Are we reverting to traditional relationship.

Heraclius

The CSO has reports on marriage in Ireland and as far as I remember they show the average age for marriage is increasing which would seem to contradict the OP.

mariaalice

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119385718#Comment_119385718

Anyway I do think I have spotted a trend, I said getting into a relationship young, not always getting married young

My youngest is getting married next year and is with him for 10 years, met him at 20.

My nephew got married last year, both of them were in their early thirties getting married but had met at school aged 17.

Sleepy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119385714#Comment_119385714

Yep, I'm sure cases like those make a lot of women hesitant to have children and I'd have no time for any man who abandoned his child(ren) like that. There's no excuse for not supporting your children but I don't think the same can be said for an ex partner/wife/husband.

timmyntc

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119385718#Comment_119385718

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119385760#Comment_119385760

Who could afford the wedding in their 20s?

wotzgoingon

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119385833#Comment_119385833

Not everyone pays for their own wedding sometimes parents pay.

mariaalice

One of the Kerry GAA players has a baby and he is only 23. That seems very young to me, especially in today's society however id say both him and the baby will have a great life.

Furze99

I'd say it's true of many that you don't hear much about, but not all. In our case, met early 20s.. married early 30s.. youngest now in employment. But of our children, only one in any sort of longer term relationship. All renting, no children etc (that we know of!) There was a general expectation when we were starting out that a household could manage on one income, that has pretty much changed though and the single biggest change I think. Along with elderly parents more likely to be cared for in nursing homes, rather than by their adult children.

BaywatchHQ

My parents were married in early 20s in early 1980s. People grew up quicker back then as my father had been in full time for 7 years before his first child.

igCorcaigh

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119385964#Comment_119385964

Definitely, the concept of a household now needs two incomes to support, when there used to be one. Where is all that money going? To the mortgage lenders?

And a lot of that income from working parents going on childcare too, which is increasingly unaffordable. A child belongs with their parents, either mother or father.

Something terrible has gone wrong there.

And I totally agree with you too about elder care.

gary550

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119385427#Comment_119385427

+1

You don't need to see a mans life absolutely destroyed more than once to make you eternally fearful of that.

There is a lad my sister works with, his wife threw him out and moved her side piece in. Wouldn't let him see the kids, made up lies about him for the benefit of the courts. He's still part paying the mortgage on a house he can't visit and kids that the mother are telling to hate him. He's going from renting a room to couch surfing his friends/relatives houses - in his 40's! Shadow of a man who will probably never get back on track.

Guy who works with my dad also went home from work one day and his wife of 30+ years told him she doesn't want to be married anymore, bare in mind his missus looks like an apes arse & hasn't worked in all the time she was married and got her life handed to her.

They split the house, she lives in one part and he the other. She has a new fella now who she has over in the house regularly. This lad has to listen to the sound of his wife getting ploughed out of it in the house he paid for.

If I was him I'd have pushed my off button long ago!

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119385714#Comment_119385714

That is the other side of it but women get it significantly easier in the situation of a separation/divorce in my opinion. Most are left in the house if they co own it and most are awarded support by courts, if not there is many many governmental supports there for housing & income for single mothers.

There is an awful clatter of single mammies in my town, none that I know have been left in the "lurch" as such. All are housed, either in a council house or rented house being paid for by HAP, they are all at least financially looked after by the government and will be till the kiddos are much older.

In fairness being left with a kid/kids on your own to look after and raise must be hard, which is the other other side also.

Also as an aside the vast majority of the lads I know of who walked out on kids are the type of fellas who are and always were losers, hardly a surprise they have trouble summoning their few brain cells to look after another human. Why women voluntarily ride these lads is another subject totally.

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119387469#Comment_119387469

Yeah, it obviously helps getting a council house however they have limited say over the house they are offered to live in and subsequently the areas can potentially be rough out, so not very ideal at the same time. Though obviously the benefits they're entitled to can help also. The hard part of being a single parent is depending on others for child care, so as a family member is in this situation we babysit constantly (though she totally takes a piss but that's more a defect on her personality), so I can see how this wears me and more importantly my mum down, it just makes me more determined to never repeat this scenario again, so though I'm blessed with lovely nephews and nieces, I'm also blessed with an important learning experience.

gary550

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119387499#Comment_119387499

I've a sister in the same situation that does the exact same thing to my mother! 😂

Mad part is out of the three of us she's the one who is the best off! She works part time (with my mother minding the kids in that time) and gets single family payment also. She has a council house and will be getting a bigger house soon. Her combined income excluding the benefit of having a ridiculously cheap roof over her head is over €600 a week for 20 hours work!

Being single with kids was best thing to happen to her and she'll tell you that herself!

My other sister done things the "right way" and bought a house with her partner, they both struggle to make ends meet and have to juggle working opposing hours to look after kids to reduce the burden of childcare on my mother.

I suppose as you say a learning experience!

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119387574#Comment_119387574

Wow sounds exactly like my sister, who also get the fas scheme or whatever its called where you work 20hrs and receive another benefit payoff. Maybe your or my sister are better off, but (at least for my sister) I'd hate to be that asshole who tells the mother you're never seeing the kids if you don't babysit them 24/7, I'd much rather be in the boat of your other sister who seems to have some common decency and humility, despite things being as tough as they are

quokula

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119384449#Comment_119384449

”In your 40s you can travel the world from a stable financial base”

My take would be the total opposite. You don’t need to be financially stable to go travelling in your 20s. But you need to be financially stable to have kids, which is why it makes more sense to wait until you’re older.

Not that most people are spending their 20s travelling, there’ll be the odd break here and there but it’s more a case of focussing on career progression to get to the point where having children would be viable.

jill_valentine

In my mid thirties. Nobody in my social circle is married yet. Some have kids with long term partners, but at least one of the longest running of those couples would 100% have split up years ago if not for the kids. Stats seem to reinforce that, we have some of the oldest first marriage ages in Europe.

I think it's great that people are waiting longer to get married and have kids, frankly. It works out for some - and some make it work whether they should or not - but it shouldn't be the norm. Applying the judgement most early twenty year olds have to the trajectory of their personal life for the rest of their life just seems like setting a lot of folks up for heartache.

theteal

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119385833#Comment_119385833

Reg office only costs a few quid. Then off to a restaurant with your nearest and dearest. Less time, effort, money and stress involved by all. Seems to be a growing trend too which is encouraging.

olestoepoke

I spent my entire 20s travelling and working abroad, London, Barcelona and all over the US (settling in New York). I'm almost 50 now and I look back on this as the best time of my life, I couldn't have done this if I'd have married early. I eventually got married in my mid 30s and had two kids around the same time. The only downside I see now is that I have a long wait for grandchildren if it happens at all, but as I said I wouldn't trade those 15 years living and travelling abroad for anything.

mariaalice

The point is not about getting married it's about meting a life partner at a young age it may well ne 10 or 15 well in to their 30s before they marrie, they may well spend a yesr in OZ or a what ever, although some do get married, my take on it would be its a cultural change from the ideas that people are missing out by not sleeping around.

mariaalice

The bitterness here is astounding in some ways, In my circle I am the only one who is divorced or remarried I would be unusual , the one family member who was a lone parent was never on welfare she has a career and got married when her child was an adult, I don't know any man who's house was 'stolen' by his ex.

mariaalice

The media reflect culture or perhaps culture is reflected in the media, the GAA is part of this, that's how I know I have spotted some trend all the players seen with their babies and toddlers after the matches.

Hotblack Desiato

The regular posts we see from younger female posters about their experiences of on-line dating and the reluctance of men to commit to relationships preferring instead to remain single and play the field would suggest to me that there at least some men out there that are learning from the mistakes of their older friends, relations or colleagues (or perhaps they just came across some of the many posts

Not really, probably more a case of why buy a cow when you can get milk for free.