Are we reverting to traditional relationship.

mariaalice

I got married very young and had children very young nothing unusual at the time.

Within the last few years, I have observed a return to this a fair, few couples who met in school/ college /late teens or early twenties who are together for life, or is it perhaps more of a rural thing verse urban?

Larbre34

Depends if they are brother and sister, or not.

EmmetSpiceland

If people start marrying in their early 20s we’ll be looking at “America-style” divorce rates before too long. Terrible idea.

Couldn’t imagine having kids in my 20s either.

I've noticed a lot of people I went to school with/hung around with had kids when they were young but very few ever bothered getting married (so far at least).

I almost proposed when I was a young rascal. Greatest thing I never did.

igCorcaigh

Although my parents married and had kids very young, to be honest we're the best kids any parent could hope for ;)

But, I don't know OP, haven't encountered this myself, but I am pushing 50.

Jim_Hodge

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119374038#Comment_119374038

Great stage to marry. We had our family while we were young and have grandchildren whose lives we can now have an active part. Everyone in our social circle married in mid 20s and all still happily married 35 to 45 years later.

EmmetSpiceland

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119374750#Comment_119374750

When was that, the 70s? Yeah, my folks married in their early 20s back then too.

Different times now, my man. Very different times.

PHG

Depends on social circles. Entering mid 30s and less than half the mates are married so I would be of the opposite opinion and say that things are going later in life. I also see marriage as less important now then it ever was.

I remember a statistic that if you get married after 30, you have missed your first divorce. The probability of marrying after 30 means you are a lot less likely to get divorced. Personally I don't know of any high school sweet hearts that lasted but each to their own.

Me and the Mrs are engaged but we live in Sweden. Once you live together for 6 months you automatically enter a Relationship called "sambo" which is a civil relationship without even turning up to the court. Pre nups are super common here and seen as normal day to day once especially when you buy a place together. It protect the Dad when children come too.

We are getting married and the Mrs wants to take my name (I don't care either way) but if we are not married and have kids, the kid cannot take the Father's name at all and has to be the mother's name, not even a double barrel. The Mrs wants us all to be the same name and as we are considered Sambo and have the pre nup done it makes little difference. Pre nup was her idea too and I bring in more. It's a very equal society so seen as normal here.

Jim_Hodge

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119374806#Comment_119374806

Mid to late 80s.

Different times for you maybe but all out kids are also happily married in their mid 20s.

EmmetSpiceland

Well, the world has moved on. Are you lot all part of some church? Still happens in, certain, “circumstances”.

I would, definitely, have concerns about anyone getting married in their 20s. Fair play to them if they stay the course but it’s in serious danger of a “midlife crisis” derailing the whole show.

nozzferrahhtoo

Where is TaxAHcruel when you need him :) Probably the happiest non traditional relationship on all of boards :)

wotzgoingon

These American Youtubers I keep an eye from time to time(wouldn't watch most of their video's) anyway they are early 20's and one already married and the other getting married. I still think they are too young. I'm late 30's and single but I would never have got married in my 20's. Wouldn't mind now though but sure.

KaneToad

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119374885#Comment_119374885

Bit early to tell, no?

ShamanRing

I think more young people realise that the millennials were sold a crock, that this ‘spend your twenties travelling, work will wait for you in your thirties’ is a con and has put gen-x and millennials in a lifetime of bad wages and eternal rent. Good on them marrying young, best of luck to them.

Leg End Reject

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119375102#Comment_119375102

The days of a single person in their 20s or 30s being able to buy their own home are gone (apart from the most privileged), so many might indeed choose to get married, but I don't know one person who got married in their early to mid 20s this century. I'm sure it happens, but it's no longer the norm.

Many couples getting married now already have children, that was social suicide until very recently.

I think it's best to wait until your 30s, most people are more self-assured at that age and have a clearer idea of what they want. There are of course couples who get married younger and are still happily together while couples who got married in their 30s separate.

That's a lot of waffle to say there isn't a definitive answer!

sprucemoose

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119375102#Comment_119375102

yeah, thats the reason, nothing to do with prices rocketing way out of line compared to wages........? give your head a wobble

Dial Hard

I'm 40, divorced, and probably a bit of outlier in that quite a few in my circle are still single. I see a lot of posts from people my age who are single and find it very lonely as all their friends have settled down, but that hasn't been the case for me.

I met my ex at 23, married at 26 and was separated by 29. I'm not sure the issue was that we married too young; if we'd met and done it all 5 years later we probably still would have split, he just decided he did want children after all whereas I never did.

I will say that people in their early and mid 20s seem like children to me these days. I can't even begin to imagine any of my nieces or nephews around that age even in serious relationships, let alone getting engaged or married, or *shudder* having kids.

ancapailldorcha

Mid-thirties and always single here. It does get a bit lonely from time to time but I've gotten very fond of my independence now and think it'd be a colossal shock to relinquish any of it. Most of my friends are doing the marriage and kids thing which doesn't help but it is what it is.

mariaalice

The newer version of the traditional relationship, it's not always about getting married and having children at a very young age, it's about meeting their life partner at a young age they may be together 10 years or more before they have children or get a property.

Thelonious Monk

I know I'm not anyway, I'm 41 and with current GF a year. I would never do the traditional wedding thing and we might be getting too old for the babies thing but if it happens it happens, she's a bit younger than me so who knows.

I still get to spend a lot of time doing my own thing and we don't live together for now, that's the part that I'd find difficult, I've gotten far too used to my own space and doing whatever I want in recent years. It's absolute bliss.

Sunny_Arms

I think ultimately it would depend on the couple. They could be ready for marriage but not kids. Or, kids but not marriage. Some did revert to traditional relationship because they were ready and happy. Some didn't because of various reasons.

HalloweenJack

I've been with my wife since I was 24 and she was 23, will be ten years together in February. We didn't move in together until we'd been going out for more than three years. We were living together for another two years before I proposed and we got married in 2020 and only celebrated it this year.

In our case, we didn't move in together until we were both sure of our career paths and how to get there. For a long time, I felt that I was going to be stuck in my previous career where we live whereas she always knew she'd be taking over the family business. Thankfully, I sorted that out and we've been able to plan our lives better knowing that I have a future in something that's more my kind of thing.

We both had long-term relationships in our teens/early twenties and had ONS/flings before reeting each other so we had an idea of relationships and who we are as people before getting together. We've thankfully grown in the right direction as people so that's helped too. We'd both loved independently as well, though she moved back with her family for a few years once she started in the family business.

I think people's life experience is a big factor in how ready they are to get married instead of some arbitrary age, though obviously the older you are, the more.experience you have.

I don't know any couples that have been together since their teens and just one who have been together since their early twenties. The strongest couples I know (apart from one who are lucky to have grown together) are ones who lived their lives before finding each other in their mid-/late twenties.

mariaalice

I was beginning to wonder was it just my wider family however after watching both GAA finals and seeing players with their babies and children after the matches I would say it might be far more than just my wider family.

timmyntc

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119374917#Comment_119374917

What has changed to make having kids & coupling up young not viable? How has the world "moved on"?

It is just as doable now as it was back then - having children early is the best time to do so, as you have the energy to actually keep up with them and raise them well rather than let the telly raise them for you.

In your 40s you can travel the world from a stable financial base and have your grown up kids off living their own lives, infinitely better prospect than trying to see the world in your 20s, and 30s and then struggling to conceive and raising children until you are getting close to 60 when they finally fly the nest.

Sleepy

Honestly I think we'll see far less marriage at any age in future. It's financial suicide for most men. Whether he's the higher earner or not, the "family home" is the defacto property of the wife until any kids are finished full time education and that means mid-twenties for most nowadays.

mariaalice

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119385427#Comment_119385427

Yeah, because we all know women don't have careers or earn money they are always dependent on a man once they have children and they never contributed to paying for the mortgage in any way.

Marriage is as popular as it ever was look around.

No, 19/23/27 years old getting into a relationship and falling in love says to themselves hang on a minute I better not get married because 20 years from now she is going to cunningly steal the house we have both paid for in the guise of raising our children.

JDD

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119375102#Comment_119375102

I think this might be spot on.

I work with a fair few Gen Z'rs. They are entirely different to the Millennials. Like chalk and cheese. Whereas the Millennials I've worked with have changed jobs (and careers) often enough, and were quite similar to my generation (Gen X) in spending their twenties getting trashed and travelling the world, the Gen Z'rs have been a total shock to me. They are more likely to be in a relationship of a year or more. I was also shocked to find that two Gen Z'rs on my team had set up separate accounts to save for mortgages. Like, they're 22/23!! I think the Global Recession has had a huge effect on that generation, making them much more fearful of economic turmoil, and making them crave stable, well paying careers rather than ones that "fulfil" them as a result. That might also feed into a sort of artificially early maturity that sees them settle down with a partner (whether that's marrying them or not) much earlier than we would have considered it in our twenties.

wotzgoingon

I don't do the traditional thing. I have four wives. I converted to be a muslim so I could have four wives. Allah hu Akbar Allah hu Akbar!

Sleepy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119385525#Comment_119385525

I never said women don't have careers or earn money. In fact I specifically stated "whether he's the higher earner or not" so maybe read my posts before getting your knickers in a twist over them.

Marriage may still be popular but separation and divorce have been on a steady rise since the 90's and, as a result, young men are more likely to have had exposure to a friend, colleague or family member who's suffering the repercussions of the Irish Family Courts treatment of fathers. I'm personally aware of two former colleagues at least that are still paying the mortgage on a house their ex has since moved a new fella into (while being careful to ensure it's not his "official" residence).

The regular posts we see from younger female posters about their experiences of on-line dating and the reluctance of men to commit to relationships preferring instead to remain single and play the field would suggest to me that there at least some men out there that are learning from the mistakes of their older friends, relations or colleagues (or perhaps they just came across some of the many posts on PI here from those caught in bad marriages they can't financially afford to leave or suffering the consequences of having done so).

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119385543#Comment_119385543

Nice move!

Pissy Missy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119385659#Comment_119385659

Just to add from learning from experiences of the people around us, I know a few females in my life where the partner fecked off after they had kid and left them in the lurch, avoiding paying child maintenance where possible and wanting nothing to do with the kids, it made me never want to be dependent on another person if god forbid I had a child with a partner and they just abandoned us like that. Sadly people can be heartless and unreliable.