Can girls make the first move in this day and age?

sure_look_it

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118482662#Comment_118482662

Understandable. I've known one or two women like this personally, as an actual woman.

I'm only rude towards a fella giving me attention if they're way older, married, in a serious relationship etc. I find it appalling when some local in his late 40s comes up to me when his daughter was only a few years below me in school etc. Especially when you consider I'm mistaken for being 16-18 all the time based purely on my looks.

Someone around my age who I'm just not feeling? Smile and say "sorry I'm taken" or whatever excuse. I admire people for shooting their shot

Potential-Monke

I'll echo the sentiments of fear of approaching. I always had it, but back then it was fear of rejection, today it's fear of rejection and false accusations. Not that I'd be able to pull anyway, don't have a great track record, but that stuff does play on my mind.

OP, go for it. Trust me, a man will probably be far more gracious if you approached them, because men can be shy too.

pappyodaniel

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058228085/can-girls-make-the-first-move-in-this-day-and-age

The obvious thing for me is to say just go for it,but I'd like to know more details. You have a guy in mind but it really depends on in what context you know him from,ie is it from a work or social setting?

Edit

just re read it.

College? Big time go for it

Deja Boo

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058228085/can-girls-make-the-first-move-in-this-day-and-age

A girl? NO ...a woman? yes.

kirk.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118482580#Comment_118482580

I usually back off as well when approached by women , it's like an instinctive reaction and it drives me up the wall with frustration when I do it every time

Did I read that women coming onto men usually doesn't work out , I think I did

lawrencesummers

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118479339#Comment_118479339

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118481955#Comment_118481955

isnt it remarkable how fitting some peoples usernames are.

To the OP.

why dont you put your feelings of attraction on hold with this person for a second and just befriend them, find out about them and let them find out about you.

You are in a great place to develop a friendship (college) because you have a lot in common and plenty to take about. Its harder to do this in other settings.

Let your acquaintance become a friendship and then see if that leads to a relationship. That takes the pressure off

km991148

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118479053#Comment_118479053

It's a lot of foaming at the mouth bs.

It's perfectly possible to show interest or ask someone out or flirt with someone.

It's when it becomes clear that the attention is not wanted or the advance is rejected that a lot of people have trouble with.

OP go for it. These old silly stereotypes need to be changed. Ask him out and good luck with it.

Ask would he like to meet you for coffee to discuss some college stuff. Like “seeing how kind you were to give me your notes I’d like to buy you coffee and ask your advice on (subject)”. Choose some nice coffee shop/cafe bar in a nice area where you might go for a walk and be slightly away from your usual beat.

Capt'n Midnight

sure_look_it

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118483319#Comment_118483319

Thanks guys for all the answers (that were of a helpful nature, that is).

And yeah, that's my intention. It would be quite weird if I asked him to go for coffee/ a drink when we've never exchanged more than 2 sentences to each other haha. I mean who knows, maybe once I get to know him a little I'll quickly realise- no, not for me.

Donald Trump

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118483883#Comment_118483883

You're welcome. Don't mention it. I'm here if you need any more nuggets of wisdom

Just don't listen to the likes your your man and his advice to engineer a situation where you first lull your potential victim into a false sense of security by showing no physical attraction or affection, only to get him vulnerable and isolated on his own, and then suddenly launch yourself at him and proceed to sexually assault him. 😮

"Thelonious Monk" - more like "The Loneliest Monk" 😋

laoisgem

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118483883#Comment_118483883

Best of luck with it 😊

twowheelsonly

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118483365#Comment_118483365

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118483883#Comment_118483883

There's your answer in a nutshell.

It wouldn't be a bit weird and he'd probably welcome it as a 'no pressure, no commitment' scenario as well seeing as he also seems interested but also seems shy. It saves on embarrassment on both sides if there's no spark there and worst case scenario is that you might make a new friend from an acquaintance.

Go for it before it gets too late. No regrets. I'm close to retirement so at the other end of the age spectrum to you and my regrets are all for things I didn't do, not the ones I did.

OnTheCouch

A little bit late to the party here, but I hope ultimately the OP showed some sort of interest, just so that she could gauge if he really was for her or not.

Coming from the perspective of a man in his late-thirties and thinking about it over the last day or two, I can pretty much say that any relationship or involvement I have had with a woman has emanated from her initially. Sometimes I got lucky with work projects etc and got to meet girls whom I wouldn't have had the chance to ordinarily, but it seems to me that women basically initiate things most of the time. In fact, I would go as far as to say that where any girl I asked out without getting to know her a bit, she invariably said no. So random invitations to ladies whom I had seen around, but hadn't had any meaningful interaction with, pretty much had a zero percent success rate.

The difference of course is that women make the first move in more subtle ways. Sure, I have had girls asking me out in the more traditional way, but once or twice in my entire life I would say. What is infinitely more common is them liking something about you (looks, style, character etc) and then indirectly showing their interest.

 This can be through a slightly longer glance than normal at the man, positioning themselves so they are physically close to the object of their affections, or just simply turning up in the same location. I remember when I was 14 or so, this girl appeared at my football match completely randomly and I had no idea how she got there nor how she even knew about it. It was only many years later that the penny dropped. Finding an excuse to start a conversation about something out there is another one. I’m sure the females themselves are aware of other “tactics” that are used in addition.

One of the advantages of growing older is that these subtle or indirect signs become more obvious after a while. I would say that now I can tell if a girl likes me up to 80 percent of the time.

 The OP said that men like the chase. I would say yes and no to this. I think we enjoy trying for sure, even if we are turned down. I suppose the rare time that we engage someone and they seem to like us back makes it all worthwhile. But most of these are within social or work circles. Most men haven’t got the stones to chat up random girls in the street for instance. Getting slightly off topic, but I am not entirely sure that women like being hit on randomly that much. From what female friends have told me. Especially if the man is not their physical type. Despite the “romantic notions” some may have about this. What appears to be far more common is that women have a brief interaction with someone, decide that they’d like to get to know him better and try the aforementioned reasons or something else in order to start a conversation.

 So to conclude, I think women basically do start most interactions, just not in the same direct way as men do. Good luck to the OP anyway!

Sunny Disposition

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058228085/can-girls-make-the-first-move-in-this-day-and-age

Young fellas are very often shy, and it seems very few young girls know this. I'm not saying this fella is, but loads of younger guys would be too insecure to ask someone out.

sure_look_it

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118500383#Comment_118500383

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118500946#Comment_118500946

Thanks guys.

I still haven't done anything haha. In my defense, I really haven't gotten the chance. Tomorrow I'm likely to. Closest I've gotten is more glances at each other, but that can always be coincidence

sure_look_it

OP here again.

I put myself out there and it was a no. I'm disappointed and frankly confused.

The fella did a lot of things a guy who likes you would do- kept looking at me in class, drove like 15 minutes out of his way in heavy traffic to drop me home (when it's like a 10-minute walk and it was a nice day) etc. But as crappy as it feels, I'm honestly quite proud. I could've wasted weeks/ months waiting for him to ask me out and it would've been for nothing- he does not like me. And the rejection would no doubt have hurt much more the longer I had hope

I think it just shows ya, you really don't know if someone likes you. I had a crush on a guy I worked with over the summer and assumed he had zero interest. Then like a WEEK after I left, he admitted he liked me and wished he had told me sooner. Whereas this guy seemed quite into me and was not. Going forward, I will not hesitate to 'make a move' because best case scenario it works out and worst case scenario, it doesn't and you feel a little crap but hey, at least you don't waste more time when nothing was ever going to happen anyway.

B.A._Baracus

Nothing wrong with women asking out guys.

I remember it my early 20s I heard a lot of girls say how they would never ask out a man. Some said they don't want to come off as desperate, others flat out saying it's on the guy not me. But I now know what they actually meant and that's they didn't want to be rejected.

B.A._Baracus

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118576041#Comment_118576041

Fair play to you. You've got the right attitude.

As for knowing when someone is into you? I honestly can't tell. Thought I could when I was younger but barked up the wrong tree and got quite a few no's.

Shao Kahn

Well OP, since you've decided to take the initiative in the dating arena... (and well done on that btw)

You must now pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and get back in the game asap. Get yourself out and get sh!t faced drunk, hit a few strip clubs etc. And then pick a fight with someone outside a chipper/Chinese. That'll restore your self esteem in no time at all. It's the only right and proper way to react to rejection! 😆

riclad

It's OK now for a woman to flirt with a bloke, just sit close to him, or ask for advice on the subject you are studying, the problem is people have so many choices on dating apps , men can be shy too. How do you know he's not dating someone.

If you are saying can you chat him up or ask would you like to go for coffee, sure go ahead, it's low risk. He may not know you are interested or find him attractive. Dress to be attractive. Just try and get talking about anything. Some people just use tinder as a casual sex app. Dating is tough theres no easy way to do it, unless you are a rich celebrity , even celebs use dating apps. It's a strange time now as pubs and cafes are opening up relaxing rules on social distancing

arthursway

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118477797#Comment_118477797

Well said.