To confront or not?

Fused Tight

Quick update - Car there again today while her kids are at school. Rang while i was there no answer, couldnt pluck up the courage to knock, so just left. Not wasting anymore headspace on this.

Thats it i suppose, time to call it a day. Heartbroken, really loved this girl and thought we might have had a future together.

Thanks for the replies

YellowLead

Sorry to hear that OP but you are doing the right thing.

We all encounter somebody who treats us badly somewhere along the way - put it behind you and know there are many nice girls out there for when you are ready.

And there was no red flags at all before this, she seemed committed?

dinneenp

Jesus, I'm amazed and surprised with many of the suggestions here!

Maybe she's confused, not sure if she wants to be fully with the ex or not. It's obviously exciting at the beginning, but after time she might remember why they split. You never know what's going on in somebody's life or mind.

Not 100% sure when she last spoke/answered your call, if it's weeks, then good luck. But if not, see her face-to-face, say what you know and that it looks like ye're finished. Presuming it's the end, I'm guessing you'll feel better X months down the line, rather than wondering 'what if'.

thiagos

Id block all her details. Complete ghost level it. Why not, leave her wondering why sure.

J Mysterio

I dont understand why you walked away initially once you saw the car there - that was the moment to confront her. Equally the second time - again! - confront her for gods sake.

Henry Ford III

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118983146#Comment_118983146

That's tough to take, but I don't understand why you are skulking around like that and won't just confront her.

Pawwed Rig

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118983893#Comment_118983893

What is the point? The confrontation is great for trash reality TV shows however in real life it is an unpredictable mess of an experience that no one gains anything from.

NSAman

NEXT!…

if she can’t be bothered answering calls. If she can’t show interest,, GLAFY!

get someone who does. Life is too short for games.

StringerBell

As tempted as you might be to revisit this topic, or try to convince yourself there may be some crack of hope - just don't do it. Making the decision to walk away from the mess is the best thing you can do, you have done that so stick to it.

Happens to everyone at some point, or at least most people anyway! It may not seem like it now but you've actually had a lucky escape in this and not wasted more of your time. Be good to yourself and best of luck

Fused Tight

Hi all, opinions appreciated.

Have been seeing my girlfriend for about 5 years, we have had our ups and downs like all relationships, but generally good. About 2 months ago i got the feeling she was pulling away from me, we would always talk and text each other everyday, to see how each others day is going etc etc. But these have started to become less and less more often. We would make arrangements and she would cancel. I put this all down to some health and family issues that are on going, so i was kind of giving the space she needed to deal with these.

Now i'm not so sure, i think she may be seeing someone else, the usual stuff cant get her on the phone, doesn't reply to texts for ages, when we do talk there's no real substance to the conversation. I know she been going out, but its with friends she says ( i have my doubts). i know these friends haven't been out with her because their social media says they were elsewhere, also not getting home till 7/8 in the morning, then lying about where she was or who she was with.

So the question is, when confronted she says it has been over these last few months, but we have never sat down and had that conversation, why not just tell me me she is seeing someone else instead of constantly lying about it, is she just trying to string me along just in case things don't work out and i'm the fallback guy, would this be classed as a rebound?

o1s1n

Sorry to hear about your situation, that's really awful.

If she's saying it's 'been over months' I'd just call it a day and break up. Don't let her string you along wondering if there's someone else/something is wrong with you etc. Life is too short and all that.

Yurt2

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058251139/is-it-over

The behaviour is consistent with her seeing someone else, but you simply don't know. And here's the thing, if someone is actually playing things that way, they'll likely never tell you. People are only able to do that by rationalising and trying to make themselves good about their behaviour, and you're a living breathing barrier to them feeling good about their sh*tty behaviour.

But, you'll never know for sure.

The kindest thing that can be said is that she's doing her best to ghost you. You don't deserve that after 5 years, and it's a reflection on her.

Pull the plug, sort out any financial entanglements, delete her from social media and try to move on.

Liberty_Bear

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058251139/is-it-over

Speaking from experience it happened to me in a relationship. The signs were all there and after lying my other half at the time admitted to it. There are a few options,if you do end it just be prepared to get answers you might not want and if you do, then trust me the sense of relief is huge! Its also an angry time. The indicators you mentioned would worry me. My other half was going away for weekends by himself (I assumed to visit friends), he became emotionally distant. Might be time to have a chat , if you do have evidence of your partner lying, better to present the evidence and ask just ever so gently for an explanation. You can sense it though, cant you ..I did too

Princess Calla

I'm a little confused.

Have you actually asked her and her reply was "it's been over these last few months"

If that's the case then yes it is over. She has told you it's over.

If it's a case of you feel if you ask her her reply will be "it's been over these last few months" then that's different.

Some people don't like to be the one to end a relationship so they'll treat their partner awfully until the partner ends it and then they'll play the sympathy card.

After 5 years you should be able to have a proper conversation but at the same time once one person has checked out there's not a whole lot to talk about.

The fact you're suspicious and can see she's not with who she's saying she's with, I think is going to be the killer. Even if she returned back 100% to what it was before, I do think there will be a niggling doubt that "the other relationship" ended, whether there was another relationship or not.

Hannibal_Smith

OP I've merged your threads and giving you the benefit of the doubt that the time difference in the relationship is to retain extra anonymity.

Hannibal_Smith

I'm wondering why you haven't confronted her already? Your head must be melted with it. You're trying to track her every movement and wrecking your head with it.

You're not happy in the relationship and haven't been for some time...its time to move on.