Do you ever feel like getting rid of all your friends?

cezanne

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119835473#Comment_119835473

There is nothing wrong with your choice loads of folk have made this choice and especially since Covid it wsa very easy to lose the friends who did not entertain you but merely drained you . There is nothing worse than someone depriving you of solitude yet affording you no company while they are there. I love my own space and company i read voraciously and i have 2 whippets most loving friends ever. Some friends call from time to time but the effort to see them is exhausting so i make excuses. There is a very big club of us .

Breezy_

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119840722#Comment_119840722

what age are you? Kids? Family? Are you introverted? Personality type? Are you an ass? Curious to see what your soon to be non existent friends think of you...

Potential-Monke

I think people overuse some words. Friend is one of them (and love is the other major one). Very few people have actual friends, but everyone has a few or a lot of acquaintances. I can count on one hand the number of people outside of my family I would call a friend. I'm unsocial in general, so have very few friends, but the few I have I believe I can count on, and vice versa. The great thing about my group is that we all know we have our own crap to be dealing with, so don't lump it on each other. They're the true friends imo.

Yeah, I don't reach out, but as someone else said above, the phone works both ways.

cezanne

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119840774#Comment_119840774

No need to be insulting my step children are abroad & i am pleased to have a small life not involving the histrionics of others. Oddly my friends like me as i am interesting and i am an antique jewellry dealer so i am not alone i do mix with folk but i dont have to be drained by their whining & family issues we merely discuss the pieces I are selling or exchanging.

EmmetSpiceland

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119844543#Comment_119844543

Friends or customers?

cezanne

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119844577#Comment_119844577

Customers, returning customers so by all accounts acquaintances, which are lovely you can have a glass of wine with an acquaintance without too much mental strain and its enough for me. I have found that friendships are often one way - one person does a lot and the other doesnt, so by letting them go i dont get caught up in the resentment or passive aggressive feelings. I recently let a 20 year friendship go over a simple text. They asked me to do a favour i offered to fulfill 75% of the favour and they got thick, so i let it slide and i feel free as i regularly helped this person at great cost to myself. I never requested similiar favours from her ever. So sometimes friends are merely users.

con___manx1

I have a gang of friends that I have been friends with since school/college. We are in our late 30ths now. Last year 5 of us got together and went away for a few days. Left the wives gf kids behind. Friends are very important to me anyway. One is seriously sick at the moment and im honestly devastated over it.

Dial Hard

Whatever about cutting out one or two toxic people who don't add anything to your life (which is a healthy choice and one not enough people exercise, imo), I think anyone who decides the entire concept of friendship is a fallacy and opts out entirely has major issues, tbh.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119844837#Comment_119844837

They might not have major issues, they maybe just prefer their own company?

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119844927#Comment_119844927

There's a gaping chasm between preferring your own company and believing there's no such thing as a true friend and everyone is just out to use you.

Seanachai

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119840680#Comment_119840680

Could be that if they haven't reached the same milestones as you they feel a bit lesser maybe?

Seanachai

If you take them for granted, they might get rid of you, as happened in my case with a friend of almost 15 yrs.

Previous to this I cut contact with a friend I'd known since childhood, it was mostly down to being tired of drinking sessions, my own personal issues, and not getting along with his wife.

I do feel regret about it every now and then, I think about reaching out but then I figure too much time has passed.

Shred

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119845440#Comment_119845440

Sorry I don't get you? Fwiw, the friend I referred to has hit many of the same milestones as me also; we got married and had kids at a similar time, bought our houses not too far apart, both of us have good careers etc.

Strumms

I ninjad one about two years ago.

he got married, had kids and moved to a small town abroad where his missus was from…but he went odd.

a very communicative, fun and social guy but all of a sudden he’d take days to reply to a WhatsApp or FB message.

all conversations were his family, kids, wife… he was seemingly doing nothing fun… just working for this family unit…on their property and his job… guy mid thirty’s had turned into a boring auld fella…

lost interest in football, bands / music … just seemed a different guy… less at ease with himself or life and no social scene independent of his family there.

when I ended up in hospital for a duration I’d have expected some degree of interest or concern but really it was clear I was an afterthought which was fine, but surprising.

bumped into his brother and he’s been suitably odd and distant with them to the point of falling out with his sister…. A while back both he and wife changed relationship status to indicate their marriage was ending…and all single pics from what were their family pics…together.

i was tempted to enquire after his wellbeing, but seemingly the lack of interest in mine … I just deleted the lot of em…..just one friend but not regretting it.

thenumber3

Liked this a while back from The New Yorker

BrianD3

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119844837#Comment_119844837

That sounds like a female pov. Many men find, based on experience, that friendship is a fallacy.

Men spend their lives competing with each other for resources and women while being constantly judged on how they are performing and how "useful" they are. Both women and other men find male weakness to be disgusting. Result is men disappearing if their friends hit bad times - which shows that that those friendships were fair weather, superficial and activity based.

Because Biology.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119845691#Comment_119845691

Sure, Jordan.

BrianD3

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119845696#Comment_119845696

Ok, Karen.

EmmetSpiceland

I’ve got friends from various stages of my life. Sure, I don’t see the guys I grew up with that often but we’re still in touch. I still meet people I worked with in previous jobs.

I’d see friends from school and college, fairly, regularly. It’s just not that easy to get out as much when kids come along. Although, you do see tend to see them at kid’s birthday parties etc.

For me, it’s about not putting too much “pressure” on things. People will get out when they can. I wouldn’t be, actively, cutting people out unless they turned weird, or toxic. Something I haven’t encountered since my teens.

Sunny Disposition

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119845691#Comment_119845691

Ah come on, anyone who decides that the idea of friendship is a fallacy is obviously very damaged. That's simply crazy thinking.

Aurelian

I live in the country so things can be a bit quiet! 2 of my close friends emigrated to different continents, 1 moved across the country and I see him about once a year. 4th friend we just abruptly drifted apart. So I now have no friends really.

I've 2 good Dublin friends but we only meet every so often to do specific things. I'm in a couple of sports clubs which is grand to meet them but they are really only friends for training and the odd social night.

I've now accepted that when you are in your 30s, that's how it is. I think I'm going to be forced to take up golf just to get that casual male friendship and a pint thing back

yourdeadwright

Iv had the same group of 15 or so friends since school, Some of that group even date back to primary school . All of us hitting 40 now,

Blessed to have grown up with these people, have helped me through many tough times in life like i have them, Everyone's had there own issues at different stages of life over different things but thankfully have always had friends to help them out which ever way possible,

Now all of kids are growing up as mates ,I even see a few of them almost daily on the school run , 5 a side, gym , things like that others might go a few weeks or months without seeing and nothing ever changes in how we are together,

Good people are hard to find cherish them ,,

orourkeda1

I'm introverted by nature. Added to this I'm not the biggest fan of other people as they tend to annoy me greatly.

I have a small circle of close friends.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119845390#Comment_119845390

I never said "there is no such thing as a true friend and everyone is out to use you".

pgj2015

I think a lot of men just get boring and lazy as they get married and have kids. really? you dont want to go to a gig/football match, cinema, pub, holiday with an old friend etc you would rather stay in watching coronation street with your wife like every other night? ok your loss.

some men also like to be under the thumb as I have copped on to lately.

My friends are very important to me. I genuinely could not even contemplate ever wanting to oust them from my life. We care for an about each other. We challenge each other and help each other grow. We support each other when and how we can - but also hold each other accountable and check each other if and when needs be. They are an extension of myself and I care deeply for them and I would no sooner want to oust them than wish to lop off my own limb.

cezanne

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119848317#Comment_119848317

Thats a beautiful sentiment but not everyone is as loving as you, they are lucky to have your loyalty !

BaywatchHQ

I haven't had any sort of friend in 9 years. This is mostly due to being socially inept but also because people use people when they are single and then ditch them when they get a girlfriend. I have noticed this among normal people too.

I wouldn't have much interest in forming any friendships as I don't trust people. I remember when I was 17 a long term friend since 5 years old ditched me at the start of sixth form as I wasn't popular to be seen with. He never spoke a word to me in those 2 years of sixth form. If people ditch you after 12 years of friendship then I simply don't trust the whole concept of friendship. The only people you should trust are your parents.

There was another former friend who stopped making contact when he got a girlfriend. I remember when we were 18 he said I was going to be the best man at his wedding. 8 years later and I never even got an invite to the wedding. If I bumped into these people on the street now and they talked to me I would walk to the other side of the street.

B.A._Baracus

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119851156#Comment_119851156

It's the age old thing sadly. I remember being a kid and hearing "When a bloke gets a bird... he's no where to be seen"

However should she give him the elbow he's ringing up his mates.

B.A._Baracus

I think the overall definition of a friend varies from person to person. However I believe the 'measuring stick' is a friend in need is a friend indeed. It separates the acquaintances from genuine friendships.

Because you know yourself, when you need help or support those who ain't your friend will make excuses.