Help a dude out?

Throwawayaccount123

I thought I was way beyond ever coming here for advice but hey ho, here I am. I am going unreg hence the username

Long story short, my partner tested positive for covid last week, there was a party in my family we were meant to go to and she obviously couldn't go. Her daughter was meant to be there too but my family member was concerned about their presence too given the infection. I told my partner this over text and she texted, that she wasn't going to let the daughter go anyway. It was fine. I called her cos I felt really bad about her exclusion and she got shirty and smart with me on the phone. That annoyed me, I didn't react and call ended.

Text comes in soon after telling me that I have been closer to her in the past 48 hours than the child and to be careful. Which I was. This is a message, I did not reply to. because I was pissed with her.

Fast forward later that day, I text to ask if she has a shopping list for stuff. She's online, message not read. I follow up a few hours later with Hello? and same thing. I call a few times, same thing, no response.

I was meant to take her daughter to school that week on account of her isolating, I call to the house and no answer, call the phone and she eventually answers and tells me, no school today. I do the same Tuesday and she answers the door telling me she isn't going to school and she would have told me if she was. I say well you haven't been answering me, so how was I to know and I get....... "Just like you ignored me on Sunday"

I am literally gobsmacked at the petulance I've just witnessed.

Wednesday, Thursday text asking if she needs anything and call, online, not read, no answer.

Call Friday as I am away, No response. Voicemail left telling her I love her, no response

I am in my 40s here. We were actively starting to try for a child. We were madly in love right up until last Sunday and now I am not even worth the read.

I am not a stupid person. I know the score in life and the three options that are probably relevant here.

1. She is unhappy and using it as a way out without having the balls to cut the cord.
2. She is embarrassed with how she has behaved and doesn't know how to back down
3. She is genuinely acting like a petulant child (my least favourite)

It's super easy for anybody to say "walk away" and honestly, half of me is saying that but I am a part of her daughters life and don't want her thinking men come and go. I don't want her experiencing that. i love the girl as if she was my own. I also love my partner but I am seriously struggling with how she feels is acceptable in how she is currently treating me because frankly, I think it's completely unacceptable. And I suppose, I am looking for advice from ladies. What gives? What do I do here?

steinbock123

What did she get “shirty and smart” about exactly??

gifted

Run for the hills......serious drama queen there I reckon.

Throwawayaccount123

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118839031#Comment_118839031

Word for word

"This is how my brothers feels, is that okay?"

"Well I am hardly going to say its not now, am I?" in a fairly pissed off tone

YellowLead

She sounds a bit like a princess/drama queen. However - it’s odd if this behaviour is out of the blue? You say you were blissfully happy before this. So clearly you haven’t witnessed this petulance before. Maybe she’s under pressure with work, or it’s that time of the month!

Big Bag of Chips

OP, she had tested positve. You don't know how sick she was. Some people barely know they're sick, other are pretty miserable, sleeping etc. If this is unusual behaviour for her, I'd let it slide. We can all be a bit guilty of being a bit off when we're not feeling well.

I think I'd just give her a bit of space now. When she's out of isolation see how things are.

Sometimes people are a bit snappy or in bad form. It doesn't automatically mean you should end a relationship over it though. No relationship would ever go the distance if we all got dumped everytime we were a bit grumpy.

Housefree

By staying your just showing the daughter that she can treat men like dirt and some of the men with no self respect will still stay

bottlebrush

The way I see it is that you passed on a message from your family member and she's shooting the messenger with the silent treatment and now you're guessing which one of the 3 options you have listed is the reason why she has reacted like this.

How long have you been together and how have you both resolved conflicts in the past. Or has the relationship been sailing smoothly along up until now and this is the first time something 'contentious' (in her view) has arisen?

covidcustomer

1. She is unhappy and using it as a way out without having the balls to cut the cord.
2. She is embarrassed with how she has behaved and doesn't know how to back down
3. She is genuinely acting like a petulant child (my least favourite)
4. She was very hurt when your brother excluded her daughter from the party and you didn't say anything when you knew that you were in closer contact to your g/f than her daughter - which means that either your brother should have excluded you as well or you should have chosen to exclude yourself.

Not petulant, hurt.

Sadb

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118839918#Comment_118839918

This is exactly what I was going to type. This is the reason op, you say you love her daughter but yet you were ready to cut her at the drop of a hat.

votecounts

did you get tested yourself op?

airy fairy

Maybe you both need a bit of space and need to read up on recent guidelines on Covid. No such thing as close contacts unless symptomatic or highly vulnerable. The daughter shouldn't have been told to stay home.

Childish silence or bickering is just time wasting. Give her space over the weekend, and if she's still carrying on with a sulk, then let it be.

Time is too short for childish sulking.

Quantum Erasure

>That annoyed me, I didn't react and call ended.

>Text comes in soon after... I did not reply because I was pissed with her.

It takes two to tango

marilynrr

It's actually kind of worrying that you write a long post on here showing you have put a considerable amount of thought into this....where you then came up with 3 possible conclusions, all of which are placing all of the blame solely on her and can't see how you might have contributed to this at all.

She sounded upset and hurt that her daughter was uninvited even though you weren't. You picked up on that on the phone call and said you didn't react...you said "This is how my brothers feels, is that okay?"

She responded "Well I am hardly going to say its not now, am I?" .

You didn't react and then the call ended.

You also ignored her text after that.

I hate silent treatment so I can understand that you're upset but you really show a real lack of self awareness and so I would bet her side of the story is different than yours.

listermint

Ate you living together?

Splish Splash

I'm wondering why you thought it was ok to tell your girlfriend her daughter was uninvited knowing full well that a) you were a closer contact and b) there's no requirement to isolate as a close contact unless you're symptomatic.

I agree with covidcustomer. You hurt her feelings and were tone deaf about it.

Katgurl

She was sick, possibly very sick. Her daughter was (somewhat unnecessarily) left out. You weren't despite being a potentially greater risk. You told her over text message which is a bad way to communicate. You then ignored her first.

But mainly - she was sick. We are often tw@ts when sick.

Let it go.

Princess Calla

I'm going to go a little against the majority here.

Firstly if I had covid I would not be sending my child to a party (especially what appears to be a more adult party). There would be no need for a discussion.

Secondly it's the brothers party and he gets to decide who goes and who doesn't. He was obviously willing to accept the risk of his adult brother who knows how to keep a safe distance. Generally children don't do personal space and if there's other kids there they'll be mixing freely. The virus could easily be passed on to another child and the whole house is infected. So the brother made a decision on the saying no to the child.

Now there could be background issues at play that the child isn't "family blood" which might be the real reason the girlfriend is being so twitchy over the issue....whether that's the case or whether that's her perception of the case.

I'd be really annoyed if I went to someone's house to in this case bring their child to school to be told you're not needed. Then for it to happen a second time. I'd be very reluctant to put myself out for a third time.

To me it's a very over the top reaction to a child not going to a party.

Big Bag of Chips

What are you looking for, OP? You and your gf had a bit of a tiff while she was sick and isolating. Partners have tiffs. People in relationships sometimes get a bit pissy with each other, and then move on. You ask what do I do here? What do you want to do? What do you think you should do?

The fact that you're isolating from each other and unable to speak face to face has dragged a non-issue out a lot longer than it needed to be. I'd say wait until she's not isolating anymore and then see how things are. It would have been a testing week, for both of you.

AyeGer

.

laoisgem

I'm more bemused by the fact that ye are trying for a baby while not even living together 🤨

Augme

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118841824#Comment_118841824

The partner showed signs of extremely controlling behaviour. Far more then just a tiff tbh.

It's absolutely right for the OP to have serious question marks about this. Is this controlling behaviour going to keep appearing.

cuttingtimber22

Giver her space. Give yourself space. Tell her you are ready to chat when she is and don’t do anything rash or make definitive decisions.

Throwawayaccount123

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118839648#Comment_118839648

We've been together coming on two years. We've had spats in the past but I've never received any degree of coldness like this from her. It's not in character.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118839918#Comment_118839918

and I completely understand. I took necessary precautions to ensure that my presence was in no way a risk by which. I sat in the back garden or the front garden for the majority of the day and kept distance from any vulnerable people. A ten year old can hardly be expected to employ the same philosophy and if they were, it would merely alienate them or make them feel alienated.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118839981#Comment_118839981

Thanks but I didn't drop her child. It's not my house. It's not my call. I didn't like the call but there was zero that I could've done about it. That's a really unfair thing to say.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118840004#Comment_118840004

I tested that day and was negative. I am also a very recent recovery.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118841266#Comment_118841266

No but in close proximity

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118841297#Comment_118841297

And I've responded to covidcustomer. I would remind you, the party was not at my house nor was it my call.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118841824#Comment_118841824

Advice. I am a fixer. I fix things. I don't do silence or drama or anything like it. She is now out of isolation yet still nothing. No response. It's clear that me intimating contact is pointless as it's not even falling on deaf ears as the calls aren't answered and the texts not read. I am a bit of a low point and seeking guidance on what to do. I could easily forget about it and move on but there's obvious emotions at play here in that I love them both dearly.

airy fairy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118842423#Comment_118842423

Tbh, do you really want to be caught up in this kind of childish carry on?

I understand you're at a low point, but this kind of atmosphere isn't doing you any good. Have a chat with yourself and try figure out if this is the kind of relationship you want going forward.

Princess Calla

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118842423#Comment_118842423

Look we all get our "knickers in a twist" and can sulk but I think once it goes past a 24/48 hr window it's turning into passive aggressive emotional abuse.

All that was asked was a child not to attend a party with vulnerable people....that to me is not a big ask. Certainly doesn't warrant being sent to Siberia over.

You've been together 2 years have you witnessed this before with yourself or others in her circle?

If this is a once off I'd give her the benefit of the doubt but if this is how she deals with not getting her way I wouldn't be sticking around.

I know it's tough but the fear is if you do have a child together the child might be used as a pawn for her to always get her way.

What's the relationship like between the child's father? Why did they split?

Obviously I'm not looking for actual answers just something to think about.

My advice is put the baby making on hold until you figure this all out and make it clear that silent treatments don't work.

For the here and now don't contact her again let her come to you ..it's all a power play.

I told my partner this over text and she texted, that she wasn't going to let the daughter go anyway. It was fine. I called her cos I felt really bad about her exclusion and she got shirty and smart with me on the phone. That annoyed me, I didn't react and call ended.

Text comes in soon after telling me that I have been closer to her in the past 48 hours than the child and to be careful. Which I was. This is a message, I did not reply to. because I was pissed with her.

It wasn't fine. She is pissed off and hurt that you accepted your family excluding her daughter from the party without fuss. It underlines in her mind that her daughter is not considered a part of your family. They excluded her daughter, but not you - even though you were a bigger risk - and you let them. Then you ignored / didn't respond to her message when she pointed that out to you.

Single parents are usually very sensitive to when their children are being treated differently. She is probably now reconsidering whether you and she should have a child together / you as a potential stepfather, given that you allowed your family treat her daughter this way. She is probably thinking if you had a child together your family would treat that child differently to her firstborn.

Everything that came after that, is a case of her showing you "we're a package deal, and we don't need you".

Further communication is needed.

Big Bag of Chips

In the bit highlighted above by Loueze, I have to say OP, it looks like you started this. Your gf replied to your message about her daughter saying it was fine. She wasn't going to send her to the party anyway. You then rang saying this is how my brother feels, is that OK. To which she replied she was hardly likely to say it wasn't OK. Again, I'm not really seeing where she has done anything wrong yet.

You then ended the call. She texted you later advising that you've been in close contact with her and to be careful at the party, you ignored it "because I was pissed" (I'm still not seeing what she has done wrong yet).

It seems to me you were looking to start a row, and you did. While your gf was sick, isolating and looking after a primary school aged child.

Then in your scenarios as to what actually happened, it seems to be 100% her fault in your eyes. It's not. It's a mountain out of a molehill situation exacerbated by the fact you were unable to speak to each other.

I don't see anyone being controlling. Just two people getting a bit pissy with each other. Hardly relationship ending stuff.

listermint

OP. You are not living together.

Will you knock this trying for a child stuff on the head. This seems like an utterly immature relationship at this age. Tbh.

MyPHDJourney

Women are very sensitive when it comes to their children and will see absolutely no reason at all that makes sense. It is worse with single mothers unfortunately.

OP, I am fairly sure that her grievance is that she feels her child was alienated and will not understand that a 10year old has no boundaries at a party and cannot be expected to stay within the confines. All of her anger towards you is merely shooting the messenger who brought the news that her child is not invited.

Unfortunately, if you are going to stay with her, you will have to accept the fact that she will never see reason when it comes to her child and you must be prepared to accept that. In all, communication is important and if she is not willing to communicate, there is no reason why you should still be trying. Have some dignity, man!

marilynrr

"Advice. I am a fixer. I fix things. I don't do silence or drama or anything like it. She is now out of isolation yet still nothing. No response. It's clear that me intimating contact is pointless as it's not even falling on deaf ears as the calls aren't answered and the texts not read. "

To fix things then you need to understand that her point of view might be different than yours, not that the only possible scenario is that she's in the wrong.

Also you've mentioned asking did she need anything, offering to take the child to school, saying you love her etc...but have you actually addressed the issue to fix it??

AyeGer

I deleted my post above as I’m no longer sure who exactly is in the wrong here. As the saying goes 3 sides to every story, your side, my side and the truth. We aren’t hearing her side.

spaceHopper

I think texting her instead of ringing her about her daughter not going to the party was a mistake but I think she has blown it out of all proportion. I don’t know if the relationship is over or on, neither do you. As you messages are not been read and your calls are not been answered I suspect she’s blocked you. I wouldn’t be running back to her to try to fix this. Send her a message on what’s app ( you can see she read it) saying you don’t like how things have been left between you and if she wants, you would like to meet up to clear the air and hear her side of it. If she doesn’t reply then don’t follow up on it. Give it week and then assume she’s ghosted you and it’s over. Personally this is too much drama and I’d be re-evaluating the relationship. 

Green&Red

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118842423#Comment_118842423

Seems like you're not taking a lot of the advice here on board.

My reading is the same as a lot of posters here. Your family applied one set of rules to her daughter and another to you. You were ok with this because you can be trusted to not spread covid, that implies this girl can't.

You started the silence and now that she has continued it you're "getting shirty".

You're partner may be acting like a child and prolonging this but it sounds like you've taken no responsibility for starting it and seem to think you're the bigger person by staying in contact.

Maybe put yourself in your partners shoes and then you'll realise you owe her an apology

ahappychappy

Yikes - two of ye in it. Firstly, she is sick so may not be in her usual head space - I would tend to ignore behaviour when people are unwell as quite often they are annoyed at being sick and it can over-spill into other things.

Secondly - why were you okay to attend party (and had been close contact) but her daughter not? You need to address this as if I was considering having a kid with someone I would want to know my existing child is treated equitably. There was clear difference applied and no one wants to see their child treated like that - you need to apologize for not acknowledging this.

Finally, personally I find text a miserable communication method. Pick up the phone, tone is very important and any confusion can be sorted there and then.

Good Luck

I think the OP is getting a pretty harsh time of it here tbh.

Even if we do take the view that she felt upset over her daughter, which we don't know if that's the case, that doesn't give her a license to emotionally abuse the OP. Nothing justifies the treatment the OP has gotten imo, it is abusive and frankly the OP should really reflect on his and her communication styles before going any further with this relationship.

Throwing a strop like this isn't how adults should communicate, you (and everyone imo) deserves better. I'm not saying you should leave her but you need to have an honest discussion about how she handles her conflicts, because right now she's waving a massive red flag you'd be wise to pay attention to.

Bringing kids into a poorly communicative environment is a recipe for disaster.

bucketybuck

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118843393#Comment_118843393

Yeah, nobody is, because a week later the grown woman is still blanking the guy she is supposed to be trying for a child with.

Whatever the reason all this started, there are ways to deal with things and this isn't it. She is an adult, talk to the guy and tell him what she is thinking, don't blank him like some **** teenager. They are in their 40's, who has time for passive aggressive shite like that.

If a woman was acting in this fashion with me, I would take it as a signal that she no longer wants to be with me and probably react accordingly. I hope that is what she actually wants.

Dtp1979

Bet you any money she’s not Irish

............

Warning given for breach of charter - offering no advice

HS

She probably doesn't want to be with him anymore.

But I agree that if that's the case, she should tell him out straight.

Squatman

get a bouquet of flowers, drop them to her house, and bring a take away with you. FFS, you mention that you're in your forties, and you're looking for advice on a troll account. yesterday being mothers day was probably the day to do it. And for christs sake dont have a child together until ye each have a bit of security i.e. fáinne

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118853764#Comment_118853764

Apologising when he isn't clear about why she is upset is just endorsing her abusive behaviour. This is a form of coercive control. She withdraws communication until he cracks and ends up apologising just to so she'll speak to him again etc. It's absolutely toxic to any healthy relationship because it reenforces that her "bad" treatment of him works.

CrookedJack

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118842652#Comment_118842652

I agree with the thrust of what Loueze says here, she was hurt by the unthinking way he excluded her daughter, and possibly the lack of concern or sympathy for herself. She did have Covid after all. I also suspect OP is soft-soaping us a bit as to his side of it.

However that absolutely does not excuse a week of passive aggression, ignoring and cold-shouldering. That's not the way a grown adult behaves, it's not a good example for a child - it's emotional abuse. Whether you're in the right or wrong OP this is a major red flag. over the course of your future relationship you are going to have many occasions where she's unhappy with you, is this going to be how you are punished each time?

As Loueze says, your lack of consideration is probably, rightly, making her re-evaluate her relationship with you, I suggest her abusive reaction should make you do the same.

AyeGer

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118853494#Comment_118853494

We are only hearing his side of the story.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118854076#Comment_118854076

He withdrew communication first.

marilynrr

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118854076#Comment_118854076

He knew she was upset and he withdrew communication. Then he didn't address the initial upset. He messaged her about shopping, then showed up to bring her daughter to school, then asked if she needed anything etc. Why not ask could they speak about the party?

He said on Tuesday she hadn't been answering she said " "Just like you ignored me on Sunday". She's telling him why she's upset, not in a mature way but it seems pretty obvious. He could have said sorry for ignoring you on Sunday, but you can't keep ignoring me now, can we talk?

But instead he was "literally gobsmacked at the petulance he just witnessed".

Then he said Wednesday and Thursday he messaged her again asking if she needs anything. Why not message her and address the issue instead of asking her if she needs anything?

I had an ex who would go into full lickarse mode instead of addressing what was wrong. It was upsetting, frustrating and left me feeling very unheard.

Now maybe that doesn't normally happen in the OP's relationship, as he said they were madly in love up until this, but there seemed to be no awareness in the OP about what he might have done that contributed to this so it makes me think her side of the story would be very different.

Also let's say she was entirely in the wrong here, a one off incident like this isn't emotional abuse.

Big Bag of Chips

a one off incident like this isn't emotional abuse.

This. And a one off incident, while she's sick, certainly isn't emotional abuse.

OP, you admit that you were in love up until Sunday. Then a little spat, which you started, has you questioning her "petulance"?

Her first communication about her child was that it was fine about the party, she wasn't going to send her anyway. At that point you should have said: OK, mind yourself. If you need anything you know where I am. Instead you felt the need to ring her to reinforce the fact that "this is how my brother feels. Is that ok?" (She has already said it was OK.) When she replied saying she was hardly going to say it wasn't ok (well, she hardly was, was she?) you started the silent treatment and ended the phone call. She then contacted you again reminding you to be careful at the party as you'd been a close contact of hers. (I think that's a reasonable communication) Again you ignored this. All while she's sick.

Then as a poster mentioned about you went in to full lickarse mode instead of apologising for your "petulance" the day before, and expected her to be grateful to you. When she decided she wasn't going to just fall at your feet, she certainly didn't have anything to apologise for at that stage, she has done exactly nothing wrong, you start getting annoyed that she's not going to brush your little strop under the carpet.

Yes, a week of this might be a bit excessive. But she was sick. Maybe she just wanted a break from you. We have your account of one incident in your relationship, where you are at pains to paint yourself as a good guy, who has no idea what's wrong with his petulant partner. Is this how you often deal with tiffs? Maybe she'd just had enough and took the opportunity of isolation to take a break from your "petulance". She told you what the problem was. You ignored her. Twice. Got pissed off at her for no reason. Her first reply of "it's fine" should have been the beginning and end of this. But you ignored her. Then ignored her pointing out to you that you had upset her by ignoring her. And then thought it was OK to just carry on without any apology for behaving like that, when she's sick, housebound, and looking after a young child. And then call her petulant for not being more grateful to you. (you who ignored her, twice, unnecessarily, petulantly?)

I think before you two continue to actively try for a baby, you should try living together. Because only by living together you can see how you will really get on. How each of you deal with (or don't deal with) problems. You got this one wrong, and then looked to make her responsible for it all. We don't know if this is how you usually act in situations, although your inability to find any fault in your own behaviour might suggest this is a common theme in your relationship.

People advise on one small aspect of a relationship that a person posts. You're together 2 years, so I'm sure there's a lot more, good and bad, to your relationship than you have been able to post here. This one incident should not have people advising you to dump her, but it's easy for people with no emotional connection to you, your gf, or your relationship to advise that from a distance, based on one (biased) incident to tell you you should dump her.

I think you should talk to her. Listen to her. And maybe look at how you deal with conflict. How you resolve issues. How you accept responsibility for your own part in problems. Because I get the impression you rarely feel like you've done anything to cause, or continue upset.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118854415#Comment_118854415

Even if everything you said was right, why do you think a one-off incident (spanning over a week) isn't emotional abuse? It clearly is, imo.

I take your point that his communication was poor too, I'm pretty sure I said initially he should also look at how he communicates but I don't think his responsive (or lack thereof) is abusive, whereas hers is.

CrookedJack

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118854532#Comment_118854532

This "lickarse mode" is a silly interpretation, reading a whole lot into the situation that isn't anywhere in the OP. So much so that it almost seems like projection.

Also, of course one episode of abusive behaviour is abuse. Just as one punch is abuse. How many times need she be emotionally abusive before he pays attention? 3? 5? What if she's really sorry after, is that ok?

I think the bizarre vilification of the OP and excusal of the wife's distinctly childish behaviour is really telling about ingrained gender biases here. And makes me see how so much male domestic abuse could go unreported.

Big Bag of Chips

Also, of course one episode of abusive behaviour is abuse

Well then he started the abusive behaviour, because he first got annoyed at her, and he first ignored her.

I don't think one instance of a couple having a tiff and ignoring messages, when one person is sick and most likely not feeling the best can be classed as abuse. A pattern of that sort of behaviour, yes, that's abusive. Once off, tiff, when sick and isolating. No.

One punch is different. It's clear cut. Like it or not if you went to the guards or a family law solicitor to say your gf was not returning your messages and you wanted to file a report for emotional abuse, I'm sure the guards would want a little more evidence than one instance, and would look for a pattern of behaviour.

OP, it is clear from this that there are two sides to everything. Some people are very eager to tell you you are in an abusive relationship and you need to get out. Despite you admitting that up until last weekend you were very much in love and had no concerns. The advice online is often to end your relationship. Because online, people are expected to be perfect, and behave perfectly, and never to have strong feelings or get upset one way or another. We're all human, you and your gf included. If we all got dumped every time we were having a bit of a sht time and weren't our usual chirpy, enthusiastic selves no relationship would ever get beyond a few months.

I hope at this stage your gf is feeling better and you've both had a chance to talk. You're not 100% to blame for the falling out. But neither is she.

CrookedJack

OP I firmly believe that the silent treatment is emotionally abusive, despite the tendency for people to minimise it. The act in itself, out of context might seem minor and easily excused, but still abusive and still a red flag. She's reminding you that she can emotionally dominate you, that she can punish you for acting in a way she doesn't like. It's ugly behaviour and I certainly think you should be questioning whether you wants that in you (and your child's) life.

Edited: edited after mod direction

CrookedJack

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118854377#Comment_118854377

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118854415#Comment_118854415

OP I disagree with the above point. I don't think it's quite fair to call not answering a text immediately after being on a call with someone withdrawing communication. Especially when the response was days of ignored calls, messages appointments voicemails. I mean come on - It's like beating some one who brushes past you in the street and arguing that they got physical first.

While you certainly are not blameless I think you acted in a reasonable way by not responding to one text message.

Edited: after mod direction