6 weeks dating and woman says she want to try for a baby

Has she actually asked that you father a baby with her? Or did she just announce her intentions to have a baby.

It's a well known medical fact that a woman's fertility falls off a cliff after age 35. She could have been planning this for some time and saving for IVF / donor sperm and is just informing you of her future plan to become a parent, - not asking you to become one with her.

(edit) - I just re-read the OP and she said she was open to you being the father but it doesn't have to be you. I think this is about her intention to become a parent, and not about trapping some guy either into a relationship with her, or to pay maintenance for however many years. It doesn't sound like she needs one.

Markcheese

It's definitely very honest of her ,- that's what she's planning to do in x months time ,

But it does make for a very strange start to a relationship , going forward you're going to be thinking is every little thing that happens or doesn't happen because she wants a baby ..

Housefree

Eject EJECT! this is not a drill

StupidLikeAFox

Ah lads, how are people saying its a red flag?

If you stumbled across a Google search on how to conceive alongside a 10 point plan to trick a man into fatherhood- that would be a red flag.

Being up front and honest with her plans to become a parent in the near future is very decent of her. You can proceed with the relationship with eyes wide open or go your separate ways, your call

Ubbquittious

at least she told you !

Strumms

red flag central, to be coming out with shît like that weeks after starting dating..

her age isn’t your problem….

notAMember

Why on earth do people think this is a red flag? This is a grown woman talking about a grown up plan for her own future. She could not have been clearer, more direct. There is no bearing about the bush , a good communicator.

What is the expectation, some romcom way of trapping a guy? That ye both communicate only in inuendo and nudges and winks about such scary things?

Honestly OP, if this kind of conversation freaked you out, then you’re still not mature enough be in an adult relationship (though you’re rapidly approaching 40!)

Red flag for her would be someone having a major wobble over this kind of conversation. If you have no family intentions yourself, then be just as clear as she is.

Pissy Missy

It depends, if you want a baby with this person you don't know then go for it or give it a few months to see if you think you could have a baby with her but make sure to always use a condom til then

If you don't want a baby with this person tell her and end things

It's good she's been honest and she knows what she wants but it comes down to you, are you ready for a child or not. Personally, if someone said that to me after 6 weeks I'd end things as we're obviously on a totally different wave length and I get ppl want children but If I'm going to have them, I'd like to know my partner for about 2 yrs and see what they're like to live with before making a life changing decision such as that. Each to their own.

asdfg87

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119369395#Comment_119369395

What line are you in? i expect your not on the dole. You may even be quite financially comfortable?

Did she ever ask you if you wanted to have a child? she wants to have a baby, i expect she is TROUBLE.

How Soon Is Now

Who realistically makes this kind of choice after just six weeks of knowing someone? Most people when they come to the point of wanting to have a child with someone they have gotten to know the other person possibly lived with them seen there good and bad sides they know the person in and out. She obviously wanted this long before she met you and I doubt its a case of your the guy that made her feel this way. That alone would be a call to get out of there because it sounds like she wants the child more then the relationship.

You go along with this and you will always be second best to be totally honest you would be better off meeting someone who already had a child because at least then you could walk if you weren't happy and you wouldn't be trapped for the rest of your life.

Unless your happy with being someone's donor move on and do it asap.

jackboy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119370839#Comment_119370839

Exactly, it is the opposite of a red flag. Many women are having children later now. If they are not in a stable relationship by their mid thirties then they have to consider non traditional options if they want a child. She is completely honest and at her age she just does not have time to build a relationship over a couple of years to find out if he is the ‘one’.

qba73

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058255497/6-weeks-dating-and-woman-says-she-want-to-try-for-a-baby

run away....

TheadoreT

The main take away here is there is no way she'd know after 6 weeks if you're a compatible long term partner and visa versa. You'd hope before bringing a child into the world there'd be a bit of a solid foundation in the relationship.

She basically just wants a kid with anyone and layed out her terms, put a timeframe on it based on what she thinks is the minimum acceptable time that society wouldn't judge her by, and not based on... you know, if she'd actually want one with *you* at that point. It's horribly transactional. Too many men end up in these situations, they become the ticking clock partner, usually as they're nice and financially sound. But then complain in 5 years time that their wife isn't attracted to them and they're in a sexless marriage. This is the point you see the red flags and move on, 5 years time you will thank yourself if you do.

dePeatrick

Run, and run fast…

faceman

Id be walking away, unless for some reason her goal aligns with yours.

Clearly relationships are secondary to her so that’s a major red flag. Even if you did stick it out, once baby comes along you’ll become a second class citizen.

Fair play to her for being upfront about it.

You can't say you haven't been warned.

If it was me, I'd thank her for being straightforward and honest. I'd then wish her all the best for the future.

She is being very upfront - it's up to you OP if you want the same.

I know a woman who said this to a new partner in the first few dates, he was OK with it and they seem happy now with two primary school age kids.

She was just very direct about her age and that she wanted kids. If he wasn't interested there was no point (from her point of view) wasting time.

TheadoreT

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119371547#Comment_119371547

A guy can be interested in having kids yet not want to put a defined short term date at which they should have them.

It's fundamentally selfish of a woman to do so imo, they're not putting the interest of the future child first above their own. There's obviously outlier stories for everything but it's quite clearly a reckless way to go about a relationship and it's chances of working out are much lower and that's ultimately unfair on the kid.

bad2thebone

Up to you OP, her clock is ticking and she's absolutely priming herself for motherhood. It's very natural and she's upfront and honest.

I know a woman who rode her way through tinder, she was very picky and even went on prep.

Most guy's she met didn't hesitate in not using anything, she eventually met a guy who got her pregnant, she's quite fit and attractive and didn't want to be bogged down with a man who's not supportive so she went her own way.

Even though she was on prep luckily she didn't catch anything else, she described herself like an animal in heat. It's uncontrollable she said, she couldn't help it. Never really interested in men or sex but when her clock went haywire that's it she went on the hunt...

CreadanLady

What does "going on prep" mean?

jjnew

Thanks for the replies.

Yes, this looks like trouble. Best to get out now.

jjnew

Looks like she just wants a baby no matter what so I would be better to get out before it is too late.

To say to someone you just met 6 weeks ago that you want to try for a baby in a few months is just plain crazy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119371830#Comment_119371830

Medication to prevent getting HIV.

SEPT 23 1989

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119372358#Comment_119372358

you learn something new everyday

1874

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119372369#Comment_119372369

jaysus, does that mean a baby doesnt get it too?? sounds mercenary and merciless, all the more reason to bag it

OP, imo, while she is being forthright, thats not necessarily a good thing other than that its a good heads up for you, It could depend person to person, but I dont think you can know someone in 6 weeks. IMO she sounds selfish, its what she wants, and a relationship isnt what she is thinking about so she isnt thinking of you & her moving on with the next stage together, you are basically a sperm donor to her imo. Do you have a lot of assets she could claim or try take? is she set up financially to support a baby or does she just plan on having a child and you to pay her way and maybe for you to not even have any life with the child? Sounds like you arent being considered nor ever will be, she wants a sperm donor, thats it. For that level of selfishness, I'd say you should tell her you want to get know each other better, enjoy the ride and be careful, provide own condoms and dont let them out of your sight, at the least ask her to get tested, for her/potential baby's sake, but also for your own sake, if she is offended by that, I'd take it into consideration. During this time (so early, six weeks) which is not normal in a relationship for this to even be raised, see if you can find out is she just urgent/worried about her biological clock/crazy/a millionaire, because she sounds like she is selfish and doesn't even know it or care.

If you decline her, let her down gently, more so it protects you, so she doesn't go full mental and accuse you of something, although likely she would just move on to the next sperm donor readily and she will give you about as much thought as she will in the future when she dismisses and disregards you.

I wouldnt run, but Id be getting ready to

jjnew

Thanks

Drumpot

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119370674#Comment_119370674

This is true, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with her being open and up front.

I told my wife after a week of meeting her what my long term ideals were for a relationship 22 years ago. She felt the same and we’ve been together since with kids, a house and a dog. I didn’t want a fling even that young, I wanted a partner and basically didn’t want to waste mine and another persons time “getting to know each other” before finding out vital life goal differences. In many regards it’s a more mature way to start a relationship.

To be frank, if somebody thinks it’s a red flag that a person being open about what they want in a relationship and their long term plans for a child (that’s going to be a massive change to their lives) then it’s a reflection of those peoples preferences. There’s nothing at all wrong with what that lady did, the people calling it a red flag are just projecting what they think is “normal” and what they want (or don’t want) from a partner.

There’s nothing wrong with whatever way others engage or prefer in a Budding or potential relationship but it’s just mean to throw out a “red flag” comment in this manner. Had she disclosed that she liked her victims cooked medium well, that’s a red flag, but this is simply somebody actually being open and honest about a very deep desire they have. Just seems like some are judging this disclosure in a childishly mean spirited way.

If the OP shares these sentiments then show her some respect by declining to take things further, she’s better off without you as you are with her.

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119371018#Comment_119371018

Being up front about something does not necessarily mean that it is not something you should run from. It can still indicate a nutter.

If someone told you that they were currently addicted to cocaine but that they planned to get off it by switching to heroin in six months would you think that is the opposite of a red flag - given that she told you up front?

If she is desperate, run away unless she is literally your only option and you think the crazy is worth it.

jjnew

Thanks

TheadoreT

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119372693#Comment_119372693

There's a massive difference between stating your intentions about wanting kids or whatever other relationship expectations and actually saying to a new partner you want to start trying with them after 8 months. I'm not sure you've understood that here. One of those scenarios is perfectly fine, the other a big red flag. And 8 months is short term, not long term as you stated. This isn't about being on the same page, it's about her wanting a kid yesterday with anyone.