Is it ever acceptable to break up via text?

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119280422#Comment_119280422

Apologies. I didn't mean to suggest you meant them to keep seeing the guy at all.

The last part, an ignore wouldn't bother me, but that's just me. I would prefer to be amicable, but I don't know how they got on together or what he's like.

I more meant if its not there end it as soon as possible. 5 dates is quite a few in my opinion.

is_that_so

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119280415#Comment_119280415

There's that whole considering the other person approach and five dates is a bit more than someone I just met. Personally think face to face is the grown up way to do that, phone at worst but that's not how the world works anymore. One thing about the over 50s is that they tend to gravitate much more towards the companionship/friendship end of the spectrum and the perspective that goes with that.

If it's WhatsApp it needs to explain things very clearly. TBH that kind of messaging can end up in an exchange that could probably be better done in person.

JoChervil

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119280422#Comment_119280422

Meeting him in person to reject him after 5 dates wouldn't be awkward?

OP, I would prefer to risk a slim chance of awkward future encounter after ending by text, than 100% awkward personal rejection.

JoChervil

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119280471#Comment_119280471

There were only 5 platonic dates. OP doesn't know him well and doesn't know, how he can take it. So for her own safety, it is better to do it by text and don't prolong it unnecessarily...

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119280477#Comment_119280477

I never suggested the OP meet him in person to end it. I think a phone call is the best way to go.

My mother always taught me, "treat others how you would like to be treated yourself", and its stood me in good stead.

Anyway, the OP asked if it was ever acceptable to break up by text, and the fact that they asked makes me think they're not entirely sure about just texting either.

Now they have several to views to mull over. Best of luck, whatever you decide, OP.

is_that_so

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119280497#Comment_119280497

You are reading a whole lot of your own perceptions into this and making some wild assumptions about someone you have never even met. Most 50+ people I know tend to be pretty civilised when you explain things to them. Awkward is part of life and comes from decisions we make; adults deal with it.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119280497#Comment_119280497

Oh come on!

So now he is some kind of threat?!?

Jesus wept.

JoChervil

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119280511#Comment_119280511

The OP wrote:

"The thing is, if this was me - I’d prefer the other person ended it via text as a phone call would be awkward."

So it is perfectly in line with, what your mother has said.

JoChervil

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119280532#Comment_119280532

Well, do you know him?

From the OP's post I understood that she wanted to end it partially because he had showed some controlling behaviour about her texting with others.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119280497#Comment_119280497

Not having sex doesn't mean it was platonic.

JoChervil

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119280561#Comment_119280561

Yes, it might have been simply indifferent, so even less obligation for OTT behaviour.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119280545#Comment_119280545

He asked her if she was chatting to other people, not an unreasonable question after 5 dates, but of course you jump to the worst possible conclusion from that.

I'm out.

I have as little tolerance for misandry as I have for misogyny.

OP, better luck next time.

JoChervil

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119280593#Comment_119280593

Yeah, and you don't jump to the worst possible conclusion calling me a misadrist. So the second poster was perfectly right: "The kind of people who get upset about you ending it by text are probably the same people who will flip out/drag it out if you end it in person."

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119280533#Comment_119280533

Except that the OP has expressed doubt that it is the right thing to do. Hence posting the thread.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119280637#Comment_119280637

I didn't jump to any conclusions. Misandry = "ingrained prejudice against men", and with nothing to base it on in your last couple of posts, you suggested that (a) the guy was a potential threat to the OPs safety and (b) attempting to control her.

So, as they say, if the shoe fits.

Now, I do not actually wish to derail the thread, so will leave it there.

JoChervil

..

As others have said, a lot of people would just ghost the fella, so even letting the chap knows where he stands is decent by modern standards.

rolling boh

Unless you are likely to meet him around after only five dates I think text is ok am sure some people think it is rude but just text him and be polite about it and move on .

Tork

I think it's better to send a nicely worded text than to have an uncomfortable conversation that has the potential to go in all sorts of directions. He might already have figured out you're not particularly enthusiastic anyway. He won't like your news no matter how it's delivered, so does it matter how you do it? After 5 dates I don't think so. Good on you for not ghosting him btw.

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119281413#Comment_119281413

I agree and disagree to a certain again extent. I think it's cool to say "listen it's not working out, wish you the best...blah, blah, blah).

But giving kudos for not ghosting them? Nah.

There has been people I've met that I didn't want to go out with. Would have loved to be friends, but that ship had sailed.

Tork

I don't understand that comment about not ghosting him being praiseworthy. Are you saying she should ghost him?

gameoverdude

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119282153#Comment_119282153

Are you talking to me?

Wezz

It’s a very early days thing so a text is absolutely fine.

Asking him out again to end things in person is wasting his time and I wouldn’t appreciate going to the trouble of going out just to be told she’s not interested.

keep it friendly and polite but to the point and leave it at that.

...Ghost...

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119280355#Comment_119280355

How odd of you to say so. I don't know how old the op is. I thought only teenagers and early 20s ended things by text though. The op brought up age. Unless the gap is significantly, I can't imagine why else it would have been mentioned.

JeffKenna

Think the OP is overthinking this one.

Send text, move on.

YellowLead

I sent the text, spent a few hours trying to figure out the right thing to say. Tried leaving a voice note but cancelled it, it sounded wrong. Shared the text with some female friends and they agreed it was a really nice text.

His reply was a little snarky but c’est la vie - and judging from it I know even more I did the right thing to end it.

I know some people said phone call would be better, but personally I’d find it awkward to be on either end of those. But he did say to me he would have preferred a conversation in person - so I guess everybody is different!!!

It wasn’t platonic as such by the way, we did kiss.

Im 37 to clear that one up too.

Oh and another thing to clear up - he had already asked me if I was still swiping and I said no which was the truth. I told him I prefer to date one at a time, also true. His question regarding me talking to other people meant was I talking to people on whattsap at the same time as him. Which I think is very odd to ask. If somebody doesn’t message me back right away but I see they are online I don’t go jumping to paranoid conclusions :)

Well done. I’d not give it any more thought.

...Ghost...

Well, it's good that it's concluded now. I did reckon a phone call would have been the better (and quicker) thing to do, as you obviously care about others and don't come across as selfish OP. The age gap was a significant one too. Awkward as calls are, nobody really ever likes being dropped by a text message. I suspect his snarky response is a direct result of being texted rather than spoken to. Good luck going forward OP.

spurious

I would have been one in the phone call camp too - maybe it's an age thing. Tone does not translate at all well in texts.

Anyway, it's done now.

JoChervil

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119282747#Comment_119282747

Good to hear it went OK for you. From my experience those who want conversation by phone or in person usually want to change your mind, so it would not be what you wanted and would prolong it unnecessarily.

BTW I don't even ask my partner of 13 years about talking to other people on what's up. He has many friends and I am happy for him about it, so I agree it is an odd thing to do.

bad2thebone

It's acceptable to break up with anyone in what ever way is acceptable to the breaker upper. And the pros and cons have been weighed up.

In some situations walking away will suffice, especially if your dignity has been trampled on. You owe nasty people nothing.

Communication is always good, but if you're not being treated right or walking on eggshells and had enough....the nuclear option is the best...