The stuff that dead people leave behind them

BrianD3

A friend of our family died a while back, a widow in her late 80s with no close family. Her house went on the market seemingly exactly as she had left it. Like the houses of many of my deceased relatives and thousands of others in this country, it was full of ornaments, cabinets of china crockery, Waterford glass, National Geographic mags, holy pictures. No doubt that stuff was important to her during her life and now much of it will just be thrown in a skip or sold off for a pittance.

I'm not sure if "estate sales" are a thing here in Ireland but a chap called Norm Diamond (a former interventional radiologist and now photographer) has travelled the US photographing items in such sales and writing about it. He is quoted as saying

"There is nothing like an estate sale to remind me of my own mortality and life's brevity"

https://www.texasmonthly.com/style/estate-sale-studies/

My own parents had a lot of Waterford glass from golf competitions and wedding presents. I well remember the panic when one of a set of wine glasses was broken circa 1985 and it HAD to be replaced. Pattern was no longer available which caused consternation. Seems utterly absurd now. At least Waterford glass is somewhat aesthetically pleasing IMO, one thing that I don't get at all is lladro figures, ugly looking things and very expensive at the time if I recall.

Maybe I'm just more of an Onslow than a Hyacinth Bouquet type - were I to die tomorrow, I'd leave behind old rusty cars, computers full of porn, CRT televisions, VHS video tapes, CDs. all my notes from college, some copy books from school, a lot of home gym equipment, some lawnmowers etc.

Have you any stories about dead people's stuff, does this topic make you think WTF life is about.

L1011

There are house clearance firms here and stuff does end up in the "vintage shops" sector, but nowhere near like it is in other countries.

The value of the items usually ends up exactly equal to the cost of removing somehow!

Trying to think over what people would find if they went through our house if we suddenly all died.

It would be a lot of tools and gardening implements and hunting gear - a group of weapons and martial arts gear and sports gear - a weirdly large collection of sex toys - a serious amount of books - and a very well stocked kitchen and cooking equipment.

seamus

Yeah, it's a funny one alright.

I've an aunt who's approaching 80, her and her husband, and neither in great health. They never had kids, struggle now to get out of the house for a walk.

For the past couple of years, a number of us have been touching on the scenarios that are not "what if", rather "when". One of them will die (likely the husband), leaving the other rattling around a big house, struggling to even climb the stairs.

They've a large, well located house that would fetch a couple of million euro, we've suggested that they could sell up, buy a bungalow closer to family and still have a massive pot of cash left over to enjoy themselves.

"Where will I put all my stuff", is a common question. They have a lot of nick-nacks. Not cheap ugly stuff, stylish glassware and ornaments. Not necessarily worth money, but of strong sentimental value - to them.

They don't seem to grasp that when they die, we will go through all of that "stuff" and sell it or throw it away. Things of theirs that might be of sentimental value to us like photo albums or old medal or journals, we'd keep. But attic junk, living room ornaments, an old chest of drawers...nah. Goneski.

That's not to say that people should dispose of all their stuff, but it is sobering to come to understand that things which are important to you are unlikely to be important to anyone else. If you would like something to persist beyond your death, then you need to give it to someone before you die and explain why. Otherwise, no matter what it is, it'll be on the scrap heap eventually.

I personally find that there is little more depressing than surrounding oneself with sentimental treasures. Photos, great. Little mementos, awesome. But things like furniture, crockery, cutlery, vehicles, toys, linen. Get it tae fvck once it has passed its useful lifespan. Holding onto it because it was your first X or because it reminds you of your kids being young, is a surefire way to remind you every day of how old you are.

L1011

On the continent, you get sort of super-sized equivalents to charity shops - but often run as for-profit recyclers - that do house clearances. A college friend of my partner works in one as their art assessor and handler - valuing paintings, taking worthless prints out of frames and selling the nice stuff at auction, the generic stuff in the shop

The shop itself is two floors, each the size of a decent size Tesco or similar, full of furniture, lighting, books, clothes, homewares etc they've taken from those clearances and decided is worth something. The rest is recycled. As well as the professional artist, they have a joiner (for the furniture) and a sparks (for the lighting/appliances) on staff so there's a fair bit of professional cost to cover as well as the retail staff, recycling staff and truck drivers - so you can see why they don't pay for what they take in.

Probably results in a lot more items being sold to someone who actually wants them, and prevents other items going to landfill.

Yeah I think I do not tend to keep sentimental things that remind me of my past - so much as I try to keep things that will remind my loved ones of theirs. So there are a couple of boxes in the attic where I put things I genuinely think that - after my death - my kids or friends will pull out and go "Oh my god I had totally forgotten that toy/book/object/day/event!!!" and be thrown down memory lane.

Keeping things for my own sentimentality has never motivated me as much as that and the stuff I keep from their childhood is what I genuinely expect will be meaningful to them sometime in the future - not to me.

NIMAN

A good debate.

My own mother is a widow of 80, and bought a lot of crap in her life. A lot of it was important to her of course, and she thought she needed it at that time, but she has so many things still not even taken out of their boxes. Qvc used to be her favourite tv channel for about 15 years.

I do wonder about what will be done with the house contents when she dies. Of course some of it would be of interest to her kids, like photos etc, but outside of sentimental things, a vast majority of what is in the house will probably ended up on skips. And it'll take a few to empty the house!

Listing furniture and appliances etc on 2nd hand sites would also be very time consuming and could prove fruitless, so perhaps have a couple of charities visit and see if they want to take everything they'd be able to sell?

seamus

Listening furniture and appliances etc on 2nd hand sites would also be very time consuming and could prove fruitless, so perhaps have a couple of charities visit and see if they want to take everything they'd be able to sell?

Unfortunately there is just so much of this kind of stuff floating around and new furniture is so cheap (IKEA), that it's nearly impossible to give away second-hand furniture and appliances unless they're close to new condition. Even charity shops won't take a mahogany dining table or a couch unless there's some specific value in it. People don't want something scratched, torn, worn dusty and smelly when they can go to IKEA and pick up a brand new one for less than €100.

Thelonious Monk

Yes I always found the idea of leaving a load of junk behind depressing. I've always tried to own as little as possible but stuff does accumulate. I think when I reach about 70 (if I live that long) I'll start decluttering bigtime so that I know when I die there'll be feck all left for someone to deal with.

whisky_galore

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118215305#Comment_118215305

Historically, we didn't buy or couldn't afford 'quality' things.

A lot of what gets left behind are a clutter of cheap framed prints, china ornaments, mass produced religious figures, spooky holy pictures, tacky holiday souvenirs etc.

lolokeogh

I was just thinking about this the other day,stuff my granny had in her house,and for some reason the older generation bought stuff and left it boxed,for example i remember my granny buying this ice cream making machine many many years ago,and it was still in her house in the box..lol.but also helped a gentleman some years ago clear out houses,he would buy the stuff as a job lot,and ofcourse the family would take what they wanted before hand,but on occasion he did get very lucky with some items,i also remember he took an old bedroom dresser,and there was a draw hidden at the back,in it he got a stack of jewellery,he did give it back.

seamus

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118215649#Comment_118215649

Yeah, this would make sense. You see in the UK you have things like antiques roadshow which the Brits seem to love, and everyone seems to have a couple of old family heirlooms that they believe might have come from way back.

For whatever reason that doesn't really seem to exist in Ireland. Very few people have rings or clocks or ornaments passed down from their great-grandmother with some backstory or rumoured great value.

Maybe people couldn't afford things that are worth passing on. Or maybe it's down to the Irish cultural aversion to being showy. That you'd be embarrassed to say you'd spent a few hundred quid on an ornament. Notions, etc.

NIMAN

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118215649#Comment_118215649

Sh1te in other words.

lucalux

https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/what-swedish-death-cleaning-should-you-be-doing-it-ncna816511

Something I've thought about a lot, but the Swedes have a name for it - Death cleaning.

https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2021/03/08/how-to-practice

Good article here on the emotional aspect of cleaning a life out of a house, as that's what people have to do after a death.

partyguinness

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118215770#Comment_118215770

There are a good few items in my parents house passed down from great grand mother and further back- rings, cutlery, pewter pieces, old solid 19th century mahogany furniture pieces, ornamenets, and clocks with real ivory including a 19th piano with ivory keys which my sister happily took a marker to when she was a toddler and most importantly- land...with frontage. All from my mother's side as they were well off. Some of the Victorian era furniture is quite impractical and unwielding.

My father's side back in the day were dirt poor farm labourers without running water in the house. There is only crap in that grandmother's house. Eff all will be kept when she dies....just the pictures.

Strumms

If I died the only personally owned physical stuff of worth would be a couple of decent guitars one worth about 1400 the other about 800. I have a reasonable vinyl collection but I’ve never valued it, there are some original Beatles/Stones including an absolutely mint Stones Big Hits High Tides & Green Grass which I’m reading is worth about 220 euros, I paid £30 for it at a vinyl sale upstairs in Wynn’s hotel about 20 years ago.... collection would or could be worth about 1800-2300 euros...ballpark.

whisky_galore

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118215770#Comment_118215770

We are showy, but in the tacky sense, at least in the last 50/60 years.

'Traveller chic' is probably the extreme of this.

Only lately, less is more began to catch on.

whisky_galore

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118215774#Comment_118215774

If you want to put it that way, yes.

Stuff like that that made its way to second hand shops used be called 'dead pluck'.

partyguinness

Personally, my whiskey collection albeit small is worth about £2k. A couple of watches around the £5k mark.

Of course there is my U12 'C' Championship medal which is priceless.

Like Mel Gibson in Lethal Weapon - "every day I wake up and try to find a reason not to kill myself".. I suppose thinking what folk might find in one's house, would be a very good one 😁

Sleepy

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118215770#Comment_118215770

Also, the UK would have had stately homes, an aristocracy and a relatively large middle class in the 17th - 19th centuries which would, even adjusting for population size, have eclipsed that of our own. Even well into the 20th century there would have been a much higher percentage of the population in the UK that was "comfortable" if not well off compared to here.

Consequently, there would have been much more items of value worth being passed down through families in order to be considered Antiques today in the UK than here where the population was overwhelmingly impoverished. Add in the destruction of the Irish country houses (largely by fire) and it's no great surprise that there are so few antiques in Ireland when compared to the UK/France or other former colonial powers.

mrcheez

I'll leave behind a considerable backlog of unplayed games on Steam and PS4 :(

...and Wii U.. and Switch... and Rift / Quest... and Xbox 360

yagan

I noticed years ago living in England that clear out brown furniture that filled warehouses there could sell for multiple times more when shipped to Ireland. Ireland simply didn't have that large comfortable middle class who bought stuff so there'd always been a shortage of and a premium on furniture.

Stuff that they cherished then is so much junk now by it's eventual ubiquity.

I still like rummaging the odd time in charity shops though. I've spent hundreds on new guitars in the past yet the guitar I play the most and am least likely to part with was brought in a charity shop for €10!

partyguinness

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118216753#Comment_118216753

I suppose there is a risk that shows like the Antiques Roadshow give an unrealistic or skewed impression of wealth. There was plenty of dirt poor regions in England right up to the 70s- and far worse than Ireland in many inner city slums. But on the whole relatively speaking due to the huge population difference there would be a higher number of middle class.

That's what irritates me when I visit 'stately' homes in England. There is never any mention of how it was paid for. "We bled the natives in the far off lands high and dry" is not good optics.

dresden8

My stuff is cool. Everybody else's stuff is tat.

yagan

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118216872#Comment_118216872

Always recognise the slave owner estates by the stone pineapples!

https://www.atlasobscura.com/articles/the-hidden-history-of-the-housewarming-pineapple

miamee

My grandmother has been doing that 'death cleaning' for the last 15-20 years 😂 she's always clearing out cupboards in the kitchne but still has no space left in them. She would have a large amount of kitchen appliances and gadgets and sometimes would have two or three of t ahting without realising it. It is not a big kitchen.

On this very subject (the stuff dead people leave behind them), I thought this was a very good thread on Twitter a couple of days ago. I actually thought the OP might be about this when I saw the title!

https://twitter.com/PajamaStew/status/1462620572140007428

whisky_galore

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118216806#Comment_118216806

Brown furniture was slow to shift the last while, it's starting to pick up again lately.

Humble Irish cottage furniture is disliked as reminders of bad times and dumped or left to rot.

yagan

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118217104#Comment_118217104

What I find most amusing about that is how people fall for brown furniture that's been stripped and sanded to look like French rural poverty furniture! Fools and their money!

Mam of 4

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118215418#Comment_118215418

Local Auction House if there's one near you ? Had to do this a few years back , donated a lot to charity shops , then boxed up everything else and out to the auction house . No reserves on them , they all sold , money went towards new electrics, plumbing in the house .

arctictree

I had a relative that was very accomplished in a particular field. He amassed a room full of trophies and awards. It's very sad but after he died they were all just flung in a skip...

Nodster

I look after the admin side of our local men's shed and you'd be surprised with the amount of calls I get from people who've lost fathers and going through the family home/garage and ask if we would like to have some DIY tools/machines. Always appreciated and they find comfort when we let them know "I think your father would be pleased to know his tools will continue to be used again and again"

At first we expected a bag of rusty spanners, but we've gratefully accepted quality band saws, wood turning lathes and a load of electrical tools over the years

I quite like the idea in the new yorker article above suggesting that cleaning out the house is not just a chore but might be more cathartic and therapeutic than we sometimes give it credit for. That the act of removing small aspects of the person's life - even if just to throw it on a skip - allows us to let go of that person in tiny increments and clear them out of ourselves as well as the house.

I like the Man's Shed idea too. I have amassed quite a lot of DIY equipment and kept it all in very good nick. I built a small house on my land - self installed an outdoor heated jacuzzi with USB ports and speakers for music - and a few other serious projects. So the tools are a great standard. I would like if - unless my kids want to keep some of all of them - they ended up in a place like a Mens Shed to be used. I put some of my time and energy into the health and well being of some other males. It's a nice thought that my stuff could keep doing that after I am gone.

Isn't there a culture that digs up their dead periodically and spends time with them or something? Not sure if reports of that are apocryphal or exaggerated. But speaking of different attitudes towards death in different countries :)

Speedsie

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118219353#Comment_118219353

It's in Madagascar, every seven years.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/programmes/from_our_own_correspondent/7562898.stm

Bannasidhe

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118219353#Comment_118219353

I cleaned out my Dad's house after he died, it was heartbreaking but cathartic. Made several trips to the dump but only if there was no other option (his extensive collection of plastic shopping bags had to go), all his decent condition clothes were cleaned and then donated to Cork Penny Dinners. Lisheens House in Skibb funds it's helpline by selling 2nd hand furniture so that's a great option.

L1011

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118217675#Comment_118217675

https://www.instagram.com/whydidyoupaintthat/

Blame Mrs Hinch and her obsessive followers for the painting stuff that shouldn't be painted obsession.

Wibbs

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118215770#Comment_118215770

I'd say a lot of it would be down to our lack of cash in the past. In the UK most people were also potless, but they had a much larger population, more cities, a much larger merchant class and of course aristo class and many of the potless people worked for them and often got hand me downs from their employers when they got married or left their service(you often see this on the AR; "oh my granny worked for Lord Chinless-Wonder and he gave her this chest when she retired") and they were also producing much more household and other goods of course. So there was a lot more "stuff" in circulation compared to here. Add in an ongoing latter nostalgia for their faded empire and there's a ready market and interest in that kinda thing and enough stuff to supply it. It's a rare small town and village in England that doesn't have an antique shoppe.

We had pretty much none of the above in Ireland. You can even see this in the type of antiques that do exist here. Local Georgian era stuff is bloody rare, because what wealth there was was concentrated around small(at the time) cities like Dublin, Cork, Belfast. Pre Georgian Irish stuff is vanishingly rare to non existent. When we did start to get more cash in the late 19th century you see more stuff around, so most of the Irish antiques tend to be Victorian in age, with some Edwardian in the mix. We also see this in pre independence architecture. A fair few Norman keeps and the like then a huge gap to a burst of Georgian, then Victorian. By contrast in England you can find Tudor era buildings easily enough.

So as you noted very few Irish people have clocks and the like handed down by great grandparents but that's mostly because for the vast majority of our Irish ancestors they were potless and had little to nothing of value to pass down. Then post independence there was also the understandable feeling of wanting to divest ourselves of our colonial past because it was English. Again you can kinda see that in architecture. While we may promote Georgian Dublin today, for much of the 20th century that stuff was either torn down, left in ruins, or chopped up for cheap accommodation. We wanted the new, the not English, the modern(though this also happened in the UK in the 50's and 60's with modernism when they still had something of an empire. The nostalgia gig really only took off in the late 70's after they lost it. The AR actually started in the late 70's and helped in no small way to drive that market).

I can even see that reflected in my family. One side had plenty of cash over generations, land and business owners kinda thing. They did leave lots of stuff to following generations and much of it is still around today. The other side came from very little and pulled themselves up into the middle class. They have almost nothing from previous generations. I did notice growing up that the "old money" side's attitude was as much if not more to do with frugality when it came to handing stuff down as it was about preserving a past. The "new money" side were much flashier with the cash and bought new and modern and often. Buying cars showed another difference. The old money never bought new and cars were regularly passed around the family, the new money almost always bought new cars. They were more concerned with status and new showed that off more than old tat hand me downs that only later became "antiques". Antique shops used to be called junk shops until that kinda thing became popular and cash was to be made.

Wibbs

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118218326#Comment_118218326

I have seen that a fair number of times. A few years back a neighbour of mine died and the family came in and cleared the house. They asked me if I wanted anything which was nice of them, but in the end all his stuff was loaded into a van. Four vanloads went to the skip with perfectly servicable furniture(some of it nice too) and the like, a quarter of a vanload of his stuff found a new home. I was chatting with the lads doing the clearout and they said there was near zero market for older furniture and household stuff anymore, so unless the family took some it was dumped, even books were mostly thrown into landfill.

rainagain

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118215812#Comment_118215812

I saved this article after reading it and since then I've bought less and paid more attention to what I already have (all the art prints I bought over the years are now framed and on the walls, travel mementos either on display or moved on to charity shops etc).

"döstädning"

https://www.irishtimes.com/life-and-style/people/swedish-death-cleaning-put-your-life-in-order-so-loved-ones-needn-t-1.3266938

BrianD3

When an uncle of mine (elderly bachelor) died about 10 years ago I visited his house shortly after his death before it was sold. He had been in a nursing home for a few years and the house was as it had been the day he left it albeit with some deterioration due to damp. He had inherited the (large 200+ year old) house from his parents/my grand parents who had died 30 and 70 years earlier and there was lots of their stuff in it, a lot of it probably untouched e.g. my grandmother's handbag hanging up in the same spot as it had been when she went into hospital decades earlier. Clothes, holy pictures, old letters, some books related to my grandfather' profession. A non working TV from the 1960s, an ancient radio. I found it unsettling and didn't hang around. Later though, I regretted not saving some of his and my grandparents stuff. Everything was left for the new owner to dispose of. House sold for a pittance due to the property crash and as it was a probate sale, buyers can smell a bargain when someone dies.

tayto lover

If anyone finds an old Victorian egg-timer with the name “Harrison” inscribed on it then I’d be interested.

Padre_Pio

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118219823#Comment_118219823

That's the reality of it. Mam works in a charity shop and the number and quantity of donations is staggering.

Most of it is worthless though, and there's only so large a market for second hand stuff. So the best is kept and the majority is recycled, exported or dumped. I think litigation is creeping into the sector, so they don't sell electronics, and furniture is checked.

Glenomra

Both my wife and I are getting older after a lifetime acquiring, mostly books but also interesting bits a pieces, especially pieces associated with farming, older households etc. Wife inherited many pieces from family home. Of little monetary value. Some sentimental value. My family couldn't afford possessions other than basic cooking etc. We have added much, clocks , tea sets, ornaments, a few sculptures, stone and timber items. Re what happens to them when we're dead, quite simply I couldn't care less. That's what many posters overlook. They add to many people's lives and they are not obsessed about their future ownership. Buying them, talking about then , their uses etc etc has been great fun. Our children didn't share this interest for decades. Some still don't. Yet one of our daughter in laws minimalistic herself, objected when we proposed discarding some of the objects. Said that she likes that look in our house, that her children love handling the old objects, keys, ornaments calf baskets, old utensils etc. Etc. The collection always attracts interest and has proven very educational for family members and visitors. Occasionally take a single object when offered to choose something that she likes. If sold in the future they will realise some money which I hope the children will enjoy spending. That's my twopence worth.

Andrewf20

Alot of elderly homes are often left unrenovated for decades and I actually find it very interesting to step into a home that looks and feels like 1983. Its a real chance to time travel and to sift through old books, toys etc. Its like the final chance to experience a dead era.

The decor can be a real horror but you'd wonder if the decor today will be a horror in 30 years time. Strange how tastes change.

yagan

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118220233#Comment_118220233

There's probably more of a blend these days compared to the plastic fantastic 70s when bungalow bliss filled the land with everything shiny and new. From recent house hunting one trend that really stood out to me from the Bertie bubble era was the unused jacuzzi in the garage conversion.

corner of hells

A friend of mine inherited an old house belonging to an elderly uncle of his years and asked me to make safe and check out some sockets and old cables.

While the two of use were moving old boxes and junk around the garage, we bumped into a shelf and an old grenade fell and rolled across the floor.

I **** myself, thinking this how it's to end , a fcukin' explosion.

Gardai and d'army were called after we composed ourselves , declaring it to be safe saying it was a deactivated ww2 grenade.

So , dead people can keep their possessions.

whisky_galore

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118218326#Comment_118218326

That's sad alright.

Unless they're something like all Ireland or Olympic medals no one wants them.

The One Doctor

My job is furniture restorer and there's less and less antique (brown) furniture now. My boss restored stuff for 40 years and passed his skills into me (french polishing, restoration etc)... but in reality everyone wants IKEA. I certainly do, don't have a scrap of brown furniture in my house.

Actually, when I do get some brown furniture, I burn it.

It burns well in a stove.

elperello

It's a tradition in some families to offer all close family members a choice of small items from the deceased's home once the will is sorted and the beneficiaries have been looked after.

It could be a picture, a lamp or something practical from the kitchen.

It's a nice idea and allows a little memory of the deceased to live on daily in the person's house.

I’ve turned from Hyacinth Bucket into Onslow. I’ve less ornaments and more immoral scatterings on my search history 😂

arctictree

https://www.boards.ie/discussion/comment/118223502#Comment_118223502

We took one of the trophies at random and it sits now with our families trophies on the shelf. It's a nice talking point and something to remember him by.