Girlfriend of Three weeks told me she's pregnant - I'm not sure that I'm the Father, What to say/do?

Packrat

"He was lawless by name and lawless by nature....."

Listen to the song. This is you.

Don't be a mug.

Lolle06

Hi OP,

you are right to ask questions about all of this!

A pregnancy a week after unprotected sex is rarely definite, or even detectable.

If the hcg is already detectable by a pregnancy test, the pregnancy either happened much earlier or it’s twins!

In any case, the pregnancy can still be terminated by nature - and end in a delayed menstruation.

That happens more often than you might think.

And that’s why “early pregnancy” test are a bad idea, b/c they get your hopes up and break your heart.

Considering she is in her mid-40s and the hormones can be quite imbalanced at that stage, an natural abort is often likely before 12 weeks ( often due to a low progesterone level).

But I am surprised that she already talks about marriage and takes this pregnancy as a given.

Are you sure she was not pregnant already when you met her?

Spotting during sex can be common if pregnant.

Brown stains are from old blood, red stains are fresh.

I would definitely insist on a paternity test.

And I would also attend a doctors appointment to confirm the stage of pregnancy.

All the best!

Jequ0n

Yeah, I’d dump her and let her pursue the paternity proof once it’s there. I doubt you’ll ever hear about it though.

Son Of Caba

This whole situation seems a bit of a red flag now. After 6 days why did she feel the need to go and take a pregnancy test? It's almost if shes planned this whole situation out. I'd let her decide what she wants to do and then go for a paternity test. If its yours youll have to support it but if it isn't run and never look back.

Hannibal_Smith

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HS

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119677145#Comment_119677145

Actually the not pregnant part I didn't think of. I've seen it before.

Buy a test yourself to confirm (obviously not for you!).

MagicJohn

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119679864#Comment_119679864

Thank you so much this info has been a lot of help to me - Virtual hug, you are a decent soul.

Thanks once again.

MagicJohn

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119679375#Comment_119679375

Thank you so much, your post has been an enormous help to me. Very kind and thoughtful of you to take the time to write this.

Virtual hug, you are a decent soul.

Thanks.

MagicJohn

Thank you everybody for all your helpful advice, Yes I will go down the paternity test route - I have to for my own piece of mind.

This could be a new chapter in my life or it may not - only time will tell.

I always thought boards.ie was full of very snarky and quite twisted people but I have to say most of the replies to the thread here have changed my mind on that - it's very heart warming and has given me some much needed piece of mind.

Thanks!

Pinoy adventure

>>post deleted - warning applied <<

PHG

Hi OP,

As half of a couple going through IVF, you cannot in any way shape or form tell if you are pregnant after 6 weeks via over the counter devices. The best one is the Clear Blue early detection which can detect 12 days post ovulation!

That blood (if nothing serious) tends to occur 3 weeks into a pregnancy! Get a pregnancy test which tells you how many weeks you are. So if the condom did not break the first few times, then its highly highly unlikely its not yours and you are getting played. Get that weekly test of how many weeks and stay away from her. Sounds like she is trying to trap you.

MarkR

I'm sure someone said it already, but don't have any sexual relations with her in the meantime.

Neyite

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119682567#Comment_119682567

You mean six days, not six weeks - typo?

PS very best of luck on your IVF journey. 😊

PHG

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119683692#Comment_119683692

Yes 6 days :) and TY!!

Seth Brundle

After a week at most, what made her suddenly think that she needed a pregnancy test?

I'm not believing her and, if I were you, I'd avoid any further intimacy with her until you're sure she's being honest with you.

You know, I can't help but think that if this was all some big master plan of hers ensnare the OP, then she wasn't very clever about it.

She could have at least waited another month, and had unprotected sex multiple times in the interim, as the OP obviously isn't that careful about preventing pregnancy.

OP, all you can do right now is request a pre-natal paternity test, and hope for the best. And in future don't take stupid risks.

Airyfairy12

She coudnt be able to tell if she was pregnant 6 days after unprotected sex, it takes a week for the egg to attach itself to the womb and for the women to become pregnant & she would need to have sex at the exact time she was ovulating which is usually two weeks before a period so theres little to no chance she missed her period which would have encouraged her to take a pregnancy test. You shouldnt take a pregnancy test until youve missed your period because its too early at that stage for the test to detect the hormones produced in pregnancy.

Besides all of this, after 3 weeks shes bringing up marriage with you and making you feel uncomfortable, these are the type of red flags you dont want to overlook or make excuses for as theyre indicators that in the long run, this relationship might end up causing you allot of problems in your life.

But not all women ovulate at the same time or as predictably as that - especially when older. Early detection tests can detect HCG, the pregnancy hormone, before a period is missed. It's not necessary to wait for a missed period anymore before testing.

Knowing you have had unprotected sex during your cycle would be enough reason for some to take an early test. Personally, I think it's too early to test as there is a good chance that even if there is a positive result, the pregnancy may not "stick". But it is what it is.

All the OP can do now is wait and see.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119692909#Comment_119692909

My mother was 41 when she had me and I was conceived during what appeared to be menstruation. My father travelled in his work, so the timing of the conception during a period of bleeding was accurate.

However I believe OP’s sexual partner is hoodwinking him, and I feel she likely has some class of a personality disorder or mental health issue.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119692993#Comment_119692993

It's possible she is trying to hoodwink him, yes - though I still think if that's her masterplan she played that card way too soon.

I was more addressing the question of why someone would take a test before missing a period. Knowing they have had unprotected sex during their cycle would be reason enough for some women to do so. They just want to know as soon as possible.

I know anytime I thought there was a chance I could be pregnant I took a test as early as I possibly could.

marilynrr

It's definitely not a clever way to go about a masterplan, but she sounds a bit away with the fairies so if she's lying then the story could have sounded realistic enough to her!

As for taking the test so early I just googled and some women in Perimenopause will have cycles that shorten to every 3 weeks or they can be very irregular, or they can have spotting etc, she might not have really been sure when she had her period.

OP if you think she's likely to refuse the paternity test at 10 weeks or if you ask and she does refuse you could maybe play along and pretend you believe her and pay to go for an early scan....don't say it's to check the date though 😂 Maybe say it's because you're excited and want to see the heartbeat and check it's not twins because they are more common in older mothers. The early dating scans are more accurate than the second trimester ones they do at the hospital I believe.

Purple Mountain

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119677784#Comment_119677784

This happened to me (a woman) back in my 30s too.

He went to a female friend to ask her was I being OTT and they both agreed I was.

I dumped his lazy, sorry ass soon after.

OP, call her bluff..tell her you'll accompany her to the doctor on Monday to confirm the test and that because the timing is so soon after she breaking with another guy, you're obviously going to discuss with the doctor about a paternity test.

BBM77

OP, there is clearly something very dubious here. The chances of a woman getting pregnant naturally at even 40 is around 1 to 2% over a year trying. And that's if you are lucky.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119760039#Comment_119760039

https://www.fertilityfamily.co.uk/blog/chances-of-getting-pregnant-naturally-over-40/

Its not quite that low! More like 20%.

My mother had her last baby with no fertility treatment at 46. My Grandmother had 3 of her 12 children in her forties, delivering her last child at age 49. All conceived naturally.

Sunny Disposition

It's hard to get pregnant in your 40s, that's if your trying. She'd be incredibly fortunate to get pregnant after having unprotected sex once. Also I don't think it's possible to get a positive pregnancy test six days after ovulation. Is it possible a condom broke or leaked earlier and she's a bit further along? I think you'll have to get a paternity test, it's not impossible but it is unlikely that she's pregnant with your child. Is it possible she was having implantation bleeding in the earlier times ye had sex?

yourdeadwright

Tough situation firstly you need to get your own life in gear mate,

Secondly don't be taken as mug here let her know your unhappy & let her know you intended to get a parental test,

A little off the subject but i find it mad that a women has the right to chose if she wishes to take the burden of child or not but a man once he ejaculates he has absolutely no choice the financial burden is his, By the way I'm pro choice for women so i don't know the answer ,

jmreire

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119678001#Comment_119678001

would the recent break up with the previous boyfriend have anything to do with her pregnancy? Like when she told him that she was pregnant, and he scarpered?

Evergreen_7

run for your life!

what was your reaction when she told you the happy news btw?

look, you need to be blunt. Tell her you know it’s not physically possible to get a positive test after 6 days and therefore it’s not possibly your baby. Don’t hold back. Tell her if she persists in this rubbish you’ll demand a paternity test and there will be legal repercussions.

she’s taking you for an absolute mug if you go along with this for one second.

don’t be a mug. Run for the hills.

MagicJohn

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119917838#Comment_119917838

Sure, We both went to the GP, (about three weeks after the initial 1st test) the GP did another pregnancy test - Negative.

She's not pregnant.

As it happens, I was fully prepared to accept the result either way, also I don't she faked the initial test - I believe it gave a false positive test.

Thanks once again to anybody here that gave a helpful contribution.

deirdremf

Thank you for your reply.

I hope things work out well for you in the future!