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So lonely and feel so frustrated and stuck in life

  • 11-07-2022 6:25pm
    Registered Users Posts: 20

    I feel like I am about to lose my mind after another day of researching options. My current situation is making me extremely unhappy to the point where I am considering anti depressants as nothing is making me feel any better.

    I am back living at home in rural Ireland because I couldn’t afford to rent anymore so moved back to save up a deposit, I have been saving hard but still a long way away from what I need yet. I am lucky to be able to live here but I am completely alone here, no friends or other family in the area or nearby, no transport in the area etc. it is so so hard and lonely and no matter how I get explain it I don’t feel like anyone gets it. 

    I spent a long time applying for a job that is a “good stable job” and I managed to get a position, which is brilliant but unfortunately the pay is very low which means I am literally scraping by (especially with diesel/cost of living prices). I have been thinking so hard as to how to get myself out of this situation so thought going back to college to level up in salary would be the answer but unfortunately I don’t qualify for any grants, I have looked up each one but as I work full time & live with parents they are all unavailable to me. I cannot afford to fund my way through college as I just don’t have the money to take out another loan and repay it weekly, I really want to do this but I can’t see any way of this working without some sort of help with funding. 

    I realise I am very lucky for being able to live at home and also for a stable job but I am absolutely miserable, I feel like I am stuck in every aspect of my life and I can’t get out of any of it, I don’t see myself being able to do this for 5 years plus until I have my deposit. I have worked since I was 16 and I just feel so frustrated that I can’t afford to rent or to buy or to go back to educate myself further. 

    Apologies for the essay, I just needed to get this off my chest and see if maybe anyone else is in a similar position? (I’m sure many are)



  • Registered Users Posts: 2,077 ✭✭✭yagan

    If you're open to it you do have third level options taught via English in many EU countries. Check for courses, some are free and some countries provide bursaries.

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,739 ✭✭✭standardg60

    There's nothing wrong with taking anti-depressants OP, especially if you've always felt a bit overwhelmed with what life is throwing at you.

    Have a chat with your GP.

  • Registered Users Posts: 20 rtc123

    Thank you for that, I’ve never actually heard of this site so I’ll have a look into it now

  • Registered Users Posts: 20 rtc123

    This is the first time I’ve felt I might actually need them, I cry most days and that is so not normal for me.

    I’m just really scared of the side affects they may cause.

  • Registered Users Posts: 8,110 ✭✭✭Furze99

    Have you considered distance learning, online course etc? That may be practical and if so, also discuss with employer.

    You likely get a certain amount of social interaction from work, unless working from home full time?

    What would make life that bit better? Likely some opportunities to socialise with others outside the house, unless you're living in a very remote spot. Volunteering is often a good way in.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 663 ✭✭✭lostinsuperfunk

    Have a look at Springboard+ free or heavily subsidised courses in Irish colleges

    Some are available online or remotely so no need to travel, and some are part time so no hit to your pay packet. You don't need to be unemployed to apply, although those unemployed get priority for most courses.

    Also the courses are targeted towards fields with high demand so you're likely to get a job afterwards. The colleges also support Springboard students in searching for jobs .

  • Registered Users Posts: 20 rtc123

    Good to know I’m not the only one about the job, it’s amazing and I’m treated so well but I feel like I’m using 10% of my brain power which is why I want to study.

    I have had more so anxiety in the past and felt down but right now I think my external factors are creating the major issues for me

  • Registered Users Posts: 8,410 ✭✭✭893bet

    This. You can requalify for peanuts. But it’s hard work and you need to be motivated to get through it.

  • Registered Users Posts: 20 rtc123

    Thanks very much for taking the time and the info. I had a look at springboard today and there is one course I might apply for the only thing is it’s a level 6, so would require alot of dither study. I don’t think I would be able for any of the level 8 courses they have (more tech/business)

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  • Registered Users Posts: 20 rtc123

    Have you done one before? I haven’t chatted to anyone who has completed one before.

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,932 ✭✭✭Bigus

    With all due respect ,you seem to be letting the bad news in the media get to you.

    I say this because you’re using a lot of media sound bites .

    ”Level up,” by going to college

    “no public transport”but yet you refer to Diesel prices ? So if you have your own transport why worry about public transport? Although perhaps this is affecting your potential social life ?

    “i couldn’t afford rent” on a positive note you’ve beaten this one .

    Also 5 years to gather a deposit to purchase a house would not seem unreasonable? Both now and historically.

    I wouldn’t see college as a fix , but you could certainly accelerate things by finding or making a second income stream particularly when all that spare time is available to you as your not distracted by friends or extended family, so you could work 70-80 hrs a week short term.(a bit like working abroad with no,distractions)

    Any side income is great , even if it only paid your diesel bill at the start.

    Sorry for been harsh , but when myself and my wife were saving for a house we had 5 jobs between us , and a baby , but a very helpful granny babysitter.

    So don’t mind the bad news media , because the only one who will boost you up, is yourself,through hard work , been a bit different to the herd , and hopefully getting a bit of luck or a chance encounter, but the harder people work, generally the luckier they get .

  • Registered Users Posts: 20 rtc123

    Thanks very much for taking the time to reply. What you’re saying definitely does make sense and fair play to ye for working so hard to achieve the deposit.

    I have been looking around for second jobs but am finding them a little hard to come by around here, I have no problem doing any job so I might widen my search location wise.

    I was thinking college would be a way to boost my salary long term, to engage my brain again and possible meet some like minded people along the way.

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,932 ✭✭✭Bigus

    You need a more instant solution than college, go, out and chase some extra money …. Now , it might become very empowering, even if you get knocked back at the start.

    Chop firewood if you have to or turn discarded clean pallets into kindling , to take advantage of the bad news on oil prices.

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,739 ✭✭✭standardg60

    Just stick around here OP, plenty of lonely and frustrated people who post sh1te on anything and everything just to engage their brain, me included.

    Anti-depressants are notorious for ruining your sex drive, which back living at home with the parents might be no bad thing!

  • Registered Users Posts: 20 rtc123

    I would love something instant, but also aware my salary will take a long time to increase so need to find something sustainable to do, thanks 🙂

  • Registered Users Posts: 20 rtc123

    Is it sad that this post is the most human interaction I have had all day and it’s not even in person 🙈

    No definitely not a bad thing living here! I’m more worried about it making things worse and there’s only one way to find out unfortunately!

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,858 ✭✭✭Pissy Missy

    Absolute feels, in my 30s and in a similar situation. Could you try find a better paying job? Even if its slightly unrelated to your profression, that's what I'm aiming for as my profession is massively underpaid and my focus is on saving for a house

    Post edited by Pissy Missy on

  • Registered Users Posts: 20 rtc123

    Same here just entered my 30s, not what I had pictured 😂🤔

    This isn’t my dream job to be honest but there are a lot of pros to it so I said I would wait it out till after 1 year and see.

    please message me any time sounds like we are in a similar boat ☺️

  • Registered Users Posts: 254 ✭✭forestgirl

    Maybe I will get flamed for saying this but I took anti depressants and they just made me sleep all day op.I know you want to get going so that points out to me that you don't seem depressed but obviously fed up as you feel you should be out there in the world. You seem really eager which is good and I hope something works out for you

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  • Registered Users Posts: 20 rtc123

    Thanks for your lovely comment, and it’s a pity they didn’t work out for you.

    I am just eager to do anything to get out of this situation I’m in right now 🙈 also holding on hope that things will get better or easier really soon.

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,157 ✭✭✭thinkabouit

    Don't go near anti depressants they will only make things worse in the long run.

    Stay away from alcohol and drug's

    Exercise like he'll and sweat buckets you'll feel so much better

    Drink plenty water and just try different thing's especially stuff you've never tried before.

    Keep going stay busy you'll get through it, it's only temporary.

  • Registered Users Posts: 20 rtc123

    I am feeling 50/50 about taking them myself, but then again maybe should speak to the GP.

    I don’t take drugs or drink, I try to work out as much as possible but I haven’t enjoyed it recently or felt better from it, seem to be missing this serotonin buzz everyone gets!

  • Registered Users Posts: 20 rtc123

    These are great suggestions thanks. I work with older ladies who work later than me and have families to get back to unfortunately. I try meet friends during the week but they are often busy with partners etc. and I’m getting tired of being the one to make plans but I will still do it.

    I am in a relationship at the moment and my partner is great and supportive and makes plans with me as much as possible but he has so much going on I dont want to be dependant on his company.

  • Registered Users Posts: 671 ✭✭✭Oscar Madison

    Anti-D's are not the long term answer!

    You need to change your living/working environmental lifestyle.

    That will not be easy but it will be easier in the grand scale of things!

  • Registered Users Posts: 20 rtc123

    Yeah one of the reasons I’m worried about them, that they are going to be hard to get off and I’ll end up feeling worse.

    im trying hard to make changes in any way and I even recently applied for a totally different job but that didn’t work out so I felt knocked again (though didn’t dwell on it). I feel like every day I want to do something drastic like move country or something just because I’m so damn bored.

  • Registered Users Posts: 12,740 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain

    If you can see yourself with your bf longterm, have you factored in his share into a mortgage?

    What I'm saying is that your goal of owning a house won't be as far away as you think.

    As for living at home, see it as a temporary solution and a blessing that you don't have to fork out for rent. Offer to help around the house to get a bit of motivation going: painting, gardening etc. physical work.

    To thine own self be true

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,826 ✭✭✭rolling boh

    Do you spend much time with your partner and do you see a future with him ? . Is he aware that you are feeling the way you are and you say he is supportive in what way ? .

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  • Registered Users Posts: 20 rtc123

    Yeah he is in college and works full time and lives an hour away so it can be tricky but we see eachother as often as possible, but I know with him going into his masters it will be harder again with study time etc.

    he’s aware I feel this way and he is trying to help with suggestions as what to do, supporting any idea I come up with and also he is the one who got me into counselling through his job, we talk about it regularly but I don’t want to keep talking about it and still feel the same way.