Mother in law help

screamer

OP if you earn the majority of the money, why is your wife spending it. I’ve seen lots of guys like this who just bow down to their wives. That makes for a horrible life. I think more pressing than your MIL is that you need to get some marriage councilling and sort out the issues with your wife and her treatment of your money and marriage. paying her mothers bills is unacceptable in the extreme, and she needs to put her own family ( you and her kids) first. Be strong OP you can’t live a miserable life.

spaceHopper

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119294363#Comment_119294363

If that's how you feel I'd see a better solicitor and start planning you exit. Put your own money aside.

Also tell your wife to pick what she is willing to forego to pay her mother's bills. A holiday every second year or no weekends away. Keep driving her car till it dies then replace it with a 7K car not a 20K one.....

dbas

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119294363#Comment_119294363

Seek legal advise elsewhere and get financial advice privately somewhere too. Gotta be ways of limiting exposure to what is tantamount to theft from a spouse.

Sounds like she grew up in a dysfunctional family unit.

It sounds like you're beaten down by this woman and her family and potentially contributing to your own kids growing up in a dysfunctional family unit at they see more than we think they do.

Seek legal, financial and psychological guidance /advice and chart your course out of this mess.

Life is far too short.

Good luck to you

NiceFella

So you're being held hostage is what you are saying?

OP for your own self respect and I think it's important for your children too, you need to exercise some strength here.

BBOC made a very good suggestion above to peruse financial freedom from your wife by opening a new Bank account. Pay for the upkeep of your family and that's it.

Neyite

Your wife's family of origin is dysfunctional. Which means that dysfunction is her 'normal'.

I'm 47. I'd love to just quit work and do feck all except fritter away money and take holidays - wouldn't we all?? But there's no way that I'd leech off others so guess I'd have to keep working!

The whole family seem to regard you as their cash cow - or certainly eyeing you up as one now that the slush fund has dried up. Have you a good job? Does your wife work? You can't stop your wife handing over her money to them but you can certainly stop her handing over the money you earn. You stick that into your own bank account and tell her it's gone to your mother for her bills. Not like she can argue it's unreasonable, right?

If you've already gone seeking divorce advice then it seems to me that she would also know that all's not rosy in your marriage so maybe this is a tactic of hers to salt away as much as she can for when you ultimately split?

Sephiroth_dude

I'd be telling them where to go tbh, why the hell should you pay bills for a house you don't even live in?

thegetawaycar

Get your own bank account and don't pay into a joint one, pay your own bills and those for your house, ask your wife to contribute a fair amount and then if she wants to throw all she makes to somebody else, let her.

No way would I be paying someone else to live in a large house without signing a contract giving me equity.

Sounds like MIL needs a few home truths about her spending habits too

yaknowski

Wealth flows down, not back up is a good rule of thumb.