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After work drinks got totally totally out of hand

  • 09-05-2022 9:13pm
    Registered Users Posts: 2,359 ✭✭✭ embraer170

    An after work drinks gathering got totally out of hand just before the weekend. What started with an after work glass of wine in the company garden turned into countless bottles by 9pm. At that point, we found a bar and continued until 2.30am (according to the final bar bill). I don't remember much of what was said after midnight, though I can remember walking around town until I eventually woke up on a bench at 4.30am. Sometime in the night, my colleagues decided to return to the office to start a drunken relationship row. While I wasn't part of that last part, I am clearly guilty by association. Things I said (drunk) also contributed to the row.

    I am not a big drinker (especially not in a work context) and have managed a very long time where I work with zero incident of any sort. I built up quite some trust and credibility, which obviously got destroyed in one night. I am in a position of some responsibility/visibility where there should rightfully be zero tolerance for anything like this. I also don't know what to start saying about this at home, but that's another story.

    I am wondering what my next move is, except obviously look for a new job. My manager has been out but I will organise a meeting to proactively explain the situation and my involvement (I have no doubt he has been formally informed anyway). As for what else? Friends tell me it will blow over... but I just can't see how, and I feel like hiding under a rock somewhere.



  • Registered Users Posts: 75,864 ✭✭✭✭ Atlantic Dawn

    Was it all good up to the point you left work for the pub? Were company or personal funds used to buy the drinks in the pub? If it's personal funds I don't see the link to work responsibility.

    I'd let the company make the first move either way.

  • Registered Users Posts: 3,773 ✭✭✭ 3DataModem

    Act as if nothing happened.

    If someone (other than manager, HR) says anything just shrug and say as few worlds as possible (max 3) in a non-committal way. You weren't there at the end, and that's what'll count in the end.

    Nobody is thinking or talking about you, I assure you. In a day, a week, a month... it'll be ancient history.

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,345 ✭✭✭ Jequ0n

    You weren’t involved in the row. Make sure you do not acknowledge having made any said comments that evening, either in writing or verbally. Time to deny knowledge of anything you are accused of because you don’t owe anyone anything. Don’t act like a guilty party and let the idiots sort it out amongst themselves.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 4,133 ✭✭✭ YellowLead

    I don’t really understand what the issue here is. People have drunken work nights out all the time. Those who went to the office (if they were seen) screaming and shouting should be the only ones worried. And even then if it was late and there were no clients/members of the public/co workers around I can’t see anyone making too big a deal of it.

  • Registered Users Posts: 827 ✭✭✭ seamusk84

    Have lots of such stories from my younger years when work nights that got out of hand.

    Genuinely it will blow over. In a week or twos time it will just be a memory.

    Just hang in there for now and it will be Friday again and the weekend in no time.

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,359 ✭✭✭ embraer170

    Yes all was good until we left to the pub. The first part of the drinking was done on company grounds and we departed quite drunk (but everything left in good order).

    Only personal funds used.

    As for my responsibility. We’re all mature adults (some very mature) but I’m definitely the senior one there. I shouldn’t have let things go that way.

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,267 ✭✭✭ gameoverdude

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  • Registered Users Posts: 3,466 ✭✭✭ brainboru1104

    Say nothing. Do nothing. You'll be fine.

  • Registered Users Posts: 570 ✭✭✭ slipperyox



    That would be an ecumenical matter.

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,359 ✭✭✭ embraer170

    I remember little if nothing of what was said after a certain time, but the question of kids came up I think… and it probably went down from there.

    I know where I work people coming to the office drunk (and for whatever reason security let them in) will be raised to the highest levels.

    I appreciate the feedback to take a hard dis-association line.

  • Registered Users Posts: 475 ✭✭ PHG

    Was this a couple who were out and had a domestic in the office? Just cause you say kids and relationship fight.

    If so, that’s more of a reason you can and should keep quiet. This is how the convo goes when a coworker asks:

    Coworker: I heard you were out with X people, what happened?

    You: Ya I was but left around 2 as wanted to go home to bed as had stuff on the weekend….. Do not mention falling asleep on bench!!!!

    Coworker: But were you not with them and notice anything.

    You: No was just out having some chats and didn’t see anything

    Coworker: Did you not know about them coming to office

    You: Not a clue, as I said I had to head off cause was doing X Saturday

    Your coworker will then continue to chat to others but tell everyone you weren’t there and headed home.

  • Registered Users Posts: 1,698 ✭✭✭ HerrKuehn

    One possible scenario, which might be the case here, that would not be great would be as follows:

    You are in a senior position, the man in the couple mentioned they were planning having kids soon. you said something to the effect of "how can you do that when we have this really important XYZ project coming up". The row between the couple was about him telling you that. In this scenario, you might be a sport of bother.

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  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,160 Mod ✭✭✭✭ Hannibal_Smith

    I am wondering what my next move is, except obviously look for a new job. My manager has been out but I will organise a meeting to proactively explain the situation and my involvement (I have no doubt he has been formally informed anyway). As for what else? Friends tell me it will blow over... but I just can't see how, and I feel like hiding under a rock somewhere.

    From what you've posted, it reads like you've got the fear. After a heavy night like that, you're bound to be struck by it. It will pass.

    You've built up a reputation in the company and think you've ruined it in the eyes of whoever was there. You didn't go back to the office and weren't part of the argument so your contribution to how out of hand things did or didn't get seems fairly minimal.

    Sleep on it and then just go back in and get on with the job. It will pass. I don't see a need to be meeting your boss about it or resigning over it.

    Obviously there's a safety side to it, where if you're passing out on a bench, just real it in before it gets to that stage in future.

  • Registered Users Posts: 209 ✭✭ SunnySundays

    "I went home once the bar closed".

    That is the beginning,middle and wns of your story. There's no need to make a big deal out of nothing when you weren't even there.

  • Posts: 8,856 ✭✭✭ Rashad Juicy Chair

    What people did after you left, especially drunkenly going back to the office is not your issue , especially if you didn’t know about it but, I’ve a feeling you may have made a bit of an ass of yourself when out considering you ended up falling asleep on a bench so you were obviously out of it- so what EXACTLY did you say that sparked this argument?

    Not the first manger to do that and not the last - you can’t be held responsible for what people did in your absence but you probably need to watch the gargle when out in future

  • Registered Users Posts: 11,913 ✭✭✭✭ elperello

    Definitely stop discussing the night out and let the hare sit.

    It seems nobody has anything on you unless you hang yourself.

  • Moderators, Social & Fun Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 4,641 Mod ✭✭✭✭ HildaOgdenx

    And on that note, OP, I would also advise sharing no more details on here about what may or may not have happened.

    As I said upthread, get a few good nights sleep. This too shall pass.

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,591 ✭✭✭ SineadSpears

    Hopefully it all blows over and you can get on with things as normal OP.

    However, maybe you should reconsider drinking with colleagues in future. IMO they shouldn't ever be mixed.

    Not worth it anything goes a bit sour on a night out, and you then have to go in to work with an atmosphere every day afterwards.

  • Registered Users Posts: 187 ✭✭ gladvimpaker

    Oh reminds me of staff nights out during the 90's. From snogging work colleagues to managers getting out of hand.

    We had a manager who got cuffed a few times, lol we would head to Garfield's/ Fibbers in Bunratty and he was a rowdy bstrd after a few drinks. People having affairs, underage partime staff having to get pumped....

    That was a badge of honor, went on the lash last night and got pumped lol

    Like someone else said you're catastrophizing things.

    You have nothing to do with it,it's between them. People say stupid things when they're pissed, anyhow if you take the blame the heat could be off them.

    And there's three different stories.

    One has to be economical with the truth.... self preservation and all that.

    Best of luck

  • Registered Users Posts: 2,795 ✭✭✭ HBC08

    It's just the fear,probably as much brought in by waking up on the bench at half 4 than anything you said or did.

    You don't sound too young so really you should have enough experience to know that you have an alcohol induced dose of the fear,it'll be gone by tomorrow.

    Talk of going to a manager when he's back from holidays etc is mad stuff,as has been said it's catastrophic thinking and anxiety. Unless you're leaving something major out of you're story you've nothing to worry about.

  • Registered Users Posts: 4,177 ✭✭✭ Fandymo

    You’ve got “the fear”.

    Your friends are right, it’ll blow over in a week.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 14,262 ✭✭✭✭ recode the site

    Was it authorised / kosher to start drinking heavily on work premises to start with? If it is policy not to drink there were there other witnesses /CCTV? Why did the pair go back to the office to continue argument? And how did you know that they did! Did they tell you, did someone else tell you?

    As for others here indicating “sure nobody’s responsible for what they do drunk, we’ve all been there”. It’s a very Irish attitude to drunkenness; it’s important to acknowledge and account for one’s actions when under the influence, make apologies where necessary.

    OP is trying to be that person, and it requires consideration as how how next to respond, but whatever action is or isn’t taken be careful not to dig any deeper holes for self or anybody. Obviously there’s more to this than OP can state right here, but we all make mistakes and maturity doesn’t prevent us from falling into traps. Best of luck OP, hope it works out well.

    De tick definitely does do plotten only to thick in de stew