

You also have to be prepared for the fact your bf might finish on her if she is going down on him or when he's in her(condoms obvs) if that's not something you could be okay with skip it.