So lonely and feel so frustrated and stuck in life

rtc123

Yeah we have talked about it and that is hopefully the plan but me being the anxious head I am worry that something will go wrong and feel I need a plan for myself so I’m not fully reliant on his share for a mortgage, we aren’t together many years yet either.

it definitely is a blessing to not have to fork out on crazy rent prices and I keep telling myself how lucky of a position this is but for some reason my brain isn’t allowing it as it’s just so lonely. I used to do some gardening so I will help Out more on that front.

Dial Hard

OP, I'm 40 and have recently had to move back in with my parents (and am paying rent to do so). I'm lucky enough to be in a pretty well-paying job but not well-paying enough for me to ever afford a mortgage on my own. My Plan B is to find somewhere else to rent, but I'm competing with couples in the market for one-beds and it's proving *extremely* difficult to find anywhere. It's a sh!t situation but I'm far from the only person in it and all I can do is accept it, not let it get on top of me.

I honestly think you should speak to your GP about anti-depressants. There's been a lot of negative sentiment towards them on the thread but I have a sister who struggled with depression and anxiety for years and they changed her life when she finally "gave in" and tried them. She's been off them for years but is very open about the difference they made to her and her only regret is that she didn't consider them years earlier. Have the conversation, anyway. What have you got to lose?

Finally, I'm curious as to what your good, stable job that took so long to get, but pays so poorly is? It would also be helpful to know what your qualifications/experience are, people might be able to advise you on sideways/diagonal moves that could improve your earning power.

shesty

I was in a similar hole in 2011 OP, except I was unemployed.Going round in circles all day, had a mortgage, so had to work, but my qualification was in a field that took a huge hit in the recession so I felt I needed to go back and study.But how to do that while also working...and fund it...

I got stuck in an awful loop of negative thinking.Eventually I started having panic attacks.I remember after about 2 or 3 of them, I got an interview.It was in another part of the country and I had to stay overnight with a friend to do it.I had a massive panic attack before I left -I mean debilitatingly bad - and I remember sitting on the floor thinking if I didn't do something about it, these could take over my life and I would have a huge mountain to climb.

I put one foot in front of the other that day in order to get out and through the interview, but I contacted a counsellor after that.

I cannot say anything madly groundbreaking occurred with her, but honestly, after a few weeks of talking to a stranger and laying out my situation and hearing her view of it - an outsider's view, looking in - it made me see things so differently.I still had to work on things, but I felt I had the tools, I could see the wood from the trees.

I can't say you need anti depressants but I certainly think talking to someone would be worth it.And it is hard to take that first step, but it does help.

Count Dracula

Take out a large piece of paper and write down where you would like to be in 5 years time. Give it a few columns at the top of the page and label it, much along the lines of the items which you initially raised as being things that you are currently finding to be ominous and challenging.

You mentioned where you want to live in the future, write that place down. What job would you like? Like really like to do? Give it a column. What course in college would you like to do? Why do you want to go to college, how will you benefit from college at this stage in your life, how long will it take, is it worth the commitment and the hassle? Give this question a column also. I would also find space for a " love" column, a "leisure" column and I might go for an "interests" column, the most important one of all, cultivating and nurturing your interests will benefit you right the way through your life - you will need such vitality to make everything worthwhile, what is the point otherwise?

Now all you have to do is give each column your own preference or value. This is important as you need to work out how much time each column will take to achieve and how you can synergise the columns to make your wishes and dreams attainable. Try to give everything a time scale and set realistic goals and time limits.

There is sooooooo much more to life than buying a gaff and slaving a job to pay for it, especially if the very thought of it makes you depressed or pissed off? Be yourself and live your own life, your way. Do things that give you satisfaction.

Find out what or where you want to be in the future and design your own special way to achieve it.

standardg60

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119326408#Comment_119326408

Completely agree, in my experience anyone who has tried AD's and were more concerned about the side effects rather than the benefits didn't really need them in the first place, usually due to a temporary 'crisis'. But for a long term anxiety sufferer they can be a godsend (they are also known as anti-anxiety medication).

Didn't realise you were in a relationship OP and still having these feelings, definitely have a chat with your (or any) GP.

Ash.J.Williams

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058254036/so-lonely-and-feel-so-frustrated-and-stuck-in-life

Start doing some random cool things for yourself, even a short course unrelated to work my, Anthony bourdain has loads of quotes related to this that are really inspiring, like have a drink at the bar in a strange pub !

all I can say is go abroad to see rammstein live weather you like them or not

rtc123

I took a 6 week course a little while back and I liked fhe course alot but it was a 2 hour round trip after work so I’m looking for some closer.

haha can’t say I’ve heard much of them but they are obviously effective!

rtc123

Yeah that’s what I’ve been thinking like I know it’s my circumstances that are making me feel this way and I’ve been thinking of every possible way to feel better and so far anything I have tried has temporarily worked or hasn’t worked so I’m running out of options.