Looking younger than you are

angela1711

It's not a major problem really just a source of emaressment for me personally.

I am almost 30, have a school aged child, a husband older then me and I constantly get the can I see your ID questions.

They are not too bad if I am in a shop by myself buy when I have my son and even worst my husband and son with me and I am asked for ID its so embarrassing.

I don't see myself looking any younger then people in my age.

The worst one yet was when my husband had a medical appointment and I went to the clinic with him. There was some delay so we decided to wait outside until they call him as it was really warm that day. He went outside first and I walked up to the secretary and said to give us a call whenever the Consulant becomes available and what does she say back?

Yeah no problem I will call your dad's phone !!!

I was speechless at that point and just left the room, said nothing to my husband. And although I know that they have a legal obligation to question your age in supermarkets I don't see a reason why a secretary should make such a blant statement.

I work with public myself and I always tend to remain as natural as possible when referring to people. I do have moments when I think to myself that this person looks queit old to be this particular child's parent but I never assume that they aren't. And would never say anything that would indicate my personal opinion.

Xterminator

Hi OP

In my opinion this is a 'you' problem.

Looking young is a problem people would pay money to have. Its actually a blessing. You are taking comments to heart when they were not malicious or said with ill intent. You have related no real inconveniences to yourself and your husband.

you are making it an issue by your interpretation of what is said as a negative. Change your mindset and there is no issue.

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058266025/looking-younger-than-you-are

Personally I would be flattered, its a total compliment as the wrinkles can catch up before you know it and you'll be mistaken for a 50 year old when you're actually 40

NSAman

When I was 18 I looked older than I was. Was never carded in Clubs etc... which were all over 21.

Now I'm pushing 60 and most people think I am in my 40s.... strange the way the world works.

spacetweek

I am a guy, had this issue from age 18-24, I looked about 17 got constantly carded. It was so embarrassing going into clubs I stopped going to them for the most part, preferred house parties.

angela1711

Yeah i know what ye all mean but I am personally not flattered by this comments. It makes me rather wonder if I look like a 15 year old bringing a child to a play ground ? Did people in my local town thought I was 12 beign pregnant? And the consultant's secretary comment about my husband being my "daddy" wasnt the nicest either. Oh and I forgot to mention when we finally did see the consultants he was looking at us in disebelif when I said hi my name is whatever and I am your patients wife....

Jequ0n

I sympathise, OP. I had the same problem for a long time. I found that growing a beard helped a lot, so maybe this is a solution for you too.

angela1711

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119702342#Comment_119702342

Yeah sure it's a solution for a woman 😂

Big Bag of Chips

I think you are over thinking. I was regularly asked for ID up until I was almost 30. Last time I was asked for ID I was 32, and had 3 children. Then it stopped and now nobody ever asks for ID, unless as a joke.

One time when I was 27 I was approaching the door of a pub, with my husband, who was 31. I knew by the bouncers as I approached that they were going to stop me. I started looking in my bag for my drivers license. My husband asked what I was looking for. When I told him I was going to be asked for ID, he laughed and said "Get over yourself now, you don't look that young." And sure enough I was stopped.

You are very sensitive about it, but what you need to realise is nobody else actually cares. The secretary doesn't care who you are in relation to the patient. People in a playground don't care whether you're a mother, aunt, sister, neighbour, childminder. If someone looks "shocked" that you are your husband's wife rather than daughter then they think they are complimenting you.

You won't be asked for ID forever, and you might find yourself a bit insulted when people stop asking you!

CramCycle

Used to happen to me until recently, and I'm not that young looking, lots of grey hair and a beard. My daughter (in her 20s) fell over laughing when I got IDd in Aldi. Often had to point out she was my daughter at doctor appointments. It's annoying but trust me, it stops and it's not actually a big deal. In most of the cases you have described, the person never thought about it again.

Jequ0n

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119702394#Comment_119702394

If you put some effort into it you can surely do it

Deeec

You are probably overthinking this. Maybe you need to take a look at the clothes you are wearing - are they perhaps too young for you. Have you considered changing your hairstyle. Do you wear make up. Changing your look may help.

Is your husband alot older than you?

Also as the years go by you will be glad you look young for your age.

witchgirl26

I think you're overthinking a little but I do understand. I was ID's into my mid-30's. In fact I got ID'd buying 2 bottles of cider in amongst a whole weekly shop before (worse thing was they were for cooking with, not even drinking!). I mean how many teenagers buy a ham, potatoes, veg etc just to get 2 bottles of cider? That one I did fight but only because the supermarket in question wouldn't accept my drivers licence as ID but insisted on a passport. A lot of the time it comes down to people not paying too much attention to you at all (like the secretary) & just speaking. I doubt it's ever meant to offend.

Sterling Archer

I got ID'd doing to lotto the other week, almost made my feckin day

Some people just can't tell age very well, especially for young women.

memisemoi

Try not to let it bother you OP. I have some idea of what you are experiencing, but from being out and about with my dad and his grandkids - where we've been mistaken for being partners, not father and daughter... When Dad realised what was going on, he was a bit disconcerted about it, but we laughed about it!

I've always looked younger than I am. Even up to recently, I was ID'd the week of my 41st birthday (had my 12 year old son standing beside me). It's never bothered me, really. One particularly funny time was when myself and my girlfriends were out for a few drinks and they started comparing forehead wrinkles... no matter how hard I tried I couldn't make my forehead wrinkle up, and the laughs were brilliant.

My husband and I looked way younger than we were when we were having our first child (we were both 25), and we found we were treated very differently by medical professionals until they realised we weren't 'kids'. Once we became aware of it, we made a point of letting these people know we knew they were making assumptions and they copped on. It was angering, but we dealt with it. We now laugh at things and slag others for looking way older - our 12 year old refuses to believe us that my husband's younger brother isn't the eldest in the family, cause he looks way older...!

It's funny, when we were teens we were always trying to look older, and as we get older, people are trying things to look younger. Embrace the fact that you're not in that position! Take care of your skin, too, the natural botox is a huge money-saver!! Saves a fortune on makeup too!

Enjoy the fact that you can surprise people who make assumptions, you're still a strong and capable individual.

I suspect your persona is youthful, not just your physical looks. I would prefer to have that than old before my time!

Sunny Dayz

I'm a little bit older than you but I have been in your position. I think you are over thinking it and letting it get to you too much IMO. While my husband is older than me and he hasn't been mistaken for my father, I was 20 when I had my son (he's 18 now), and for perhaps the last 10 years I've had strangers think, assume and verbalise that myself and my son look more siblings than parent-child. I get that it is a compliment and probably their honest thoughts and they mean it in a nice way. But in my head I've often been upset or insulted, do people think I'm not mature enough, capable enough to have a teenager - but I know I'm personally overthinking it.

I'm in my late 30's now and trust me the ID'ing will stop and you will start to see the aging process. Both my parents looked and continue to look young for their age so I'm blessed with those genes

As an aside, when did "carded" as a word for being asked for i.d. come into the Irish lexicon?

Is it an American thing?

gmisk

I don't see it as a big issue tbh. I was constantly getting asked for ID etc even in my early 30s. You should be flattered it will stop eventually :)

Sevenup79

It is not a big issue if you have your partner got and are settled in a job where your authority is not questioned.

It is no fun going out for a night when you are 30, trying to find a partner to have a family with, and 18 year old boys being interested. It is actually miserable. No matter how much I would dress up etc, people would still think I was way younger.

When I was 30, I finally got a boyfriend my age. He was worried that I was pretending to be 30, so I showed ID to prove I was 30.

Luckily I am in my organisation for years, people know me, I bring TV shows from my youth into conversation to show my age. I am in my 50s now. I look a bit younger but it is not bad at work. There are plenty of 40 year olds managing teams so my position is mot questioned.

People are very smug, saying they would love to have that problem. It is actually awful when job hunting, trying to manage a new team at work and dating.

Kat1170

Make the most of it, these days when I'm asked for ID, it's to see if I qualify for the Senior Discount 😭😭

bb1234567

Tbh I can't think of a single moment in my life where I met a couple (aside from gold digger situation) where I genuinely thought at first she was daughter of her husband. I'd imagine you are small in height, and people make snap judgement without really thinking about it. I'm sure you look youthful too facially/your skin etc(because there are lots of short women who do not look young even though they are short), but I'd bet my hat you are 5'2'' or under which is leading to these situations for the most part

GSBellew

I'm in my 40's and was only stopped being asked for ID after I grew a beard, no help to the OP I know, but it's not all doom and gloom.

Last time I was asked for ID was in Tesco the year I turned 40, they were more embarrassed than me when they saw my date of birth.

Over the years, my now wife thought she was much older than me when we first started seeing each other & was afraid of people thinking she was a cradle snatcher while I am older than her.

Called to get my step son for dinner one day, his friends mother shouted to him that is big brother was at the door for him.

Had builders in doing work in the garden, they kept referring to my wife as my mother, ask your mother where she wants this, ask your mother what way she wants that etc.

Various medical appointments over the years, we have had doctors explaining to my wife what procedure they are going to do to her "son"

It's never bothered me, it bothered my wife more.

Might shave to see, but I think time might have caught up with me.

How tall are you OP?

BroadBandQ

If I was you I would be trying to shift my mindset on this. Try to consume these comments in a positive way. Whether you take them as compliments in relation to being young & healthy looking, or health and fit you look, or how nice a vibe you must have that people think you're younger than you are - think old=grumpy, young=fun!!

What do you like about yourself? Maybe try to map the comments to the things you like about yourself - are you an upbeat, active, fun person. Then try to digest these comments as being triggered by being perceived as these qualities generally associated with younger people.

I can understand how people remarking that this is a nice problem to have is not helpful for you. But there might be a way to see this as a positive if you try to.

angela1711

Thanks everyone for your replies. Some of them made me laugh. I am not a short person but my husband is exceptionally tall so I do probably look small when standing next to him! As I said before it's not a problem that I am losing sleep about but more of a source of embarrassment and I do get annoyed about it. It was somewhat nice to hear that I am not the only one experiencing this on a regular basis.

AcidLollyPop

Ah goodness. 30! That is nothing.

I was around 38 when I had a spaight of being asked for ID for the lotto, then I was going into the nightclub on a work night out, and was asked for ID in front of them, went to Tesco to buy wine one Christmas and didnt have ID on me, and couldnt buy it. I was 40 in Argos buying a set of cutlery and was IDed twice because youve to be over 18 or something, another day in a shop I was asked if I'd finished up for the holidays and if I wouldnt miss doing homework....

I actually couldnt appreciate the under tone compliments, that I simply couldnt get as I was so annoyed/embarassed, or put out - like you.

So, I decided to embrace it.

You cant control other people, so its your attitude you need to change. And laugh and say thanks and enjoy it! It doesnt last for ever.

spacetweek

To the people here that are failing to understand how this could be insulting.

When you come into your 20s you are taking on responsibilities and new roles. If someone IDs you this could be construed as them saying "I don't take you seriously, you look like a kid." Does everybody get that now?

Big Bag of Chips

When you come into your 20s you are taking on responsibilities and new roles. If someone IDs you this could be construed as them saying "I don't take you seriously, you look like a kid."

The person IDing you is usually standing at the door of a pub or sitting at a checkout. They know nothing about your responsibilities and roles! They're just doing their job and ensuring their employer doesn't get fined.

You are entitled to feel annoyed/insulted but the person asking you for ID isn't doing it because they want you to know they don't take you seriously. They're doing it because they believe you could potentially not be old enough to buy alcohol. Most places have a policy now of Under 25. A 16 or 17 year old could easily look 22 or 23. So as the signs say "If you're lucky enough to look under 25".

Chances are OP you look like you could be under 25, so pubs, supermarkets etc are not going to chance it.

Wishbone Ash

An employee came to me for a retirement forms a few weeks ago. I thought she was about 35-40. Nearly fell off my chair when she said she was 65.

bb1234567

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119704779#Comment_119704779

I'm in my late 20's . People in work generally think I am an intern, or just started my first year out of college or something and think I'm around 21 or so. Once they know, it has no impact on how they treat me or what they assume my work capabilities willbe. And as for random shhop clerks or bar tenders opinions, who tf cares?

I really do think a lot of people make an over drmatic fuss of being called younger, only instance I empathis with is OP bc of people thinking her presumably age matched husband is her father, which is an icky graphic.

Airyfairy12

Could it be how you keep your appearance? Are you dressing the same way other people your age dress? Do you wear your hair in an adult style? Do you dress for your body shape and size? oversized or ill fitting clothes can make you appear younger than you are at a glance.

I worked in a college for a bit and one of the students told me I looked like a student, I asked what she meant and she said I dress like one!! I realised that I hadn't updated my style since my early twenties so was giving the impression of being younger than I actually was and wasn't being taken seriously.

Noo

I was one of those that always got checked in every possible situation where an ID is required. Two classics from my late 20s are: Walking into an off licence in the middle of the day and getting IDed by the security guard. I was making no attempt to buy anything.

Getting asked my age by the attendant on a flight before she would serve me. I've never heard of anyone before or since having had that happen.

I'm mid 30s now and it's been a while since I've been IDed...so yes age will catch up with you eventually. Either that or I've become incredibly boring and no longer do fun things that require an ID!

YellowLead

I would just shrug it off OP. First world problems and all that!

I used to be in the same boat, was asked for ID in supermarkets (less so pubs) until late 20s - everybody thinking I was at least 10 years younger than my age in work etc. I had my son at 19 so when I would mention I had a kid they would look at me like jeez you must have been pregnant at 12.

I know everybody is different but I found it either amusing or a compliment - never bothersome. I miss it actually now that time has caught up with me and I look my age.

It happens here too but it does not bother us much at all. The younger of my GFs is now 33. Recently she was in the UK with my daughter (12) both wearing caps and standing rather than sitting on the train. They were planning to buy tickets on the train. When the ticket guy came along he attempted to charge them both the under 16 rate.

She is well used to it though. She has always looked significantly younger than she is. But to my knowledge it has never once bothered her. As Derren Brown once said: The funny thing about worrying about what other people think about you - is how infrequently they actually do. We often worry what other people are thinking about us when in fact they are probably almost never thinking about us at all.

amdublin

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119704209#Comment_119704209

Good to hear you are not losing sleep over this "problem".

Someone suggested growing a beard. Lol! But maybe you could do some female versions of growing a beard e.g. change your hairstyle or your style of clothes or handbag? Or wear heels? Do you wear much makeup? Sometimes women who don't wear make up look much younger compared to when they do occasionally wear make up. If this is you, wear more makeup more regularly.

Head up, shoulders back and own that young face of yours! Body language goes a long way

jackboy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119705569#Comment_119705569

Yeah but in fairness it would be unprofessional behaviour from a bouncer. You can’t tell age by looks. Any bouncer that tries is letting in underage customers. Ask everyone or no one.

angela1711

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119714230#Comment_119714230

Oddly enough I was almost always in business wear in all the most memorable situations. Of course there were dozens of situations where I wore whatever when buying a drink. I would often have a proper blow dry done by a hairdresser. Almost never leave the house without make up of some sort. Even when they ask you to pay and you open the damn wallet how many teenagers would have a multiple of different cards ?? Or how many kids would spend 150e at aldi on all other stuff just to buy a drink?

riclad

You are lucky you look young this problem will take care of itself ,I heard story's of old people in the USA ,they are asked for I'd to buy beer ,even though they are obviously over 21

In time you will look older .this may be a female problem with some women it's very hard to tell what age they are some women can look older depending what makeup clothes they wear

Most fashion depends on selling a look that makes you look young and trendy

It's hardly an insult for a woman of say 25 to be mistaken for an 18 year old especially if she is not tall

lisetrickel

It's normal, okay? Age and looks are incompatible because you never know how old the person in front of you is

dubstepper

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119703943#Comment_119703943

Ask your mother!! I'd say the missus wasn't impressed :)