One of the lads never spends a penny

boardsie12

So I've had a mate for a good few years, sometimes he's completely unbearable.

He isn't and has never been able to spend money, regardless of the occasion.

All he does is talk about money this, money that, money that, money this, how much does such and such make?, how much did you manage to save last month?, how much is your rent? How much was your shopping this week......

I met him for a coffee recently, I paid for the first and he paid for the second and there was a 30 cent, yes a 30 cent, price difference between mine and his. As soon as he sat down, he mentioned that I owe him 30 cent.

I passed him in Dunnes a few days later and he was roaming around the discount section, his life is carved out in such a way and he is living by the bare minimum and none of us can understand why he chooses to live like this.

It's gotten to an extreme level now and he's started asking everyone for a receipt everywhere that he goes and collects them in his wallet, bars, restaurants, shops and so on.

We're all wondering why it's getting worse and worse, he's in his 30's, but he's acted like this since he was a kid. He doesn't have a family or a misses and if he keeps this routine up, it's difficult to see him ever getting a woman.

We don't know how to approach it, like when he comes to play football with us every so often, we never ask him for petrol money, but we know 100% that he would be the one asking for petrol money if it was his car and if he was driving us.

We're getting uncomfortable around him now, almost every conversation has to revolve around money, nothing else is important or relevant.

Do you know anyone like this?

What's the best way to approach it without being left frustrated?

sam t smith

Sounds like he is as tight as a gnats chuff. From Cavan?

Ubbquittious

I know a fella who phoned one of his mates to ask him to check if he had left 20c in the backseat of his car (after he getting a lift off him for free of course)

SuperBowserWorld

Maybe he's from a very poor background or his parents put terrible anxiety on him re money.

Or he's just really really tight.

Has he tried castor oil?

sam t smith

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118934362#Comment_118934362

is that good for bowel movements? Would you recommend it?

Dr Turk Turkelton

Just stop hanging out with him, life's too short.

Atlantic Dawn

Better off to cold shoulder and ditch friends like this, they are pure toxic.

JupiterKid

There’s a few people in my life who are tight with money and rather mean (it’s a very bad character trait, IMO) but people like the mate of the OP are fixated and obsessed about money to the point of being mentally ill.

I think that the OP’s friend is beyond tight and needs psychiatric and or psychological help.

freshpopcorn

I think generally it comes from the parents.

I was friends with a guy when we were younger and he'd never buy anything.

My parents used always say they were known for being a tight family.

We drifted apart and now I started talking to him to him last Summer.

It was all money, money,how poor he was and a general poor me attitude!

He brought up wanting to sue a coffee shop because some waitress Spilt coffee on the table or something.

Honestly I wasted to much time on him.

BrianD3

In the words of Madonna:

"Only boys that save their pennies make my rainy day".

Tight fcukers and assholes get women all the time - the idea being that they are tight with others but generous with a woman, allowing them to, in effect, get one over on other men.

Pissing off your "friends" by asking for something as small 30c for a coffee is probably silly though, People who may be useful to him in the future will avoid him. He may win the battle (30c) but lose the war.

bucketybuck

Have you considered speaking to him? Telling him he is a mean **** and its pissing everybody off?

I know it would be crazy for friends to speak to each other but these are crazy times so you might get away with it.

magicbastarder

Am I the only one who saw the thread title and thought 'what do you mean, he holds his piss in?'

sam t smith

^ perhaps he uses a colostomy bag?

Lewis_Benson

Must be a Cavan man.

Furze99

Saving for a deposit for a gaff?? Might have no problem getting a woman then :)

thefallingman

What difference does having a ‘misses’ make, you’re in your 30’s op is the biggest shock to me, who cares what food he eats, if you can’t have an adult conversation with him just don’t hang out with him.Weird thread

HildaOgdenx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118934418#Comment_118934418

I agree, a horrible trait, and it becomes an absolute obsession with some people.

I have had colleagues in the past who were incredibly stingy. They would have hung teabags out on the line, I would say, and probably did, in their own homes. In both cases, very well off, partly through inheritances but also well paid jobs - both themselves and their spouses.

Pawwed Rig

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118934359#Comment_118934359

It could be this alright. My Dad was a real skinflint and it definitely affected the way I view money. It was always save save save when we were kids and just live with the ragged clothes and shoes. My inclination is still to ask what things cost everytime something new comes into the house although I try not to. My wife is the complete opposite 😅

SuperBowserWorld

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118934760#Comment_118934760

Ok, good balance there ,😅

terryduff12

Maybe which ever one of ye is closet to him, have a chat with him that he needs to cop on a bit. It isn't normal what he is going on with and if he keeps going down this road it will be by himself. Im sure it wont be a pleasant chat but some Tough love might get through to him.

fryup

a farmer's son i bet ya

Leg End Reject

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118934689#Comment_118934689

Usually the more money they have, the worse they get. I agree with Jupiter that there must be a psychological reason behind it. Hoarding money and living a fairly miserable life for nothing, it's no use being the wealthiest in the graveyard.

HildaOgdenx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118935132#Comment_118935132

No pockets in the shroud, as the old saying goes.

It's funny how something sticks in your mind - I remember the one I worked with more recently (but still ages ago) loosening the purse strings one Christmas to buy whatever geegaw was popular with kids that year. Not a big or expensive thing, something like a diary maybe with whatever tv character was in, at the time. I would say the child couldn't believe it, tbh.

Dial Hard

Tightness is a terrible character trait and I genuinely couldn't be friends with someone like that. As the saying goes, some people know the price of everything and the value of nothing. It must be a horrible way to live your life.

AyeGer

Miserliness of this level OP is deeply unattractive trait in a person. Tell him to stop obsessing about money and stop being a miserable fecker.

AyeGer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118934481#Comment_118934481

Imagine he does marry and the wife cleans him after the divorce. He’d be in therapy for the rest of his days.

I doubt he would pay for therapy.

He'd be moaning to anyone who would listen.

It's a sickness!

I knew a couple of lads like this but you've got to move on.

Loafing Oaf

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118934440#Comment_118934440

And even if he did let it out he wouldn't give you the steam of it...

NSAman

Order a full round of drinks, then make sure you nod to the server when they are ready and gradually run out the door leaving him to pay….works a treat!

Atlantic Dawn

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118936329#Comment_118936329

Usually they marry like-minded people, they can visit their vault of cash each night to see how much they are up.

BENDYBINN

Just have a little fun with him when he goes up to buy around and pays everybody cheer... that's what we did with our fellow... amazing how he changed

magicbastarder

i think it was eddie irvine, saying it about michael schumacher, where i first heard the 'first out of the taxi, last into the pub' phrase.

boardsie12

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118934434#Comment_118934434

We just don't know how to bring it up in a conversation and whether or not he will get overly offended

boardsie12

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118934418#Comment_118934418

That's exactly it! It's just going to continue as an obsession

Wanderer2010

Genuine question: why are you friends with a misery guts like this? What do you get out of the friendship?

boardsie12

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118937705#Comment_118937705

That's a great question, I don't actually have an answer!

Esse85

So what are you gonna do OP?

As you guys get married and what not, it sounds like he’ll get left behind- is he on a minimum wage or something while you guys are on decent salaries?

If he’s on decent money then I’d simple tell him to cop on if he’s asking me for 30 cent contribution for a difference in coffee price that I ordered.

he’s behaving like a child - sounds like he has some type of condition tbh-

Mad_maxx

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058241966/one-of-the-lads-never-spends-a-penny

Is he a farmer ?

Mad_maxx

I've an uncle like that ,his wife is even tighter

They are fairly wealthy and live in Canada but borrow a car from whatever relative says yes when they visit Ireland, to mean to hire

When my father died suddenly over twenty years ago, we got a call from someone ( maybe airline ?) asking to write a letter verifying his death so my uncle wouldn't get charged extra to fly at short notice from Vancouver in order to attend the funeral, my uncle asked whoever to ask us so even when his brother dropped dead ,it was his priority

Wanderer2010

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118937706#Comment_118937706

Im just surprised he has any friends with that kind of a miserable attitude that pervades all shared activities with him like taxis, coffees, drinking etc.

I have seen people dropped as a friend for much less than what you outlined so you may want to ask yourself is it worth it, and slowly cut contact.

magicbastarder

a friend of mine, for his 21st birthday (this is 25 years ago) was given a present by his aunt and uncle, of the little pack they hand you when you fly first class transatlantic with aer lingus. i remember it contained a face mask for sleeping, could have been slippers, that sort of thing.

boardsie12

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118937797#Comment_118937797

He works as a receptionist

This will never change and is a relationship wrecker. I shared a house with a guy at Uni who was just mean, never spent anything, like your friend if he bought a round of drinks he would tell everyone that theirs cost more than his. When we qualified we all got high paying jobs including him, but he continued to share cheap run down houses with students into his late 20’s. He did get married, had kids, his wife eventually kicked him out, because he made her life hell, she told me he would always want receipts when she did the shopping, bought the kids stuff, even petrol in the car. I lost contact with him until December last, a group of us met up to take a friend who has terminal cancer out for a meal. First time 12 of us had been together since the last wedding nearly 20 yrs ago. We went for a meal, bill came, split 11 ways , excluding our I’ll friend, unfortunately you can guess what then ensued, 30 yrs later nothing had changed.

Op, you have to either accept your friend for what he is, or cut him off.

boardsie12

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118937793#Comment_118937793

He makes 1600 a month, or something like that, he recently inflated his salary by double when he realizes how much we were making, we're not making double what he's making, but we are not living a glamorous life.

It might be some sort of illness, I'm not sure, I thought people grew out of childish behaviours as the years progress, but I was clearly wrong.

It's just gotten to a point now where the even mention of his name, people cringe

boardsie12

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118937847#Comment_118937847

That's a very good point- People who love money will never change, even after years and years

Jase McG

Sounds like he has an unhealthy obsession with it, he may have his reasons but a conversation is the way to go, don't just **** him off without him knowing the reason why, thats a shitbag move, he obviously was a decent person to some of you at some point

If he's now gathering receipts too then it has escalated and there's a psychological issue somewhere there that's getting worse

babyducklings1

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118937860#Comment_118937860

That’s only 400 a week then net I’m assuming, no wonder he’s obsessed with money that’s very little to live on if he has rent to pay car to run etc.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118937865#Comment_118937865

Y’know I don’t think it’s that he loves money, he just doesn’t know how to enjoy it.