Staring - how rude

sporina

I was in a cafe earlier with a mate and one of the staff kept staring at me - twas v obvious - even to my mate - and it was specifically at me.. grr it kinda annoyed me.. tis rude.. not that I really care what his issue was but none the less.. part of me wanted him to know its not cool..

I wanted to say something to him but my mate was like "no"..

But later - he passed our table - and I grabbed his attention and said to him v smoothly.. "sorry, do we know each other from somewhere"? (i knew we didn't - I just wanted him to get the msg).. and he said "oh well, I use to work in "X" place".. and I said - "ah ok - do you rem me from there? just that I noticed you looking at me so thought you might know me from somewhere".. he said no.. and I just said "oh ok" and babbled on about how good it was to be able to be out again etc.. PS - I rarely went to the place he mentioned and kinda knew he didn't recognise me at all.. I just wanted to let him know I say him looking/staring at me

I wasn't as tactful as I would have liked - cos I didn't wanna upset my mate - but I hope your man got the massage - ie: you wer staring at me!

Huh - how do you feel about people starring and if it happened to you, what would you do about it?

Gregor Samsa

I'm staring at your post; partially in disbelief, partially in confusion.

dxhound2005

I don't know why, but Sporina sounds female to me. But the post has a male vibe.

Wha

Badly Drunk Boy

I wouldn't like to be starring in anything. I think I'm more of a stay-in-the-background kinda person, until the situation needs to be quietly fixed by a limelight-evading benefactor.

SamStonesArm

He was probably wondering why some mad one was staring at him .

Jequ0n

How dare he. His shameless starring might have dislodged your tinfoil hat, and caused all of this.

sporina

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118538057#Comment_118538057

didn't your Mum never tell you its rude to stare?

Liberty_Bear

Id have seen it as flattery

AllForIt

Service staff are supposed to look at their customers in case they want something.

They usually look at the face.

sporina

at those relevant - nah - my mate noticed it too - asked " why does your man keep looking at you?"..

so what - ye don't mind people staring at you?

fryup

Panthro

I came in here thinking "starring" was some new form of woke BS human interaction I ought to learn up on.

Thanks a lot OP. You have failed me as a poster.

sporina

any sensible people on After Hours?

Liberty_Bear

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118538189#Comment_118538189

You did ask how we would feel about it !!

Panthro

There was.. But we starred them outta it.

And now the lunatics run the asylum.

Mwahaaaa

mfceiling

I hope the lad got the massage as well OP.

Sounds like he deserved it after you starring at him.

goldenmick

Would you have felt the same if it was a blonde dolly bird staring at you? Thought not.

sporina

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118538194#Comment_118538194

true - but I am disappointed by the response - Like, I know myself that staring is rude.. i just wanted a healthy discussion on it as in what would folk do..

sporina

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118538211#Comment_118538211

you know i'm female? not that that makes any difference these days

Liberty_Bear

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118538189#Comment_118538189

Well I would be flattered...Ive done double takes myself with hot guys and then thrown in a wink...!

sporina

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118538187#Comment_118538187

my spelling is awful - I meant "Staring" - FAIL me if you will.. ffs - I am still super intelligent

sporina

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118538225#Comment_118538225

thanks but it wasn't like that - I was in my sporty gear.. not looking my best - but it does't matter - tis rude.. and I wanted to let him know that (without annoying my mate)

Liberty_Bear

Come on admit it, you giggled like a girl from Sex and the City, fluttered the eyelashes and asked him how much of a tip he wanted...we have all been there :p

sporina

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118538250#Comment_118538250

🤔

dxhound2005

What's going on with all the -, and the .. ...?

Akrasia

'It's rude to stare' is what parents say to kids to stop them gawking at the extremes they occasionally come across, extremely tall, extremely short, extremely fat or thin, a really noticeable disability or disfigurement or some other really distinctive quality

In most circumstances, looking at someone is not staring at them.

There comes a point where its creepy and weird but this is a fuzzy line until a point where its obviously weird

Me personally I have bad eyesight. I wear very thick glasses, so it takes me longer to recognise people, to the point where I sometimes walk past someone I know really well because I'm conscious that stopping to properly look at them would come across as staring

I think if you're a 'normal' looking person, and someone keeps looking at you, they either find you attractive, and are trying to suss you out or they're trying to figure out if you're someone they think they know but aren't sure

Akrasia

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118538189#Comment_118538189

No. That's the whole point of after hours

AyeGer

From the description in the OP he may have ended up thinking you were trying to chat him up stopping him and asking did you know each other.

It could have been a million and one reasons OP or no reason at all.

Why does it bother you so much? Are you self conscious perhaps?

SamStonesArm

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118538224#Comment_118538224

Oh crap according to popular opinion , all males in Ireland should condemn this kind of behaviour because we are misogynistic pricks if we don't wrap you in cotton wool after a fella looked at you .

I hope he gets life in prison

#notallmen

EmmetSpiceland

I believe there’s an old saying, “it’s rude to stare”. I think that applies here. Having someone stare at you long enough to cause discomfort is the height of rudeness, or pretty close anyway.

Well done for challenging them, somewhat, but I wouldn’t recommend “engaging” with anyone who stares like that. Last thing you want is some creepy guy thinking he can join your table and you’d have to endure greasy compliments and open mouthed chewing.

dxhound2005

A staff member should not do that.

Liberty_Bear

I woke up at midnight to find the ghost of Gloria Gaynor staring at me from the foot of my bed...

First I was afraid, I was petrified.

Liberty_Bear

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118538370#Comment_118538370

In Coppers they call it chatting up dont they?

Over a decade in China... you get used to being stared at.

Look.. you have no idea why someone is staring at you, and they could easily be staring through you, thinking some other thoughts.

TheTruth89

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058229981/staring-how-rude

I feel like this post belongs on Facebook.... somewhere......

You Ok ? Pm me hun!

sporina

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118538370#Comment_118538370

he was a member of staff

Donald Trump

He was only keeping an eye on you because the last time you left without paying

Markus Antonius

If someone stares at me I aggressively demand them to give me back the light that bounced off my face.

Victor

Years ago, I used to have a meeting about once a month in town. Afterwards I'd go to the café next door for a sandwich. It would be before the lunch rush and the café would often be very quiet. I noticed the same staff member a number of times, she seemed nice.

One day, she spent the whole time staring at me. As I was leaving, she was taking a break and stepping outside. I took my chance and invited her for a drink. It turned out she was married, so fairs fair. The reason she was staring was not infatuation, but a hangover.

Cookie_Monster

maybe you're nice to look at OP?

kirk.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118538530#Comment_118538530

Careful there #metoo

boardlady

Honestly, I'd just be happy to turn someone's head 😚

I often wonder how many people who are staring - actually are.

Sometimes they might have their face nominally pointed in your direction but are actually looking past you in some cases but the human mind is prone to interpreting eyes looking generally in our direction as actually looking directly at us for obvious evolutionary reasons - or are "staring into the distance" without actually seeing anything at all because they are deep in thought or in a world inside their head.

In both cases our very human reaction is to feel uncomfortable at being stared at - when in fact often we actually aren't.

Wibbs

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118538457#Comment_118538457

Anyone who uses that quote in earnest is a 100% guaranteed, grade A, 24 carat headmelt, to be avoided like the very plague. Much like Monroe herself.

BurgerFace

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058229981/staring-how-rude

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ajyNXTVkyk

Mister Vain

What kind of stare was it? Was it like that creepy scene from Shame?

sporina

too many replies to quote.. but cheers for all your input - some funny, some crazy, some silly, some wise..

@Victor I totally hear ya - but it wasn't like that.. too hard to explain.. but he was proper staring at me - at intervals... and there was nothing behind me but a wall..

anyway - so glad I dealt with it..

Someone asked why I had a prob with it.. i'm not self conscious at all - v happy in my own skin.. but its rude.. hope he doesn't do it to others.. not nice for those who maybe are self conscious etc,..

Someone said maybe i'm nice to look at.. lol.. thanks - era i'm alright.. but it wasn't like that.. he kinda had a look of disapproval in his eye - as if I didn't pay last time I was there.. (I go to this cafe a lot - he's new)

So thats it.. folks - don't stare - tis rude..

Strumms

Could be worse… Frank ^^ is always staring at me….. this is a live ‘Frank the monkey cam’ of him, staring at me. :O

AyeGer

Did you do anything wrong like spit out your food and say that’s rotten or make a mess on the floor? Or is it more likely he was ogling you.