6 weeks dating and woman says she want to try for a baby

jjnew

Hi, I'm 38 and met a 34 year old woman on Tinder 6 weeks ago. The other morning she said something I think is strange. She said she wanted to try for a baby in 8 months time. She said she was open to having the baby with me but said it doesn't have to be me but that she definitely wants to try for a baby in 8 months time. She said the timing suits her work.

I only know her 6 weeks. What do people think of her statement?

is_that_so

Age is clearly a factor here but unless you're of the same general frame of mind it might be best to move on. If you are then start talking about it. She seems clear about it.

notAMember

I think she is being open and transparent with you on her future plans.

Dial Hard

Have you even actually been on a date yet?

Edit: Actually, it doesn't even matter. I'd be noping out of there either way. It sounds like she has her mind made up and she's looking for a sperm donor rather than a partner. More power to her for knowing what she wants and when she wants it, but I'm not sure she's going about it the right way.

Igotadose

Run away.

SVI40

Just be aware, if you do have a child with her, you will be liable to support that child for at least 18 years! Seems very early at only dating 6 weeks to bring that up.

mojesius

As above, if that's her choice, that's her choice. You need to decide if you want to stick around and get to know her or if it's a bit much for you and you need to cut ties. As a woman, I find it odd that she's put this specific timeframe on things because of work (babies and children will impact career no matter what stage you're at or what age they are) but she's clearly made a plan for herself.

I'd be wary of having a baby with anyone I knew less than a year (going by the above timeframe). Anecdotally, most couples I know who had a baby within a year of meeting each other eventually broke up (with a few exceptions).

jjnew

It is very soon to say such a thing. And then for her to have specific timeframe seems strange.

She said it would suit with maternity leave

SuperBowserWorld

Sounds more like a project than a relationship. What happens if you conceive in 7 or 9 months time. Will you be fined ?

thefallingman

It’s a clear message to you, are you interested yes or no.

SuperBowserWorld

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119369341#Comment_119369341

True, no beating around the bush here. 😂

hawley

She's probably timing it to coincide with summer holidays. Maternity leave ending at end of June, then summer holidays then take sick leave or some unpaid leave. Means that you can get almost a full year at home with the baby.

Is she a teacher?

jjnew

No not a teacher. Just the timing suits her, she said.

So people.think what she said is strange given that we only met online 6 weeks ago?

wildwillow

Her inner clock is ticking and she doesn't want to waste time. A baby is a responsibility financially for at least 18 years and even if you have no part in it's life, she may still want a financial input from you.

She is open and honest about her plans. Can't fault her for that. Having a baby is no foundation for a relationship though.

I hope she doesn't believe that she will actually be able to concieve exactly when she wants, particuarly at her age. She could be lucky but could also wait months or even years to concieve. Thirty four is considered almost geriatric in the maternity world.

piplip87

Bring and put on your own condoms for any sexual activity between now and then. Make sure not to leave them unattended.

Big Bag of Chips

Why are you asking if people think it's strange? It's irrelevant what we think. Do you think it's strange?

Can I ask if you've posted about this before? The situation seems familiar, with some minor change to details.

Count Dracula

She seems very forward and a bit systematic. After a few rides she is considering having a child with you .... please do not go there?

Start a family with a partner that you really care for and want to develop your life and grow with. Having kids with strangers is a bad idea, especially for the child. Even when that child is born you will still be getting to know this woman, you are asking for a disaster to happen.

If you like her, ask her to cool the chops for a while and try to get to know her. Try spending hard time with her via a holiday or even moving in together for a while. I do think you also need to examine how her value system works and how she values you as a partner? The fact that she has brought this up after six weeks is slightly alarming. Thread carefully here, she could well be a complete psycho who has zero empathy and just wants a baby, it sounds terrifying for all involved.

I have no issues with women having children on their own if they so wish, If you knew her for longer I could fathom it, but the fact that she has shared this with you at this stage is iffy to say the least. Forcing such an issue on your only kindling relationship sounds very off.

cj maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119369306#Comment_119369306

Exactly. SHE has mind made up to have a baby, not necessarily she wants YOUR baby or to even discuss having a baby together and actually taking on board your opinion. Wish her good luck and get the hell out of there.

clobber

all things equal in relatively similar relationships

RUN

Run a mile

That's it. Pointless asking us to measure feelings emotions and all that

Stephen_Maturin

Run a mile

amdublin

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119369395#Comment_119369395

What do you think?

For Forks Sake

Run.

Run some more.

When you get there, run further

Everlong1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119369395#Comment_119369395

No offence, but to my mind the most bizarre thing about this is that you need to ask if it's strange in the first place.

Furze99

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119369341#Comment_119369341

She is being very clear. She doesn't want chaps wasting her time. So you gotta decide whether you're likely to be into each other/ compatible etc and either get on with it or get lost.

HazeDoll

If a woman wants a baby there are ways to do it without involving a romantic partner. She could use a sperm donor. Nice and tidy, no messy relationships to get in the way of enjoying motherhood.

She has chosen to have this conversation with a chap she has known for six weeks. How many hours have you spent in each other's company in those six weeks? How well do you really know her? She is willing to tie the two of you together for life but she hardly knows you! Her rush to get the job done because she's planning around holiday leave suggests she hasn't thought it through at all. Kids are an unpredictable, expensive inconvenience for twenty years, one year's holiday leave is nothing!

After six weeks, suggesting you're making plans to have kids at some point in the medium-to-long-term future is a intense. She's talking about getting pregnant in a few months!

Some are saying she's being upfront and honest. It has a whiff of crazy off it though. If this sort of eccentricity is raising its head after six weeks then there is likely to be more crazy under the surface.

It's very very odd behaviour. Not quirky. Not empowered and forthright. Very very odd.

If you're getting out do it cleanly, before she 'accidentally' gets pregnant.

jjnew

Thanks

clobber

If the shoe was on the other foot and the guy asked about a family, alarm bells would be ringing, heads would turn and it would sure be a deal breaker

Jequ0n

Use condoms that you bought yourself and brought along on the day.

This isn’t a relationship discussion she started but a business deal. You will regret going along with this.

Pauliedragon

OP that's a fairly big red flag to me. As posted above it looks like it's a donor she's after. She is getting to that age where pregnancy can get difficult but how would you feel about getting a woman you barely know pregnant? Is fatherhood on the horizon for you with her? If not it's probably best you end things now and let her find someone else.

YellowLead

You couldn’t get a flag redder than this. Let some other mug take this one.

At least she’s being honest, not hiding the crazy, and not trying to trap you - just seeing if you are also mental enough to go along with this.

Has she actually asked that you father a baby with her? Or did she just announce her intentions to have a baby.

It's a well known medical fact that a woman's fertility falls off a cliff after age 35. She could have been planning this for some time and saving for IVF / donor sperm and is just informing you of her future plan to become a parent, - not asking you to become one with her.

(edit) - I just re-read the OP and she said she was open to you being the father but it doesn't have to be you. I think this is about her intention to become a parent, and not about trapping some guy either into a relationship with her, or to pay maintenance for however many years. It doesn't sound like she needs one.

Markcheese

It's definitely very honest of her ,- that's what she's planning to do in x months time ,

But it does make for a very strange start to a relationship , going forward you're going to be thinking is every little thing that happens or doesn't happen because she wants a baby ..

Housefree

Eject EJECT! this is not a drill

StupidLikeAFox

Ah lads, how are people saying its a red flag?

If you stumbled across a Google search on how to conceive alongside a 10 point plan to trick a man into fatherhood- that would be a red flag.

Being up front and honest with her plans to become a parent in the near future is very decent of her. You can proceed with the relationship with eyes wide open or go your separate ways, your call

Ubbquittious

at least she told you !

Strumms

red flag central, to be coming out with shît like that weeks after starting dating..

her age isn’t your problem….

notAMember

Why on earth do people think this is a red flag? This is a grown woman talking about a grown up plan for her own future. She could not have been clearer, more direct. There is no bearing about the bush , a good communicator.

What is the expectation, some romcom way of trapping a guy? That ye both communicate only in inuendo and nudges and winks about such scary things?

Honestly OP, if this kind of conversation freaked you out, then you’re still not mature enough be in an adult relationship (though you’re rapidly approaching 40!)

Red flag for her would be someone having a major wobble over this kind of conversation. If you have no family intentions yourself, then be just as clear as she is.

Pissy Missy

It depends, if you want a baby with this person you don't know then go for it or give it a few months to see if you think you could have a baby with her but make sure to always use a condom til then

If you don't want a baby with this person tell her and end things

It's good she's been honest and she knows what she wants but it comes down to you, are you ready for a child or not. Personally, if someone said that to me after 6 weeks I'd end things as we're obviously on a totally different wave length and I get ppl want children but If I'm going to have them, I'd like to know my partner for about 2 yrs and see what they're like to live with before making a life changing decision such as that. Each to their own.

asdfg87

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119369395#Comment_119369395

What line are you in? i expect your not on the dole. You may even be quite financially comfortable?

Did she ever ask you if you wanted to have a child? she wants to have a baby, i expect she is TROUBLE.

How Soon Is Now

Who realistically makes this kind of choice after just six weeks of knowing someone? Most people when they come to the point of wanting to have a child with someone they have gotten to know the other person possibly lived with them seen there good and bad sides they know the person in and out. She obviously wanted this long before she met you and I doubt its a case of your the guy that made her feel this way. That alone would be a call to get out of there because it sounds like she wants the child more then the relationship.

You go along with this and you will always be second best to be totally honest you would be better off meeting someone who already had a child because at least then you could walk if you weren't happy and you wouldn't be trapped for the rest of your life.

Unless your happy with being someone's donor move on and do it asap.

jackboy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119370839#Comment_119370839

Exactly, it is the opposite of a red flag. Many women are having children later now. If they are not in a stable relationship by their mid thirties then they have to consider non traditional options if they want a child. She is completely honest and at her age she just does not have time to build a relationship over a couple of years to find out if he is the ‘one’.

qba73

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058255497/6-weeks-dating-and-woman-says-she-want-to-try-for-a-baby

run away....

TheadoreT

The main take away here is there is no way she'd know after 6 weeks if you're a compatible long term partner and visa versa. You'd hope before bringing a child into the world there'd be a bit of a solid foundation in the relationship.

She basically just wants a kid with anyone and layed out her terms, put a timeframe on it based on what she thinks is the minimum acceptable time that society wouldn't judge her by, and not based on... you know, if she'd actually want one with *you* at that point. It's horribly transactional. Too many men end up in these situations, they become the ticking clock partner, usually as they're nice and financially sound. But then complain in 5 years time that their wife isn't attracted to them and they're in a sexless marriage. This is the point you see the red flags and move on, 5 years time you will thank yourself if you do.

dePeatrick

Run, and run fast…

faceman

Id be walking away, unless for some reason her goal aligns with yours.

Clearly relationships are secondary to her so that’s a major red flag. Even if you did stick it out, once baby comes along you’ll become a second class citizen.

Fair play to her for being upfront about it.

You can't say you haven't been warned.

If it was me, I'd thank her for being straightforward and honest. I'd then wish her all the best for the future.

She is being very upfront - it's up to you OP if you want the same.

I know a woman who said this to a new partner in the first few dates, he was OK with it and they seem happy now with two primary school age kids.

She was just very direct about her age and that she wanted kids. If he wasn't interested there was no point (from her point of view) wasting time.

TheadoreT

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119371547#Comment_119371547

A guy can be interested in having kids yet not want to put a defined short term date at which they should have them.

It's fundamentally selfish of a woman to do so imo, they're not putting the interest of the future child first above their own. There's obviously outlier stories for everything but it's quite clearly a reckless way to go about a relationship and it's chances of working out are much lower and that's ultimately unfair on the kid.

bad2thebone

Up to you OP, her clock is ticking and she's absolutely priming herself for motherhood. It's very natural and she's upfront and honest.

I know a woman who rode her way through tinder, she was very picky and even went on prep.

Most guy's she met didn't hesitate in not using anything, she eventually met a guy who got her pregnant, she's quite fit and attractive and didn't want to be bogged down with a man who's not supportive so she went her own way.

Even though she was on prep luckily she didn't catch anything else, she described herself like an animal in heat. It's uncontrollable she said, she couldn't help it. Never really interested in men or sex but when her clock went haywire that's it she went on the hunt...

CreadanLady

What does "going on prep" mean?