Husband Looking Up Ex

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118843291#Comment_118843291

That's your own lack of confidence speaking. I have no reason to lie here. Anyway, you can think that if you like, and I can think that women who resort to calling normal, respectable men 'creepy' for engaging in behaviors that are far more common than you realize, bullets best dodged.

ahappychappy

It may be innocent - but honestly no I would not like this behaviour. Of course every now and again something may trigger a moment of I wonder where xy/z is -but checking out social media on a regular basis would make me curious to their reason. I would be hurt after having a baby that his brain was there, its just "off"!. I fully appreciate you may have a great relationship, but if you dont have honesty what is the foundation built on ? Personally I dont consider this anyway comparable with looking at anonymous porn. When you are further along with your new little one (congratulations) then you need to decide if you want to discuss this or ignore. I do hope whatever you decide it works itself out.

And sorry @[Deleted User] that behaviour is not emotionally healthy! It is clear from your post there is some residual hurt as you keep going back to the wound - I understand you say it is not creepy but it isn't healthy to keep looking at an ex's social media to validate yourself. Have you discussed this with your partner - if not then why not - is it because you know on some level this isn't appropriate? Do you have an idea of how your partner would react if they found out? No judgement - but if you need validation let your partner know so they can support you - let them be your go to for validation them rather than the past - your trust in them can only strengthen a relationship.

amdublin

Jaysis the judgement levels against a particular poster is high. Personally I think Tomalek offered some good insight/a different perspective. I personally agree with them, and as the OP is looking for some advice I would be saying to the OP that Tomalek offered an insightful opinion. IMO

Liberty_Bear

Human nature is to be curious and maybe it does hurt that he is still looking up an ex. If they are not chatting or meeting up perhaps its best to view it as he is just curious as to what happens. I do it with people at times, I wonder what became of them. Certainly maybe its a conversation to have with your husband and explain that if you do feel insecure or are not au fait with it, explain it.

Aseth

I do this, too. For years. For 'shadenfreude' of seeing my ex's cheating a$$ still single.

You can't be sure why your husband is doing it and our guess is as good as yours.

Padre_Pio

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118867380#Comment_118867380

Honestly, I still do it too.

I'm happily in a relationship, yet I look up exes on instagram maybe once every few months or so. I've no idea why I do it. All of their profiles are private. They're all happily married as far as I know.

It's strange that someone could be an integral part of your life for years, then all of a sudden they're gone. Not only are they gone, but you're not supposed to think about them. Or wonder where they ended up. Or what they're doing on a Saturday morning such as today.

I have zero feelings towards them. I have zero desire to even talk to them. But I do wonder how their life is going.

I don't do it for any sense of shadenfreude. My exes are all doing very well for themselves. Maybe, depending on the metric, better than me, who knows. I only do it out of curiosity about someone I used to love, years ago.

Laverte

Hi,

I'm sorry that you've had so many negative responses to your post, your concerns are completely valid.

In my opinion it may help to bring your concerns to your husband, looking at past partners social media is completely normal, however the frequency and timing of his searches doesn't sit right.. I guess you need to decide what you want to do with this and communication is essential if you want to move past this with your partner or otherwise.