Do you ever feel like getting rid of all your friends?

pgj2015

It crosses my mind sometimes, reasons are I like my own company, them sometimes not replying to texts, they never have money to do anything. And other friends have drifted so I think they all will eventually as well. Are people really your friends or will there be any left in a few years? maybe just block them all now?

Mr. teddywinkles

Welcome to your late 20s to mid thirties. 👋 people drift apart when marriage and kids takes over. Mostly because most are exhausted and older due to living 2 lives, work life and family life. The rest is squeezed in unfortunately.

pgj2015

A few have drifted who are single. 😂 they don't even have a wife and kids to blame.

gameoverdude

Do what you wanna do.

As I'm feeling in the mood,maybe not you, but I have a hankering to listen to Denis learys song. And yes I am.

Akrasia

Friends are great to have, don't 'get rid of them' Take a step back, but keep in touch.

Some day you'll need them, or worse, they'll need you.

Remember the saying , 'a friend in need, is a massive pain in the ass' But it's better to have a sore arse for a while than nobody to talk to when you need them

billyhead

Your friend is your pocket.

Mr. teddywinkles

Keep your friends close and your box sets closer.

gary550

I've one good quality friend, the type of lad who'll tell you to your face when he thinks your making a mess while also celebrating your successes without trying to "bring you down" if you know what I mean.

The rest only need me when it's handy for them, I don't reach out anymore and they only reach out when they either need something or want info or advice on something.

I've recently realised how valuable my time is to me and how much I enjoy just doing my own thing in my little spare time. I've dropped pretty much all the things I've being doing that I don't want to do and trying to keep shite friendships on life support is one of them.

I'd be 100% sure having no friends whatsoever is better than having bad ones.

Dazler97

Yes some friends alright, the smaller your circle the less drama, also the friends that keep in touch or something is true friends ya know, I've learned this and I'm 25

Tork

They think highly of you too...

elperello

I often thought of getting rid of both of them but never got around to it.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119835390#Comment_119835390

The ones you think are friends for life now, half of them probably aren't.

Gregor Samsa

I did that with my socks once. Just threw them all out one day and went and bought 15 pairs of black new ones. Cathartic, for a while. Until the new socks became old socks, and I was back where I started.

Breezy_

I stopped reaching out for a year, heard from nobody. I reached back out then and they were like "OOOh where have you been, haven't heard from you in ages" bollox, phones work both ways. People you've worked with or work with especially, don't bother with them.

So I stopped.

I talk to nobody. Am single and have no kids, had a partner cheat after 5 years and I don't think i'll ever get over the betrayal, live alone and have a job that has me on my own for 98% of the day...I go weeks not talking to anybody.

Fuk people.

Count Dracula

I found it difficult to comprehend what was happening to me in my late twenties when the gang I was in started cliquing off and invariably people, including myself, got or get dumped. I think it is to do with the degree of optimism and positivity which encompasses more socially minded people who like to assemble fraternize and coalesce in large groups, particularly in their early 20's . It is almost tribal.

However, the reality is that these groups form on very tenuous and pliable binds. Friendships soon develop within these webs, but they can, do and will disintegrate over time.

I have dumped friends from my life because they became a drain on my life. I am convinced people have done the same to me. The sparks of early childhood relationships are extremely difficult to nurture forever.

But I do relish good company and I massively miss all my mates and pals from down the years, bigtime. I am lucky enough to also harness enough optimism to allow me to look forward to meeting new ones. The eyes of a friend are a good looking glass.

chrissb8

When I was in my 20s I had loads of "friends". But I knew what they were in that regard, people, in a shared space and time. With lots of time/energy to socialise and have a good time. I knew the depth of these friendships. I also knew the friends I would hold on to and then ended up without two of those friends by the end of my 20s.

Or we lost each other because I changed completely to what they had become. And that is just what happens. People lose each other because they have lives to live and things to pursue. What's important is that you had a time together with great memories and those will last a lifetime.

You can make new friends. One's that are in your lane in life, one's you will understand relative to where you are and who you are. This is a process that continues throughout life. Just be sure to actually put yourself out there to achieve this. Don't moan about all my friends getting married or off somewhere else.

However, that said, if you have friends going back years, they are your rock and the ones who will ground you.

techman1

You don't have to "dump" your friends but you can just gradually drift away a bit if they don't fulfill your requirements. I think "friendship" has become commoditised in the modern world what with facebook and social media, so there is alot of stuff like "Me doing this with my besties" etc , but at the end of the day its very superficial and not that real or fulfilling.

Thats why pubs and that sort of setting is actually a good way of turning up or down the sort of acquaintance you want, you can gravitate to the type of people that chime with you. You are not doing any big commitment or anything just going to the pub for a drink. Thats why Irish pubs became famous because they were basically open forums that anyone could join in , exclusivity and cliques were frowned upon. Unfortunately we are losing alot of this now

Sigyn

No such thing as friends.

cuttingtimber22

Why don’t you watch the documentary about it?

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt11813216/

Dazler97

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119835438#Comment_119835438

Yes that's true but as years go on I'll notice it even more

Mad_maxx

Haven’t made a new friend since I was nineteen , that’s just how it is so I better hold on to what I did make

BrianD3

I don't have any to get rid of. I did seem to have a few in college but despite my efforts to maintain, we drifted and I'd now wonder whether we were ever friends. Male "friendships" tend to be situational or activity based. College, sport, the pub etc. I saw this with my father too. Had lots of golf buddies, some of them for over 50 years yet they didn't seem to know each other very well outside of that activity.

The only people you can rely on in this life are yourself and if you are lucky, your partner and family. If you hit hard times you'll find out how many friends you have, for many people the number is zero. Even worse, some friends that you have will shaft you.

In this world of facebook friends, this near 40 year old song is more relevant than ever.

https://youtu.be/aw9mEFn38to

Gamergurll

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119835255#Comment_119835255

Maybe that's their excuse for getting rid of you op? 😂

Joking aside happens to everyone at some stage, life gets in the way but don't get rid of your friends, it's easy to drift apart but you never know when you might need them 😁

pgj2015

it is crazy though how some cant even meet you for a drink once a year. sad really. no one is that busy.

Count Dracula

Anyone who won't meet you for a drink should never be trusted again. Ever. Just forget about them, trust me.

1) They aren't going because they can't stand the thought of having to pretend you don't bore them to tears anymore, even for an hour, They would rather sit at home watching shight on TV then even have a natter with you.

Or

2) They more than likely have been telling their wives they are meeting you at the cinema, thus giving them the 3 hour window they instead need to spend doing whatever lurid activity they elected not to share with their marriage. In fact, they probably only talk to you at all to keep you on the safe side, just in case she ever got the opportunity to ask, she would ask as well, she has always found it slightly odd that her husband preferred dinner and a movie with an old college pal, to getting pegged senseless by a Brazilian sex worker in an apartment off the Grand Canal.

Or

3) They have rekindled their love of Airfix, Mechano or Hornby trainsets and are terrified at how sad this might be perceived by former friends and haters. They are spending €400 a month on a therapist to help find out why this bothers them and why they are also obsessed with the possibility of sniffing the new French intern's chair when locking up of a Monday evening.

That's correct, your old pals now spend more time fantasizing about sniffing office chairs than they do even contemplating you,,, and probably always did. The young mind is so naive and facile really.

There may be other reasons, please read the label for further details. Loneliness is a mindset, ask Alexander Selkirk.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119838131#Comment_119838131

Don't worry, I don't trust them anymore.

Breezy_

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zWuuXMef4gk

...

Martin121

If you ever think somthing is wrong with all your friends, then something is wrong with you!

Breezy_

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2022/oct/29/friends-are-good-for-us-so-why-do-many-men-have-none-banshees-of-inisherin?utm_source=pocket-newtab-global-en-GB

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An Ri rua

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058270492/do-you-ever-feel-like-getting-rid-of-all-your-friends

Probably best just to take a step back there. No point in going all Jeffrey Dahmer on it.

Shred

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119838741#Comment_119838741

I've talked to my wife several times about this - I have several groups of friends, a couple of those groups go back to my teens and when we get together we still all enjoy each other's company and maintain similar interests (music being the main one that unites almost all of my solid friend groups). I'm someone who'll often organise nights out and it can be difficult to get them out sometimes, but many of them would never suggest anything ever.

I have one friend who I met over 15 years ago from a band I was in; we really were two peas from the same pod, agreed on so many things and had similar attitudes and outlook, we went to tonnes of gigs over the years and even travelled abroad for a few too. He doesn't live in Dublin but a few years back he just started to drift away (and not just from me), we still keep in touch but it's almost impossible get him out for a beer. It saddens me sometimes and especially because we keep in touch is via messaging apps which I know is the modern way but I hate it; life is short and while there's absolutely a functional aspect to this type to communication it's a terribly impersonal way to keep in touch with someone I feel and especially so the older I get.

When I think about my brothers and other older males I know, many of them no longer have any friends at all. All of this together has led my wife and I to conclude that many men are simply crap at maintaining friendships once they "settle down" (we have kids. mortgage etc. too so that's no excuse as far as I'm concerned).