Do you ever feel like getting rid of all your friends?

pgj2015

It crosses my mind sometimes, reasons are I like my own company, them sometimes not replying to texts, they never have money to do anything. And other friends have drifted so I think they all will eventually as well. Are people really your friends or will there be any left in a few years? maybe just block them all now?

Mr. teddywinkles

Welcome to your late 20s to mid thirties. 👋 people drift apart when marriage and kids takes over. Mostly because most are exhausted and older due to living 2 lives, work life and family life. The rest is squeezed in unfortunately.

pgj2015

A few have drifted who are single. 😂 they don't even have a wife and kids to blame.

gameoverdude

Do what you wanna do.

As I'm feeling in the mood,maybe not you, but I have a hankering to listen to Denis learys song. And yes I am.

Akrasia

Friends are great to have, don't 'get rid of them' Take a step back, but keep in touch.

Some day you'll need them, or worse, they'll need you.

Remember the saying , 'a friend in need, is a massive pain in the ass' But it's better to have a sore arse for a while than nobody to talk to when you need them

billyhead

Your friend is your pocket.

Mr. teddywinkles

Keep your friends close and your box sets closer.

gary550

I've one good quality friend, the type of lad who'll tell you to your face when he thinks your making a mess while also celebrating your successes without trying to "bring you down" if you know what I mean.

The rest only need me when it's handy for them, I don't reach out anymore and they only reach out when they either need something or want info or advice on something.

I've recently realised how valuable my time is to me and how much I enjoy just doing my own thing in my little spare time. I've dropped pretty much all the things I've being doing that I don't want to do and trying to keep shite friendships on life support is one of them.

I'd be 100% sure having no friends whatsoever is better than having bad ones.

Dazler97

Yes some friends alright, the smaller your circle the less drama, also the friends that keep in touch or something is true friends ya know, I've learned this and I'm 25

Tork

They think highly of you too...

elperello

I often thought of getting rid of both of them but never got around to it.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119835390#Comment_119835390

The ones you think are friends for life now, half of them probably aren't.

Gregor Samsa

I did that with my socks once. Just threw them all out one day and went and bought 15 pairs of black new ones. Cathartic, for a while. Until the new socks became old socks, and I was back where I started.

Count Dracula

I found it difficult to comprehend what was happening to me in my late twenties when the gang I was in started cliquing off and invariably people, including myself, got or get dumped. I think it is to do with the degree of optimism and positivity which encompasses more socially minded people who like to assemble fraternize and coalesce in large groups, particularly in their early 20's . It is almost tribal.

However, the reality is that these groups form on very tenuous and pliable binds. Friendships soon develop within these webs, but they can, do and will disintegrate over time.

I have dumped friends from my life because they became a drain on my life. I am convinced people have done the same to me. The sparks of early childhood relationships are extremely difficult to nurture forever.

But I do relish good company and I massively miss all my mates and pals from down the years, bigtime. I am lucky enough to also harness enough optimism to allow me to look forward to meeting new ones. The eyes of a friend are a good looking glass.

chrissb8

When I was in my 20s I had loads of "friends". But I knew what they were in that regard, people, in a shared space and time. With lots of time/energy to socialise and have a good time. I knew the depth of these friendships. I also knew the friends I would hold on to and then ended up without two of those friends by the end of my 20s.

Or we lost each other because I changed completely to what they had become. And that is just what happens. People lose each other because they have lives to live and things to pursue. What's important is that you had a time together with great memories and those will last a lifetime.

You can make new friends. One's that are in your lane in life, one's you will understand relative to where you are and who you are. This is a process that continues throughout life. Just be sure to actually put yourself out there to achieve this. Don't moan about all my friends getting married or off somewhere else.

However, that said, if you have friends going back years, they are your rock and the ones who will ground you.

techman1

You don't have to "dump" your friends but you can just gradually drift away a bit if they don't fulfill your requirements. I think "friendship" has become commoditised in the modern world what with facebook and social media, so there is alot of stuff like "Me doing this with my besties" etc , but at the end of the day its very superficial and not that real or fulfilling.

Thats why pubs and that sort of setting is actually a good way of turning up or down the sort of acquaintance you want, you can gravitate to the type of people that chime with you. You are not doing any big commitment or anything just going to the pub for a drink. Thats why Irish pubs became famous because they were basically open forums that anyone could join in , exclusivity and cliques were frowned upon. Unfortunately we are losing alot of this now

Sigyn

No such thing as friends.

cuttingtimber22

Why don’t you watch the documentary about it?

https://www.imdb.com/title/tt11813216/

Dazler97

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119835438#Comment_119835438

Yes that's true but as years go on I'll notice it even more

Mad_maxx

Haven’t made a new friend since I was nineteen , that’s just how it is so I better hold on to what I did make

BrianD3

I don't have any to get rid of. I did seem to have a few in college but despite my efforts to maintain, we drifted and I'd now wonder whether we were ever friends. Male "friendships" tend to be situational or activity based. College, sport, the pub etc. I saw this with my father too. Had lots of golf buddies, some of them for over 50 years yet they didn't seem to know each other very well outside of that activity.

The only people you can rely on in this life are yourself and if you are lucky, your partner and family. If you hit hard times you'll find out how many friends you have, for many people the number is zero. Even worse, some friends that you have will shaft you.

In this world of facebook friends, this near 40 year old song is more relevant than ever.

https://youtu.be/aw9mEFn38to

Gamergurll

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119835255#Comment_119835255

Maybe that's their excuse for getting rid of you op? 😂

Joking aside happens to everyone at some stage, life gets in the way but don't get rid of your friends, it's easy to drift apart but you never know when you might need them 😁

pgj2015

it is crazy though how some cant even meet you for a drink once a year. sad really. no one is that busy.

Count Dracula

Anyone who won't meet you for a drink should never be trusted again. Ever. Just forget about them, trust me.

1) They aren't going because they can't stand the thought of having to pretend you don't bore them to tears anymore, even for an hour, They would rather sit at home watching shight on TV then even have a natter with you.

Or

2) They more than likely have been telling their wives they are meeting you at the cinema, thus giving them the 3 hour window they instead need to spend doing whatever lurid activity they elected not to share with their marriage. In fact, they probably only talk to you at all to keep you on the safe side, just in case she ever got the opportunity to ask, she would ask as well, she has always found it slightly odd that her husband preferred dinner and a movie with an old college pal, to getting pegged senseless by a Brazilian sex worker in an apartment off the Grand Canal.

Or

3) They have rekindled their love of Airfix, Mechano or Hornby trainsets and are terrified at how sad this might be perceived by former friends and haters. They are spending €400 a month on a therapist to help find out why this bothers them and why they are also obsessed with the possibility of sniffing the new French intern's chair when locking up of a Monday evening.

That's correct, your old pals now spend more time fantasizing about sniffing office chairs than they do even contemplating you,,, and probably always did. The young mind is so naive and facile really.

There may be other reasons, please read the label for further details. Loneliness is a mindset, ask Alexander Selkirk.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119838131#Comment_119838131

Don't worry, I don't trust them anymore.

Martin121

If you ever think somthing is wrong with all your friends, then something is wrong with you!

An Ri rua

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058270492/do-you-ever-feel-like-getting-rid-of-all-your-friends

Probably best just to take a step back there. No point in going all Jeffrey Dahmer on it.

Shred

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119838741#Comment_119838741

I've talked to my wife several times about this - I have several groups of friends, a couple of those groups go back to my teens and when we get together we still all enjoy each other's company and maintain similar interests (music being the main one that unites almost all of my solid friend groups). I'm someone who'll often organise nights out and it can be difficult to get them out sometimes, but many of them would never suggest anything ever.

I have one friend who I met over 15 years ago from a band I was in; we really were two peas from the same pod, agreed on so many things and had similar attitudes and outlook, we went to tonnes of gigs over the years and even travelled abroad for a few too. He doesn't live in Dublin but a few years back he just started to drift away (and not just from me), we still keep in touch but it's almost impossible get him out for a beer. It saddens me sometimes and especially because we keep in touch is via messaging apps which I know is the modern way but I hate it; life is short and while there's absolutely a functional aspect to this type to communication it's a terribly impersonal way to keep in touch with someone I feel and especially so the older I get.

When I think about my brothers and other older males I know, many of them no longer have any friends at all. All of this together has led my wife and I to conclude that many men are simply crap at maintaining friendships once they "settle down" (we have kids. mortgage etc. too so that's no excuse as far as I'm concerned).

cezanne

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119835473#Comment_119835473

There is nothing wrong with your choice loads of folk have made this choice and especially since Covid it wsa very easy to lose the friends who did not entertain you but merely drained you . There is nothing worse than someone depriving you of solitude yet affording you no company while they are there. I love my own space and company i read voraciously and i have 2 whippets most loving friends ever. Some friends call from time to time but the effort to see them is exhausting so i make excuses. There is a very big club of us .

Potential-Monke

I think people overuse some words. Friend is one of them (and love is the other major one). Very few people have actual friends, but everyone has a few or a lot of acquaintances. I can count on one hand the number of people outside of my family I would call a friend. I'm unsocial in general, so have very few friends, but the few I have I believe I can count on, and vice versa. The great thing about my group is that we all know we have our own crap to be dealing with, so don't lump it on each other. They're the true friends imo.

Yeah, I don't reach out, but as someone else said above, the phone works both ways.

cezanne

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119840774#Comment_119840774

No need to be insulting my step children are abroad & i am pleased to have a small life not involving the histrionics of others. Oddly my friends like me as i am interesting and i am an antique jewellry dealer so i am not alone i do mix with folk but i dont have to be drained by their whining & family issues we merely discuss the pieces I are selling or exchanging.

EmmetSpiceland

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119844543#Comment_119844543

Friends or customers?

cezanne

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119844577#Comment_119844577

Customers, returning customers so by all accounts acquaintances, which are lovely you can have a glass of wine with an acquaintance without too much mental strain and its enough for me. I have found that friendships are often one way - one person does a lot and the other doesnt, so by letting them go i dont get caught up in the resentment or passive aggressive feelings. I recently let a 20 year friendship go over a simple text. They asked me to do a favour i offered to fulfill 75% of the favour and they got thick, so i let it slide and i feel free as i regularly helped this person at great cost to myself. I never requested similiar favours from her ever. So sometimes friends are merely users.

con___manx1

I have a gang of friends that I have been friends with since school/college. We are in our late 30ths now. Last year 5 of us got together and went away for a few days. Left the wives gf kids behind. Friends are very important to me anyway. One is seriously sick at the moment and im honestly devastated over it.

Dial Hard

Whatever about cutting out one or two toxic people who don't add anything to your life (which is a healthy choice and one not enough people exercise, imo), I think anyone who decides the entire concept of friendship is a fallacy and opts out entirely has major issues, tbh.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119844837#Comment_119844837

They might not have major issues, they maybe just prefer their own company?

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119844927#Comment_119844927

There's a gaping chasm between preferring your own company and believing there's no such thing as a true friend and everyone is just out to use you.

Seanachai

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119840680#Comment_119840680

Could be that if they haven't reached the same milestones as you they feel a bit lesser maybe?

Seanachai

If you take them for granted, they might get rid of you, as happened in my case with a friend of almost 15 yrs.

Previous to this I cut contact with a friend I'd known since childhood, it was mostly down to being tired of drinking sessions, my own personal issues, and not getting along with his wife.

I do feel regret about it every now and then, I think about reaching out but then I figure too much time has passed.

Shred

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119845440#Comment_119845440

Sorry I don't get you? Fwiw, the friend I referred to has hit many of the same milestones as me also; we got married and had kids at a similar time, bought our houses not too far apart, both of us have good careers etc.

Strumms

I ninjad one about two years ago.

he got married, had kids and moved to a small town abroad where his missus was from…but he went odd.

a very communicative, fun and social guy but all of a sudden he’d take days to reply to a WhatsApp or FB message.

all conversations were his family, kids, wife… he was seemingly doing nothing fun… just working for this family unit…on their property and his job… guy mid thirty’s had turned into a boring auld fella…

lost interest in football, bands / music … just seemed a different guy… less at ease with himself or life and no social scene independent of his family there.

when I ended up in hospital for a duration I’d have expected some degree of interest or concern but really it was clear I was an afterthought which was fine, but surprising.

bumped into his brother and he’s been suitably odd and distant with them to the point of falling out with his sister…. A while back both he and wife changed relationship status to indicate their marriage was ending…and all single pics from what were their family pics…together.

i was tempted to enquire after his wellbeing, but seemingly the lack of interest in mine … I just deleted the lot of em…..just one friend but not regretting it.

thenumber3

Liked this a while back from The New Yorker

BrianD3

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119844837#Comment_119844837

That sounds like a female pov. Many men find, based on experience, that friendship is a fallacy.

Men spend their lives competing with each other for resources and women while being constantly judged on how they are performing and how "useful" they are. Both women and other men find male weakness to be disgusting. Result is men disappearing if their friends hit bad times - which shows that that those friendships were fair weather, superficial and activity based.

Because Biology.

Dial Hard

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119845691#Comment_119845691

Sure, Jordan.

BrianD3

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119845696#Comment_119845696

Ok, Karen.

EmmetSpiceland

I’ve got friends from various stages of my life. Sure, I don’t see the guys I grew up with that often but we’re still in touch. I still meet people I worked with in previous jobs.

I’d see friends from school and college, fairly, regularly. It’s just not that easy to get out as much when kids come along. Although, you do see tend to see them at kid’s birthday parties etc.

For me, it’s about not putting too much “pressure” on things. People will get out when they can. I wouldn’t be, actively, cutting people out unless they turned weird, or toxic. Something I haven’t encountered since my teens.

Sunny Disposition

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119845691#Comment_119845691

Ah come on, anyone who decides that the idea of friendship is a fallacy is obviously very damaged. That's simply crazy thinking.

Aurelian

I live in the country so things can be a bit quiet! 2 of my close friends emigrated to different continents, 1 moved across the country and I see him about once a year. 4th friend we just abruptly drifted apart. So I now have no friends really.

I've 2 good Dublin friends but we only meet every so often to do specific things. I'm in a couple of sports clubs which is grand to meet them but they are really only friends for training and the odd social night.

I've now accepted that when you are in your 30s, that's how it is. I think I'm going to be forced to take up golf just to get that casual male friendship and a pint thing back

yourdeadwright

Iv had the same group of 15 or so friends since school, Some of that group even date back to primary school . All of us hitting 40 now,

Blessed to have grown up with these people, have helped me through many tough times in life like i have them, Everyone's had there own issues at different stages of life over different things but thankfully have always had friends to help them out which ever way possible,

Now all of kids are growing up as mates ,I even see a few of them almost daily on the school run , 5 a side, gym , things like that others might go a few weeks or months without seeing and nothing ever changes in how we are together,

Good people are hard to find cherish them ,,

orourkeda1

I'm introverted by nature. Added to this I'm not the biggest fan of other people as they tend to annoy me greatly.

I have a small circle of close friends.

pgj2015

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119845390#Comment_119845390

I never said "there is no such thing as a true friend and everyone is out to use you".