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Tired of life and trying

  • 31-03-2022 8:33pm
    Registered Users Posts: 556 ✭✭✭

    I don't know where to begin, but all aspects of my life are dim and sad.

    In my 30s now, single, all but one friend have moved to different counties and all have partners.

    Throughout my 20s its been up and down - 3 short term relationships, various jobs, applied for college twice and failed to get the course. (Re applying this year again though it fills me with dread at this stage). Distant and unhealthy relationship with family - I wont go into details as its too long, its more benefical for me to have nothing to do with them as they drag me down and are the most negative people I know. They have done alot of damage to my confidence and esteem - they are partly to blame as to why things are the way they are for me

    Iv done the whole join clubs/activities - meet people with similiar interest/age - it just doesnt seem to work out for me. Either people join with friends or some few end up having more in common and me just being left out. Iv tried so many times. Iv done so much on my own. Alot of travelling, sports and other social outings. My new job I started in last year I seemed to have missed the boat on developing any friendships there.

    I find the evenings and weeks in general so long. I honestly thought at this stage in my life I wouldnt still be coming home in the evenings on my own and have no one to hang out or talk to. Friends are too busy. I opened up the my closest one, and tbh it hasnt made a difference. I was hoping she might more of an effort in contacting me, we had a good chat about it, and it just didnt change anything.

    If Im being very honest, Im scared of the furture. Im scared that in 2, 5 , 10 yrs times I'll be in the same boat. It kills me when I see and hear of people talking about what they get up to at weekends, what their doing with their family and friends - the general chit chat about everyday life that I am so alien to.

    I wish so bad I had a family to rely on, a handful of friends around me to hang out with. I feel Iv tryed so much, Im just so tired being stuck in the same limbo.

    I have reached out for help, many a time to professionals ie councellors & therapists. Its ongoing work. The hardest thing is doing all of it on my own, still. Mornings , I just dread now as its a new day. A new day of being on my own , that feeling of being left out at work, that feeling of being unseen and not bothered about.

    My post is long winded, I could go on but I hope you get the jist of it. I want to know if others are in the same boat - I know if I was reading this I would tell the person to keep going, keep trying you'll get there, like Iv said, Im just tired and sad.



  • Registered Users Posts: 96 ✭✭_gir

    I’m sorry for how you’re feeling OP, as someone diagnosed with depression I understand what you’re going through (not saying you have depression but see similarities with myself). Would you say the pandemic period has been especially tough for you or did these issues precede it and/or become worse during?

  • Registered Users Posts: 556 ✭✭✭LilacNails

    That friend lives in a different county to me, almost opposite side of the country.

    Iv tried many a time to meet up, the last 2 times she was supposed to call down didn't happen. I have been up a few times. It's not that simple to ring and just meet or plan something. It's always a 50 50 chance as to whether something we do plan falls through. The last few times iv tried to go to a concert or suggest I come up... There's usually plans already made with others or her partner.

    I'm the one that always suggests a phone call. And the last 2 times they had to be re arranged for another day. It's just **** be on someone's low priority when u think u would be more important to them.

  • Registered Users Posts: 556 ✭✭✭LilacNails

    Big bag of chips - I meant to add....

    Are there really so many other people in the same boat? I honestly don't think so, not to the extinct of my circumstances.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 823 ✭✭✭Liberty_Bear

    Kane Toads suggestion of volunteering is a great way of both giving back but also meeting like minded people. There is a tendency as we get older to drift away from people and Im finding it too which is hard as I have just had to accept it as a part of life. Ive made other friends though. is great as well as there are a lot of activities from weekends away surfing, hiking, language exchange and everything else in between. Letting go of a friendship and accepting the distance is really hard but sometimes its an unfortunate thing we have to accept. I hope it works out for you though

  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]

    Hi LilacNails....... was sorry to read your OP.

    This may sound totally off centre.....but have you ever considered a doggie???

  • Registered Users Posts: 12,706 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain

    Double post

    To thine own self be true

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  • Registered Users Posts: 12,706 ✭✭✭✭Purple Mountain

    I'd also suggest having a chat with your gp, if you haven't in a while.

    Maybe explore if you need medication in addition to the counselling?

    To thine own self be true

  • Registered Users Posts: 101 ✭✭Ciara26

    It’s horrible feeling and I totally get it. Esp when u feel like u have tried. Think sites like meet up is grt, u may not make life long friends but u can have fun nites out.**Mod Snip**


    @ciara26 Please do not suggest exchanging PMs - it is strictly against the Charter in PM/RI. Anyone who receives a PM on the back of a thread here is asked to report it


    Post edited by Hannibal_Smith on

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,158 ✭✭✭ofcork

    I think a lot of people are in the same boat im a 50 yo male single all friends married etc,i have to make the effort all the time to try have nights out its tough at weekend especially i find.

  • Registered Users Posts: 101 ✭✭Ciara26

  • Registered Users Posts: 556 ✭✭✭LilacNails

    I'v already made a few attempts trying to see if anything might take off in work, I went to the christmas party alone, I was invited to a bday party went there alone...there was a drinks thing after work went to that alone aswell. When I say alone, I didnt have anyone to share a lift with, arrive or sit with like the rest had. I didnt really want to go to these things, but I did cause I know I have to make the effort and if I want to make friends and feel part of the group. I dont know is it cause Im still maybe seen as the new one maybe, the ice hasnt been broken when I feel it kinda should be at this stage.

    Another person started a few weeks back and they have fitted it alot more than me in such a short space of time. TBH I feel theres a click there, and im just not "good" enough to be. I did mention to one person that at times I found it hard to join in or be part of the place at times, my hope was that they would try involve me a bit more since I confinded in them, didnt make a difference.

    I know theres the saying, work friends are not your real friends, maybe thats just all they will be work "friends".

  • Registered Users Posts: 556 ✭✭✭LilacNails

    Thanks for your comment.

    I dont know has it become worse cause I havent worked with as many people in the one room before. I always the social aspect of it , I would find difficult I just guess now that I feel all aspects of my life are not so great, it doesnt help. I do feel, like most people that I lost 2yesars of my life, and maybe if those 2 years were just normal, maybe today I might have been in a better place. Its not a good way of looking at it I know, but its something thats crossed my mind a few times.

  • Registered Users Posts: 556 ✭✭✭LilacNails

    I have looked into volunteering before found there v little in my area, but I will look into it again as some new places/chartities might have different opportunities.

  • Registered Users Posts: 556 ✭✭✭LilacNails

    Im renting, no pets allowed but I see where u were going with that! Would love one some day, but not atm.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 556 ✭✭✭LilacNails

    You are on to something there re: having learned to distance myself from family. I was thinking about your comment, and made me realise not only did I gone up in such a distant family, but having seen and being in that kind of envoirnment did not help social skills/creating connections with others, cause I never did or learn to at home. I grew up seeing all my family being distant from one another, from me, vice versa.

    I do always feel that for some reason, others will show their true colors and hurt me, or they end up seeing something wrong with me, and in turn distance themselves.

    Its such a mess.

  • Registered Users Posts: 556 ✭✭✭LilacNails

    Thanks for your post.

    There is a new social group starting in my area, well Iv been to 2 out of the 3 meet ups so far, so Im planning on keeping that up. Your v right in regards to people joining some activitites , just for that alone and not so much to meet other people. And thats fair I think.

    Where I live isnt too rural, yet it is kind of small. I mean what I think is that most living here, are from here and already have there friends, where as in the likes of cities there more opportunities to meet others as alot would be in the same boat, looking to make friends, if that makes since?

    I love where I live, Im v lucky, if I can have a positive experience in this new social group it would be great.

  • Registered Users Posts: 556 ✭✭✭LilacNails

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,026 ✭✭✭SCOOP 64

    It seems reading your posts you know what's wrong, suppose you need to change your question is how ?

  • Registered Users Posts: 556 ✭✭✭LilacNails

    I appricate everyone who has posted here, its nice that some people can understand and see these kind of difficulties and dont judge.

  • Registered Users Posts: 5,259 ✭✭✭Jequ0n

    Would you describe yourself as adaptable or struggling in this regard?

    I find it very easy to make connections and build rapports but it’s because I mould myself to the person or group. It sounds like others might be doing the same but you are being left out, so maybe thats something that is creating a barrier?

  • Moderators, Society & Culture Moderators Posts: 6,493 Mod ✭✭✭✭Hannibal_Smith

    It doesn't have to be a mess. Don't give up hope. The key is realising that the environment you know isn't standard and not everyone behaves the way your family did. It's taken me a long time to realise that a lot of people actually grew up in supportive, healthy environments and they are not out to screw you over. They're just getting on with their day the same as you. Honestly if you let go of the negative anticipation and just enjoy someone else's company it really does make a difference.

  • Posts: 0 [Deleted User]

    Yeah, tisnt an option for all.......but you caught my ol pal, Buster, goes everywhere with me...... he's a bit of a legend.....never a day has gone by that I don't get a 'kick', a 'lift' out of him. You look after yourself & I hope that " new social group" proves successful....Best of luck.

  • Registered Users Posts: 556 ✭✭✭LilacNails

    That's lovely, dogs are the best company... Their love has no end. Thank u, look after yourself also.

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  • Registered Users Posts: 556 ✭✭✭LilacNails

    But it feels like a mess, realistically it feels like it is.

    I have learned that my family environment wasn't standard and healthy, and that not everyone has that. I know that. I know all that, that's why I feel so **** cause I keep thinking how am I suppose to survive and be a strong healthy human? I've looked into this for so long, like I said in my op, I'm tired of trying, I'm tried of having put effort into many things that could benefit me, still haven't. I've been trying for 10 years.

    Tbh I feel as though things are so crap that people just don't believe me or get it. I just so stuck. It's like I'm in quicksand and I need someone to throw me a rope to pull me , cause I can't get out with no support.