Married but stag party wants a strip club

TP_CM

I'm married with two little ones at home. I was never a 'lads' lad who was into all the womanising and locker room chat and that. To be honest one of my favourite things about marriage is that I don't have to engage in any of that anymore. I have an image in my head of what a good dad looks like and frequenting strip clubs is definitely not part of it.

But now one of my mates is getting married and the stag party whatsapp is alight with excitement about going to strip clubs.

I don't really know what to do because on one hand no one is forcing me to do anything but on the other no one wants to be a wet blanket during these once off parties.

My wife is a very easy going partner but I can't help but think it wouldn't be the best part of her day to hear I were going to, or I'd gone to a strip club.

What's the general consensus on married lads, or lads in commited relationships going to a strip club during a stag party? I see in tv shows it's a fairly normal thing so maybe it's not as big a deal as I'm making it out to be?

Go to the stag skip the strip club, zero problem

listermint

You can choose to go to the stag and just not go to the club. You can choose to go the club and just have a drink.

You don't actually have to participate in anything tbh. Not sure what the big deal actually is. It's not exactly the moral dilemma of the century. Some of those lads will be all in buying dances and what not. The majority will not. They'll have a beer and sit off by the bar.

You've many choices.

893bet

No big deal. Go have a beer and relax. You would have to pay extra for a private dance and you will be ignored unless you put your hand in your pocket. The party will unlikely stay there more than an hour.

893bet

Just to add if you display resistance now it’s likely that one of your friends will pay for a private dance for you to “loosen you up”. And that would be very hard to get away from in there with out creating a little scene.

And it’s not like the movies where you stick dollar bills in their panties.

thefallingman

I went to one years ago op and it was a horrible experience just so seedy, I left after 5 minutes and met the lads after. Honestly never held them (friends) in the same esteem after.

Padre_Pio

I don't like strip clubs, yet I've been to a few. Honestly you don't have to get involved.

Just buy an overpriced pint, sit back and let the rest of the lads interact with the women and take attention off you.

If any of the women chat to you, just tell them you're not interested. They'll move on quick enough.

TP_CM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118442738#Comment_118442738

Did you feel like the black sheep for the rest of the stag or anything? Did they chat to you or treat you differently? I went to one about 20 years ago in Spain alright. I barely remember it though.

SouthWesterly

Have respect for yourself and your wife and kids.

You're the one who'll have to look them in the eye the morning after. Not your pals or the gang here saying it's not a problem.

If it's a problem for you then it's a problem.

Stay at home and and do a nice meal for the family. You'll sleep easier and so will your wife.

893bet

i have flashbacks the club on my stag in Magaluf. I was beaten to a pulp 😅

If they offer the “stag dance”…..run.

Innocent harmless enough crack.

vegandinner

Yea your over thinking it. You won’t be spending the night there, probably have one / two beers, then onto a nightclub. Most stags I’ve been on have gone to a strip club.

I presume you are going abroad as I doubt there is any nightlife open here? I’ve been to some in Eastern Europe that were a bit seedy, but again no pressure from anyone to partake in anything.

thefallingman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118442747#Comment_118442747

No not at all but it helped me realise they weren’t the friends for me, it was years ago when I was a young buck in my twenties

TP_CM

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118442741#Comment_118442741

To be honest I forgot that you don't have to actually engage in anything when you're there and you can sit at the bar. For some reason I thought you bought a ticket for a dance at the door on the way in or something.

Was at a strip club once on a stag. Didn't enjoy it, paying for a lap dance would be one step up from propositioning a prostitute, which would have zero appeal (I'm all for making the sex trade legal for safety reasons).

I didnt feel comfortable watching your wan strip, I turned my back. The bouncer said not to be disrespectful to the dancer. But, in the end I ignored him and talked to my friends. I did pay for the stag to get a lap dance, so somewhat complicit.

One funny thing though, we had to pass a gaggle of Holy Joes to enter. I don't think they had much joy disuading people.

cj maxx

OP,I'm not trying to make little of your discomfort, but it's a strip club not a brothel. Just have a few beers and say no to private dances, extras. I imagine your wife isn't particularly worried.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058226806/married-but-stag-party-wants-a-strip-club

I hate the places, with a passion. Dingy dives stinking of desperation.

I've been dragged to a few in stags. Women are there to do a job, they'll come over to chat but they are working so their end game comment will be "do you want a dance?"

Just be upfront that you're not interested and they won't bother you.

That's if you go.

2nd option is stay in what ever pub you're in and just say you're not in the mood. I took to doing that (once I was a bit older and beyond giving a crap).

Chances are that there'll be someone else in the same boat

Are there many lap dancing clubs in Ireland? The one I went to was in Kilkenny.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118442751#Comment_118442751

The guy is going to a strip bar, not picking up a hooker.

Op, strip bars are also bars, you don’t have to partake, you can sit at the bar and have a pint. It’s no big deal.

And, you don’t have to tell your wife that you, or anyone else were there.

Bawnmore

I don't like them either (married with kids, but never liked them before that either), but have been on a few stags where it was part of it. Same advice as above - either go and have a beer, or skip that part and have a beer close by. There'll possibly even be someone else there who has no interest either that you could skip off with. Any stag I've been on, nobody would give a shite if someone wanted to skip it - everyone's different.

FintanMcluskey

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118442759#Comment_118442759

Best of luck finding a group of male friends who won't go into one when the chance presents.

In fact, best if luck finding a group of female friends who won't go into an equivalent male show when the chance presents.

thefallingman

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118442920#Comment_118442920

I don’t think that’s true, read the thread plenty of us don’t like it, but each to their own

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118442932#Comment_118442932

I was in one in London many years ago, a guy we went in with had a similar viewpoint to you, very vocal. The one part of the night I vividly remember, was him later in the night asking me to borrow £50 so he could get more dances. Some don’t like it, but then really enjoy it when they get into the groove. The high and mighty, are sometimes the most wicked.

FintanMcluskey

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118442932#Comment_118442932

I'm not a fan either, but from experience you will struggle to participate in group holidays/stags if you refrain from being friendly with people who do.

Atlantic Dawn

Generally unless it's some dodgy country you are in its look but do not touch or you will be thrown out on your ear so little harm to be done if you have sense.

Mr Burny

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118442932#Comment_118442932

Yeah but this thread would attract the geeks and weaks!

Just go OP and don’t be a stick in the mud. You’ll have a bit of craic

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118442786#Comment_118442786

Strange how you are derogatory about the Holy Jose

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118443024#Comment_118443024

How did yo know one was named Jose. Uncanny.

MTU

Best tell your wife op, no heroes welcome here.

"Ah yeah, lads, it's not worth the hassle I'd get from the missus. I'll be in this pub having a pint. Text me when you're done."

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118443030#Comment_118443030

Goddamn spell corrector.

You seem to refer to Joe/Jose and their “gaggle” in derogatory terms, yet it would seem your views on these clubs are more aligned with them than the punters inside.

whisky_galore

How many married men run off with a random stripper at a stag? Not many.

I doubt many men would lose a nights sleep over what goes on at a hen.

UrbanFret

They'll probably pay one of the girls to Do a private strip and dance for you and record it on their phone. Then send it to all their WhatsApp groups.

duffman13

Go in, have a pint. Leave

Been on a few stags and the strip club is definitely the bit that is the most divisive. You'll have lads mad for it and lads who won't go. The usual majority are those sitting there but not getting a dance. Id go and leave those who are interested to get one to do their thing.

Genuinely, an "I'm not interested in a dance" will work fine

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118443063#Comment_118443063

Nope. There's were for religious reasons.

Buddy Bubs

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118443098#Comment_118443098

Not a hope they'd do that. Or be allowed to. The phone would be wrestled from you and made sure video deleted. When did you ever get a WhatsApp message from a strip club?

Man Vs ManUre

Do what Brian McFadden (westlife) did and sleep with the stripper. And he was the lad about to get married!!

Pauliedragon

I used to go them regularly when I was abroad. They weren't seedy at all most of the girls were students not crack whores. I found them boring to be honest. To me it's the like going into a pub buying a pint but not being able to drink it it's not as if you can touch them but my mates knew the manager so we got free drinks. OP as mentioned above you could go in with no need to participate in anything or head off. If your mates slag you over that it's pretty immature of them. Are they even open in the current climate anyway?

alias no.9

If there's a large group going then there will probably be more of the same mind as you.

If there are taxis required to get to the club, make sure you're in the last taxi to depart, chances are a suggestion to divert to the post club venue would probably be welcomed and thanked.

Big Bag of Chips

Probably better suited to here rather than Personal Issues.

The Gentlemen's Club Charter now applies.

You dont have to do anything you dont want to. If you're on the fence about it why not ask your wife what she thinks you should do instead of here ?

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118442738#Comment_118442738

Agreed. same experience. I didn't like the way those whose company I was in spoke to the table dancers either and thought less of them for it. Alcohol was no excuse.

firemansam4

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118442900#Comment_118442900

Why would he not tell his wife?

I was in a similar situation a good few years ago, I knew a stripclub was being planned, so I explained this to the wife and she understood fully. She was fine with me going along as long as I didn't partake in any private dances or anything.

I went along and me and another married man stayed at the bar while the others got their dances. There was nothing said about it and we all enjoyed the rest of the night at the pub after.

MTU

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118443308#Comment_118443308

You got a sneaky private dance you’re fooling no one.

firemansam4

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118443335#Comment_118443335

Haha. They did try come up to me a couple of times.

But when we left the place It was good to know that the drinks were the only high expense I was paying for in that place, after finding out how much some of the others had spent on their dances in there.

Barrita

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058226806/married-but-stag-party-wants-a-strip-club

go to the stag. go to the strip club. get some brass to do a few lines of double decker pecker wrecker off your disco stick.

go home. leave wife, abandon kids.

happiness

Homelander

No-one's gonna think you're a wet blanket. Just have a drink at the bar, I doubt you'd be the only one either. In fact, if you said "lads, I'm gonna sit out for the strip club, not my scene but I'll meet you afterwards" I doubt anyone would care either. A friend of mine did exactly that before and no-one thought anything of it whatsoever.

JoChervil

OP, there are people, who separate certain parts in their life, like sex and everything connected with it from the rest of their life. It's often a result of sexual abuse and such separation was the only available way of coping and it stayed that way. But of course it is not the only reason. Some people just do so.

Expressing your concerns, you seem to be a whole integrated person, so I am afraid such experience might have a negative impact on you. Everything is connected in our brain and our coping mechanisms are subconscious, so we are often not even aware, that we are applying them. For example if someone cheats on partner, so they then see their partner as a worse person, who "deserved" it. It is simply a mechanism of getting rid of any guilt attached. Our perception is subjective. And some things can't be undone.

You feel it is not a right thing to do, so it won't be right for you.

So you need to answer yourself such questions: do you really want to see your wife in a slightly worse light afterwards? Is such one-off experience worth it?

If you tell you wife, she won't oppose, if she loves you. And if she is secure enough. You will feel better by showing trust in her. And she will feel great after agreeing to it. Any act of giving love feels great. But it all depends on her security level.

But if you love your wife, you won't ask and won't do it. And you will feel great then. And when you share this with your wife later, you both will feel even greater.

But only you know how secure your wife is at the moment. And your level of sensitivity and integrity.

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118443655#Comment_118443655

Dear God, if you join the lads on a stag party in a strip club, not thinking or feeling bad about it is often a result of sexual abuse?

Everything may be connected in our brain, but not all brains are connected to reality.

Danzy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/2058226806/married-but-stag-party-wants-a-strip-club

You'll see more ti7 on a beach in France. Alternatively take your wife to one as a balance and to show its not much.

JoChervil

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118443707#Comment_118443707

The reality is that OP feels it might be wrong. You are OK with it and it's OK too...

The high and mighty, are sometimes the most wicked.

My reality is not worse than yours....

JoChervil

Some people feel the best, when they drag others to their level. Or even below.