After work drinks got totally totally out of hand

embraer170 · 09-05-2022 9:13pm #1

An after work drinks gathering got totally out of hand just before the weekend. What started with an after work glass of wine in the company garden turned into countless bottles by 9pm. At that point, we found a bar and continued until 2.30am (according to the final bar bill). I don't remember much of what was said after midnight, though I can remember walking around town until I eventually woke up on a bench at 4.30am. Sometime in the night, my colleagues decided to return to the office to start a drunken relationship row. While I wasn't part of that last part, I am clearly guilty by association. Things I said (drunk) also contributed to the row.

I am not a big drinker (especially not in a work context) and have managed a very long time where I work with zero incident of any sort. I built up quite some trust and credibility, which obviously got destroyed in one night. I am in a position of some responsibility/visibility where there should rightfully be zero tolerance for anything like this. I also don't know what to start saying about this at home, but that's another story.

I am wondering what my next move is, except obviously look for a new job. My manager has been out but I will organise a meeting to proactively explain the situation and my involvement (I have no doubt he has been formally informed anyway). As for what else? Friends tell me it will blow over... but I just can't see how, and I feel like hiding under a rock somewhere.

893bet · 09-05-2022 9:19pm

Chill. You are catastrophesing (spelling).

You are guilty of having a night out.

Say as little as possible about it in general. The lads that went to the office drunk should be sacked for health and safety. Nothing to do with you though.

Forget about it.

Atlantic Dawn · 09-05-2022 9:22pm

Was it all good up to the point you left work for the pub? Were company or personal funds used to buy the drinks in the pub? If it's personal funds I don't see the link to work responsibility.

I'd let the company make the first move either way.

3DataModem · 09-05-2022 9:31pm

Act as if nothing happened.

If someone (other than manager, HR) says anything just shrug and say as few worlds as possible (max 3) in a non-committal way. You weren't there at the end, and that's what'll count in the end.

Nobody is thinking or talking about you, I assure you. In a day, a week, a month... it'll be ancient history.

Jequ0n · 09-05-2022 9:33pm

You weren’t involved in the row. Make sure you do not acknowledge having made any said comments that evening, either in writing or verbally. Time to deny knowledge of anything you are accused of because you don’t owe anyone anything. Don’t act like a guilty party and let the idiots sort it out amongst themselves.

gameoverdude · 09-05-2022 9:42pm

You know nothing.

YellowLead · 09-05-2022 9:47pm

I don’t really understand what the issue here is. People have drunken work nights out all the time. Those who went to the office (if they were seen) screaming and shouting should be the only ones worried. And even then if it was late and there were no clients/members of the public/co workers around I can’t see anyone making too big a deal of it.

seamusk84 · 09-05-2022 9:52pm

Have lots of such stories from my younger years when work nights that got out of hand.

Genuinely it will blow over. In a week or twos time it will just be a memory.

Just hang in there for now and it will be Friday again and the weekend in no time.

embraer170 · 09-05-2022 9:52pm

Yes all was good until we left to the pub. The first part of the drinking was done on company grounds and we departed quite drunk (but everything left in good order).

Only personal funds used.

As for my responsibility. We’re all mature adults (some very mature) but I’m definitely the senior one there. I shouldn’t have let things go that way.

PHG · 09-05-2022 9:55pm

You have plausible deniability as did not go to office.

You may have said some stuff but you weren’t in the office so anything there is not a tap to do with you. Focus is on them not you. Most (if any) will not remember what you said due to being that drunk. It’s just the fear kicking in. If you get to Friday and not asked then you are grand (likely grand anyway).

It is not your problem what your staff do when you are not there on company time. You left, that’s your story so not your problem and it’s the truth. Do not tell stories about the night, the lass said the better as a little story can grow!

gameoverdude · 09-05-2022 9:56pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119038620#Comment_119038620

They're fault

Gusser09 · 09-05-2022 9:56pm

What exactly happened? Something not adding up here. If it was only drinks and a bit of a verbal row then so what.

[Deleted User] · 09-05-2022 9:58pm

Say nothing. Do nothing. You'll be fine.

slipperyox · 09-05-2022 9:59pm

Yes

No

That would be an ecumenical matter.

embraer170 · 09-05-2022 10:01pm

I remember little if nothing of what was said after a certain time, but the question of kids came up I think… and it probably went down from there.

I know where I work people coming to the office drunk (and for whatever reason security let them in) will be raised to the highest levels.

I appreciate the feedback to take a hard dis-association line.

squigglestrebor · 09-05-2022 10:06pm

Dont really get this story tbh man , if its how you are telling it theres not much of an issue at all and your job is in no way under threat whatsoever. But maybe we are missing a good bit of info.

PHG · 09-05-2022 10:12pm

Was this a couple who were out and had a domestic in the office? Just cause you say kids and relationship fight.

If so, that’s more of a reason you can and should keep quiet. This is how the convo goes when a coworker asks:

Coworker: I heard you were out with X people, what happened?

You: Ya I was but left around 2 as wanted to go home to bed as had stuff on the weekend….. Do not mention falling asleep on bench!!!!

Coworker: But were you not with them and notice anything.

You: No was just out having some chats and didn’t see anything

Coworker: Did you not know about them coming to office

You: Not a clue, as I said I had to head off cause was doing X Saturday

Your coworker will then continue to chat to others but tell everyone you weren’t there and headed home.

airy fairy · 09-05-2022 10:15pm

Why do you feel you're responsible for the others? Because you've a senior role in work? Seriously.

You had drinks, got drunk, went to a pub, got drunker, and left. You don't remember exchanging any information or discussing anything.

You left them to it. Your role in work does not include childminding after hours..

Hold your head up high, let them to it if there's a complaint, it's got nothing to do with you. Stop holding the world of worries on your shoulders. You've nothing to be worried about.

HildaOgdenx · 09-05-2022 10:16pm

You're overthinking it.

There will be people willing to throw others under a bus, in any given scenario. What you are doing here is putting yourself under the bus. You weren't even there. And if you were, you are not responsible for managing the behaviour of other adults. They are responsible for their own behaviour.

Let the hare sit. Don't rush into organising meetings. Don't be the one who ends up taking the rap, whether that is a blemish on your work record or whatever, while Johnny and Pat sit back saying nothing, knowing full well that they were the ones who were involved.

Get a few good nights sleep. It will pass, it really will.

andrew1977 · 09-05-2022 10:20pm

Beer fear from a work party ,we’ve all been there.

From reading your post , I am struggling to see what you done wrong / worried about ?

You got drunk , woke up on a bench somewhere, you didn’t go back into the office with the others ,nothing to worry about .

HerrKuehn · 09-05-2022 10:20pm

One possible scenario, which might be the case here, that would not be great would be as follows:

You are in a senior position, the man in the couple mentioned they were planning having kids soon. you said something to the effect of "how can you do that when we have this really important XYZ project coming up". The row between the couple was about him telling you that. In this scenario, you might be a sport of bother.

Hannibal_Smith · 09-05-2022 10:33pm

I am wondering what my next move is, except obviously look for a new job. My manager has been out but I will organise a meeting to proactively explain the situation and my involvement (I have no doubt he has been formally informed anyway). As for what else? Friends tell me it will blow over... but I just can't see how, and I feel like hiding under a rock somewhere.

From what you've posted, it reads like you've got the fear. After a heavy night like that, you're bound to be struck by it. It will pass.

You've built up a reputation in the company and think you've ruined it in the eyes of whoever was there. You didn't go back to the office and weren't part of the argument so your contribution to how out of hand things did or didn't get seems fairly minimal.

Sleep on it and then just go back in and get on with the job. It will pass. I don't see a need to be meeting your boss about it or resigning over it.

Obviously there's a safety side to it, where if you're passing out on a bench, just real it in before it gets to that stage in future.

SunnySundays · 09-05-2022 10:38pm

"I went home once the bar closed".

That is the beginning,middle and wns of your story. There's no need to make a big deal out of nothing when you weren't even there.

[Deleted User] · 09-05-2022 10:50pm

What people did after you left, especially drunkenly going back to the office is not your issue , especially if you didn’t know about it but, I’ve a feeling you may have made a bit of an ass of yourself when out considering you ended up falling asleep on a bench so you were obviously out of it- so what EXACTLY did you say that sparked this argument?

Not the first manger to do that and not the last - you can’t be held responsible for what people did in your absence but you probably need to watch the gargle when out in future

elperello · 09-05-2022 10:57pm

Definitely stop discussing the night out and let the hare sit.

It seems nobody has anything on you unless you hang yourself.

HildaOgdenx · 09-05-2022 11:00pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/119038915#Comment_119038915

And on that note, OP, I would also advise sharing no more details on here about what may or may not have happened.

As I said upthread, get a few good nights sleep. This too shall pass.

SineadSpears · 09-05-2022 11:02pm

Hopefully it all blows over and you can get on with things as normal OP.

However, maybe you should reconsider drinking with colleagues in future. IMO they shouldn't ever be mixed.

Not worth it anything goes a bit sour on a night out, and you then have to go in to work with an atmosphere every day afterwards.

gladvimpaker · 09-05-2022 11:09pm

Oh reminds me of staff nights out during the 90's. From snogging work colleagues to managers getting out of hand.

We had a manager who got cuffed a few times, lol we would head to Garfield's/ Fibbers in Bunratty and he was a rowdy bstrd after a few drinks. People having affairs, underage partime staff having to get pumped....

That was a badge of honor, went on the lash last night and got pumped lol

Like someone else said you're catastrophizing things.

You have nothing to do with it,it's between them. People say stupid things when they're pissed, anyhow if you take the blame the heat could be off them.

And there's three different stories.

One has to be economical with the truth.... self preservation and all that.

Best of luck

HBC08 · 09-05-2022 11:23pm

It's just the fear,probably as much brought in by waking up on the bench at half 4 than anything you said or did.

You don't sound too young so really you should have enough experience to know that you have an alcohol induced dose of the fear,it'll be gone by tomorrow.

Talk of going to a manager when he's back from holidays etc is mad stuff,as has been said it's catastrophic thinking and anxiety. Unless you're leaving something major out of you're story you've nothing to worry about.

Fandymo · 09-05-2022 11:27pm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058245151/after-work-drinks-got-totally-totally-out-of-hand

You’ve got “the fear”.

Your friends are right, it’ll blow over in a week.

recode the site · 10-05-2022 12:05am

Was it authorised / kosher to start drinking heavily on work premises to start with? If it is policy not to drink there were there other witnesses /CCTV? Why did the pair go back to the office to continue argument? And how did you know that they did! Did they tell you, did someone else tell you?

As for others here indicating “sure nobody’s responsible for what they do drunk, we’ve all been there”. It’s a very Irish attitude to drunkenness; it’s important to acknowledge and account for one’s actions when under the influence, make apologies where necessary.

OP is trying to be that person, and it requires consideration as how how next to respond, but whatever action is or isn’t taken be careful not to dig any deeper holes for self or anybody. Obviously there’s more to this than OP can state right here, but we all make mistakes and maturity doesn’t prevent us from falling into traps. Best of luck OP, hope it works out well.

After work drinks got totally totally out of hand

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